My sweet boy HATES everyone but us!

VaeK

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So I have this extremely cute and loving almost 3 yr old boy names Kal. He was a foster I got when he was just 2 weeks old. Safe to say I have had him his entire life! At first he like most with no moms, he was very feisty, attacking my face and clawing up our hands. When ppl would come over (weekly) he was what I assumed was playful but a little rough. Still had sharp claws and teeth. He started with hissing at people that he should have been used to by then. The whole time he never hissed at me, my bf or my daughter. My bf passed away when Kal was around 1 1/2 but I remember towards the end he did start to hiss at him but never attacked! As Kal got older (after losing his dad) he got meaner to “outsiders” very aggressive, full on unprovoked attacks! All you have to do is walk in! He’s not a small cat so everyone is terrified of him! He will often come up to a new person and rub on their shoes and sometimes even their legs. However, you absolutely cannot touch him! He will attack! Hiss bite and scratch! Another odd thing is, when I have company and I try to pet him, he attacks me!! That’s the only time he is ever aggressive towards me! As if he is angry that I allowed this person in His house! Now almost 3 yrs later, I have to put him away immediately when someone knocks before he realizes they are staying and he wants to attack me! When company is here, I can’t even go try to calm him down and pet him in the other room cause he is often still very angry I allowed this! This seems a lot but you also have to understand when it’s just us, he is the best cat I’ve ever owned! So affectionate and loving! He sleeps with me, lays on my chest, he grooms me and my daughter all day if you’d let him. He shows no signs of any problem until someone walks in our home. He is fixed, has been since very young. He has been around other cats with no issue, used to go outside (close to door) he seemed very scared of loud noises and cars so for fear of getting scared and running in the streets, he stays in now. I don’t know what to do. I want other people to get to know the sweet boy I know!! Any suggestions as to why he’s doing this?? What can I do to help him relax when people are over? Even if no one can pet him, just stop attacking everyone!
 

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Jemima Lucca

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Wow I wish I could tell you how to remedy this situation. Beju (may he Rest In Peace) was a beautiful Siamese/ragdoll mix and people were drawn to him. But he would rub on their legs with tail up and if they petted him, he would grab their hand and bite them 😐 idk, maybe he thinks they’re intruding on their territory? It’s very frustrating for sure...
 
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VaeK

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Wow I wish I could tell you how to remedy this situation. Beju (may he Rest In Peace) was a beautiful Siamese/ragdoll mix and people were drawn to him. But he would rub on their legs with tail up and if they petted him, he would grab their hand and bite them 😐 idk, maybe he thinks they’re intruding on their territory? It’s very frustrating for sure...
It is!! I have had cats my whole life, many strays and never one like him!! Everyone hates him and says I need to hit him or get rid of him... why? He doesn’t hate me!!
 

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Everyone hates him and says I need to hit him or get rid of him... why? He doesn’t hate me!!
I'm glad you're ignoring these rude people.

I want other people to get to know the sweet boy I know!!
I don't think your cat wants this.

Put him in a room when people arrive so that he and visitors don't interact.

I have to put my cat in a closed room whenever we have visitors, because he is scared of people, so for his protection i always think of him first and ensure that he is contained away from people. It should be the same for your cat. Think of him first :).

You could try classical harp music in his closed room when other people are there to help ease his stress.
 
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VaeK

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I'm glad you're ignoring these rude people.


I don't think your cat wants this.

Put him in a room when people arrive so that he and visitors don't interact.

I have to put my cat in a closed room whenever we have visitors, because he is scared of people, so for his protection i always think of him first and ensure that he is contained away from people. It should be the same for your cat. Think of him first :).

You could try classical harp music in his closed room when other people are there to help ease his stress.
I do put him in his room when anyone is over. I just wish others could see how great he is. I wish I knew why he is like this!
 

kittyluv387

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I'm glad you're ignoring these rude people.


I don't think your cat wants this.

Put him in a room when people arrive so that he and visitors don't interact.

I have to put my cat in a closed room whenever we have visitors, because he is scared of people, so for his protection i always think of him first and ensure that he is contained away from people. It should be the same for your cat. Think of him first :).

You could try classical harp music in his closed room when other people are there to help ease his stress.
Totally agree with you! Just let the boy be himself. Some cats just don't like strangers.
 
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VaeK

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It was mentioned that it seems like he's being territorial, there might be something to this thought.
I feel like that too! I wonder why he got like this. He seems very protective of his family but looks at us like traders when we allow outsiders in!
 

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Try the music, and if you can try this too.
From Mamanyt1953 Mamanyt1953
you can try to syringe 3 teaspoonfuls of chamomile tea (chilled) down him, 3 times a day. I recommend using the bags from the coffee/tea aisle of your local grocery store, since those are all German chamomile. The English kind that grows so often in gardens, is toxic to cats. Just don't get chamomile blended with something else. It will be clearly marked if it is.
 
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VaeK

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It was mentioned that it seems like he's being territorial, there might be something to this thought along with him disliking people.
Remember I mentioned he was super close to my bf then after over a yr he started to hiss at him for no reason! They would be laying together, Kal would get up and turn and hiss!
 

Furballsmom

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Along with the cat music and the tea, try and keep the stress levels in the household as calm as you can.
hiss at him for no reason
Sometimes cats know if someone is ill even if it's not apparent to other people. Perhaps that is what happened?
 
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VaeK

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Along with the cat music and the tea, try and keep the stress levels in the household as calm as you can.

Sometimes cats know if someone is ill even if it's not apparent to other people. Perhaps that is what happened?
No, car accident. Last weekend was really bad for Kal. My daughter had a friend over and they were so loud! He was more pissed than I’ve ever seen him! He flipped out on my daughter for opening the door. I was rly scared to pet him so I just sat in the room with him. Treats in hand but just calmly talking to him. He calmed down eventually. I just want to spare him this stress. While being able to have company. I had to rehome a cat I had for about 9 yrs because moving to a new place only allowed one and I Kal can’t be rehomed. It was very hard but I know where my other baby is and I see him all the time!
 

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Skip a meal for the cat and get him hungry, then get someone you know who is not afraid of the cat to come over to your house and feed him.
Do this with several people in your family or friends and you should see a change.
Remember a hungry cat is a friendly cat...plain and simple.
 
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VaeK

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Skip a meal for the cat and get him hungry, then get someone you know who is not afraid of the cat to come over to your house and feed him.
Do this with several people in your family or friends and you should see a change.
Remember a hungry cat is a friendly cat...plain and simple.
We tried with treats he loves, won’t do it!! It’s just so hard to plan visitors more than regular to try things. I don’t know many ppl lol
 

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. I was rly scared to pet him so I just sat in the room with him. Treats in hand but just calmly talking to him. He calmed down eventually.
Good for you!! The calmer you are, the better he will be.

Are you able to obtain calming treats? Here are some other items too;

Only Natural Pet has a calming product called Just Relax Calming spray with essential oil (catnip oil).

There's this one, be sure and scroll all the way down the page;


Also, there is ThunderWunders calming chews, Richard's Organic Pet Calm drops, Naturevet Hemp, HomeoPet Anxiety Relief, Head to Tail Calming, Relaxivet Quiet Moments Cat treats, GNC Calming formula, and there is Calm-o-mile, Natures Miracle calming spray, Vetri-Science's Composure is another item to look at, Pet Remedy - UK (it has valerian) is yet another, as is Essential Pet Pet-eze, Pet Organics No Stress, Only Natural Pet (brand and website) has other calming products, Pet Naturals also has one I believe, and there are others.

Lambert Vet Supply is a website to look at, and of course chewy, also there's Petwishpros, animaleo, 1-800-petmeds, Petco and PetSmart, and other pet stores.

There is also a product called a lickimat which could be helpful, as cats can be calmed by the process of licking.


This post talks about some other products;
 

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As much as you would like friends and family to love your cat as much as you do, that just doesn’t work with some cats. I don’t think he is angry at visitors, I think he is extremely fearful. And unfortunately some fearful cats lash out. I really don't think you can change his fearfulness so your only option is to continue to put him in a separate room when visitors come. I would make sure though that each time you do this that you leave some special treat in the room with him so he begins to connect strangers with good food. But I would not let him out or visit him until everyone is gone.

If you at some point have someone move in they will need to stay as far away from the cat as possible and ignore him completely until he begins to calm down and accept them. This could take weeks or months.
 
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Jem

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I had a cat like that. It was mostly our fault I think. He was not well socialized as a kitten and became fearful of.....everyone. Unfortunately, his aggression did escalate towards us sometimes. He displayed fear aggression, dominance aggression, play aggression and/or redirected aggression at various times depending on the situation. He also became aggressive towards the other cats IF there was something that scared him and even when one of them got sick or came home from the vet.
There were SOME times where he would "sort of" tolerate SOME people IF they were quiet and ignored him and stayed long enough that he became accustom to them being there. He would even come around and tentatively sniff them (the quiet unassuming ones) and would accept a treat (if given to him from a distance) if they moved real slow. But otherwise....hiss, teeth and claws. Eventually, if people kept their distance, he would usually just glare at them (sometimes stalk them), but like you, if we approached him when others were here, he would also attack us, even though he was a big sucky baby with us most of the time.
You can try to "desensitize" him to visitors. You can invite someone (choose only a couple of people to start) and have them stay only for a short time, while he is offered a treat of food he really likes. If you can associate "good things" with the coming of strangers, it may help lessen his aggression. He may still not like people but at least it might not be so bad. Like my boy who eventually just stalked people, and only attacked when they came too close...(it was better than nothing!)
I would also work with him to gain confidence. A fearful cat is not a confident cat.
- create a schedule and stick to it, cats love routines and the more predictable his life the less fearful he'll be.
- give him many places he can perch on so he feels secure and out of the way of people who come by. (cat trees, and shelving)
- play with him (no hands!) using wand toys and the like. When the play session seems to be slowing down and he's not as excited, let him "catch his prey", then offer him a small meal or snack. This allows them to act out their "instincts" making a happy confident cat. And make play time part of the routine you create.
- pay attention to your surroundings including what's going on outside. He could be fearful of something that you can't see like an outdoor animal that only comes around at night...This may not be the main issue, but the more calm you make your surroundings the more secure he'll fear.
- tell people to IGNORE HIM COMPLETELY!!!! Don't even look at him...I can't stress that enough!!!! Hank took even a look from a "stranger" as a challenge. But those who ignored him, were the ones he would "tolerate".

Unfortunately, we were never able to really socialize him well, because we ourselves were (are) not "social" people. so the whole desensitizing thing just didn't happen, but some of what we did, did help with is anxiety overall and some of the other type of aggression he had.
He also had chronic urinary issues, that came about, close to the age that your boy is now (more around the 4 year mark), so I would keep a real close eye on his urinary habits. Stress can lead to urinary issues and can become dangerous. At the first sign of inappropriate peeing or pooping, take him to the vet....You may want to take him in now to see if they have anything or any advice on how to help with his behavior.
We also would give him "calming treats" that seemed to help when he looked more agitated or if we knew someone would be coming over.
Our own stress and/or anxiety will also contribute to a cats aggression. So be as calm as possible.

I can't think of anything else right now, but feel free to ask me anything about my Hank if you wish, and I'll try to give you something that we found helped with various situations...
 
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