New and extending empathy for anyone with a new cat terrorizing their resident cat...

Thatdarncat

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A recent post on this forum with a situation similar to mine has prompted me to join and express empathy and allow myself to receive comments. It's amazing how many people I have spoken to, trying to make this work. From cat videos, cat blogs, pet store owners, the vet, the vet receptionist, friends... and in my opinion have also given it time. But as I predict many will say, not time enough? To us, eight months - the standard time frame I read - is unfair to both cats. My sad reality is that the new kitty I brought into our home just isn't working out to fit in with our resident cat. It has been almost two months since we adopted a young strapping black male cat who is said to be still under a year old. He's adorable in every way - to us and to our dog. He and our dog are actually already friends. But he wants to be the dominant cat. We have a sweet fluffy long haired mix two year old girl who has been with us since she was a young kitten. From the first moment of introduction the new cat has cared less about her hisses and growls. He ignores all of it and just lays down, acts cool, then repositions himself and attacks. This is after the long and patient smell only introduction, feeding attempts on either side of door, smell swaps, Jackson Galaxy...etc... Unlike the theory that this proves he wants to play, there is a concern that this simply means he is the aggressor and aggressors don't hiss and growl because they aren't afraid. (this was a comment on another cat forum I received) We have re-introduced, following procedure listed on every site and blog, including vet's advice, for almost two months. The most recent incident involved our resident cat accepting his presence finally without growling and after several minutes, finally going to sleep in front of him, at 6-7 feet away and he with a leash on him (which is the only way I re-introduce now, whenever I try again). He saw that she was off guard and stealthily began his approach (despite plenty of distractions with toys, trust me!). I thought things were under control because he was leashed, but he charged with such power that he broke through the leash and break-away collar came flying off and suddenly he was on top of her holding our terrified cat down trying to bite her. Each long separation and attempt at their meet has been after an incident such as this, two leashed where he somehow gets free and two earlier ones where he just chased over a gate. At this point, he gets to have his roam around the house time twice a day and so does, she, as we switch them out of their designated rooms. She has taken to hiding in our bedroom closet, even though our bedroom door is shut. She comes downstairs during her free time when he is locked in his room and looks over her shoulder in case he's lurking. It just doesn't seem fair and it's not fair, we feel. She sleeps with us each night and gets as close to us as possible. We also feel sorry for him, so he gets lots of attention from us during his free time. He makes sure he cuddles close to me and follows me wherever I go. I just don't know what to do. We are experienced cat owners. We have had a situation in the past where a new adopted male cat bullied our resident female cat. A few weeks after we got him, they had one of their chases and unbenownst to us, he had bitten her tail. The wound festered under her fur during a day or two when we were so busy and she was hiding out (Christmas week) and she ended up having to have her tail amputated. She lived the rest of her life looking like an adorable Manx cat. He remained and established his dominance and she never her whole life was able to not be looking over her shoulder in case he charged - spontaneously - out from somewhere, at his own whim - to bully her. Sure, we have photos of them sitting together as if friends. But he tormented her her whole life. Thinking back, it wasn't fair. And I don't feel this is fair to begin this again. Our rescue organization told me this is his personality and believes I should let them find a different household for him where he can be the only cat. He is nestled by me right now as if he knows. He is very dear when he's with us. But watching him stalk and attack our sweet kitty and turn her into a shy hiding personality which I know can be for the rest of her life - it just feels like a betrayal. So I feel like if I keep him it's betraying her and if I give him back, I'm betraying him. The rescue where we got him is sure they can find a new home and they're small and no-kill, of course. It's just a sad situation.
 

Babypinkweeb

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This is my personal experience, and I'm sure others can offer many great advice to make things work out well, and help you step by step as they helped me! I had a failed intro, also with a girl/boy cat pair. The new girl cat was hissing/growling, but also very confident and bullying my resident older boy cat. I've read others account successful buddy stories after long intro, but many equally mention simply tolerance between the cats. Maybe I am very selfish and immature, but I didn't want to imagine years of my cats life just living in fear and simply tolerating another cat. I myself hate nothing more than being around people I don't care for, and don't have much tolerance, so I kind of projected onto him in that way. Based on being with my cat for 10 years, seeing his personality turn from a cheeky, happy, chill confident cat to one who walks around with tails down even without her around, who climbs places he never climbs just to avoid walking within a feet of her, and even too nervous to approach me because she was near me, really broke my heart. There were some other behavior issues as well, but ultimately I decided that it would be best for everyone to give her another chance at another home.

Since then, I have had great success being more careful with my pick and have gotten very lucky with an extremely successful introduction. Now I have 2 happy confident boy cats who play together daily. I know my experience and opinion is likely very unpopular here, but I wanted to give it as when I was going thru that bad introduction, I could only see others struggling months after months with the same thing but refusing to give up, and I questioned whether insisting on this was the best situation for everyone involved, especially my beloved cat.
 

Jodieluv

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I am in a similar position, and as I write this, I am so torn, I have 3 very bonded cats, the younger 2 were almost the same age of kitten when I got them, so they are "brother/sister" but not by blood, but being raised together have a bond, I took a semi feral male that I tamed at my job, he became very bonded to me, but had been an adult tom for some time, and my place is quite small, and with the good dynamics I have with my 3 , decided to find him another home ( I was planning on quitting job, and my boss would shoot cats if he got a chance, and had told me to quit feeding them, so any ferals I could tame , I would fix, and rehome )

I live in a rural area where most ppl only want "barn cats" so I found a lady that wanted a couple barn cats, so I took this tom cat, and another younger male that he was bonded to, had them neutered/shots, and took to new home, 3 weeks later the older male tom was back to me ( 30 mile one way over unknown territory ) so I too him home, and he never leaves my side, it has been over 5 months, and he does pretty well with my 21 pound senior male cat, but he targets my younger 2, relentlessly charging them in sort of a play way , but they freak out, hiss, run, growl, the new male, usually stops abruptly , and will swat them, hackles up, but he will do it obsessively, like tonight probably 7 or 8 times in a 10 minute period, she came up to me to try , and get near me, and he actually jumped on top of her biting/scratching, she screamed, and ran, the younger male just hides almost 24/7 , I have a very small timeout room, I can put the newer male in, which I did tonight after he jumped on my little female.

The new male is extremely aggressive to dogs of any size, he will attack them, and chase them down, again the new male has been here over 5 months, he rubs his face on everything, and has to be center of attention all the time, I have tried to find him a home with family, and close friends that I know would be a good home, but no takers, and again my area is super rural, and adverting him , and letting a total stranger take him scares crap out of me, I am going to talk to my vet about it soon, it is very hard to know, y'all are definitely not alone.
 

Jodieluv

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I am in a similar position, and as I write this, I am so torn, I have 3 very bonded cats, the younger 2 were almost the same age of kitten when I got them, so they are "brother/sister" but not by blood, but being raised together have a bond, I took a semi feral male that I tamed at my job, he became very bonded to me, but had been an adult tom for some time, and my place is quite small, and with the good dynamics I have with my 3 , decided to find him another home ( I was planning on quitting job, and my boss would shoot cats if he got a chance, and had told me to quit feeding them, so any ferals I could tame , I would fix, and rehome )

I live in a rural area where most ppl only want "barn cats" so I found a lady that wanted a couple barn cats, so I took this tom cat, and another younger male that he was bonded to, had them neutered/shots, and took to new home, 3 weeks later the older male tom was back to me ( 30 mile one way over unknown territory ) so I too him home, and he never leaves my side, it has been over 5 months, and he does pretty well with my 21 pound senior male cat, but he targets my younger 2, relentlessly charging them in sort of a play way , but they freak out, hiss, run, growl, the new male, usually stops abruptly , and will swat them, hackles up, but he will do it obsessively, like tonight probably 7 or 8 times in a 10 minute period, she came up to me to try , and get near me, and he actually jumped on top of her biting/scratching, she screamed, and ran, the younger male just hides almost 24/7 , I have a very small timeout room, I can put the newer male in, which I did tonight after he jumped on my little female.

The new male is extremely aggressive to dogs of any size, he will attack them, and chase them down, again the new male has been here over 5 months, he rubs his face on everything, and has to be center of attention all the time, I have tried to find him a home with family, and close friends that I know would be a good home, but no takers, and again my area is super rural, and adverting him , and letting a total stranger take him scares crap out of me, I am going to talk to my vet about it soon, it is very hard to know, y'all are definitely not alone.
 

coneja

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I wish I could offer some advice but it's a really tough situation... I'm going through introducing two cats right now and hoping it will work out, but prior to this I ended up having to rehome a much younger cat I was fostering who was a real sweetie but just too much for my old man. They just weren't compatible age-wise and it got to the point where I thought the younger foster would be better in another home. I know it's really hard and I'm sorry to everyone going through or having gone through a tough introduction.

Thatdarncat, it sounds like you're doing a lot of what I'm doing: reading everything and trying to glean every little bit of advice you can. I know eight months sounds like a long time... I don't know if trying to look at it month by month, week by week will help instead of feeling like you have to reach this far away point? But I also understand the continued stress (for both you and your resident cat) can be too much, especially coming from a place where you had a past cat pairing that didn't work out... My heart goes out to each and every one of you trying your best to help all the cats in your care as much as you can... :redheartpump:
 
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