My sweet boy HATES everyone but us!

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VaeK

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As much as you would like friends and family to love your cat as much as you do, that just doesn’t work with some cats. I don’t think he is angry at visitors, I think he is extremely fearful. And unfortunately some fearful cats lash out. I really don't think you can change his fearfulness so your only option is to continue to put him in a separate room when visitors come. I would make sure though that each you do this that you leave some special treat in the room with him so he begins to connect strangers with good food. But I would not let him out or visit him until everyone is gone.

If you at some point have someone move it they will need to stay as far away from the cat as possible and ignore him completely until he begins to calm down and accept them. This could take weeks or months.
I agree! There has been times ppl that came over a lot was able to be around him without him going off on them but it’s rare! He has even slept in the bed with me and another person without any anger, he did lay across my chest asif he was keeping me to himself! Such odd behavior my baby boy! I’ve been reading about redirected aggression and that he’s not angry at me, I just got in the way. Makes me feel way better! If he ever makes progress, I’ll come back and update!! Thanks everyone!!
 

Furballsmom

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Come back anyway, we'd love to hear from you no matter what :)

By the way, Spotify has cat music, there's a playlist of 10 harp pieces called Cat In My Arms he might like, --this is very effective in helping to calm a cat. Thank you to M maurice12 for this.
 
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VaeK

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I had a cat like that. It was mostly our fault I think. He was not well socialized as a kitten and became fearful of.....everyone. Unfortunately, his aggression did escalate towards us sometimes. He displayed fear aggression, dominance aggression, play aggression and/or redirected aggression at various times depending on the situation. He also became aggressive towards the other cats IF there was something that scared him and even when one of them got sick or came home from the vet.
There were SOME times where he would "sort of" tolerate SOME people IF they were quiet and ignored him and stayed long enough that he became accustom to them being there. He would even come around and tentatively sniff them (the quiet unassuming ones) and would accept a treat (if given to him from a distance) if they moved real slow. But otherwise....hiss, teeth and claws. Eventually, if people kept their distance, he would usually just glare at them (sometimes stalk them), but like you, if we approached him when others were here, he would also attack us, even though he was a big sucky baby with us most of the time.
You can try to "desensitize" him to visitors. You can invite someone (choose only a couple of people to start) and have them stay only for a short time, while he is offered a treat of food he really likes. If you can associate "good things" with the coming of strangers, it may help lessen his aggression. He may still not like people but at least it might not be so bad. Like my boy who eventually just stalked people, and only attacked when they came too close...(it was better than nothing!)
I would also work with him to gain confidence. A fearful cat is not a confident cat.
- create a schedule and stick to it, cats love routines and the more predictable his life the less fearful he'll be.
- give him many places he can perch on so he feels secure and out of the way of people who come by. (cat trees, and shelving)
- play with him (no hands!) using wand toys and the like. When the play session seems to be slowing down and he's not as excited, let him "catch his prey", then offer him a small meal or snack. This allows them to act out their "instincts" making a happy confident cat. And make play time part of the routine you create.
- pay attention to your surroundings including what's going on outside. He could be fearful of something that you can't see like an outdoor animal that only comes around at night...This may not be the main issue, but the more calm you make your surroundings the more secure he'll fear.
- tell people to IGNORE HIM COMPLETELY!!!! Don't even look at him...I can't stress that enough!!!! Hank took even a look from a "stranger" as a challenge. But those who ignored him, were the ones he would "tolerate".

Unfortunately, we were never able to really socialize him well, because we ourselves were (are) not "social" people. so the whole desensitizing thing just didn't happen, but some of what we did, did help with is anxiety overall and some of the other type of aggression he had.
He also had chronic urinary issues, that came about, close to the age that your boy is now (more around the 4 year mark), so I would keep a real close eye on his urinary habits. Stress can lead to urinary issues and can become dangerous. At the first sign of inappropriate peeing or pooping, take him to the vet....You may want to take him in now to see if they have anything or any advice on how to help with his behavior.
We also would give him "calming treats" that seemed to help when he looked more agitated or if we knew someone would be coming over.
Our own stress and/or anxiety will also contribute to a cats aggression. So be as calm as possible.

I can't think of anything else right now, but feel free to ask me anything about my Hank if you wish, and I'll try to give you something that we found helped with various situations...
Thank you so much!! We rarely have visitors but it’s enough for all my other past pets to be perfectly fine and sometimes over comfortable with others. I guess I’ll just put him away before anyone comes to the door and if he wants out I’ll let him and let him do what he wants as long as no one gets hurt. I won’t give up on him and I do plan on moving on and hopefully meet someone that eventually becomes part of the family so I’ll continue to work with him! I just hope people around understand him.
 

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One of my previous cats loved to go in the back of the chair or sofa where a guest was sitting and then smell their heads. Unfortunately, after sniffing she found some people that she disliked and unless intercepted would administer a good claws out whack to the back of their head. So she was one that had to be shut in the bedroom when visitors were over. There is no need to do that with my current can’t because at the sound of a car door or doorbell she is gone until everyone leaves.
 

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I won’t give up on him and I do plan on moving on and hopefully meet someone that eventually becomes part of the family so I’ll continue to work with him! I just hope people around understand him.
Well, there are at least two other people in the world (me and my husband) who will put up with and truly love a sweet yet psychotic cat ;)...so there's hope you'll find your match who will love your kitty like you do.
I'm sorry about your loss, but very much wish you all the best in your future, your daughter's and of course...your kitty's!:heartshape:
 
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VaeK

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I’ve been paying extra attention to him (didn’t think that was possible) it may be all fear! I’ve noticed every little noise, not just cars, he sits up and is tense and takes off! I also noticed the excessive rubbing all over by the door where a cat recently started coming by at night and is now spraying on my door! We haven’t lived here long or I’d think this is the reason for everything. So I think keeping him away from people and in a calm, quiet place is best for him and everyone else! I don’t think I’ll even try to encourage him to come out unless he wants to. Btw here is some rare pictures of him and someone else... his daddy! Now it’s weird to see him loving on someone other than me and my daughter!
 

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Not to scare you, but his territorial marking due to the cat outside can get much worse and even become a health issue (cystitis caused by stress). I would really try to find ways to deter the outside cat from coming around, or at least be sure to use an enzymatic cleaner to remove traces of this intruder and also traces of inappropriate urination in the home, otherwise your kitty will want to continue to use those places to pee.
One of our boy's developed cystitis when we had a bad bear season one year. The bears were coming right up to the doors and windows and using our yard as a bathroom. He made it thru in the end but it was costly and a scary, long road to recovery.
Also, keep working on improving his confidence with the things I mentioned above.

What a handsome man you have there....(I'm talking about the cat, but his Daddy is also...:D)
 

Furballsmom

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So I think keeping him away from people and in a calm, quiet place is best for him and everyone else! I don’t think I’ll even try to encourage him to come out unless he wants to.
Good for you - and bless your heart for being so tuned into your cat. He's very lucky to have you!!

a cat recently started coming by at night and is now spraying on my door!
I'm confused, is the outside cat spraying, or is your boy spraying?

In any case, your boy will definitely appreciate if you can find a way to deter that outside cat. One thing to try would be to liberally spray lemon scented furniture polish onto a couple of pieces of cloth and place those, (anchored down if it's windy) by that door.
 
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VaeK

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Good for you - and bless your heart for being so tuned into your cat. He's very lucky to have you!!


I'm confused, is the outside cat spraying, or is your boy spraying?

In any case, your boy will definitely appreciate if you can find a way to deter that outside cat. One thing to try would be to liberally spray lemon scented furniture polish onto a couple of pieces of cloth and place those, (anchored down if it's windy) by that door.
The outside cat is! My baby is fixed. After a yr here, the outside cats just started doing this! I’ve been using bleach and different stuff as soon as I see him by the door! They even claw my window at night! I didn’t know why my cat was freaking out trying to look out and destroying the blinds!! This is a problem but I know it’s not the reason for his aggression towards “outsiders”. And thank you! He really helps me deal with things and I think I help him deal with things too!
 
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