New and First Time Kitty Owner..

[jb521]

Hi everyone! I have to first say that this site and these forums are the absolute best I've found on the internet. Thank you to all of you for your experienced advice!

I adopted a 2 year old kitty 5 weeks ago from the humane society, her name is Bunny   she's a very docile and sweet kitty that loves attention (on HER terms)... when she wants to be pet, brushed, or massaged she just plops her chunky little self at my feet and rolls onto her back with all four paws in the air... of course, I never deny her and get down on the ground with her. She seems to be very happy, tail is always held high, and even lets me rub her tummy. Here's my question: at night she sleeps in the same room as I do on a separate bed (my bed is there and a separate twin). She never sleeps on my bed. During the day, she sleeps in her safe room (which happens to be my office where I'm working all day). She never, ever, ever, jumps on my lap. She also never jumps up to chill out on the couch (or any furniture). She won't even jump onto the kitty-condo tower thing I bought her! She is so very sweet and good natured... I feel like I'm driving her nuts with always patting my lap to get her to jump up to me... like she's like "look, lady, you're tryin' too hard" haha! Will she ever come  around and be a little bit of a lap-kitty?? Anything I can try to do to coax her? She LOVES catnip and reacts instantly... she also reacts to Feliway when I sprayed her blanket with it to take her to the Vet in her carrier.

As a first time cat owner, I was hoping for her to be more of snuggler and lap-kitty. I lost my Mom recently and I was her 24/7 care-taker in my home. The condo is so quiet and sad for me that I thought it would be good to get a little buddy as some company. Also, a friend recently asked me if I wanted a friend for her (she is adopting out 4 month old tabby that she raised from 2 weeks old he is a boy). My concern is that Bunny may not want another cat here, and I don't want to risk jealousy etc..

Can anyone advise me on what I can do (if anything) to get her to come around to me? Or should I just let baby Bunny be..

Thank you in advance!

 

[mishi]

Hi JB521,
Through out reading the first paragraph of your post I felt like someone was narrating my story. The only difference is that you have your baby from 5 weeks and i got mine on 2nd of july. She is 2 years and 8 months old. She loves laying on the floor showing her tummy and purring me to pet her.
She also never ever comes on bed or sofas. I have 3 rooms and she only chooses the tables to sleep on. I bought a cat bed for her around 40$ but she refused to even look at it lol.

So I'm also curious if she'll start sitting on my bed or on my lap. She doesn't even likes being held up in my arms. but i still adore her.

 

[sivyaleah]

First, welcome to TCS, and congrats on your new addition!

Sometimes, cats need time to adjust to their new living quarters.  It sounds on the whole Bunny is doing really well to me for 5 weeks in.  Just the fact that she allows you to rub her belly is a huge accomplishment in trust.

While she may not be exactly the lap cat you hoped for, she sounds very lovable in her own special way.  For now, I'd let her come to you on her own terms.  I think you'll find that as time goes by and she continues to feel more comfortable in her surroundings she'll eventually relax and begin to engage in those behaviors you crave from her.  

It took a long time for our 2nd one to feel she was welcome to sleep on the bed with us at night, although she would utilize it during the daytime. She is a lot like yours - very affectionate but on her own terms. Don't know if it had to do with the fact that we were in it or she viewed it as our first cats place to be for night sleeping.  It is only in the past month or so - nearly 7 months in, that she will now climb up in to be with all of us.  In fact, last night I found her curled up next to me at one point. SO cute!

I think it took a while before she felt like she "owned" the space around her which is why she would gravitate to only one or two places for so long. Once she felt more "at home" she expanded her territory.

However there are ways to encourage her, such as to get used to being on your lap  You can entice her with a favorite treat, usually they don't realize they have climbed onto you.  Give her strokes if possible,  Keep those sessions short until you realize she is comfortable being there.  She will begin to associate food/lap = good feelings.

Some cats however, are just not lap cats and might prefer to sit near you instead.  Both of ours tend more to that, but do enjoy sitting really close to us which is just as nice.  

 

[jb521]

Mishi is ADORABLE!!!!! <3  what a cutie!  I completely know how you feel    I just wanna squish Bunny and snuggle her but she just won't come up to me on my lap. A moment ago I opened the door to go downstairs  for laundry(I live in a condo on first floor) and Bunny sqeaked past me into the hallway (they are apartment style with 4 condos to each floor)... I reached down to scoop her up and put her back inside and she actually let me carry her for all of 3 seconds then squirmed her way down.. it bumms me out but she is so freakin lovable I have to just let her be..  sighhh..

 

[jb521]

Thanks Sivyaleah, I'll just let her be who she is. I don't even know her true history...  she was taken to the humane society in Windsor, Ontario when she was less than a year... how the heck she ended up in the USA is beyond me. I don t know if she was an indoor or outdoor kitty... she'd too sweet not to have been socialized with people though.

What do you think about me getting her a friend? He would be a boy at 16 weeks old. He is neutered and she is spayed and both have all of their claws. Do you think it's a bad idea for so soon?

Thanks again for your advice!

Julia

 

[mishi]

I understand.
I hope Bunny & Mishi can soon be attached to us and start resting on our laps. Our journey is the same with our babies!

 

[txcatmom]

Congrats! We're just a couple years into being cat people ourselves (and up to 4 cats now...lol.). While it is important to accept her as she is, don't give up hope that she will become more of a lap kitty. My Emily was our first cat and much shyer and reserved than Bunny. We now have two boy cats who love to be scooped up and hugged and loved on (yeah I'd get that boy kitty) but Emily has become the biggest lap cat of them all (though she still doesn't like being picked up and held.). It took 6 months for Emily to enjoy petting and probably another 6 before she started snuggling up next to us and sitting on our lap. Of course, it has to be her idea. . And she only does it when she can tell we are settled in and will be still for a while.

One of the great advantages of multiple cats is that you get to experience their different styles of affection (like the differences I described in our cat family.). If you adopt another cuddly cat, Bunny will be relieved of the pressure of meeting all your affection needs. I know it takes four for that job around here. Most cats enjoy or at least tolerate feline company, when careful introductions are done. I recommend reading up on cat intros and using an isolation room for the new kitten for a slow introduction. Cats will usually act perturbed by the presence of a new cat in the house. Expect hisses, even if you do it right and introduce them gradually. My four all love feline company, but it took time, patience and plenty of hissing for them to accept new friends.

I think you and Bunny would enjoy the new addition. I'd read up on cat intros, consider if the kittens personality is what you are looking for and not drastically different than Bunny in energy and activity level (though kittens are usually quite active) and go for it. Oh, and 4 months is a great age for being neutered. I'd be sure that is done before bringing the boy kitty home. You don't want his emerging hormones complicating the introductions.

Here is my favorite cat blogger's articles on cat personality types. It might give you insight into whether Bunny and boy kitten would be compatible. Her advice helped us have a slam dunk in picking a fourth cat who would be compatible with our first three.

http://www.wayofcats.com/blog/cat-types

 

[sivyaleah]

Txcatmom gave great suggestions to read up on about getting another cat to keep Bunny company.  I'd second the idea, if you are able to handle it financially.  We added our second cat because we felt our older one could use company,  Casper just turned 12, Cocoa, well we are not sure as she was a rescue and they guesstimate her around 3-5 years old (we suspect on the younger side due to her energy level).  

We followed all the recommendations pretty much by the book for introductions and had little problems.  Casper was somewhat put off at first, but, never any real aggression.  Cocoa, just wanted to be his friend completely.  Both are fixed, of course - and have their claws so we always made sure to keep them trimmed more regularly than usual at the beginning until we were positive they would be ok alone together.  It took about 6 weeks before we felt they were "friends", but the first 3 of them she was in a safe room since she was VERY timid at the beginning and we needed to work with her separately to bolster her confidence.  But, once out, really all was well other than some minor hissing now and then and that passed quickly.  By 2 months into it, they were safely hanging with each other, and once we caught them snuggling on our bed, we knew it was a success.  Now, they are great - they have a small spat now and then but it's due to getting overstimulated while they play, not for any other reason.  It's been great for Casper, his energy level has increased a lot and at his age keeping him active is a good thing.  And for her, well, she is very cat oriented from living in a colony so she really needed a feline friend at home.  I think she has taught him how to be more "catlike" in fact, since he has been around humans since he was a kitten (we adopted him from a couple of years ago from a friend who could not keep him due to life circumstances).

Most likely, getting Bunny a companion will be a good thing for all.  It's a good age, since she is still so young and probably will accept the new one more readily than an older cat more set in their ways.

BTW, the fact that she was a rescue, probably has a lot to do with her being a little skittish still.  As already mentioned, she just needs more time.  Right now, my partner, who swore Cocoa did not like him at all in the beginning, is holding Cocoa in his arms, rubbing her belly and she's got her paw on his face, falling asleep as he rubs her.  Never in a million years did he ever expect her to be that loving towards him

 

[jb521]

Thank you TXCATMOM! I'm reading now and going for it!

xoxoxo

Julia & Bunny <3

 

[jb521]

Thank you, SivyaLeah! This gives me hope!

 

[ck2d]

I have a cat who doesn't like to be picked up, but she likes to be petted, and she likes to be up off the ground. If I'm sitting in a place where she can perch near me, then she'll stay there to be petted all day.  That's just her personality, and I don't expect it to change.

If you're getting another cat, let them know what personality you're looking for, if you want a lap cat or one that likes to be picked up.  They can sort you out that way.

 

[jb521]

Thanks Ck2d!  A friend rescued a feral Mom and her 8 kittens (she runs a foster trap/neuter/release type program) the kitties are 4 months old as of today and all have been vaccinated combo tested and spayed... there is only 1 kitty left and he is a male (Jax). He is who I have decided to try out as Bunny's new friend. He looks like a tiny tiger (runt of litter) and is very affectionate, cuddler, lap, and very playful. my friend is bringing him here to me on Thursday and is going to let me introduce him to Bunny over a period of 3 weeks. She said if there are any issues with Bunny not accepting him she will take him right back with no problem at all. I ordered an extra TALL baby/kitty gate for his safe-room (he's a high-jumper and climber) and that way I'm hoping they can at least see and sniff eachother in a day or 2 and won't keep him behind a closed door. I hope this works out ok...  I have NO experience at all with cats or kittens so I'm reading all the advice I can get from all of you here and wherever I can get it!

My newest worry is that I don't want Bunny pissed or jealous... I'll never abandon her if this doesn't work out... lap-kitty or not! She is absolutely precious to me!

Thanks for the input

 

[jb521]

Well, I brought Bunny's new friend, Jax, home yesterday. His safe-room is a large bathroom. The person I adopted him from said that she will give us a 3 week trial to see how everything goes. Jax is a 4 month old tabby and he truly resembles a tiny-tiger... he's as sweet as he is cute and very curious and playful.

The person I adopted him from brought him over and just plopped him down on the living room floor? I said "I thought they were supposed to be separated to do a slow introduction"? She said, "well, you can do it either way.... they'll have to get to know each other eventually anyway". WRONG answer as far as Bunny's concerned. I picked Jax up and let Bunny sniff his butt, she did and seemed calm... THEN the hissing and spitting and growling began. Baby Jax was seemingly unaffected and still tried to go to her nose and in that instant she batted the sh * t out of him (no nails, just smacks) and I put him in his safe-room. Today, the exact same scenario happened

Also, Bunny meows at me once when she wakes up, once when she goes to bed and she trills and squeaks at me when she wants to be petted and massaged. She hasn't talked to me AT ALL since Jax got here yesterday I am so inexperienced with Kitty's and so depressed for Bunny. I think that I made the worst decision. Can any of you more experienced people tell me what I can do or should do now to help not only my Bunny but sweet little Jax get to know each other?

Thank you

 

[msbedelia]

Give them some separated time- up to a week.

The person you got Jax from was very wrong to just plop him down. She likely set intros back a bit. Pretend they've never met and start over.

Bunny will adjust. Have empathy for how difficult it is for her, but don't feel guilty! This is probably very good for Bunny in the long run. Continue to love her and be patient.

 

[jb521]

Thanks MsBedelia.Trying to hang in there and have them apart. Bunny is so pissed off at me she won't come in arms reach I love her so much, wish she knew that I would never let her be abandoned or alone. I thought a little brother would be a good thing... guess I thought wrong..

 

[hendrix]

Congrats! I'm not sure if this will be helpful as when I adopted my kittens they 10 weeks.

To get my little guys to enjoy my company and make positive associations with my lap I used grain free wet food (and discovered they prefer fish above all else) and gave them very small amounts at a time from a spoon or wooden Popsicle stick. I sat on the floor and enticed them to come to me so everything was on their terms.

As a side note my kittens go crazy for fish and will do just about anything for it. Just find something they like.

 

[msbedelia]

Thanks MsBedelia.Trying to hang in there and have them apart. Bunny is so pissed off at me she won't come in arms reach I love her so much, wish she knew that I would never let her be abandoned or alone. I thought a little brother would be a good thing... guess I thought wrong..

Way too soon to say that a little brother isn't a good thing!!!

She will soon learn that you are still there for her, and you will have your normal Bunny back.

This negativity is temporary.

 

[txcatmom]

Yes, please don't question your decision. I almost told you up thread that she WOULD definitely be piissed off (as you feared) but I had already sort of said that so I held my tongue. Her reaction is totally normal. All of my cats went through it in the beginning but they love having friends now. (See the snuggling in my avatar photo). Sure, she may be one of the rare cats that just can't accept feline company. But it is much more likely that you have given her a great gift by bringing in a friend. It really does take time and slow introductions. Just show her that life goes on as usual...all the usual treats, meals, playtime, etc even though there is a storage smelling kitty under the bathroom door. Maybe she'll even get some extra treats out of it (if, for example, she approaches the door without hiissing.)

 

[katluver4life]

Congratulations on your 2 new additions.

Do proper introductions done in this way http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats

Keep in mind it takes time and patience. Keep reassuring Bunny that she is still loved and not being replaced. Offer her lots of play time.

I think it was a good thing to get a second cat and that it was a male. She will eventually accept him and probably rule your house as the alpha cat.

 

[jb521]

Thank you, all of you guys... it's so hard to not have her behaving as she normally does and it's equally hard to see little Jax being smacked around (when he's out). Should I scold her when she hisses at him through the bathroom door? Or do I just stay out of it?  Thank you again... this stresses me out.