Regret giving my cat back to the shelter

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Kittylife

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Every time I have had to deal with a microchip company, they acted as if they were the FBI or CIA. While I was able in a couple of cases to have my name put on as a contact for friends who were hospitalized and whose pets were left with a caretaker, I don't know how easy it is to just call up and say that you are the new owner, no confirmation from the previous owner, and have them change the registration. If that worked that easily, dog and cat napping would be pretty easy. I don't know if a shelter has any further clout when it comes to something like that. Probably calling the microchip company and telling them the story is the best solution unless you don't want to disclose that ownership has been transferred. The other side to that is that if you tell them that you no longer own the cat they will probably remove you from his registration. Microchipping can be proof of ownership; I know this is getting legally complicated.

The way it works around here is that if an animal is brought into a local vet clinic as a stray, they will check for microchipping. If an owner is found they will not give the animal back to the person who brought them in but will call the owner to come and get him.
I know they should call the previous owner but i just thought the shelter had possibly taken it out of my hands really. I don't know whether to log into my account as i don't want to break the law as such but just don't understand why they haven't contacted me as of yet.
 
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Kittylife

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Since there are different microchip companies I surmise different policies. Call the company you had him microchipped with yourself, don't rely on the shelter. This way you will get a straight answer. My motto is, "when in doubt, check it out." 😉 Keep in mind some companies want you to pay an annual membership fee but this is not necessarily a requirement.
Thankyou neely neely i am just a little worried about breaking the law and don't want to get in trouble, but at the same time would do anything really!
 

neely

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If you're unsure what to do and want an objective opinion why not call your vet if you have a relationship with them. For example, our vet has microchipped some of our cats in the past so I would have no problem calling them.
 
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fionasmom fionasmom and neely neely
I appreciate your replies and think i will bite the bullet and check my account tomorrow. I don't think there's much to lose in this situation really, i can only hope that the shelter doesn't have the power however they had him chipped when i adopted him so maybe they do. I will keep you updated, many thanks!
 

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You mentioned that one of the shelter workers had fallen in love with the kitty I hope that gives you some comfort. A shelter employee would certainly know cats And the fact they wanted this one over all the others is a good sign I would imagine she will have a wonderful life There are so many out there who won’t Rescueme.org is a great site to look for and learn the story of many who need homes When you see the one who needs you the most you will know it Then the end of the story is 2 cats have new forever homes
 
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Kittylife

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You mentioned that one of the shelter workers had fallen in love with the kitty I hope that gives you some comfort. A shelter employee would certainly know cats And the fact they wanted this one over all the others is a good sign I would imagine she will have a wonderful life There are so many out there who won’t Rescueme.org is a great site to look for and learn the story of many who need homes When you see the one who needs you the most you will know it Then the end of the story is 2 cats have new forever homes
Yes of course it gives me some comfort knowing that he's in a good home, and it makes me feel better for his sake. I actually said this today to someone.
However unfortunately i am in the here and now and it doesn't stop me missing him or regretting my decision. Those feeling's don't go away that easily and i can't turn them off, I wish it was that simple.

I will go on to adopt another one in time, and give him all the love i possibly can.
 

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Hi
I am new to this site today and hoping someone can help me with my dreadful decision. This might be a long post but i want people to see all of the picture first and then hopefully tell me how to get out of this mess im in. I am passionate about cats and have had them all of my life.

Recently i left my hometown and bought a house more suitable for cats than myself, cat friendly, no dogs, no roads, and fields at the back. I adopted a cat which i absolutely adored and spent every minute with. Because i was too soft and didn't want him to feel alone i took him to bed at night instead of confining him to another room, this in turn led him to get me up every night and left me with 3 hours sleep each night. As much as i loved him i asked to return him to the shelter. They said give him more time but i dont think i was truly functioning properly and still asked to bring him back at the weekend before i got too attached. Long story short i think it was too late for fooling myself into thinking there was no attachment so i messaged to say i would give him longer as i was struggling to return him. They replied in a very matter of fact way saying i need to return him,It felt like they were telling me to return him rather than asking.

Reluctantly i did with my partner sobbing my eyes out and immediatley regretted it. I gave them almost 50 tins of cat food and 10 boxes of biscuits back so they could not say i would not care for him. We rang on the same day and was told to think about it first. I said i made a stupid mistake through sleep deprivation and i would do anything to get him back offering them any money or any form saying i would not return him again and i had learned my lesson.

A week later she informed me she had to think of him and put him first then made the decision to rehome him. I begged them said it was my own fault for being too soft with him and letting him sleep in my bedroom. I asked what the decision was based on and they said he would not alter. I realise they were teething problems but couldn't think clearly at the time. I sent pictures to prove he was happy and settled but they still wouldn't listen.I also said this time round he would be confined to another room until he was able to go out normally. They told me to go and get another cat, there were thousands but they obviously thought this was a good idea, so why could i not have him then.

I then learn they have just rehomed him nearby. If i thought i couldn't function properly before that's an understatement now. Im absolutely devastated, ive lost a stone in 2 weeks with worry, and can't sleep. I will never forgive myself and dread getting up each day now. Any suggestions on what i can do would be so kind im litterally at my wits end with it all.
I completely understand both sides of this situation. It's difficult finding a good home for kittens and most shelters do their best to see that happens.

I completely understand sleep deprivation and how it affects one's judgement, but you cannot change what has already transpired.

Even kittens need boundaries for everyone to live at peace and be healthy.

BTW - I have several lovely kittens for adoption :D
 
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Kittylife

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This is ridiculous. This shelter sounds like complete garbage! I know it sounds totally unrealistic and stupid, but maybe try suing the shelter????? I don't know what else to say and am frustrated 4 u!
I have never been as frustrated in my life as right now believe me! With everything i had to offer him (and them) and not budging. I think it's always up to the managers discretion personnally and believe that was the reason for making me wait a week. I also believe that as i proved his happiness with photos sent also proving them wrong at the same time led them to dig their heals in further. Sometimes people don't like to be proved wrong!
 
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Kittylife

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I completely understand both sides of this situation. It's difficult finding a good home for kittens and most shelters do their best to see that happens.

I completely understand sleep deprivation and how it affects one's judgement, but you cannot change what has already transpired.

Even kittens need boundaries for everyone to live at peace and be healthy.

BTW - I have several lovely kittens for adoption :D
I totally understand shelters have rules and i completely agree they should take caution who they rehome their animals with. However i did have an excellent home for him and oodles of love also. I don't agree that they should have punished me to that extreme for being too soft with him and then having to pay the price later on. I think they enjoyed watching me suffer and litterally beg, and it felt like they were playing God in the end. I don't know if this is the case but it doesn't feel justified to me!
 

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Change is extraordinarily stressful for cats and especially a cat who has been surrendered, at a shelter, adopted and then returned to a shelter. For the shelter, it is not about you. They are doing what they feel gives the cat the best chance at a successful and long term adoption. Best to let it go, and learn from the experience.
 
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Change is extraordinarily stressful for cats and especially a cat who has been surrendered, at a shelter, adopted and then returned to a shelter. For the shelter, it is not about you. They are doing what they feel gives the cat the best chance at a successful and long term adoption. Best to let it go, and learn from the experience.
He wasn't surrendered twice, he was brought in as a stray then i adopted him.
 

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This is a difficult situation. To me at this point; it seems the door is shut and trying to continue to find ways to possibly get him back will either make this harder or could shut doors in your future too and prevent you from moving forward with another shelter. Shelters do communicate here because of “problem” people. They see the worst in the world because they’ve seen the worst situations. If you are seen as trying to manipulate things to get him back after hes been returned; that could justify their decisions to them. 😕

I really am sympathetic to your pain and I’ve read your thread twice. So I am trying to be objective when I say that in the long run; I believe it would be best to do a little more grieving and look to the future with another furbaby when you are ready. I have been in situations where I felt like I was “grasping at straws” to change what I couldn’t. And I see now that I made things harder for myself because of that. I think if you give yourself a little time and maybe use the time to keep reading and learning (like we all do); then you will know when you are ready to find a new kitty. :grouphug2:
 
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Kittylife

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This is a difficult situation. To me at this point; it seems the door is shut and trying to continue to find ways to possibly get him back will either make this harder or could shut doors in your future too and prevent you from moving forward with another shelter. Shelters do communicate here because of “problem” people. They see the worst in the world because they’ve seen the worst situations. If you are seen as trying to manipulate things to get him back after hes been returned; that could justify their decisions to them. 😕

I really am sympathetic to your pain and I’ve read your thread twice. So I am trying to be objective when I say that in the long run; I believe it would be best to do a little more grieving and look to the future with another furbaby when you are ready. I have been in situations where I felt like I was “grasping at straws” to change what I couldn’t. And I see now that I made things harder for myself because of that. I think if you give yourself a little time and maybe use the time to keep reading and learning (like we all do); then you will know when you are ready to find a new kitty. :grouphug2:
MoochNNoodles MoochNNoodles
Thankyou for your reply, you are absolutely right i know i should let this go now. It has been a very difficult situation to be in and i have tried my best to put things right. Its very hard when you realise you have messed up and i was relentless as i knew i have a loving home to give him, i just have to learn to not be as soft!!
 

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He wasn't surrendered twice, he was brought in as a stray then i adopted him.
Yes, he was a stray (surrender) then you returned him (surrender). Anyway I don't know the rescue so I cannot say they were trying to play God. It would just be best for you to move forward and be more prepared in the future.
 

neely

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I have an idea. :think: Not now because your wound is fresh but down the road perhaps you could volunteer at a shelter. That way you could get to know the cats, their temperament and behavior plus get in the shelter's good graces. I'm guessing a different shelter than the one you adopted and returned your kitten would be best. Best of luck and remember we're here for support.🤗
 
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Yes, he was a stray (surrender) then you returned him (surrender). Anyway I don't know the rescue so I cannot say they were trying to play God. It would just be best for you to move forward and be more prepared in the future.
CatladyJan CatladyJan
Yes i realised later what the lady meant, but it would have been far less stressful to return him to me (who he already knew) and everyone involved knew that. May i ask if you are also a shelter worker as your comments in your first post reflect theirs. They too could 'understand' how i felt yet similarly still told me to get another kitten? And as you state on this 'particular' occasion you can also see their side, why?

I have to reiterate the fact that he did have an excellent home with me and apart from an exhausted owner clearly not thinking straight i do not see any other reason why. He had my full attention and endless love. And he was happy.

Please don't go on to tell me how careful they have to be to ensure the right home is given. I am fully aware of this and remember i was the right home the first time round. In this instance (not any other) there was no justification.
 
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Kittylife

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I have an idea. :think: Not now because your wound is fresh but down the road perhaps you could volunteer at a shelter. That way you could get to know the cats, their temperament and behavior plus get in the shelter's good graces. I'm guessing a different shelter than the one you adopted and returned your kitten would be best. Best of luck and remember we're here for support.🤗
neely neely I would love to work with animals and have always thought that would be great. I might end up with more than one cat though and possibly a wide variety of species at the same time!
Thanks for the great advice and positive support.
 

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CatladyJan CatladyJan
Yes i realised later what the lady meant, but it would have been far less stressful to return him to me (who he already knew) and everyone involved knew that. May i ask if you are also a shelter worker as your comments in your first post reflect theirs. They too could 'understand' how i felt yet similarly still told me to get another kitten? And as you state on this 'particular' occasion you can also see their side, why?

I have to reiterate the fact that he did have an excellent home with me and apart from an exhausted owner clearly not thinking straight i do not see any other reason why. He had my full attention and endless love. And he was happy.

Please don't go on to tell me how careful they have to be to ensure the right home is given. I am fully aware of this and remember i was the right home the first time round. In this instance (not any other) there was no justification.
Yes, I used to work and volunteer at a shelter and let me tell you most of us work very hard and put a lot of love and time into these animals. The one I worked at had an adoption committee plus considered the observations (sometimes) of potential adopters. Vet checks and home checks were done as well as professional recommendations which weren't always worth anything:

Example 1: at a different job (not the shelter) a co-worker of mine was friends with a professional pet store owner who gave her a reference. This co-worker of mine wanted a dog so her child could have a brother :headshake: Well this was a dog and a large dog adopted out to her with no fence and based on a professional reference "friend". That dog was was gotten rid of.

Example 2: One of our board members who liked to pat himself on the back for sending such and such kitten/cat to their furrever homes, recommended an applicant that he personally had a lot of issues with. Well, they wanted to return the kitten because it didn't behave the way they expected a kitten to behave. I was working that evening when the young lady came to bring it back and she and I had a very long conversation about cats and personalities etc. She reconsidered and too the kitty back home for a second chance knowing if she still was not satisfied she could always bring it back. The same board member and his ego blamed her.

Are shelters and rescues perfect? No Do most of them really try to help with the overpopulation and find good home for the animals under their care? Yes.

I am also very astute at reading and listening to people. You asked why do I understand their side? I read your initial post in which you clearly stated you made poor judgement by not separating this kitten at night. This you claim led to sleep deprivation and impaired your judgement of which I also understand. Somewhere deep inside you knew you would regret it, yet rather than take the steps of separating the kitten and catching up on your sleep you still chose to return this kitten. The shelter tried to persuade you to give it more time and you refused. You state you also have a partner which I assume lives with your that could have assisted in caring for you and the kitten to take some of the stress off.

Then you went and pleaded and cried to the shelter staff to let you have the kitten back. My guess is based on your behavior and unwillingness to accept their initial offer of waiting they decided they made the wrong decision in adopting to you which they have every right to do so.

I know someone on here asked you if they want you to adopt a different cat from them or another shelter, what is the answer?

The fact that you inquired as to whether I worked at a shelter because I sound like them and the fact that you think they have a God complex indicates to me that you are unwilling or unable at this time to put this behind you and learn from this so you can make wiser choices in the future.

I'm guessing you will feel I'm being harsh I'm merely being objective and very honest.

Please move on for your own benefit and the benefit of your future cat/cats.
 
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Kittylife

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Yes, I used to work and volunteer at a shelter and let me tell you most of us work very hard and put a lot of love and time into these animals. The one I worked at had an adoption committee plus considered the observations (sometimes) of potential adopters. Vet checks and home checks were done as well as professional recommendations which weren't always worth anything:

Example 1: at a different job (not the shelter) a co-worker of mine was friends with a professional pet store owner who gave her a reference. This co-worker of mine wanted a dog so her child could have a brother :headshake: Well this was a dog and a large dog adopted out to her with no fence and based on a professional reference "friend". That dog was was gotten rid of.

Example 2: One of our board members who liked to pat himself on the back for sending such and such kitten/cat to their furrever homes, recommended an applicant that he personally had a lot of issues with. Well, they wanted to return the kitten because it didn't behave the way they expected a kitten to behave. I was working that evening when the young lady came to bring it back and she and I had a very long conversation about cats and personalities etc. She reconsidered and too the kitty back home for a second chance knowing if she still was not satisfied she could always bring it back. The same board member and his ego blamed her.

Are shelters and rescues perfect? No Do most of them really try to help with the overpopulation and find good home for the animals under their care? Yes.

I am also very astute at reading and listening to people. You asked why do I understand their side? I read your initial post in which you clearly stated you made poor judgement by not separating this kitten at night. This you claim led to sleep deprivation and impaired your judgement of which I also understand. Somewhere deep inside you knew you would regret it, yet rather than take the steps of separating the kitten and catching up on your sleep you still chose to return this kitten. The shelter tried to persuade you to give it more time and you refused. You state you also have a partner which I assume lives with your that could have assisted in caring for you and the kitten to take some of the stress off.

Then you went and pleaded and cried to the shelter staff to let you have the kitten back. My guess is based on your behavior and unwillingness to accept their initial offer of waiting they decided they made the wrong decision in adopting to you which they have every right to do so.

I know someone on here asked you if they want you to adopt a different cat from them or another shelter, what is the answer?

The fact that you inquired as to whether I worked at a shelter because I sound like them and the fact that you think they have a God complex indicates to me that you are unwilling or unable at this time to put this behind you and learn from this so you can make wiser choices in the future.

I'm guessing you will feel I'm being harsh I'm merely being objective and very honest.

Please move on for your own benefit and the benefit of your future cat/cats.
CatladyJan CatladyJan


Firstly, i knew from your response straight away i was talking to someone who had worked in that environment. After dealing with my shelter and judging from your reply it became obvious.

I have not criticised the valuable work they do with animals, and im quite offended that you imply that in a very indirect way.
With respect, this thread was to look for advice, on my situation only, and i received some invaluable support from other members.

You have been very presumptious in quite a few things throughout. You mention about the young lady that brought the kitten back in, and you had a long talk with, she reconsidered and took him back home. She was the lucky one then, as you talked to her about it and she changed her mind. I wasn't given that chance, when it hit me that i did not want to return him. If they had talked to me i would not be writing this. However, having said that you also say if 'she still was not satisfied she could always bring it back'. Apart from the shelter not wanting to leave it longer, this is exactly what shelters don't want to happen a few weeks down the line. As the earlier post mentions, causing any undue stress. I did not at any point think like your post suggests that 'Icould always bring him back'

I also mentioned i had never suffered from sleep deprivation in my life and i had a completely different way of thinking at the time. Obviously it had to be a different train of thought to today so i don't think you can judge me for that really. Only if you have experienced it , could you possibly realise the bad choices you can make. I clearly said i realised at the end i should have done thing's differently, but by then it was too late. I also said i felt like i could not live like that. Hindsight is a wonderful thing as they say.

With respect your statement of being very astute does not apply with my thread at all. My partner does not live with me as you suggest, if he did im sure it would have been a different story, but sadly you presumed that he did. You asked if they wanted me to adopt from them or another shelter, saying what is the answer, the answer is there is a policy to not readopt an animal.

You mention that i enquired about whether you worked in a shelter and that you sounded like them. I asked this because i believed judging by your reply you did work for one as it was very similar to their response, uncompassionate and unempathetic.

There was nothing wrong with being honest but you don't have to be insulting or offensive. And always make sure you are correct before presuming you know what another persons situation is before you judge.

Have a blessed day.
 

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MOD NOTE: A reminder to keep comments impersonal. We need to keep in mind that we're here for the good of cats, and personal attacks really don't help. Let's remember our forum rules and play nicely.
 
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