Providing love and attention in a multicat household

[irinasak]

I am wondering... how do you manage to provide love and attention when you have more that one cat?

I mean, I feel I am in this place where I can't help but have a special cat (in my avatar). I would do anything to provide her the best quality of live and I am a sucker (can I use this word?) for her attention. She is my first cat and she is used to sleep on me or to sit in my arms while I am using the laptop. She follows me around everywhere and we have this sort of conversation that we both get - I say "Sophie, come eat" and she comes tail up and then I say, "Sophie, we have to go to the vet" and she runs under the couch.

And then there are Harley and Amelie, both adorable, Harley purrs 90% of the time and Amelie is a shy, still a bit feral cat. I really do want them to feel the same love and to benefit of the same amount of attention that Sophie receives, but I sometimes have to make conscious decisions to pet them if I feel that they didn't receive enough attention.

So basically I just don't want Harley and Amelie to feel left out in any way, and I feel guilty for feeling that Sophie is special.

Mu question is: do you provide equal amount of love and attention to all the furry beings in your home or do you have favorites?

 

[Winchester]

She's really pretty, IrinaSaK.

We have seven cats who allow us to share their house. Mollipop is my baby; she's the one who has my heart. And I probably do spend more time with her than I do the other six cats. But my lap is never empty; as soon as I sit down on the couch or the chair, there's a cat butt on my lap, whether it's Molli or Muffin or Ms. Pepe or whomever, there's a cat on my lap. 

We have found that when any cat wants attention, he or she knows how to get it. They either start to meow or they climb into a lap for some cuddle time. BooBoo loves to Bounce, so that's my thing with him. Rick still hasn't quite figured out the Bouncing thing with Boo. Boo will go into the bathroom to Rick to Bounce him, but he gets exasperated because Rick hasn't figured out how Boo likes to be held. Boo gets frustrated and he'll meow to get back down. Rick will put him down, Boo will run back into the bathroom and "Meowwwwww! Mommmmmm!" And I go in and away we go. Then he's happy. Dad does not Bounce like Mom. Boo adores his dad, he really does....but not for Bouncing.

I have a tendency, too, to just pick up a cat, any cat, any cat who's around....I walk by, pick up a cat and just cuddle him or her and tell them how pretty they are, how special they are. Then I'll put them back down wherever I got them from...the floor, the couch, the cat tree. It may only be for a couple minutes or so, but it works. I am constantly walking around with a cat in my arms.

And we have play time almost every night. I'll get Da Bird out and the cats all come. Mollipop and Muffin still have issues, so Molli won't play much if Muffin is around; Muffin has a tendency to butt in because she wants Da Bird so badly. So I'll swing Da Bird around specifically to each cat for a few minutes so each one gets a chance to play. By the time we're finished, Da Bird is very tired out! 

 

And then there's Brushing Time. Every night I'll pick a cat and we go into the bathroom for a good brushing and combing. It takes about 20 minutes. I think that time is really important because it's just me and whatever cat I have with me. I brush and comb them, I check paws, look inside ears, and run my hands along their body for any lumps or anything funky. They just love being brushed and I consider it my time with them. The reason I take the cat into the bathroom is because they all loved to be brushed and if I take the grooming tools into the living room, I've got a ton of cats who are fighting for their turn. Man, that used to get ugly. "Me, me!" "No, ME, Mom, me!" "No, it's MY turn!" I'm pretty good about keeping up with the brushing routine with them.

I talk to the cats. All the time. (Sometimes I think it's the only way to have an intelligent conversation, especially after a day at work.) When I'm cooking or even cleaning, I talk to the cats. Molli, Muffin, Tabby, and even Pepe are our kitchen cats; they'll spend their time in the kitchen with me when I'm out there. I swear they know exactly what I'm saying sometimes. Tabby likes to follow me around when I'm scooping litter boxes; I think she wants to make sure I'm doing it properly because as soon as I'm done scooping out a box, she'll go inside and check it out.

Out of our seven, four are geriatric and three of those four are quite elderly. They're content, for the most part to eat, and sleep. The other three are the "kittens" of the bunch and they're a lot more active. They're the ones who will spend their day with me more so than the other guys.

I might as well have kids.

 

[irinasak]

Thank you very much Winchester, very interesting and very funny reply.

I must ask.. what is Bouncing?

 

[fhicat]

I might as well have kids.

But kids grow up, stop being cute and just be pain in the neck. I know, I was a kid once.

 

[Winchester]

 
Thank you very much Winchester, very interesting and very funny reply.

I must ask.. what is Bouncing?

When BooBoo wants to Bounce, he walks into the bathroom, jumps up on the toilet, turns around and sits down. And then he gives me the loudest meow he possibly can; it almost caterwauling. That's my cue. I walk over and bend down. He puts his front paws on my left shoulder--always my left shoulder, never my right--and I scoop him up and over my shoulder. He plays with my wet hair (we do this after a shower most often) and I simply walk around the house bouncing him up and down a little. And I have a little song that I sing to him. He can't hear me sing anymore; at 18, he's deaf, but he can feel the vibration of my singing to him and he just purrs and purrs. I walk around the house with him for a good five minutes or so, sometimes longer. Then I walk back to the bedroom and flop him on the bed. If he's had enough Bouncing, he'll meow a "Thanks, Mom!" and curl up for a nap. If he wants more, back to the bathroom he goes and we repeat the whole thing again, until he's ready to stop.

Rick does not have the Bouncing thing down to suit Boo. That's why I'm the one who Bounces with him. I don't even know how we started it, but it's been going on for quite a few years now. Just something silly that he enjoys so much that he'll tell me when he needs some Bouncing time. We don't do it that often anymore, but every once in a while, he'll tell me that it's time. I really enjoy Bouncing with him. 

 
But kids grow up, stop being cute and just be pain in the ***. I know, I was a kid once.

Indeed they do! 

 

 

[irinasak]

Winchester, that is the funniest thing I've read regarding cat-human relationship. It must be so fun for both of you!

I was so desperate to get Sophie's attention when she was a kitten that I always held her in my arms, so now, when she feels like it she makes her way but always in my arms, never in my lap. She sleeps like a baby in my arms and she loves to be petted on the whiskers. If it is cold outside she sleeps on my chest. It started last winter when, if I was home, she would sleep on me. It was like she preferred her bed to be gasping for air. She also sleeps between me and my bf and we have to keep the blanket like a tent so it will not touch her ears.

Harley, on the other hand, likes to lie like a jellyfish on my shoulder and be carried around the house. He also stays with me when I cook and he purrs all the time. I can do whatever I want to him, he is the greatest in taking pills and letting us put ointments in his eyes (he has herpesvirus). If he lies on the bed, I can put my head on him or touch his belly and he would purr so loud. He doesn't like his paws to be touched though.

Amelie is a totally different story. She would rather not be touched. Unless she feels like it and will cry for attention, butt first (she will great us with her tail). But she loves Sophie so much - I was so happy when Amelie came for the first time in bed with me, but I soon realized that she came to Sophie, not to me. Sophie started grooming her and Amelie purred like crazy.

I love it how different they are.

 

[thevegancuddler]

My first baby's name is Sophie, too!

I worried, at first, that I would always have this secret favoritism towards Sophie. And our bond IS different, but I don't think it's STRONGER. It's just that she and I have had different experiences together. But really, my bond with all six of my cats (and my dog!) is unique.

As Winchester said, they know where to find me when they want attention, so I don't really worry about it anymore. Sometimes I go out of my way to give Noelle attention, as I think she's intimidated by the other cats. But the rest all hop up and nuzzle me or climb into my lap when they want me. It's my experience that cats don't usually like a TON of direct attention, so it doesn't hurt to spread the love across six of them.

 

[betsygee]

My first choice of our three was Zoe.  But she's not a huge snuggler.  Her brother is definitely Daddy's boy so they really bond.  Then we got Ozzy.  He's a big boy, short haired, not at all what I pictured as my snuggle cat--but he's the biggest lovebug in the world and I tend to spend more time with him because he loves it when I pick him up, carry him around like a baby, he sleeps with me at night under the covers.  He follows me everywhere.  He WANTS 10 times more attention, so he gets it!  But it's true, if one of the others wants attention, they'll make sure we know it. When Zoe's ready to snuggle, she just comes over and head butts me until she gets her turn to be petted, and brushed, and snuggled.  And when she's had her fill, she'll take off.

Now we have these four inherited cats as well, and it's taken several months but they're getting comfortable here and I'm starting to learn their personalities and I can tell when each wants some attention.  Like you, Winchester, when I brought the grooming tools out and sat on the floor, it was a shoving match with each of them wanting it to be THEIR turn.  LOL  Now I get them one at a time and make sure they have their moment of brushing.  

It all works out.  I think they all get what they need.  Cats aren't shy that way!  :-)

 

[shadowsrescue]

I often find myself in a similar dilemma.  I have 2 indoor only cats and 2 outdoor only (semi ferals).  I also have a dog.  Some days all I feel that I have time to do is give love and attention to the animals.  My one indoor cat, Jake is my sons cat and Jake prefers to have attention mostly from him.  Yet,I do my best to pick him up, snuggle with him and play with him.  DS will be going off to college next year so Jake will then require more attention.  Marvin who came to me as a stray demands so much attention.  He follows me around everywhere.  He sits on my lap and has a lengthy play session each night.  The outdoor kitties spend alot of time on my deck.  I try to get out several times a day so they can have social time with me.  Some days we will play Da Bird and other days it's just lap and snuggle time.  I am definitely worn out by the end of the day.  It's a lot of work!

Some days I feel very guilty when I didn't get to spend as much time as I would have liked with some of the animals.  I just try to do the best I can each day!

 

[Winchester]

And that's all you can do, ShadowsRescue. Just do the very best you can!

An interesting aside to the Bouncing thing.....this morning, I had been in the bathroom. I left and walked into the computer room (that's where my clothes closet is). I was looking through the closet and I heard BooBoo yelling. Walked over to the bathroom and there the Boy was. Sitting on the toilet with those big eyes of his, just waiting. When I walked into the bathroom, he started prancing on the toilet right away. I bent down, he flopped those big paws of his over my shoulder and away we went. Two Bouncing mornings in a row! It doesn't get much better than that.

Betsygee, the shoving match isn't pretty. That's why I started taking the cat into the bathroom. I sit down on the bathroom floor with her or him and we do our grooming thing that way. It's so much easier. (Unless you don't like to hear the meowing on the other side of the bathroom door, that is. Rick says that he's going to take a picture of the cats in the hallway, sitting around outside the bathroom door because they want inside!)

And it's gotten to the point where, on early mornings during the weekend, Muffin is with me when I'm on the computer and having my coffee. At night, when I'm on the computer, then it's Mollipop's turn to be with me. Somehow they've worked that much out.

Similarly, Mollipop will lie in bed with me, nestled in my left arm for a long time in the evening, if we're watching tv in bed. But when she's ready, then she'll go up to my head on the pillow and will actually sleep there. That's Muffin's cue....she knows that once Molli has gone to the pillow, then she can jump up into bed and lay in my right arm and she can spend the night there without a lot of hassle from Molli. Muffin knows that if she tries laying in my left arm (which is Molli's spot), Molli will go after her every time. But if she stays to my right, Molli will leave her alone. There are times when I have both girls laying with me, one in each arm. But that can get ugly because they'll put their heads on my chest and have a stare-down. One will growl, the other will keen. Then I have to tell them both to knock it off. And the ears will go flat. Feline jealousy is not pretty. But we manage to go on.

 

[betsygee]

I bet that WOULD be a cute pic, with the kitties lined up outside waiting their turn for brushing.  LOL    

My cats have worked out sharing the bed, too.  How funny, the way they work those things out!

 

[thevegancuddler]

 
I bet that WOULD be a cute pic, with the kitties lined up outside waiting their turn for brushing.  LOL    

My cats have worked out sharing the bed, too.  How funny, the way they work those things out!

When it was time for me to buy my first bed back in August (I was living in a dorm for four years before!), I bought a queen precisely so my dog and cats could cuddle me. I don't live with any other people. Proud crazy cat (and doggy!) lady. 

 

 

[ondine]

I had a very dear aunt who had eight children and every cat and dog who wandered into her home. My mother once asked her how she divided her heart for so many people and critters. She looked puzzled for a minute and said " You don't divide your love, you multiply it."

I've always marveled at the wisdom in that statement.