Preterm loss. Support and advise?

[Semicrazycatlady99]

Hello. I’ll try keep it short because I’m quite traumatised about what happened last night. Our cat went into preterm labour yesterday evening. She was about 1-2 weeks early. She was roughly on day 52. She gave birth to 3 kittens. The first was stillborn. The second passed within minutes of delivery. The third was a fighter. It cried and moved for about 1.5hr. However, our cat was completely ignorant. Once she was done delivering the kittens she abandoned the one that was alive. She did a good job cleaning them up, eating the membrane and placentas (I saw she consumed all 3 placentas). About 5 minutes after delivery she just walked off for some food and didn’t return. Instead she came back to eat the last kitten that was still moving and fighting for its life. My husband had to separate her from the poor baby while I wailed in distress. This morning she’s completely unbothered. Not searching for them. She’s just minding her business. We did try to put the alive baby to her nipples hoping it’d get some milk and that the stimulation would help her bond but she just kept kicking it away. We are disappointed, heartbroken, traumatised by having to handle lifeless little babies and we’re somewhat angry by the way she acted towards the last one. It’s distressed cry is still ringing in my ears. I’d love some words of advice, maybe reassurance that there wasn’t anything else we could have done. We felt so useless as the last baby died from the injuries of her trying to eat it. Truly a heartbreaking experience for us and our 5yr old that had to learn we are no longer going to have little bundles of joy running around the house.

 

[Kwik]

S Semicrazycatlady99 -I'm so sorry you had to go through this,hard to witness and difficult when you don't understand the reasons why-I do hope I can offer some helpSem

This is natural behavior,instinct- nature adjusting itself ....Kittens that are stillborn,unhealthy and highly unlikely to survive are often eaten by the mother because of their instinct to survive. You have to understand that out in world,nature a decomposing kitten or dying kitten would attract predators- if their was one healthy kitten that can also cause health risks to that kitten so the mother will eat whatever may infect her healthy baby or be a potential threat to their safety

She was not ignoring her baby,she knew her kitten was dying and nothing she could do to give it life-its nature She isn't strange,cannibalistic or uncaring ,she's your same darling,sweet girl she's always been - had any one of those Kittens been healthy she'd of protected it with her life

I pray your Peacd & Comfort and that God Remove the images in your mind,I know it was traumatic for you- pray,do your best to move on

Oh,also- no dear,there was nothing you could do so don't think you didn't do something right or did anything wrong.... That kitten had defects that you could not do a thing to change- even in a hospital setting,iwith highly skilled medicalcprofessionals,incubators etc...the chances of saving that kitten would be slim to none.....mother cats will not let their kittens suffer,nature knows best

 

[StefanZ]

I agree with Kwik´ wise words.

I want to mention, its possible she still carries alive kittens, whom will be delivered hopefully healthy later on, in their due time... I wouldnt bet on it, but its fully possible.

 

[Semicrazycatlady99]

S Semicrazycatlady99 -I'm so sorry you had to go through this,hard to witness and difficult when you don't understand the reasons why-I do hope I can offer some helpSem

This is natural behavior,instinct- nature adjusting itself ....Kittens that are stillborn,unhealthy and highly unlikely to survive are often eaten by the mother because of their instinct to survive. You have to understand that out in world,nature a decomposing kitten or dying kitten would attract predators- if their was one healthy kitten that can also cause health risks to that kitten so the mother will eat whatever may infect her healthy baby or be a potential threat to their safety

She was not ignoring her baby,she knew her kitten was dying and nothing she could do to give it life-its nature She isn't strange,cannibalistic or uncaring ,she's your same darling,sweet girl she's always been - had any one of those Kittens been healthy she'd of protected it with her life

I pray your Peacd & Comfort and that God Remove the images in your mind,I know it was traumatic for you- pray,do your best to move on

Oh,also- no dear,there was nothing you could do so don't think you didn't do something right or did anything wrong.... That kitten had defects that you could not do a thing to change- even in a hospital setting,iwith highly skilled medicalcprofessionals,incubators etc...the chances of saving that kitten would be slim to none.....mother cats will not let their kittens suffer,nature knows best

Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words. I felt so prepared for her labour. I read everything there was on the internet on caring for her, aiding during labour and making sure everyone is happy and healthy afterwards. We had everything we needed. It never crossed my mind that things could go so terribly wrong. I was prepared for 1 stillborn or for some minor complications but this was something I couldn’t have even imagined happening. Everything that could have gone wrong - did.

I barely slept last night trying to consolidate myself reading about natures way of things. I heard of the mama cat eating her sick or stillborn babies but again I never imaged it would have happened to us. Not like this. Of course she’s still my gorgeous little girl and I love her no less after last night but I am struggling to look at her the same way right now. I’m grieving and need some time to come to terms with what happened. She will receive the same kind of care and love as before but I need time before I give her a proper cuddle. I was waiting for those babies like they were my own. I’m glad she’s not distressed or searching for them but at the same time it’s shocking and sad to me that she’s acting like nothing happened.

In all this, I am glad she’s okay. She’s eating and drinking as normal. Using her tray. Letting us pet her and touch her belly. She’s cleaned herself well overnight and seems to be back to herself already. I now have a long day ahead of cleaning blood off my bedroom carpet as she moved around a lot during delivery. I couldn’t possibly do it in the middle of the night through my tears.

Any insight to how long it takes for her belly to go down/back to normal and will her nipples fade back since they weren’t used for feeding?

 

[Semicrazycatlady99]

I agree with Kwik´ wise words.

I want to mention, its possible she still carries alive kittens, whom will be delivered hopefully healthy later on, in their due time... I wouldnt bet on it, but its fully possible.

Thank you, that would be a miracle and would bring us unimaginable joy, even one healthy baby would fill out broken hearts with some much warmth. On the other hand I would be happier if I could just grieve, come to terms with this horrible experience and hopefully forget those images and sounds. I will be keeping an eye on her of course.

 

[Kwik]

Thank you, that would be a miracle and would bring us unimaginable joy, even one healthy baby would fill out broken hearts with some much warmth. On the other hand I would be happier if I could just grieve, come to terms with this horrible experience and hopefully forget those images and sounds. I will be keeping an eye on her of course.

It's hard to say because usually after giving birth the cat will go into "heat" again anywhere from 6 to 8 weeks so by thst time her body is pretty well recovered BUT after birthing stillborn and kittens that could not survive ( premature) the female can go into heat as early as one month later,this by no means means she's fully recovered- again it's nature at play survival of the species.....

On the average ,between 2 & 3 months the little lady is back to normal.... I do hope you will take her in to the Vet and set up an appointment to have her spayed - there's an awful lot of little babies that desperately need a loving forever home-we certainly don't need to add to the population..... may I ask how she came to meet an in tact male?

Again,I'm so very sorry for your loss and in such a devastating happenstance- truly,I'm sorry and you mentioned your 5 yr old? Do your very best to comfort him and explain the animal kingdom is just very different than ours -no doubt he/she is traumatized more than anyone- you & your family are in my prayers

 

[Semicrazycatlady99]

It's hard to say because usually after giving birth the cat will go into "heat" again anywhere from 6 to 8 weeks so by thst time her body is pretty well recovered BUT after birthing stillborn and kittens that could not survive ( premature) the female can go into heat as early as one month later,this by no means means she's fully recovered- again it's nature at play survival of the species.....

On the average ,between 2 & 3 months the little lady is back to normal.... I do hope you will take her in to the Vet and set up an appointment to have her spayed - there's an awful lot of little babies that desperately need a loving forever home-we certainly don't need to add to the population..... may I ask how she came to meet an in tact male?

Again,I'm so very sorry for your loss and in such a devastating happenstance- truly,I'm sorry and you mentioned your 5 yr old? Do your very best to comfort him and explain the animal kingdom is just very different than ours -no doubt he/she is traumatized more than anyone- you & your family are in my prayers

Yes we will be booking an appointment as soon as possible and she will be getting checked out too. We just weren’t expecting this and not yet anyway.

The pregnancy wasn’t planned. We went away for a week at the end of May and our neighbour was cat sitting. He must of left a window open and while he was out a local Tomcat found his way into the house. Well that’s what we’re guessing anyway. He’s a trusted and responsible neighbour but accidents happen. She’s an indoor cat and pretty scared of the outside world.

We didn’t even realise she was pregnant until about week 4 when I saw her belly grow and her nipples changing. I then connected the dots.

We were planning to get her done this month as my husband is self-employed so money is very come and go. Then when we found out about the kittens I morally couldn’t and after sharing the news I had 5 family friends waiting with anticipation.

This makes it even worse that we never even planned (or wanted) for the litter let alone of such a devastating outcome.

We thought keeping her at home would keep her safe and sound but clearly when there’s a will there’s a way and nothing will keep an intact male away.

We managed to explain everything to our 5yr old. Luckily he was asleep by the time she went for the third baby. He cried himself to sleep after learning about the first 2. This morning we simply told him the babies were too small and not ready for the outside world. Hopefully he can make sense of that and will soon forget.

 

[Kwik]

Oh no,that's awful -'thank God as it could have been much worse for your baby- what is her name btw?See,these are the reasons I keep putting off my knee replacement surgery- people just don't get it....Everytime I think there's someone I can trust to "cat sit" they do something "accidentally '' that blows it for me- lol.. . Yes,accidents happen but better it be my mistake than someone elses- theyd meet the " not so nice" side of me!You poor dear,I feel for you

I'm really glad you are taking good care of your girl ..I kinda had a feeling something happened that was out of your hands and was not because of irresponsibility - you gave me the impressive of a good steward

I do hope we helped give you some comfort and peace of mind- we are here to support and encourage each other.....do you have other kitties in your family,maybe it's time for the Joy of an itty bitty kitty after a little
awhile?

It's a pleasure meeting you,keep us updated and we'd love to see photos of your kitty girl- we are here for you

 

[Kwik]

Btw S Semicrazycatlady99 I don't know anything about your Faith or what you believe but I'd like to share what my Dad told me when I was even younger than your son and I found an injured bird- I brought the bird inside and wanted my Daddy to make him better- the bird died,in my arms,I was devastated

My Dad said "Why are you crying baby?He's fine,better than new -:he was urgently needed in Heaven so God Called for him". Oh,I felt much better as my Dad described him flying around in Heaven only how he will never be hungry,thirsty,won't get rained on and never be sick or unhappy

 

[Semicrazycatlady99]

Hello. I’ll try keep it short because I’m quite traumatised about what happened last night. Our cat went into preterm labour yesterday evening. She was about 1-2 weeks early. She was roughly on day 52. She gave birth to 3 kittens. The first was stillborn. The second passed within minutes of delivery. The third was a fighter. It cried and moved for about 1.5hr. However, our cat was completely ignorant. Once she was done delivering the kittens she abandoned the one that was alive. She did a good job cleaning them up, eating the membrane and placentas (I saw she consumed all 3 placentas). About 5 minutes after delivery she just walked off for some food and didn’t return. Instead she came back to eat the last kitten that was still moving and fighting for its life. My husband had to separate her from the poor baby while I wailed in distress. This morning she’s completely unbothered. Not searching for them. She’s just minding her business. We did try to put the alive baby to her nipples hoping it’d get some milk and that the stimulation would help her bond but she just kept kicking it away. We are disappointed, heartbroken, traumatised by having to handle lifeless little babies and we’re somewhat angry by the way she acted towards the last one. It’s distressed cry is still ringing in my ears. I’d love some words of advice, maybe reassurance that there wasn’t anything else we could have done. We felt so useless as the last baby died from the injuries of her trying to eat it. Truly a heartbreaking experience for us and our 5yr old that had to learn we are no longer going to have little bundles of joy running around the house.

UPDATE:
This is going to sound insane. When StefanZ said it this morning I didn’t think much of it. Felt like something that happens in a poorly written family movie. But…. THERE ARE ALIVE KITTENS IN HER BELLY!!! It’s not her movements, purring etc it’s actual moving kittens!!! Her belly is still round and full. She’s asking for affection, sleeping and eating as normal. We won’t be telling our sweet little boy to avoid further disappointment but we are gobsmacked. I will keep this thread updated for future distressed cat parents but please everyone pray for atleast one healthy fluffy bundle of joy for your darling girl and our bleeding hearts xxx

 

[Sarthur2]

That is wonderful news! You may have kittens after all.

 

[Semicrazycatlady99]

Btw S Semicrazycatlady99 I don't know anything about your Faith or what you believe but I'd like to share what my Dad told me when I was even younger than your son and I found an injured bird- I brought the bird inside and wanted my Daddy to make him better- the bird died,in my arms,I was devastated

My Dad said "Why are you crying baby?He's fine,better than new -:he was urgently needed in Heaven so God Called for him". Oh,I felt much better as my Dad described him flying around in Heaven only how he will never be hungry,thirsty,won't get rained on and never be sick or unhappy

That’s very very sweet Personally as parents we don’t believe but I was raised in a Catholic family and we try to keep kids open minded. I do sometimes mention this kind of stuff to make my son feel better. This is an amazing idea and asking some details of them jumping around clouds and playing with my Mum’s cat she lost a few years ago will definitely make him feel better x

 

[Kflowers]

Since she is still carrying she maybe trying to hold an even mood for the kittens. Hormones being what they are tell her she must save everything she can for the kittens who may survive. But don't think that she isn't mourning her lost babies just because she isn't acting the way you believe she ought to be to be grieving. They grieve, and they grieve deeply for their losses. Remember she is hurting when she asks for cuddles. She didn't kill her babies, she lost them. She knew that kitten was dying long before you did, and she held that to her heart.

 

[Semicrazycatlady99]

Since she is still carrying she maybe trying to hold an even mood for the kittens. Hormones being what they are tell her she must save everything she can for the kittens who may survive. But don't think that she isn't mourning her lost babies just because she isn't acting the way you believe she ought to be to be grieving. They grieve, and they grieve deeply for their losses. Remember she is hurting when she asks for cuddles. She didn't kill her babies, she lost them. She knew that kitten was dying long before you did, and she held that to her heart.

Yeah I think I’ve just been very emotional about the whole thing. I know she’s a good girl and probably suffering very much too. We’ll be keeping a very close eye on her x

 

[Kwik]

UPDATE:
This is going to sound insane. When StefanZ said it this morning I didn’t think much of it. Felt like something that happens in a poorly written family movie. But…. THERE ARE ALIVE KITTENS IN HER BELLY!!! It’s not her movements, purring etc it’s actual moving kittens!!! Her belly is still round and full. She’s asking for affection, sleeping and eating as normal. We won’t be telling our sweet little boy to avoid further disappointment but we are gobsmacked. I will keep this thread updated for future distressed cat parents but please everyone pray for atleast one healthy fluffy bundle of joy for your darling girl and our bleeding hearts xxx

Nope,not insane-it happens----- you see,even more so,she could not risk contamination or infection .... animal instincts are simply incredible.....

Praying for healthy kittens,healthy Mama

 

[heatherwillard0614]

S Semicrazycatlady99

First i want to say how sorry i am about what you and your little lady went through.

Can i ask what your little girls name Is?

Your little girl is grieving and it's hard because she is grieving internally.. she just isn't letting her emotions show just how affected she is by the whole ordeal because she needs to protect and has to stay strong for her unborn babies.

(Please don't take any of this next paragraph in a bad way.. I say this because I know sometimes reading words can be misconstrued as opposed to hearing them.
I mean this in the most positive sincere way possible)

Can I challenge you to giving her some extra cuddles whenever she wants them? I do understand needing a little time to process everything that happened..
That being said.. I can't get the image of little momma grieving so hard internally and wanting cuddles from you and not being able to get them..
She does need some extra affection and attention.

 

[heatherwillard0614]

S Semicrazycatlady99 I just wanted to let you know I've been thinking about you and everything you and your little lady endured and wanted to check in to see if you and her are doing ok. I hope she is still doing well.

 

[Kwik]

S Semicrazycatlady99 I just wanted to let you know I've been thinking about you and everything you and your little lady endured and wanted to check in to see if you and her are doing ok. I hope she is still doing well.

Me too..... checking in on S Semicrazycatlady99

 

[Semicrazycatlady99]

S Semicrazycatlady99

First i want to say how sorry i am about what you and your little lady went through.

Can i ask what your little girls name Is?

Your little girl is grieving and it's hard because she is grieving internally.. she just isn't letting her emotions show just how affected she is by the whole ordeal because she needs to protect and has to stay strong for her unborn babies.

(Please don't take any of this next paragraph in a bad way.. I say this because I know sometimes reading words can be misconstrued as opposed to hearing them.
I mean this in the most positive sincere way possible)

Can I challenge you to giving her some extra cuddles whenever she wants them? I do understand needing a little time to process everything that happened..
That being said.. I can't get the image of little momma grieving so hard internally and wanting cuddles from you and not being able to get them..
She does need some extra affection and attention.

Thank you for your kind words Her name is Poppy
Like I said I’ve been taking it very personally, as a mother myself, but of course animals process things differently. I needed to cool off and process my thoughts. Things happened so so quickly, during the process I was feeling so many things at once, I kept a straight face knowing I need to keep my cool and that Poppy and her little babies needed me and that crying in the moment wouldn’t help her in the slightest. Once things settled I was able to let go and cried like a child for hours, followed by a pretty much sleepless night.

Now that I’ve had some time to think I’m a lot more comfortable cuddling her, stroking her every time I walk past and we’ve had some nose boops last night before bed too. I can’t stay angry over something no one had control over and 100% not her. I just needed to let my emotions settle.

She’s still doing very well. Eating like crazy, taking care of her hygiene and lounging with her belly up and giving out her high pitched happy “mrrr” everything we give her a pet.

Our 5 year old has also come to terms with things and settled for the idea that the babies are playing up in the clouds with other kitties

My husband also felt her belly last night. I’m not going crazy, there are definitely babies moving around inside. We really hope she gets at least one little baby to take care of and that her suffering wasn’t for nothing.

She’s a good girl and I feel so what bad for being angry even for one day. I hope she didn’t feel it much.

 

[Kwik]

Thank you for your kind words Her name is Poppy
Like I said I’ve been taking it very personally, as a mother myself, but of course animals process things differently. I needed to cool off and process my thoughts. Things happened so so quickly, during the process I was feeling so many things at once, I kept a straight face knowing I need to keep my cool and that Poppy and her little babies needed me and that crying in the moment wouldn’t help her in the slightest. Once things settled I was able to let go and cried like a child for hours, followed by a pretty much sleepless night.

Now that I’ve had some time to think I’m a lot more comfortable cuddling her, stroking her every time I walk past and we’ve had some nose boops last night before bed too. I can’t stay angry over something no one had control over and 100% not her. I just needed to let my emotions settle.

She’s still doing very well. Eating like crazy, taking care of her hygiene and lounging with her belly up and giving out her high pitched happy “mrrr” everything we give her a pet.

Our 5 year old has also come to terms with things and settled for the idea that the babies are playing up in the clouds with other kitties

My husband also felt her belly last night. I’m not going crazy, there are definitely babies moving around inside. We really hope she gets at least one little baby to take care of and that her suffering wasn’t for nothing.

She’s a good girl and I feel so what bad for being angry even for one day. I hope she didn’t feel it much.

Don't you dare beat yourself up,you are a warm, loving, nurturing,passionate woman AND a mother- your emotions are what any person with a heart would experience- yes,momentary anger as well....and now that has passed,your human,we all are... Poppy knows nothing about you ever feeling angry,she knows you are her person,her person that lives her!

I love her name -Poppy is a darling name