New Cat Questions

[catfishmama]

This is my first post in this clearly very lovely community so thanks for having me! I came across it while googling "new cat not warming up to me" lol

I brought my new kitty Homer home with me 1 week ago. He was found feral under an apartment in Hollywood with a mother and sibling. He's about 5-6 months old they guess. The shelter did a great job of setting my expectations on Homer EXTREMELY LOW like he won't eat, drink, use the bathroom, make a peep for days possibly. Thankfully I was proud to coax him into eating and pooping the very first night! He's a hungry boy and I want to feed him lots so he grows big and strong! What is this feeling

Our safe room is the bathroom where he spends all his time so far. I experimented with leaving the door open in the evenings initially but he seemed to just get under my bed or in a dark corner of my closet by morning so I'm strict about bathroom only for now.

Our ritual has pretty much been this: I stand outside the bathroom calling his name a couple times before entering to announce my presence. I open the door, and he's either already cowering in the blanket lined box bed I made for him or he quickly darts into it. I go sit next to him, offer a hand, maybe he sniffs it or even not I start petting him and talking to him. After a while he really leans into it, starts purring. Petting his behind will get him up and out of the box to stretch and finally eat the food I've set out for him. After eating I try out some play time. He follows a catnip stuffed butterfly I hold in my hands around, sometimes batting at or leaping for it. He likes the laser game. He will rub himself against me in what I believe to be an affectionate way. He'll bring his face up to mine. He knead on a bath mat while I pet him. He is either too docile to do anything about it or enjoying it, but he'll let me hold him in my lap for a bit.

So obviously he's very cute and sweet BUT I am having a hard time understanding his flighty nature and sensitivity. He does not approach me at all. If he's eating and I make the slightest move or even sigh heavy, it's back into the box for him stat. He won't take treats from my hand only laid nearby. He hates open spaces. When I'm standing I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm another person entirely, just staring at me like a scary giant. Seemingly never recognizes me, like each time I have to work him back up into a comfortable place. The improvements we made in the first few days have regressed into more almost hostility, last night he wouldn't play and just decided to lay as far from me as possible in every corner of the bathroom.

My concern here is that I don't know what to do to make him comfortable. This is my first cat and the shelter called him a "project cat." I am reluctant to let him into the rest of the apartment since I'm sure I'll never see him again. I am seriously getting a sore back and butt from all the bending over, crouching, and sitting on the floor I am doing every evening to continue strengthening our bond to no real result. I wonder if I should finally let him out and just pretend he's not there for a while ? Should I keep up this regimen of bonding time ? Is all this behavior indicative that I have a cat that will always be hiding under the bed and I should either accept it or take him back soon before he gets too comfortable ? Thanks for any tips and I am reading all the articles on thecatsite now

 

[tabbytom]

This is my first post in this clearly very lovely community so thanks for having me! I came across it while googling "new cat not warming up to me" lol

and to TCS! Glad that you've found us and thank you for adopting Homer and for giving him a warm and fur-ever loving home and a safe sanctuary.

By looking at your video and reading your post, it looks like Homer is pretty much gotten used to you except that since he was a formal feral and came from the shelter, there could be just some of his old bad experience he faced while living outdoors and in the shelter.

He could be also just cautious to certain sounds or movements and his natural instinct is to go hide. Yes, do make yourself as small as possible and sit on the floor as by appearing big, its very intimidating to him. Remember to talk softly and gently and lovingly to him and keep doing the slow eye blinks with him. Also when you do the slow eye blink, blink and look away as this shows that you are submitting to him and try to see if he blinks back. If he does, you already have a good connection with him.

All Homer needs is lots of assurance from you and some coaxing and to make him feel safe with you and over time, he'll get use to your movements and every time he sort of 'freak' out, talk to him in a calmly loving voice and say 'It's ok, don't worry'.

If he doesn't want to play, it's ok, just let him observe you and leave him alone and come back again.

It's ok if he doesn't like open spaces as your house is still pretty new to him and all the sights and sounds are not familiar to him and it takes some time for him to get use to it and realize that this place is safe for him.

Leave him where he is and maintain it as his safe room and and a place for him to retreat to. Place one or two of your clean unwashed, non perfumed garment with him or in the box so that he'll get use to you scents.

Let him explore the house at his own time and do continue to do what you are doing. It takes lots of love, patience and routine to win him over and just don't give up. You are doing great.

Feel free to ask questions and we'll try to answer them. And yes, do read up on the many great articles we have and enjoy your stay and oh, he's a handsome boy

Here are some articles for you to read :-

how-to-help-a-new-cat-adjust-to-your-home.32804

how-to-get-a-cat-to-come-out-of-hiding.33840

 

[IronHippo]

You sound like you're doing great. Homer (what a sweet looking guy!) sounds like he just needs some time to settle in. By the way, your own comfort is super important too! We learned that the hard way when we brought Radish and ʻUlu home. There was no way we'd be able to spend as much time with them as we wanted in a bathroom with no comforts for us--they both ended up going into our spare bedroom/office so that we had things to sit on while they adjust to us. If you don't have a separate room that you can fit human comforts into, maybe bring a thick pillow and blanket in for you to sit on when you spend time with him so that you can spend more time with him without hurting yourself? If you leave the blanket/pillow in there with him, he will also learn and eventually be comforted by your smell since the bedding will start to smell like you.

ʻUlu was a 7 month old picked up off of the street when we adopted him and he hid a lot, too. I think it's just a street cat instinct--being out in the open can lead to bad things. I don't think that means Homer is going to hide all the time, though, especially if you are creating a comforting environment for him in his new home. Also, a week is not a long time to adjust for a cat (ʻUlu hid for a whole week too). The more you spend time with him and the more he learns that you are safe, the more comfortable he'll feel around you and the more he'll come out. Patience is key!

 

[maggie101]

He will come out when he is ready. My cat Coco stayed in my bedroom for almost a year! I bet he would like brushing if he will sit on your lap! Pull out a wand toy. Pure bites treats. Once he comes out of hiding, time to catify. He sounds like a lovely cat that will feel safe with you to take care of him. What a lucky kitten!

 

[fionasmom]

He is adorable and frankly more affectionate in the video than I had pictured from your description. I have to agree....he was feral and is making huge progress with you. The fact that you already have this relationship with him really does seem to indicate that he will progress into a lovely pet. The shelter probably warned you about him being a project cat because they did not want you to be disappointed that he did not leap into your arms from the first minute he got to your house...but he will get there.

 

[catfishmama]

Thanks everyone for your kind encouraging words. The night after I posted this, we did have a great bonding time. I think I've figured out that he prefers girls.. the night after there was a handyman in our apartment, Homer was so upset and wouldn't leave his bed. Next day a girl was over and he warmed up to her no problem, no trauma. Do you think he will be happy with me, a guy?

Just to give an update on him.. He's transitioned from being more cuddly and chill in the evenings to wanting to play and chase. He's really athletic, he loves the fishing pole toy and goes nuts for the laser. He now has the ability to roam the the whole apartment minus my bedroom, and I can hear that he's out exploring in the evenings. I am worried that he hasn't really gotten a feel for our morning routine yet. Once I come out of my room to feed him and start my day he's scared, cowering, hissing like he forgot I live there. Will this be something he gets used to?

Last, I am noticing that he's filling out some and I want to be sure that it's not from me overfeeding. Really he ravages every bit of food I put out, and I want him to get all the calories he needs. I just notice that he's not quite so skinny as when he came home, I hope he'll grow into it! What is a good hard limit to put on how much I feed? I don't have a scale to weigh him unfortunately

 

[motylek]

hey he’s so cute !
when we adopted our first cat we were also lost. the second we opened the carrier she ran for the bathroom, under the sink and the first time i tried to pet her she actually hissed at me. she’s a little diva. but we actually didn’t leave her locked up in a small space, we gave her the bathroom
and the living room (but we had a small apartment) it did take her a while to get used to everything especially me because i always wanted her to come to me and be with me all the time and at that time she preferred my husband who didn’t bother her as much as i did. at the beginning if she heard a noise she wasn’t used to or didn’t recognize she would also go and hide, until that noise was made often and she got used to it. at the beginning she was scared of my sneezing because i sneeze loud. and we had the same issue with chloe when we first got her she would eat her food so quickly but after a while i guess she realized it’s going to be there when she wants it she eased more into it, and now she actually eats little by little and is very picky.
time and patience goes a long way with a cat

 

[lucicat]

Thanks everyone for your kind encouraging words. The night after I posted this, we did have a great bonding time. I think I've figured out that he prefers girls.. the night after there was a handyman in our apartment, Homer was so upset and wouldn't leave his bed. Next day a girl was over and he warmed up to her no problem, no trauma. Do you think he will be happy with me, a guy?

Just to give an update on him.. He's transitioned from being more cuddly and chill in the evenings to wanting to play and chase. He's really athletic, he loves the fishing pole toy and goes nuts for the laser. He now has the ability to roam the the whole apartment minus my bedroom, and I can hear that he's out exploring in the evenings. I am worried that he hasn't really gotten a feel for our morning routine yet. Once I come out of my room to feed him and start my day he's scared, cowering, hissing like he forgot I live there. Will this be something he gets used to?

Last, I am noticing that he's filling out some and I want to be sure that it's not from me overfeeding. Really he ravages every bit of food I put out, and I want him to get all the calories he needs. I just notice that he's not quite so skinny as when he came home, I hope he'll grow into it! What is a good hard limit to put on how much I feed? I don't have a scale to weigh him unfortunately

I'm not an expert in rescued cats, but from what I understand you don't want to restrict food for kittens. I suppose since he's been feral he probably has the instinct to scarf up the food and not know where the next meal will come. I imagine he'll regulate more as he starts feeling safer?

 

[fionasmom]

In the video he has a thin look about him, so I would not worry about the food at this point. He may slow down once he realizes it is not going to go away forever.

He may not have a male/female preference. I am guessing that the handyman was not necessarily sending out friendly vibes, even if he likes cats, because he was there to do his work. The girl who visited later was probably viewed as somehow friendlier or sympathetic. The only animals which I have seen make definite preferences, usually dogs, are animals who were abused by one gender or another. I am sure there are exceptions to that though.

Once in a while this comes up on TCS....some cats seems to perceive people differently at different times of day, walking out of different doors, etc. The feral in my avatar, Alice, whom I am trying to make a pet cat, is all over me at 6 AM,hugs and kisses, sits in my lap purring, but is absolutely shocked to see me at noon. He will get used to your routine.

 

[Sidewinder]

Just caught up to this thread... what a handsome boy!!! But why lock him up in the bathroom? I would let him choose the place where he feels safest, even if it's under the bed. My two rescued youngsters were very shy when they first arrived at my home, they hid under a sofa in another room for at least a week! But now they freely roam the house, very confident in their manner... all it took was time, and I didn't buy into any of their initial scaredy-cat behavior, I just ignored it and let them slowly realize that I offered no threat. I did NOT ignore THEM, just the FEAR that they exhibited at the outset... coaxing and encouraging words were the norm otherwise. It takes time for a cat to get used to his or her new surroundings, best thing a person can do is be patient and let the cat adapt at his or her own pace. I speak in general terms here, not about disciplinary matters which might have to be addressed right away.

 

[catfishmama]

But why lock him up in the bathroom?

This was advice from the shelter as a way to ease the transition. I've read it around here too, intro a new cat 1 room at a time. I noticed he was more calm and less overwhelmed in there so I don't think he minded but we're about ready to see the rest of the apartment

I did NOT ignore THEM, just the FEAR that they exhibited at the outset... coaxing and encouraging words were the norm otherwise.

I'm interested about this but not so sure what it looks like..

I speak in general terms here, not about disciplinary matters which might have to be addressed right away.

Yes this too, initially I thought what a good boy he was but then I realized he just was not brave enough to make it to the couch yet he has a scratching post he likes to use but doesn't stop him from also using the couch and carpet. Haven't figured out discipline.. really he's so sensitive that he even feels a glare from me and scurries away. Not sure what to do

 

[catfishmama]

fionasmom that's a great point about the m/f preference and it sounds true to me!

 

[IronHippo]

fionasmom that's a great point about the m/f preference and it sounds true to me!

It may also have to do with voice and size--ʻUlu took more time to warm up to my husband, but he has a much deeper and reverberating voice than I do, plus he's nearly a whole foot taller than me at 6'3". If your handyman was making loud noises that could have scared him a little, too. In his video about cat names, the Helpful Vancouver Vet also noted that cats tend to hear best in higher frequencies which is why they tend to respond more to female voices than male ones, so that might have something to do with it too! In any event, ʻUlu is friendly with my husband now, too!

I'm curious about the eating thing--ʻUlu was a little underweight according to the vet when we first brought him in, proceeded to gain 1.2 pounds between that visit and his follow-up exam two weeks later, and is now getting a little bit round around the middle. He is probably not getting enough exercise in his bedroom, but part of me is wondering/hoping that it's just the horizontal part of a growth spurt...you know, like how kids have baby fat and then get all gangly? (Haha I don't know!) We're feeding him according to the recommendation on the side of the bag... I'm sure Homer is just thrilled to have steady food, though!

 

[Etarre]

It sounds like you're doing just fine with Homer. I think he just needs time to adjust to his new environment, which includes you, but also includes your living space and all the new noises and routines. This takes quite some time for some cats.

We adopted Juniper, who was quite skittish for the first 6-7 months, and was just scared of everything, and also wondered if she'd ever be comfortable with us. She staked out a spot behind an unused a/c unit in the back of our closet (!) to hide in, and even when she started making forays out into our space, she always seemed to wind up back there for naps and alone time. She would also approach us very cautiously over a long period of time (slowly edging up to us over half an hour) and then get spooked and run away and hide.

What seemed to help was getting her a cat tree where she had a 360 view of the apartment and us, and could escape to a hiding place at any time. We began to approach her slowly and with verbal warning while she was on the tree and if she felt up to it, she'd let us pet her. If not, she'd jump off and hide behind the curtains and we'd leave her alone. We also never approached her in other spots or at other times. And we did try to create a routine as you're doing with Homer.

Eventually, we got there, but it took months. She's now very confident in the apartment and feels safe enough to greet guests without fear, accepts and solicits pets and snuggles, and generally seems well-adjusted. It looks like Homer is doing well and likes you already. As he ventures out of the bathroom, make sure that he has stuff that he can scent-mark (scratchers, blankets) and spaces that are his own (a cat tree, bed, box, or tunnel) so that he can own his own space within your space.

Thanks for adopting a 'project cat'-- I believe very strongly that once you put in the time to create a bond with them, it's the start of a very special relationship.

 

[Tik cat's mum]

Your doing great from what I can tell, He's such a lovely cat thanks for taking him to his forever home. He won't care if your male he only needs to feel safe, give him time it's early days. Maybe you could put a scratcher infront of the couch he might use it instead.

 

[catfishmama]

Again thanks for your encouragement. Last night Homer and I spent some couch time together! He seems wary of affection but still really enjoys it. Got some annoyed meows when I had to get up and he lost his heat source

Another question.. I am seriously considering leaving my bedroom off limits to him while I'm away and asleep. This would be ideal for our cohabitation I think. He's becoming more confident and finally getting vocal late at night for attention.. I can ignore it much better if he's behind the door. And please don't worry I play with him lots and make sure he has something to graze on and fresh water before I say goodnight. Will this off-limits room really upset him? Will he start spraying and destroying things? He has a large living area and bathroom all to himself -- I wouldn't feel bad at all but I don't want to bring havoc on myself