My Mia has passed.... heart is breaking

[medeamagic]

I love my kittys, if your cats doing well. Dont over think it. That was my problem. I over thought things. We worry too much, it can be our down fall. Also how many steroid shots has your cat had? Be weary of how much you give it. Personally I should have let me cat just have the one shot. The 2nd one ruined him. They only need certain amounts in a certain time frame. If your cat is playing and seeming fine, let him be and don't put him down not that you would. As  long as it's not suffering, it's not time.

All the best

Catconcern, I totally agree with you!

 

[medeamagic]

No problems at all Mia. I'm here for you. We all are. We know your pain. It's the worst in the world. How are you now that you have the urn back?

Me personally I couldn't have my boys things around. I just got way too sad. It reminds me of him I had to have my mum put them away straight away. We have him buried in the back yard. I never thought I'd get another cat. No way I told people. But I had too. Because the pain was that bad I wasn't in a good way. I was the living dead. Piercing pain that, whoaaa freaky,right now as I was about to type the way I felt, I thought about it, looked to the side and the exact word was written in todays paper next to me. . A headline. It reads '' Suicide scourge should provoke outrage ''  Suicide. I felt suicidal. I needed to get the kittens to bring light and purpose into my life. A reason. Looking after the kittens has brought me that and they've brought love into my life. They're good company, keep me occupied and entertained and humored. 

It's a log and tough road but one in which you will conquer. As mentioned, what would Mia want for you? She would want you to be happy and live a good life. Yes you're going to be sad and crumble at times, that's normal. But she would want you to live your life in a happy manner. She would want you to have fun. Mia wouldn't want you to feel like crap. None of our babies would. They never wanted us to be upset. Only to be happy and healthy and live life to the full and party and enjoy ourselves. Honor the beautiful and great relationship which we each had with each other:nod:

Aw catconcern....you were definitely not in a good way. I am glad that getting the new kittens helped you through that time.

I still have yet to put away her things. I love them being out and reminding me of her presence. I have tried to put one or 2 things away but get sad when they are gone, they all have their place in y home, and they are exactly where Mia loved them to be. So I am still struggling with putting them away .....slow and steady.

Mia returned home this afternoon, and it was emotional, I was overwhelmed with so many emotions. After some time of crying while holding Mia close to my heart, I felt a feeling of peace, calm and comfort. I feeling I haven't felt in a week while Mia was gone. I am happy to have her home. I feel better at home with her there, even though I can't physically touch her, I feel her soul, or spirit and it brings a wave of calm. If that makes sense.
I have her on a table in the foyer to greet me when I get home, but plan to keep her in my bedroom in the nightstand next to her picture.

And yes Mia would not want me to be sad or upset or hurting. If I was any of those things while she was alive, she would seek me out in the house anf give me comfort. Now that those emotions are due to the loss of her, and she's not here, I know she is watching me and trying to give me signs she's ok and to not feel like way. It will take time, but I know as long as I keep moving forward, slow and steady I will be able to look upon my memories with smiles and not sadness.

Thank you again for your post. :catguy:

 

[medeamagic]

Morning friends



some thoughts today .... day 2 of life without mia....I was with Mia until her very last breath doing and saying all the things I usually did, which took awhile, she has a strong heart, just not a great throat (hence, no food, water or breathing.... life cannot exist). But even after she passed, I nuzzled her face one last time, and told her, mommy loves you.. just like I did everyday, especially when leaving home for work, errands, etc.


Yesterday was tough, my first time walking into my house, with out Mia, broke me down into pieces... I was a mess... like panic attack, hard to breath, balling crying. But I just talked to her and started to calm.  And I had to go back out, and I dreaded coming home.... but as irony (or Mia) would have it... my lock jammed.... has never happened in the 2 1/2 years I have had this place..... literally my key was stuck not to move left or right... I had to go in through a window... which took away from the routine of walking in the door and being greeted by mia..... I don't know what it was last night.


I also dreamed of her last night, some while she was throwing up, and some while she was just hanging.. I don't know what means either. But until last night I have never dreamed of her. The odd thing is I am single gal and have lived on my own for..... well mia's entire life. I got her as a companion. And she was, through jobs, boyfriends, family drama life drama, whatever, she was here, always waiting for me to love her and distract my focus from sadness or stress to her. Its a gift I didn't fully realize until now. Now I am really alone... I come home to an empty house.... no mia... no companion.... no one to banter back and forth with, no one to distract this pain in my heart, because its for her. I have never ever felt alone in my place.... ever.... mia was always here to hang with, talk to, lay around with, love on.... so up until 2 days I never knew what alone really felt like. Its sad...... thank goodness everyone on this site will understand this, because most people don't they think it was just a pet.... Mia was never just a pet to me... she was my baby... and I could do  say or whatever to her or with her and her love was unconditional and never faltered.  obviously I am still very sad, and struggling.  waking up to another day with Mia is hard, sad, and lonely. I expect to see her beautiful face at the bathroom door, or waiting for me in the kitchen, or all snuggled on the perch... but no Mia.

Dear Sukeyforcats,

Oh my gosh!!  Thank you so very much for your beautiful note!  I'm so thankful to have found this site and for all the genuine people who write!  I know exactly what you mean...I am new here as well and just reading the notes here puts a smile on my face too!   :rub:

I am so sorry for your loss...losing my snowshoe Siamese, Boo Boo Bear, 2 months ago...it still hurts.  You begin to wonder if you will ever be able to look at photos of them again...or even say their name without crying your eyes out, huh?  Losing Boo felt like losing a family member, but worse in some ways, since most people don't understand our love for our cats, right?  I know first hand what a big difference it means to know others understand your pain....even just through notes like ours!  And anyone who may feel like you are not getting over the loss fast enough...don't be so hard on yourself!  It takes as much time as it takes-sounds corny I know, but it is true. And don't ever be afraid to ask for help...no matter how long it may have been.  I recently had to be honest with my physician about the cause of my depression and why I'm so sad all the time.  Just explaining my loss to her made me lose it and start crying all over again. 
All we can do is hang on...and it's just so hard to do some days, I know.  Don't be hard on yourself...it does take so much time to learn how to deal with our loss.  And please feel free to write to me whenever you need...and I promise to listen and cry right along with you if needed. 

Sending prayers and big purrs!!! 

We are all so strong for each other even though inside we are all mourning the loss of our loved ones, we know we need to be strong and give support to for others to help them through these times.

 

[medeamagic]

My Mia's beautiful urn I got for her.......she is home with her mommy, where she belongs. I have missed her so, and still do, but having her here brings a sense of peace and calm to me. Being able to hold her, and I feel like I feel her presence even stronger now. Today is 1. Week without my Mia.....it's been a long, emotional and hard week.
In case anyone needs an urn and likes this one I got it from www.mainelyurns.com. They were amazing and took lots of care in what I was looking for.

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• medeamagic
• Oct 8, 2014

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• medeamagic
• Oct 8, 2014

This is Mia's paw print.....the home vet does it after she passes on, but I now have her paw print and her forever.

My home vet deals with hospice, and euthanization. She was a great help to me and mia. She has a kind and gentle way. She is out of Stamford, CT and travels a certain radius in case anyone is in the area. This is her website..... Www.gentlegoodbye.org. Anyone dealing with loss or even with a terminally ill pet should browse the site. She has links to support groups, questions and answers a site called final gift that has some very moving and inspirational passages.

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• medeamagic
• Oct 8, 2014

Prayers and love to all who are going through similar things..... Feel free to post or message me anytime. The support for me (and Mia) is appreciated and loved.

 

[catconcern]

That's a beautiful picture of your baby. A great urn. I'm glad you have some closure med.

 

[sukeyforcats]

Dear MedeaM-

i have not been on the cat site for a few days, so just now i saw your photographs. Your ways of remembering Mia are very beautiful. It does feel good to have her ashes home. Both the urn you have for Mia and her beautiful paw print are wonderful reminders of the love you shared. The paw print is something i have not seen before and I believe it is a marvel--it is very alive and immediate. We can see her delicate little paw and you can touch the place she touched. That's a treasure.  I will take a picture of the ashes I received from my vet after i had to say goodbye to Sweetie. She is the little girl who never had a home. I miss her so much a month after her leaving me i cry every time I leave my apartment and pass the place where i fed her every day. Reading notes on this site has been the only comfort i've felt, and I know I have come to love your Mia. I hope she and Sweetie are healthy and playing together and waiting to see us.

I'll try to post a photo.  Do you have many of Mia? I have only one of Sweetie. That was foolish of me--i should have taken more, but I was so excited about trapping her and getting her to my vet that I just didn't think she might not come home to me. i had all sorts of pictures in my mind of Sweetie in my bedroom, of Sweetie meeting my other cats, of Sweetie exploring her safe warm loving new home.

I'm awfully sad. 

 

[sukeyforcats]

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• sukeyforcats
• Oct 11, 2014

The ashes of my cat Sweetie. i only got to be with her 9 months and never even pet her, but i fell in love and miss her every day now.

 

[mnm]

whew... I must say I never cried for a kitty other than my own and my grandkitty, but Mia's beautiful picture and display hit home with me.... and brought tears to my eyes...I'm so sorry for everyone's losses here...but in one way...it gives me a deep sense of appreciation of all of you to see how much we all loved our kitties and cared for them..when other strays or farm cats just don't get the love that our precious furbabies have experienced. I would rather have a few years of loving a furbaby to pieces..than see a kitty live a full lifetime of noone to love and care for them! We were all very blessed to be able to bless our kitties
Love "Sweetie's" markings...very pretty as well!! Sniff.

It did really help me to have Minnie "back home". I've posted her display before... the "pink" background is the tank top I wore the day she left us...the last time I held her.... I still don't want to look "under the dresser" or "under the dryer" as I'm sure there's more of her lil hairbands that she batted around under there.... hairband hockey was her favorite game

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• mnm
• Oct 11, 2014

 

[sukeyforcats]

Dear MnM- Your remembrance for Minnie Grace is just so beautiful. She was such a beauty herself--those little paws are precious. I have loved 4 all black or tuxedo cats:  Binky, Beano, Dylan and Sweetie. i love how they look. Each one had a special personality. i love them all. Your tribute to her is wonderful. You found one of her hairband toys and put it near her. It's lovely. With many of my fur babies i have kept the top I wore when i said goodbye or the blanket I had in the carrier and i embroider the baby's name on it. I don't wear them, just like to look at them and remember all the sweet things my kitties do everyday to bless my day. I feel very lucky they cam my way and stayed with me awhile.

 

[mnm]

aww thanks...sitting here with goosebumps... loved it that you saved your shirts as well...and bless you for rescuing all your kitties!

 

[medeamagic]

Sukey,

Aw sweetie was beautiful. I hope that having sweetie ashes back gives you the comfort having Mia gives me. I'm still very sad and do random cry but day by day. I miss my Mia so much my apartment is not the same without her cute face and funny ways. I hope your sweetie greeted Mia and that all the kitties everyone here has lost are all playing and lounging together.

And yes I have so many pictures of Mia. I always took them of her but after I got out diagnosis and wasn't really sure how long we had I made sure to take more, sometimes daily sometimes weekly. And I have memories.....those I cherish most. Pictures are great but I could not get all her silly, fun playful moments on camera. Although I do have some videos of her bathing her face (I love when she did that) and eating..... Which at the end with her liquid diet, had her dipping her paw into her food scooping some up and eating it out of her paw...... Just like they do with water sometimes. So cute!

Here area few more of her:

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• medeamagic
• Oct 11, 2014

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• medeamagic
• Oct 11, 2014

 

[mnm]

she looks super sweet

 

[medeamagic]

whew... I must say I never cried for a kitty other than my own and my grandkitty, but Mia's beautiful picture and display hit home with me.... and brought tears to my eyes...I'm so sorry for everyone's losses here...but in one way...it gives me a deep sense of appreciation of all of you to see how much we all loved our kitties and cared for them..when other strays or farm cats just don't get the love that our precious furbabies have experienced. I would rather have a few years of loving a furbaby to pieces..than see a kitty live a full lifetime of noone to love and care for them! We were all very blessed to be able to bless our kitties
Love "Sweetie's" markings...very pretty as well!! Sniff.

It did really help me to have Minnie "back home". I've posted her display before... the "pink" background is the tank top I wore the day she left us...the last time I held her.... I still don't want to look "under the dresser" or "under the dryer" as I'm sure there's more of her lil hairbands that she batted around under there.... hairband hockey was her favorite game

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• mnm
• Oct 11, 2014

M,

Thank you for your emotion for Mia. I cry so much ready people stories especially these days without Mia. And so glad it's not only me who felt having Mia back helped and not hurted. I didn't really know how I was going to feel so I'm glad it was a feeling of peace and that she was home with her mommy again.

What a beautiful memorial for your Minnie. I love that you kept the shirt and used it as background. What a wonderful idea. I have all Mia toys and scratchers out I can't seem to put them away because then it'll be obvious she's not here. I also kept her favorite toys and put them in a shadow box.

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• medeamagic
• Oct 11, 2014

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• medeamagic
• Oct 11, 2014

 

[mnm]

awww...so nice. I soooo wish I would have gotten the pawprint in the plaster... but I wasn't ready to pick out an urn yet so didn't think to order that on it's own as ..and then when the ashes were delivered... I loved the simplicity of the lil black box..since Min was black as well ... and really cried when I saw they made her a paw print on the poem of the rainbow bridge. I cut around it and put it on the bottom corner of the collage I made her.

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• mnm
• Oct 11, 2014

 

[medeamagic]

M,

That is really nice too. I like the pawprint and the rainbow bridge poem. My brother is actually making a collage with Mia's picturea picture of her pawprint and the rainbow bridge poem.

I think the memorials we did for our loved kitties is amazing. We all love our kitties so much and though most don't understand that we have lost a loved one.....not just a Pet! Mia was never a pet......and in her passing she will be forever memorialized as a lost family member, companion and my baby girl!

:rub:

 

[sukeyforcats]

Mia is so beautiful. All the pictures of her sleeping or rolling around with the pleasure of seeing you are just beautiful, but my favorite, I think, is the picture of her looking at you, sleepy and loving. She purred for you didn't she? She has such a lovely face, but you are right--I can never really capture the magic of my cats in a photo. They always know I'm taking the picture and they are not as calm or carefree as usual. I have lots of pictures and some video but they are just a ghost of my cats. The best pictures are in my mind.Mia was your family. I wanted Sweetie to be part of my family. We will always have our memories.