- Joined
- Mar 4, 2017
- Messages
- 13
- Purraise
- 3
Last Friday hit me like a train. It was my day off from classes and i was making myself breakfast happily because we finally had milk after several weeks without it. I went to go next door to my dad's house to get some ham out (we don't own a fridge) and I was expecting to be met with the ringing bell and loud meowing of Lazaro as usual.
It never came. I shrugged it off and assumed he didn't hear me come out because he could have been in front of the house napping as usual. I resumed cooking but a gnawing feeling in my stomach wouldn't go away so i found every little excuse to go back outside to go to the fridge while calling his name. Finally on the fourth time going i heard a meow behind me. He was perched on a table he usually napped on up high on a mountain of cut wood. I could only see his ears but relief flooded me and i climbed up to pet him. My poor sweet boy im crying as i type. He was drooling heavily from a broken jaw and was missing an eye as well as his collar while bleeding from his nose. I scooped him up and ran inside and told my sister to take me to a vet.
She didn't have her car since my mom had taken it to go somewhere earlier that morning. I comforted Lazaro on my lap while he continued to meow pitifully curled against me. My poor baby I was crying so hard i had to hand my phone to my sister so she could talk to the vet. I put him in a carrier and sat outside waiting for my mom to arrive. When she did she was furious for calling her and refused to take me. I sat in the car regardless and threatened to call my dad to take me (they're divorced) she told my sister to take me.
It pained me to take him like this he always climbed inside the car ready to leave to college with me every morning and each time i would gently put him outside I had been saving up to take him on a car trip to petco sometime soon but now here he was hurting inside a cage as his first car ride. The vet came in and within three minutes announced there was nothing to be done. He had been attacked by someone or run over. Jaw surgery would be 500 dollars but he would never eat comfortably again, he had been sick for a long time now so he was very weak to boot and said it could be feline herpes and he could have infected my other cat. They said the best would be to put him down and my sister agreed. I was so shocked I couldn't do anything except cry. My sister graciously asked if we could pay the bill right now before my mom arrived to which the vet agreed. The consultation tests and euthanasia came out to well over a hundred I couldn't afford any other treatment except to put him down. this is my fault.
I found him last year wondering around a church a week before christmas. The people said he had been around for almost two weeks but no one claimed him or came to look for him. I had always wanted a black cat and when i saw him sitting by a tree I jokingly dropped down and extended my arms to him while telling my mom I had found a new son. To everyone's surprise he broke away from the children surrounding him and ran to me meowing loudly and jumped into my arms purring happily. He was the handsomest cat I had ever seen from his pretty curled ears that made the church goers uncomfortable to his long silky coat that never lost his luster. Everyone asked if he was mine but of course I had never seen him before and lived so far away. I took him with me in my jacket because the nights were getting colder and I had decided he would be my early christmas miracle.
Even since then i would notice he would occasionally sneeze and once when he was picked up unexpectedly by a young cousin he began to wheeze i anxiously rubbed his back but he quickly composed himself and went back to play with the kids. I saved money to take him to a vet and printed out his form at school but no one would take me. I live miles outside the city limits so cabs or buses don't pass. I begged my parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles for two entire months but no one took me since both of the cats looked healthy to them. I should have begged more or maybe I shouldn't have taken him in. He could have been taken instead by someone wealthier who could have afforded to take him to the vet regularly.
After i secretly paid the bills so my mom wouldn't see it i comforted him in his cage as best as i could. When the time came to put him to sleep i was asked to step out into the lobby with my family. I was full on sobbing while my family pretended hard that nothing was wrong. I finally made them too uncomfortable that my mom snapped "it's just a cat! You're acting as if you're the one dying." I endured them as best as I could while i waited for the vet to call me back in. I heard Lazaro cry out loudly and resumed sobbing. I continued to wait for over a half hour while my siblings left one after the other. The doctor had forgotten to call me in. I got up to ask if could see him only to be informed he had already passed. I went in to see his lifeless body on the table. My poor boy my poor sweet boy died in an unfamiliar place surrounded by strangers i'm so sorry i ever left him alone he must have been so terrified. I stroked his unmoving head while the doctor walked right in and asked what we wanted to do with the body. The body. My poor little boy. My mom asked for the cheapest offer which where take him to bury him or let the city dispose of him. I wanted him cremated. My mom said no and we could bury him instead for free. Money was the last thing i was thinking about. Besides my mom had been talking about moving and I wouldn't want to leave him behind i had already left him alone in there. As well as the thought of his pretty fur being covered in dirt and his body slowly rotting horrified me. So secretly I called the cremation service to come get him.
I couldn't go outside because I could only think about him running eagerly to see me while meowing loudly. Every piece of black clothing thrown around my room looked like him curled peacefully sleeping. I became nauseous at the thought of going to the fridge or entering a car. and could barely even glimpse at the word cat. I feel so empty without him constantly begging for affection or seeing him sleep in strange places. Even now my family is angry i took him to a vet and paid for cremation. Reading through this thread has brought me solace in knowing there are people who feel just as lost as I do after losing their beloved pets. I feel a bit better now after writing this because i haven't been able to find anyone who could sincerely listen to my feelings and regrets without butting in halfway and saying "it was just a cat"
As much as I want to stay home and mourn I have another cat to take care of as well. A cat who may have to be put down as well if she too is sick. It's very hard to ask this but if anyone could send any donations i would welcome it tremendously. As I have mentioned before I am a college student and I have two more weeks to finish paying Lazaro's cremation bill as well as money needed to take Poyo to the vet and have her tested. And, god forbid, have her euthanized and cremated as well.
If not possible I understand I know better than most the feeling of not having enough money to spend on others I am thankful to anyone who read this it means more than you will ever know to have my feelings and love for Lazaro acknowledged by someone else who loved cats as much as I do thank you for reading. Rest in peace my sweet handsomest boy I'll meet you again on that rainbow bridge
My gofundme
It never came. I shrugged it off and assumed he didn't hear me come out because he could have been in front of the house napping as usual. I resumed cooking but a gnawing feeling in my stomach wouldn't go away so i found every little excuse to go back outside to go to the fridge while calling his name. Finally on the fourth time going i heard a meow behind me. He was perched on a table he usually napped on up high on a mountain of cut wood. I could only see his ears but relief flooded me and i climbed up to pet him. My poor sweet boy im crying as i type. He was drooling heavily from a broken jaw and was missing an eye as well as his collar while bleeding from his nose. I scooped him up and ran inside and told my sister to take me to a vet.
She didn't have her car since my mom had taken it to go somewhere earlier that morning. I comforted Lazaro on my lap while he continued to meow pitifully curled against me. My poor baby I was crying so hard i had to hand my phone to my sister so she could talk to the vet. I put him in a carrier and sat outside waiting for my mom to arrive. When she did she was furious for calling her and refused to take me. I sat in the car regardless and threatened to call my dad to take me (they're divorced) she told my sister to take me.
It pained me to take him like this he always climbed inside the car ready to leave to college with me every morning and each time i would gently put him outside I had been saving up to take him on a car trip to petco sometime soon but now here he was hurting inside a cage as his first car ride. The vet came in and within three minutes announced there was nothing to be done. He had been attacked by someone or run over. Jaw surgery would be 500 dollars but he would never eat comfortably again, he had been sick for a long time now so he was very weak to boot and said it could be feline herpes and he could have infected my other cat. They said the best would be to put him down and my sister agreed. I was so shocked I couldn't do anything except cry. My sister graciously asked if we could pay the bill right now before my mom arrived to which the vet agreed. The consultation tests and euthanasia came out to well over a hundred I couldn't afford any other treatment except to put him down. this is my fault.
I found him last year wondering around a church a week before christmas. The people said he had been around for almost two weeks but no one claimed him or came to look for him. I had always wanted a black cat and when i saw him sitting by a tree I jokingly dropped down and extended my arms to him while telling my mom I had found a new son. To everyone's surprise he broke away from the children surrounding him and ran to me meowing loudly and jumped into my arms purring happily. He was the handsomest cat I had ever seen from his pretty curled ears that made the church goers uncomfortable to his long silky coat that never lost his luster. Everyone asked if he was mine but of course I had never seen him before and lived so far away. I took him with me in my jacket because the nights were getting colder and I had decided he would be my early christmas miracle.
Even since then i would notice he would occasionally sneeze and once when he was picked up unexpectedly by a young cousin he began to wheeze i anxiously rubbed his back but he quickly composed himself and went back to play with the kids. I saved money to take him to a vet and printed out his form at school but no one would take me. I live miles outside the city limits so cabs or buses don't pass. I begged my parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles for two entire months but no one took me since both of the cats looked healthy to them. I should have begged more or maybe I shouldn't have taken him in. He could have been taken instead by someone wealthier who could have afforded to take him to the vet regularly.
After i secretly paid the bills so my mom wouldn't see it i comforted him in his cage as best as i could. When the time came to put him to sleep i was asked to step out into the lobby with my family. I was full on sobbing while my family pretended hard that nothing was wrong. I finally made them too uncomfortable that my mom snapped "it's just a cat! You're acting as if you're the one dying." I endured them as best as I could while i waited for the vet to call me back in. I heard Lazaro cry out loudly and resumed sobbing. I continued to wait for over a half hour while my siblings left one after the other. The doctor had forgotten to call me in. I got up to ask if could see him only to be informed he had already passed. I went in to see his lifeless body on the table. My poor boy my poor sweet boy died in an unfamiliar place surrounded by strangers i'm so sorry i ever left him alone he must have been so terrified. I stroked his unmoving head while the doctor walked right in and asked what we wanted to do with the body. The body. My poor little boy. My mom asked for the cheapest offer which where take him to bury him or let the city dispose of him. I wanted him cremated. My mom said no and we could bury him instead for free. Money was the last thing i was thinking about. Besides my mom had been talking about moving and I wouldn't want to leave him behind i had already left him alone in there. As well as the thought of his pretty fur being covered in dirt and his body slowly rotting horrified me. So secretly I called the cremation service to come get him.
I couldn't go outside because I could only think about him running eagerly to see me while meowing loudly. Every piece of black clothing thrown around my room looked like him curled peacefully sleeping. I became nauseous at the thought of going to the fridge or entering a car. and could barely even glimpse at the word cat. I feel so empty without him constantly begging for affection or seeing him sleep in strange places. Even now my family is angry i took him to a vet and paid for cremation. Reading through this thread has brought me solace in knowing there are people who feel just as lost as I do after losing their beloved pets. I feel a bit better now after writing this because i haven't been able to find anyone who could sincerely listen to my feelings and regrets without butting in halfway and saying "it was just a cat"
As much as I want to stay home and mourn I have another cat to take care of as well. A cat who may have to be put down as well if she too is sick. It's very hard to ask this but if anyone could send any donations i would welcome it tremendously. As I have mentioned before I am a college student and I have two more weeks to finish paying Lazaro's cremation bill as well as money needed to take Poyo to the vet and have her tested. And, god forbid, have her euthanized and cremated as well.
If not possible I understand I know better than most the feeling of not having enough money to spend on others I am thankful to anyone who read this it means more than you will ever know to have my feelings and love for Lazaro acknowledged by someone else who loved cats as much as I do thank you for reading. Rest in peace my sweet handsomest boy I'll meet you again on that rainbow bridge
My gofundme
Condolences on losing your heart's treasure, Lazaro. Please know that as his spirit was leaving his broken body, he was able to see you grieving his passing, sending him vibes of comfort, your empty arms aching to embrace him as he moved on.....your love helped light the way to the path to the Other Side. As the song "The Last Goodbye" says, "the first time that we said 'hello' began our last goodbye". You fought valiantly to give him the dignity of a peaceful passing; with the exception of one time, I am always present at euthanasia, and it is quick and easy. I am sorry that your family wasn't more compassionate - some families are more stoic than others...At my father's graveside services, I began wailing (his family is Native American and their time for grieving is at the funeral/memorial service) but one of my maternal aunts scolded me and told me to 'stop it - we don't cry in front of others'!!!.....my father had died unexpectedly in the yard and I found him, but I was the one who had to be "tough" and go do the funeral arrangements - I totally feel how lonely it is when your family doesn't understand the heartbreak that you are going through. Your TCS family here DOES understand and is here to support you - please do not hesitate to PM any one of us. My personal opinion is that Lazaro was a "soul kitty" and recognized you from the first time you saw each other (or as the ancient Egyptian's would consider him, the guardian of your dreams) so please be kind to yourself while you heal from the loss of his physical presence...thanks to you, Lazaro knew the love, joy and comfort of being your cat 
