I completely understand how you feel. I am very sorry for your loss. I myself tried to keep Benji alive for 36 days and I think the last two days he was in pain too. He couldn't walk properly, he seemed like lost. Especially his last night he would go here and there trying to find somewhere to just die. The next morning I took him to the vet and put him to sleep. It was awful. Don't blameyourself for what or how everything happened. I am sure you loved and love your Neo so much. Sometimes it is unavoidable. Whatever we do is not enough. Benji lost half of his weight even though I spent hundreds of euros for the vet, blood tests, ultra sound, prescription food, insulin shoots and so much more. I spent almost a month with very few hours of sleep trying to syringe feed him, to clean him to do everything in my power but I didn't make it. It was his time to go. So don't feel guilty. Your sweet Neo will be thankful to you that you loved and tried to save him.This is a really late update cause it has been so hard for me to deal with...
Around 9:00 this morning we took Neo up to the vet to be put down, he had an incredibly hard night and was in so much pain. This morning he showed symptoms of Lymphoma in its crises stages. While we were waiting for them to get things ready he died in my arms. He died in pain because I wasn't ready to let him go and I caused him more suffering...
My thoughts are with you. Lots of love and warm hugs from me.