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- Jun 22, 2021
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A recent post on this forum with a situation similar to mine has prompted me to join and express empathy and allow myself to receive comments. It's amazing how many people I have spoken to, trying to make this work. From cat videos, cat blogs, pet store owners, the vet, the vet receptionist, friends... and in my opinion have also given it time. But as I predict many will say, not time enough? To us, eight months - the standard time frame I read - is unfair to both cats. My sad reality is that the new kitty I brought into our home just isn't working out to fit in with our resident cat. It has been almost two months since we adopted a young strapping black male cat who is said to be still under a year old. He's adorable in every way - to us and to our dog. He and our dog are actually already friends. But he wants to be the dominant cat. We have a sweet fluffy long haired mix two year old girl who has been with us since she was a young kitten. From the first moment of introduction the new cat has cared less about her hisses and growls. He ignores all of it and just lays down, acts cool, then repositions himself and attacks. This is after the long and patient smell only introduction, feeding attempts on either side of door, smell swaps, Jackson Galaxy...etc... Unlike the theory that this proves he wants to play, there is a concern that this simply means he is the aggressor and aggressors don't hiss and growl because they aren't afraid. (this was a comment on another cat forum I received) We have re-introduced, following procedure listed on every site and blog, including vet's advice, for almost two months. The most recent incident involved our resident cat accepting his presence finally without growling and after several minutes, finally going to sleep in front of him, at 6-7 feet away and he with a leash on him (which is the only way I re-introduce now, whenever I try again). He saw that she was off guard and stealthily began his approach (despite plenty of distractions with toys, trust me!). I thought things were under control because he was leashed, but he charged with such power that he broke through the leash and break-away collar came flying off and suddenly he was on top of her holding our terrified cat down trying to bite her. Each long separation and attempt at their meet has been after an incident such as this, two leashed where he somehow gets free and two earlier ones where he just chased over a gate. At this point, he gets to have his roam around the house time twice a day and so does, she, as we switch them out of their designated rooms. She has taken to hiding in our bedroom closet, even though our bedroom door is shut. She comes downstairs during her free time when he is locked in his room and looks over her shoulder in case he's lurking. It just doesn't seem fair and it's not fair, we feel. She sleeps with us each night and gets as close to us as possible. We also feel sorry for him, so he gets lots of attention from us during his free time. He makes sure he cuddles close to me and follows me wherever I go. I just don't know what to do. We are experienced cat owners. We have had a situation in the past where a new adopted male cat bullied our resident female cat. A few weeks after we got him, they had one of their chases and unbenownst to us, he had bitten her tail. The wound festered under her fur during a day or two when we were so busy and she was hiding out (Christmas week) and she ended up having to have her tail amputated. She lived the rest of her life looking like an adorable Manx cat. He remained and established his dominance and she never her whole life was able to not be looking over her shoulder in case he charged - spontaneously - out from somewhere, at his own whim - to bully her. Sure, we have photos of them sitting together as if friends. But he tormented her her whole life. Thinking back, it wasn't fair. And I don't feel this is fair to begin this again. Our rescue organization told me this is his personality and believes I should let them find a different household for him where he can be the only cat. He is nestled by me right now as if he knows. He is very dear when he's with us. But watching him stalk and attack our sweet kitty and turn her into a shy hiding personality which I know can be for the rest of her life - it just feels like a betrayal. So I feel like if I keep him it's betraying her and if I give him back, I'm betraying him. The rescue where we got him is sure they can find a new home and they're small and no-kill, of course. It's just a sad situation.