My Sweet Sweet Rogue Petunia

[Specialcrayon]

Hi all

I thought that it would help me by talking about my baby girl. She was born February 9, 2016 and was the most lively, cutest calico. She was extremely vocal, jumped everywhere, very skilled hunter, super strong (she would shovel everything with her face, such as large sofa cushions, just to get under them! haha) and best friend with my black cat Beast. Most of all, she was one of the most affectionate kitties ever.


Well, she passed away July 21, 2018 around 9pm. She had been struggling with wet FIP right before July 4 and the terrible disease finally made things unbearable. She was always one tough cookie, as needles and pain never seemed to phase her... but this disease finally took its toll. We knew we had to let her go.

I felt so guilty because 7.5 months before she died, I had a baby. And I also had developed postpartum depression. My depression led me to not care about my cats as much as I used to (I have 4 cats total, including Rogue). Whenever Rogue wanted attention, I would brush her off. One time I was so depressed that I yelled at my kitties. I felt so bad that I broke down. And this guilt will always haunt me, because I wish I wasn’t depressed. I wish I paid attention to Rogue and the other kitties more. I wish I knew she was suffering. I wish I showered her with all the love she craved from me for the past several months. But I didn’t. And it took her dying for me to snap out of my depression and show her the love she deserved. I can’t help but feel like I caused her to pass away. I cry so much for her and I miss her every single day she isn’t here. My house feels empty without her fun loving presence....

However, I am so glad I was able to be there to help end her suffering. Earlier that day, on Saturday July 21, she climbed up on me and put her paw on my chest, which was huge because it hurt her laying on me. But, she did it. It was as if she was telling me it was her time and that she loved me. That night, she would go downhill quick. She stopped eating, stopped drinking, dry heaved, couldn’t lay still for more than 30 seconds because she was so uncomfortable, and wet herself in the house while laying down. Since she got sick, she never did those things before; since she got sick, she would always be hiding somewhere dark.
But the fact that she came out to the living room, I feel she wanted to let us know it was time. Being from a small town I didn’t think we would be able to find a vet last minute on a weekend and at night, but we are so grateful he came to help Rogue cross over. She was able to pass at home with my husband and I right next to her, telling her we love her. We prayed over her right before she passed, that God will receive her and take her into His arms. We thanked her for the time we had with her and the unconditional love she showed us.

It hurt so bad seeing such a lively, quirky and unique girl deteriorate right before my eyes.
She was only 2 and a half years old, and in those two years she had left her mark in my heart, and when she left, a piece of me died.... I would give anything to hug her one more time. I know I will see her again when I leave this earth, and I can’t wait.

 

[Specialcrayon]

 

[les26]

Oh this is so sad, I am sorry that you lost her she was beautiful. It is easy to feel guilty and feel bad thoughts after they pass, it is just the grief talking and it will play mental and physical games with you but with time it will pass. And if you were depressed you were not your normal self and you couldn't help that, you didn't chose to do anything bad to her and who knows even if you did something earlier the outcome might still have been the same. I am so sorry that it was this horrible outcome but she is fine now, no more pain or problems just fine and yes you will see her again one day and it will be wonderful.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......

 

[di and bob]

Don't cry because you should have done more, you were there, you loved her and she knew it, that was enough. We all have these guilt feelings, and are aware of things we should have done or shouldn't have, it is called grief.
You had a bond of love with that little girl, she will always be near because of it. Try not to send her tears and sadness, it is not as she would want for the one she loves so much. Just as you would want for her if you were the first to go, go forward into the future and seek happiness and joy in living, because none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow and you have others here who love and depend on you.
Don't let her death be more important that that precious time on earth she shared with you. Let your memories bring comfort and happiness for what you shared, for what you gained, not despair and sadness for what you lost. After all, "death cannot take that which never dies" and your love for her will be with you for eternity.
My heart goes out to you, I know how empty these first days and months can be. Keep busy and raise that child to love and cherish her memory and all God's creatures just as much as you do, it would be a fine tribute to the legacy of love she left you. Give each and every one a kiss from me, and count your blessings each and every day, you are blessed to be alive and able to gather all that love they offer into your heart. Take care and keep in touch.......RIP sweet Rogue Petunia. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a special place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Sweet One, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

Darlin, turn loose of that nasty guilt. There is no reason to hold onto to that...not unless you put in a special order, "OH, and I'd like a debilitating depression, please, just so I can't enjoy my new child or anything else for that matter!" Didn't do that? Then no guilt. Grief, yes. Missing her, yes. Sadness that the depression robbed you both of so much, OH YES. But not guilt. I promise, where she is now, she KNOWS she was loved, just as she knew it in life. More than that, she understands what you were going through. Her only sorrow now is that you feel guilty for WHAT YOU COULD NOT HELP AND NEVER ASKED FOR. Be at peace. Love does not die. Never. It changes form, and continues on, still Love. Love abides, and she is with you still.

 

[di and bob]

How are you doing? I was thinking about you, and praying fro you, you have a good heart.

 

[betsygee]

I'm so sorry to read about Rogue. What a beautiful, lively-looking kitty. She knew how much you loved her, and you were there when she needed you most--to help end her suffering.

RIP, little Rogue.

 

[Furballsmom]

RIP darling sweet baby.
Had she not loved you, and knew without question that you were there for her, she wouldn't have come to you that day.

 

[Specialcrayon]

How are you doing? I was thinking about you, and praying fro you, you have a good heart.

Thank you so much for your thoughts! There are highs and lows, but I am trying to remember her fun personality and spirit, and not the last days she suffered. It’s so hard, but I am trying to remember the good and not the bad. I don’t know when the pain will end, but I am happy I was able to be there for her in the end. I’m going to get her paw print tattoo’d on me

 

[Specialcrayon]

Rest you gentle, Sweet One, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

Darlin, turn loose of that nasty guilt. There is no reason to hold onto to that...not unless you put in a special order, "OH, and I'd like a debilitating depression, please, just so I can't enjoy my new child or anything else for that matter!" Didn't do that? Then no guilt. Grief, yes. Missing her, yes. Sadness that the depression robbed you both of so much, OH YES. But not guilt. I promise, where she is now, she KNOWS she was loved, just as she knew it in life. More than that, she understands what you were going through. Her only sorrow now is that you feel guilty for WHAT YOU COULD NOT HELP AND NEVER ASKED FOR. Be at peace. Love does not die. Never. It changes form, and continues on, still Love. Love abides, and she is with you still.

Thank you so much She will forever be in my heart