Preparing For And Dealing With Your Cat Passing Away

[kalico]

Hi everyone. Long-time lurker and first-time poster looking for any insight (and to be honest, support).

I have a 16 year old calico cat. She's been my little buddy forever - a huge part of my life, and I'm sure everyone here can relate.

This summer, I noticed her losing weight- going from 10/11 pounds to 8. A few weeks ago, we brought her to the vet who checked her blood, gave her a full exam, and had no answers. A week ago, my cat could barely breathe. We brought her back and she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, and given three different meds to take three times a day. Within two days though (of aggressively getting pills into her), she could breathe again. She was jumping into my bed purring, she was playing with her tail, hanging out around the house again - prior to, she was acting weird, very lethargic, and didn't leave the stairs.

Now however, she won't eat. It's become impossible to get pills into her, so I switched one pill into injection form, which is a breeze. The other two may be able to be used as a cream, but I am waiting for confirmation. In the meantime, I can't stop thinking that she is on her way out, and it's consuming me. At work, school, home.

How do you deal with knowing your pet is dying? How do you cope? How do you prepare? How can you know if she's comfortable? I can't imagine my home without my cat, can't imagine sleeping without her in my bed, can't imagine coming home without in the window, or running down the stairs to greet me, can't imagine saying one final goodbye.

Does anyone have words of comfort, or advice? I just can't fathom ever getting over this.

 

[AbbysMom]

First off, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Plenty of members here that will give you great advice and comfort.

I just can't fathom ever getting over this.

You'll never forget, but it will get easier as time goes on. I'm saying this almost 14 years out from losing my first cat as an adult. She went fast. Stopped eating, acting odd, brought her to the vet and she was gone a week later. I didn't have a long time watching her, agonizing over it. She was just gone.

In mid-June my current cat had a crisis. She's around 14 now. I honestly thought I was losing her and was watching her like a hawk. I was beside myself. She's been improving. I still am keeping a close on on her, but not quite to the levels I was before. So now I will get the long drawn out issues that I didn't have with my first cat.

How do you prepare? How can you know if she's comfortable?

This cat is your little girl and you will do everything you can to make her comfortable. Don't doubt yourself on this. Because this is your little girl, you'll know when it's time and when she's had enough. You can't totally prepare yourself for this, but just by your post it's obvious that you are going to do right by her.

So many of us have been there and it hurts to see another going through this. Just know you have a safe place here to ask for advice and comfort.

 

[kalico]

Thank you so much, AbbysMom. Always better to have loved and lost than never loved at all but my god is it tough.

 

[Jem]

When it comes to getting her to eat, have you tried switching up her food? Getting her a variety of the stinkiest canned food can help entice a not eating kitty. Especially if it's different than usual, as cats will often associate being ill with their food, and thinking it's the food making them feel ill, will refuse to eat it.
You could also get some Fortiflora, it's a smelly probiotic that many have said works wonders on enticing a cat to eat, and it helps with an upset tummy.

As for the difficulties of losing your cherished kitty. I still have no answers.
I am currently caring for two, who can go at any moment. And your right, it does consume you. I find comfort knowing that I'm doing all I can for them (medically), and I keep them comfortable and provide all the love and affection I can.
This not our first rodeo either. We've lost pets before, and it's hard. Honestly, this will sound terrible, but I find that it some cases it hit me harder than when some of my (human) family members have passed.
There really is no way to fully prepare for a loss, it will hurt. There is that emptiness you will feel, that first time, in that split second, you forget that she's not there. But it does get better as time moves forward. Soon you remember all the quirky, silly, funny things she did, and remember her with a smile on your face. You will still miss her, but the hurt is not there.

It seems you are doing your very best to love and care for her, and although I hope she pulls thru, you can take comfort knowing that you gave her life worth living.

Please do keep us posted on her recovery, I'll be thinking of both of you, you're NOT alone.

 

[SeventhHeaven]

You will , cherish your moments more Every Special Moment is Much more special. You have time to say goodbye your cat knows whats going on as well...There's a word for this can't think of it. it's the same for humans health will be OK for a bit then physical set back everytime she recovers theres a little bit less of her there it's process. It's natural to moarn as you are doing, thinking of life without her you are preparing yourself already.....homelife I could not come home to a pet less home brought home a litter that needed rescuing, had one 16yr old cat, it gave him lots of joy to watch the kittens grow up he was never alone. It's something to consider getting another pet now that will actually have interacted with your cat, waiting until she's gone might be to harder to bare, a bird or another type of pet maybe an option then give yourself sometime before jumping in with another kitty commitment...hope this helps, they teach us so much. Hope your baby sees into her late teens... *Many of us have stretched lives by administering Sub Q fluids at home, if that assists her it's worth doing.

 

[Kieka]

When my angel kitty was diagnosed with cancer my world just collapsed. I did everything that could be done to help him, surgery, medications and even weekly chemo appointments. After six months the cancer was back and bigger then when we started so we stopped fighting it. Just made him comfortable and arranged for our vet to come to the house when it was time (which.... in home is worth whatever it costs, 100% no regrets on that).

It was hard. It hurt. Even knowing it was coming for months didn't make it any easier. I ended up making a scrapbook of his life with what photos I could find (this was early digital camera days so we didn't have a ton of photos). The scrapbook helped. I got a tattoo of him and showed him it saying he'd always be with me. It helped. The day I knew it was time was when I could tell he didn't recognize us, the vet had said the cancer could spread to his brain, and all he was doing was sleeping between hissing at us. I still wasn't ready, but I knew he was.

There really is nothing you can do to prepare. You can only cherish the time you have and love them every moment. I find it helps to focus on the immediate goal and then the next. Don't look past to tomorrow or next week, just this moment.

I have no doubt you will fight as long and as hard as she wants; but listen to her. In your case, try to get her to eat and take it one day at a time. Some cats stop eating when they feel bad and it takes a reminder of food to get them going again. I've done a small amount of food on my finger and touch the nose. The cat licks their nose and will usually start eating. Others have had luck with appitite stimulants. Someone recently posted about a single vallium dose helping.

Hopefully she starts eating again or you can get some food in her. It sounds like you have a good vet so they are your best partner on that front.

 

[Diana Faye]

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I recently lost my senior cat rather unexpectedly. On one hand, I'm grateful I never had to watch him falter, on the other hand... the shock of finding him suddenly gone.. I still don't have the words.

Irving was literally my world for about 13 years. He was my everything, and I still can't imagine my life without him. The worst was coming home to an empty house, and all the little things you do when you live with cats I suddenly didn't need to do anymore.

Originally, knowing how much his passing was going to crush me, I hadn't planned on getting another cat. But the void of having no one to go home to was just to much. I could just picture him walking by and look over to where he would normally sleep beside me, and just fall apart.

As it happened, a neighbor found a kitten under her shed that had been dumped. It was only a week since Irving passed, but after much consideration I felt, maybe it was a sign or something, and chose to take in the kitten. I still cry and am still soo heartbroken, but the depression is a little easier to deal with having someone to take care of. I also chose to have Irving cremated, and somehow when I got his ashes back I was almost relieved just to have him home.

Everyone deals with grief differently, and you won't really know how it will be until it hits you. I know for me, I did not expect to get another cat right away, but it has provided some relief (although Irving can never, ever be replaced... nor would I want that). You may choose to give it more time, or not at all. But know that you are not alone.

Also, someone had shared a quote with me, that "grief is just love with nowhere to go." It's something that resonated with me, and somehow made me appreciate my heartache as the profoundly beautiful love that we shared.

 

[kalico]

Thank you for your words and stories, everyone. It's just so damn sad, but it has honestly been a comfort just knowing that people go through this, that this community can empathize, it helps. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get another cat after this.

We've switched to topical cream instead.. hopefully she is less suspicious of her food.

 

[SiameseMummy]

Everyone will handle this differently. When my 3 year old was diagnosed with a terminal heart condition (restrictive cardiomyopathy) and I was told she had six months tops my world collapsed.

I actually grieved more at the diagnosis than when we actually lost her because I was so blindsided.

What helped me was planning for her care and also how we were going to deal with her brother's well being as they were closely bonded. Researching what I could expect from end stage heart failure and from a grieving cat gave me comfort knowing what I was going into.

I even bought a new scratching post with stairs to the top as I read that cats with heart conditions stop being able to jump or get around easily. In the end, she never used the steps and always jumped to the top but I was still glad it was there!

This is just me, you may not get the same comfort from planning and researching but the important thing is to enjoy all the time you have left with your kitty. Don't worry about knowing when "it's time". You will know that.

I'm sorry you're going through this but lean on family and friends. I didn't use this board at the time but wish I had!

 

[Gizmobius]

I lost my previous cat Willow in the span of about a month and a half. I had taken her in to the vet for another opinion on what the lump under her chin was and what the growth on her gum could be and was absolutely blindsided when the vet told me she thought it might be oral cancer. She was only 12 and I didn't consider that to be old at all. It kept growing and growing and eventually she could no longer eat, not even when I blended her wet food down into a complete soup for her.

I cried and grieved more in that month and a half than I did when I actually went through with putting her to sleep. I didn't think that was enough time and it tore me apart because I never for a second thought that's all I'd have left with her. Once she was gone, I did feel an overwhelming sadness but also a great weight lifted. I was relieved to know she was no longer hurting or in pain. I focused on all the good, all the memories, and all the time she did have in this world and I knew I gave her the best life and the best years while she was here with me.

I'm always so sad to know this happens to us as our pets are our close companions and we wish we could enjoy all of life with them. They make such an impact on us and I think that's really the best thing to focus on. Think of how much you've changed your kitty's life and how much she's changed yours. That's a bond that doesn't ever break, not even when the inevitable has to come.

 

[kalico]

So sad and sorry to hear of everyone's kittens' passing. I think I understand where relief might fit in this awful time. I cry every second I'm not in public and constantly googling cat symptoms. I've noticed that my cat has dull eyes - ever since I first took her to the vet.

She also yelped in pain for the first time today when I gave her a shot. Maybe getting sensitive in her back from being pricked twice a day?

This is so hard. I'm constantly watching her, being with her, thinking about her every second to see if she's improving, or if she's suffering.

Thank you everyone. So glad to have your support.

 

[artiemom]

Oh, I am so sorry to read this.. ((hugs)) to you..

I lost my Angel Artie on May 23, of this year.

Just going by my experience..
I saw him suffer.. I tried so hard.. but it came to a point where, no amount of medication or food could help him.

It was a horrible decision to make.. I still question my judgement..

In the end, it is out of our hands: Do we sit by, trying all medical means to prolong life, or do we just try to take away their current suffering and future pain and horrors?

In some ways, it is a relief.. a relief, to know that your baby is not suffering.. not getting the medicine, not hiding from you.. not in pain.. but the hole will always be in your heart.. You will find it will be a bit less obvious... but it will always be there..

Just give in to the grief.. it is the best thing to do.. seriously..

And you angel will find some ways of letting you know they will always be with you.. always...

I am still grieving.. It gets better, but, it appears at the worst possible times: when I am tired, not feeling well, or feeling lonely..

It helped me to print up some pictures, keep a ton of his fur--from brushing... and some of his litter.

I also have a kind of memorial place.. favorite toys, his ashes, battery candles, some fur..and his placemat... In front of me,

many times I go over, just to feel, smell, touch his fur.. Yes, I miss him...

But, as usual, I have made this all about me..

Coping mechanisms vary with each person.

I got rid of all of his things.. I could not deal with the memories.. I donated them, including his medicine to a couple of shelters. The meds, I gave to a shelter who knew me and would accept the meds..

yet, Artie found a way of staying with me..
I kept finding his sponge balls, pieces of litter, a clump of fur.. just to let me know that he is around...

Bittersweet to find them, yet, it was also comforting..

I also got a cremation keychain from Amazon:
I placed a bit of fur, and some litter in this. I glued it shut, put it on my main keychain..
Now when Im driving, I always have Artie with me.. it is comforting.. I can touch him, as I wait in traffic.. he will always be with me..

I am not aware of an easy way around through this.. it just has to happen.. a natural part of life...

It is love.. when we give our hearts so freely, they break, so easily.. It is the end result of loving..

And your baby knows you love him.. they do.. they know what is going on..

OMG..Artie was so good that last time t the vet.. he knew.. He never wanted to be held, at the vet, yet, that last time, he wanted to be in my arms.. he was saying goodbye..

Cats know... your kitty knows what is going on.. knows that you are doing everything in your power, out of love... true, unabridged love, from deep within our heart...

I wish you well.. we will all be here for you..

this is what we get from loving; yet I would not have a loveless life.. it means getting hurt deeply.. we need to get through this..

You will find your own way.. and members from here will be with you, every step of the way.....

They still are for me...and everyone else..

You joined an awesome website..

(((HUGS))) now and in the future...

 

[Antonio65]

It helped me to print up some pictures, keep a ton of his fur--from brushing... and some of his litter.

So it's not only me not being able to get rid or dispose of my Rainbow Bridge kitty's used litter

 

[artiemom]

So it's not only me not being able to get rid or dispose of my Rainbow Bridge kitty's used litter

I kept finding a piece of litter, here or there.. these are the pieces I keep.. not the litter box... I forget if I got rid of the box, either that afternoon, or the next day... along with the food dishes, etc....

I pieces of litter which I find: I feel Artie has sent me a message; letting me know that he is still with me... These items were found after I had swept and vacuumed, yet the pieces were just "there"... along with a fuzz of his favorite throw, or some fur.
Or one of his favorite balls, which just appeared.. weeks after I had cleaned the area. These are signs... signs of love, which will never be lost...

 

[denice]

I am not going to sugar coat it, it hurts, it hurts really bad. Slowly but surely it gets better. All of those lovely memories will hurt less and less, they finally will bring a smile rather than tears.

 

[kalico]

Just thought I'd share an update.

She's been eating "McDonalds" type food but still skinny - fluff and bone when I pick her up (a little under 8 pounds now). She lies near her water bowl all day and night, drinks a ton, moves slowly. I also hear gurgling in her stomach sometimes.

But when I nap on the couch she joins me, purring away - though purring seems to make her breathing laboured.

I can't tell if she's in pain or is irritable. When I pick her up she meows, sometimes when I pat her she meows - and she is definitely able to feel when I give her Lasix injections now . She's on Lasix, Benazapril, and Diltiazem.

It's hard. I've been preparing for this since the end of July. I don't know how much time she has left, or if she's ready to go herself.

 

[Antonio65]

I feel your pain, we don't know what they really feel, we don't know when and if they're ready.
But let me tell you that your kitty is a jewel!
I hope she can stay with you for a long long time more!