- Joined
- Jul 24, 2018
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Hi all
I thought that it would help me by talking about my baby girl. She was born February 9, 2016 and was the most lively, cutest calico. She was extremely vocal, jumped everywhere, very skilled hunter, super strong (she would shovel everything with her face, such as large sofa cushions, just to get under them! haha) and best friend with my black cat Beast. Most of all, she was one of the most affectionate kitties ever.
Well, she passed away July 21, 2018 around 9pm. She had been struggling with wet FIP right before July 4 and the terrible disease finally made things unbearable. She was always one tough cookie, as needles and pain never seemed to phase her... but this disease finally took its toll. We knew we had to let her go.
I felt so guilty because 7.5 months before she died, I had a baby. And I also had developed postpartum depression. My depression led me to not care about my cats as much as I used to (I have 4 cats total, including Rogue). Whenever Rogue wanted attention, I would brush her off. One time I was so depressed that I yelled at my kitties. I felt so bad that I broke down. And this guilt will always haunt me, because I wish I wasn’t depressed. I wish I paid attention to Rogue and the other kitties more. I wish I knew she was suffering. I wish I showered her with all the love she craved from me for the past several months. But I didn’t. And it took her dying for me to snap out of my depression and show her the love she deserved. I can’t help but feel like I caused her to pass away. I cry so much for her and I miss her every single day she isn’t here. My house feels empty without her fun loving presence....
However, I am so glad I was able to be there to help end her suffering. Earlier that day, on Saturday July 21, she climbed up on me and put her paw on my chest, which was huge because it hurt her laying on me. But, she did it. It was as if she was telling me it was her time and that she loved me. That night, she would go downhill quick. She stopped eating, stopped drinking, dry heaved, couldn’t lay still for more than 30 seconds because she was so uncomfortable, and wet herself in the house while laying down. Since she got sick, she never did those things before; since she got sick, she would always be hiding somewhere dark.
But the fact that she came out to the living room, I feel she wanted to let us know it was time. Being from a small town I didn’t think we would be able to find a vet last minute on a weekend and at night, but we are so grateful he came to help Rogue cross over. She was able to pass at home with my husband and I right next to her, telling her we love her. We prayed over her right before she passed, that God will receive her and take her into His arms. We thanked her for the time we had with her and the unconditional love she showed us.
It hurt so bad seeing such a lively, quirky and unique girl deteriorate right before my eyes.
She was only 2 and a half years old, and in those two years she had left her mark in my heart, and when she left, a piece of me died.... I would give anything to hug her one more time. I know I will see her again when I leave this earth, and I can’t wait.
I thought that it would help me by talking about my baby girl. She was born February 9, 2016 and was the most lively, cutest calico. She was extremely vocal, jumped everywhere, very skilled hunter, super strong (she would shovel everything with her face, such as large sofa cushions, just to get under them! haha) and best friend with my black cat Beast. Most of all, she was one of the most affectionate kitties ever.
Well, she passed away July 21, 2018 around 9pm. She had been struggling with wet FIP right before July 4 and the terrible disease finally made things unbearable. She was always one tough cookie, as needles and pain never seemed to phase her... but this disease finally took its toll. We knew we had to let her go.
I felt so guilty because 7.5 months before she died, I had a baby. And I also had developed postpartum depression. My depression led me to not care about my cats as much as I used to (I have 4 cats total, including Rogue). Whenever Rogue wanted attention, I would brush her off. One time I was so depressed that I yelled at my kitties. I felt so bad that I broke down. And this guilt will always haunt me, because I wish I wasn’t depressed. I wish I paid attention to Rogue and the other kitties more. I wish I knew she was suffering. I wish I showered her with all the love she craved from me for the past several months. But I didn’t. And it took her dying for me to snap out of my depression and show her the love she deserved. I can’t help but feel like I caused her to pass away. I cry so much for her and I miss her every single day she isn’t here. My house feels empty without her fun loving presence....
However, I am so glad I was able to be there to help end her suffering. Earlier that day, on Saturday July 21, she climbed up on me and put her paw on my chest, which was huge because it hurt her laying on me. But, she did it. It was as if she was telling me it was her time and that she loved me. That night, she would go downhill quick. She stopped eating, stopped drinking, dry heaved, couldn’t lay still for more than 30 seconds because she was so uncomfortable, and wet herself in the house while laying down. Since she got sick, she never did those things before; since she got sick, she would always be hiding somewhere dark.
But the fact that she came out to the living room, I feel she wanted to let us know it was time. Being from a small town I didn’t think we would be able to find a vet last minute on a weekend and at night, but we are so grateful he came to help Rogue cross over. She was able to pass at home with my husband and I right next to her, telling her we love her. We prayed over her right before she passed, that God will receive her and take her into His arms. We thanked her for the time we had with her and the unconditional love she showed us.
It hurt so bad seeing such a lively, quirky and unique girl deteriorate right before my eyes.
She was only 2 and a half years old, and in those two years she had left her mark in my heart, and when she left, a piece of me died.... I would give anything to hug her one more time. I know I will see her again when I leave this earth, and I can’t wait.