Hi - I am in the very early days of introducing a new kitten (8 months old) to my household. For the last 3 years, I have had an older rescue cat, who I love. She was 9 when I adopted her, so she's almost 12 now. However, she has always been... difficult. She will often bite or scratch very hard, without warning whole being stroked, even if she was purring/ happy seconds earlier. I put up with this, and through a lot of time and care, we have gotten to know each other and she has improved and gotten much better on the whole.
I don't know her full history or what kind of trauma she may have experienced, but in the last 3 years she has cgotten so much better, and is a delightfully silly and gorgeous girl (just rather prickly sometimes too). She is often very playful, and will come and tap my arm when I am working from home for attention, she comes into our room in the mornings, even after eating and will sit on top of your chest, wanting strokes. When I first adopted her, they said she would need to come into a home with no other cats. That was over 3 years ago, and like I say, her demeanour etc. has greatly improved in those last few years - but she isn't what you would call a lap cat, or an animal that likes a lot of fuss.
Until 5/6 months ago, I had a housemate for the entire time I have had her. My cat always had a stronger bond with my housemate, and if she could, would always go to/ sit on her if she could. After my housemate moved out, she began acting that way towards me. Asking for attention and generally being super sweet. However, me and my bf (who she also loves) have discussed starting a family soon, and are both concerned that she isn't exactly a safe animal to have around a child... but we also didn't think it would be a huge issue as we would teach any child that animals have boundaries just like people.
Now... I wasn't necessarily looking to adopt a new cat. However, on a trip to Crete recently, I formed an immediate and incredibly strong bond with a young male kitten. He was a feral mountain cat, but pristine, and so, so loving. It is the first time I have had an immediate bond like that, and I decided to look into getting him home (the taverna where he lives was about to close for the season, and the majority of young cats die of cold and starvation over the winter in this area). I had to do something. I couldn't bear the thought of what might happen to him. I know you can't save them all, but I figured I might be able to save this one.
I managed to (somehow), through many moving parts, luck and the local charities, find someone to foster him, sort all his vaccinations and pet passport out, and to have him flown back to the UK. It has taken two and a half months and a huge amount of love, stress and effort to get him here. We collected him 3 days ago, and he is even sweeter than I remember. He is an absolute delight, and was made to give an receive love. Knowing he is here, warm and safe makes my heart sing. It was a gruelling journey, with a 6 hour delay, and finally bringing him home was extremely emotional.
He is fine with it all, is used to other cats, and has settled in instantly. You wouldn't know he had undergone a 24hr+ journey. He was instantly full of purrs, giving us his fluffy little belly to rub. He is in the spare room, with a proper closing door and a screen door for slow introductions. However, my older cat is not happy. She knew something was up, and was unsettled, but didn't seem TOO bad. I think I F'd up and let them see each other (through the mesh door), for two minutes, in the afternoon of the following day. I think I gave them sight of each other much too soon. Since then, my older cat, even when away from the spare room door, hisses and swipes at me and my partner, and hasn't eaten yesterday evening or today.
I know it is early... and I am trying to reset. The spare room was also my office, but after yesterday I have relocated my work station back into the kitchen, so I am not closed away all day with the kitten, which must essentially feel like I am shunning her. I am trying to reset, and have now left scent markers from the spare room around the house for her to get used to. I have 2 feliway plug ins going around the house, and she has sat on a blanket that the kitten has used. But.... no food, or water so far today. She just seems... so sad, and it is tearing me apart.
I know it is early and I am panicking/ catastrophising. But I am spiralling about what to do if she never.. at least learns to tolerate him. He would be the perfect creature to have around children and would allow her to probably get away from children easier than if she was the only cat in the house. Also... honestly it is a joy to have a cat who actually enjoys cuddles and interaction. I love her, I do.. I would never have adopted her if I didn't want to give her a forever home. I wasn't fussed on the cat's age, and took in the first cat I saw from the rescue charity. My bf also loves her but has said she's not exactly a pleasant cat to be around a lot of the time, adn that he would be incredibly wary of her around a baby (which would also be another huge change for her). I want this to work, and have been reading all the blogs I can. I know I screwed up by giving them sight of each other too early....
I am not entirely sure what I am asking really. For advice/ support I suppose, on how to reset the situation. I know this is going to be a long haul, but I already know that I cannot get rid of this kitten. I find the very thought of it unbearable. I also cannot force my older cat to live a life where she is miserable. That isn't fair. I am seeing my old housemate this evening, and will no doubt tell her all about it. It might be that she would be willing to adopt my older cat as they had a close bond - but I feel so SO guilty. I feel horrible. I don't know what to do. I have always frowned on people who have rehomed an older pet, when they get a new one. But here I am in a position, all of my own making, possibly considering just that if we can't make this work over the next few months.
My kitten has a vets appt early next week, to check him over and get him all signed up for the health services. I will ask their advice too, but please... if anyone has any experience with something like this, it would be appreciated. I know I am a selfish Ahole for considering keeping the kitten over my older cat. I already feel horrible about it I also know we're only a few days in, so I am panicking - but the more advice I can get, the better!
Thank you in advance.
I don't know her full history or what kind of trauma she may have experienced, but in the last 3 years she has cgotten so much better, and is a delightfully silly and gorgeous girl (just rather prickly sometimes too). She is often very playful, and will come and tap my arm when I am working from home for attention, she comes into our room in the mornings, even after eating and will sit on top of your chest, wanting strokes. When I first adopted her, they said she would need to come into a home with no other cats. That was over 3 years ago, and like I say, her demeanour etc. has greatly improved in those last few years - but she isn't what you would call a lap cat, or an animal that likes a lot of fuss.
Until 5/6 months ago, I had a housemate for the entire time I have had her. My cat always had a stronger bond with my housemate, and if she could, would always go to/ sit on her if she could. After my housemate moved out, she began acting that way towards me. Asking for attention and generally being super sweet. However, me and my bf (who she also loves) have discussed starting a family soon, and are both concerned that she isn't exactly a safe animal to have around a child... but we also didn't think it would be a huge issue as we would teach any child that animals have boundaries just like people.
Now... I wasn't necessarily looking to adopt a new cat. However, on a trip to Crete recently, I formed an immediate and incredibly strong bond with a young male kitten. He was a feral mountain cat, but pristine, and so, so loving. It is the first time I have had an immediate bond like that, and I decided to look into getting him home (the taverna where he lives was about to close for the season, and the majority of young cats die of cold and starvation over the winter in this area). I had to do something. I couldn't bear the thought of what might happen to him. I know you can't save them all, but I figured I might be able to save this one.
I managed to (somehow), through many moving parts, luck and the local charities, find someone to foster him, sort all his vaccinations and pet passport out, and to have him flown back to the UK. It has taken two and a half months and a huge amount of love, stress and effort to get him here. We collected him 3 days ago, and he is even sweeter than I remember. He is an absolute delight, and was made to give an receive love. Knowing he is here, warm and safe makes my heart sing. It was a gruelling journey, with a 6 hour delay, and finally bringing him home was extremely emotional.
He is fine with it all, is used to other cats, and has settled in instantly. You wouldn't know he had undergone a 24hr+ journey. He was instantly full of purrs, giving us his fluffy little belly to rub. He is in the spare room, with a proper closing door and a screen door for slow introductions. However, my older cat is not happy. She knew something was up, and was unsettled, but didn't seem TOO bad. I think I F'd up and let them see each other (through the mesh door), for two minutes, in the afternoon of the following day. I think I gave them sight of each other much too soon. Since then, my older cat, even when away from the spare room door, hisses and swipes at me and my partner, and hasn't eaten yesterday evening or today.
I know it is early... and I am trying to reset. The spare room was also my office, but after yesterday I have relocated my work station back into the kitchen, so I am not closed away all day with the kitten, which must essentially feel like I am shunning her. I am trying to reset, and have now left scent markers from the spare room around the house for her to get used to. I have 2 feliway plug ins going around the house, and she has sat on a blanket that the kitten has used. But.... no food, or water so far today. She just seems... so sad, and it is tearing me apart.
I know it is early and I am panicking/ catastrophising. But I am spiralling about what to do if she never.. at least learns to tolerate him. He would be the perfect creature to have around children and would allow her to probably get away from children easier than if she was the only cat in the house. Also... honestly it is a joy to have a cat who actually enjoys cuddles and interaction. I love her, I do.. I would never have adopted her if I didn't want to give her a forever home. I wasn't fussed on the cat's age, and took in the first cat I saw from the rescue charity. My bf also loves her but has said she's not exactly a pleasant cat to be around a lot of the time, adn that he would be incredibly wary of her around a baby (which would also be another huge change for her). I want this to work, and have been reading all the blogs I can. I know I screwed up by giving them sight of each other too early....
I am not entirely sure what I am asking really. For advice/ support I suppose, on how to reset the situation. I know this is going to be a long haul, but I already know that I cannot get rid of this kitten. I find the very thought of it unbearable. I also cannot force my older cat to live a life where she is miserable. That isn't fair. I am seeing my old housemate this evening, and will no doubt tell her all about it. It might be that she would be willing to adopt my older cat as they had a close bond - but I feel so SO guilty. I feel horrible. I don't know what to do. I have always frowned on people who have rehomed an older pet, when they get a new one. But here I am in a position, all of my own making, possibly considering just that if we can't make this work over the next few months.
My kitten has a vets appt early next week, to check him over and get him all signed up for the health services. I will ask their advice too, but please... if anyone has any experience with something like this, it would be appreciated. I know I am a selfish Ahole for considering keeping the kitten over my older cat. I already feel horrible about it I also know we're only a few days in, so I am panicking - but the more advice I can get, the better!
Thank you in advance.
. This will take time and patience and more time. You can only go as fast with introducing cats as the slowest one is willing to go.
and there's no reason to feel guilty. Cats often bond more closely with one person, and in this case if that person is willing to welcome her into their home, this may all be the perfection of serendipity 
!
