My Mia has passed.... heart is breaking

[medeamagic]

We will never know when is the right time, or if there is a right time. But this morning Mia was throwing up foam and blood and because of the lesions in her throat (due to her lymphoma of the esophagus) she was unable to get the foam up and was essentially choking or suffocating on it. I immediately made "the call" and called the mobile vet to come immediately. I vowed when she was diagnosed I would never let her suffer. Of course 1/2 before the vet gets here, Mia was almost totally herself, which made me doubt my decision... did she have more life in her, was this premature... I don't know, but I know it wouldn't have been fair to allow what happened this morning happen again, especially if I could have made sure it didn't. 

 It has now only been hours since her passing and I am devastated. I have no children, so she was my child. and the past 5 months have been totally focused on her and making sure she has a great life and never suffers, So my day revolved around Mia. And here I am at home, crying my eyes out, remembering all the good memories, which is almost every one (aside from getting her in the carrier) and all I can do is be sad. I miss her so much. I am looking around for her, excepting to see her on her window perch with her cute face, or her to jump on the bed with her ball she loved to fetch. But there is no more of that, just a memory. I know my life has changed, no more of her greeting me at the door, rubbing in between my legs, or snuggling me, or me nuzzling her little face.... I hear a noise in the kitchen and instantly say, "mia what are you doing in there?" but she's not there.... I keep excepting to see her or I feel her presence walking around the floor. Perhaps its her spirit still here with me and letting me know its ok, she's ok, and she is here..... or maybe I'm so sad that I am making things up to make myself feel better. All I know is that is the hardest day for me, and I know I have plenty more ahead.... but I hope that this terrible ache in my heart gets less in time, because right now it feels like it'll never go away. I will always miss her, she has been with me for 13 years (her whole life since I rescued her at 6 weeks) and my life will forever be changed..... she has left her paw prints on my heart til eternity!

I miss you Mia..... I love you.... You are my little girl..... mommy loves you......

xoxo

 

[luvmykittys]

Medeamagic,
I am so very sorry for your loss!   My heart aches for you honey...and I understand...my children all have fur too!    At this very moment I am watching my sweet maine coon, Max, try to eat.  He was diagnosed 5 days ago with a cancerous tumor under his tongue that is rapidly spreading down his throat; surgery was/is not an option.  It is heartbreaking to watch someone you love die-and there is nothing pretty about it.  I know we probably only have hours left together before I have to make that call we all dread.  But, I promised Max days ago that no matter how much it hurt me to even think of my life without him...I would NOT be selfish by making him stay here when he obviously needs to leave.  Reminding myself of that vow sure doesn't help much with the headache I've had for 3 days from crying my eyes out over him though, huh?  The next few months are going to be hard enough for you, so  please try not to beat yourself up with guilt.  Your sweet baby knows how much you loved her and how difficult it was to make the decision to let her go.  Us cat people all know how you feel and we get it.  The love we have for our cats...well...nothing comes close.  Please remember to take care of yourself as you grieve...and if it helps...know that you are not alone and that I am crying right along with you.   In loving memory of Mia...and my Max.  My prayers are with you...

 

[medeamagic]

LUVMYKITTYS,everything you wrote Is exactly how I felt and feel and it always helps to know there are other people for support in this time of need. I am in need. Mia had been struggling for a few days with throwing up, but today hurt me to my soul and I knew I do to it. It was litterly the hardest things I have had to do. Our fur babies are our only babies and what we surround our lives with. I haven't stopped crying and it was usually this time of night was our most come routine and yet she is not here for it.... it did leave her blanket out of her favorite perch with her favorite toys it makes me sad, but always makes me feel she's close to me. It was her favority night time spot. So I'm alittle down and missing her. And I still feel like I see glimpses of her around a corner, hear her with a toy in the living room all memories I love of her, and miss.

So sorry to hear about your little boy. It is heart breaking. But you seem like a smart, sensitive and good person you will know when to do what needs to be done. I will keep you and your baby in my thoughts and prayers.  GIve him tons of love and affection it will sooth him and the bonus settle you.'

image.jpg

• medeamagic
• Jul 27, 2014

hugs & kisses

 

[gverdugo]

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this. I've been through this, with one of my kitties from many years ago. I made the decision to have him go, and clearly he was suffering, but after it was done, I tortured myself about "was it right? He could have lasted longer!" There IS no right answer. There is no choice that will make you feel "right." You wait longer, she may have suffered more, and then you torment yourself because you "should have" done it sooner. You don't wait longer, and you torture yourself because you "should have" done it later.

Please, please, don't torment yourself. My thoughts are with you right now, as well as good vibes and prayers. It feels awful right now, but after some time passes, she will be a sweet, bittersweet memory and you will look on your time with her with love and warmth. 

 

[jcat]

I'm so sorry you've lost Mia and are going through so much pain. Our furry companions are such a big part of our lives that it's heart wrenching when they leave us. The pain does subside with time, and some day you'll be able to open your heart and home to another feline in need, but that's little consolation now when the pain is so acute.

RIP, Mia.

 

[iluvcats4ever]

I'm so sorry, I lost my Munchkin yesterday and know exactly how you are feeling. I feel like I am dying too.  Know I am thinking of you today and wishing that we both were not going through this.  My baby was 17, life will never return to normal.

Hugs and love to you.

 

[gverdugo]

I'm so sorry you've lost Mia and are going through so much pain. Our furry companions are such a big part of our lives that it's heart wrenching when they leave us. The pain does subside with time, and some day you'll be able to open your heart and home to another feline in need, but that's little consolation now when the pain is so acute.

RIP, Mia.

This is so true. It's not going to work the same (with the same timing) for everyone, but sometimes, for me anyway, the thing that helps soften the pain is giving some other kitty in need a home. It can be done in memory of the cat that was lost. 

This happened recently when we lost a much loved kitty. It was almost as if he called out from the other side to another kitty in the neighborhood and said, "There's a household that has room for another cat! Get over there now!" Because wouldn't you know it, within 24 hours of losing him, a stray kitty, very thin and starving, came to the doorstep and she would not be denied! Hence, another cat was brought into the household and never was there a more grateful kitty!

 

[luvmykittys]

Hi Medeamagic,

I hope today is better for you and that you were able to sleep a little last night.  Since I am focused on my sick kitty Max (who thankfully is still doing well) I wake every couple of hours without even trying.  I did the same thing when I was caring for my daddy in the last stages of his life.  I have quite the track record for losing those I love to death...and for being their caregiver. 

Thank you for the kind words and support.  The way in which I discovered Max's health condition feels like this mean and cruel joke being played on me that I never thought would happen...especially not twice!  Only 5 weeks ago I took my beloved snowshoe Siamese, Boo Boo Bear, to the vet for a check up.  Boo and I had the kind of relationship that you have with an animal only once...and he saw me through the absolute worse time of my life-losing both my parents within 6 months of each other.  Being the only child and a single female at the time of my parents' passing... I do not know how I would have survived without my sweet boy Boo.  You can imagine my relief when the vet said that Boo only needed a simple routine teeth cleaning...which I scheduled for the next day.  I dropped him off the next morning and went about my day.  But when the vet called after only 2 hours my heart sank.  The pre-surgery blood work they perform showed a protein count way too high to proceed with the cleaning.  Then came the question, "do you know what lymphoma is?"  Yeah...I know what it is...cancer.  The same thing that both my parents died from.  Cancer had stolen my family and now it was also taking my boy Boo Boo Bear.  I was very angry.  I spent the next few days in bed holding my boy and trying not to imagine the horrible things this disease was going to do to my innocent little ball of fur. Thankfully, I had 6 more months with him before me and Max were left on our own.  Max and I grieved together and grew even more close.  Max and I had a different kind of close bond...his human daddy died the day before mine...and both were in hospice house together.  I adopted Max one week after both our dads passed.  It wasn't a planned adoption....but it was meant to be.  How could I not help Max?  He had also lost the only family he had...and I knew he was alone and scared too.  So...when I took Max in for a check up 6 days ago, I was again relieved to hear that he only needed a routine mouth check.  I scheduled the procedure for the next day, and dropped him off that morning...just like I had before with Boo.  But as time passed, I couldn't shake the "bad feeling".  This time when the vet called-again after only a couple of hours-I tried to be more prepared-like I could handle it...yeah...sure.  I still fell to the floor in a crumbled little heap when she told me that Max had cancer too.  Lets not overlook the fact that the anniversary of our daddys death is Oct. 8th and 10th. Thank you for letting me vent all this sadness-I didn't realize just how deep this pain was and why I couldn't shake my depression....makes more sense now.  In closing, I hope your day is better and that your heart heals quickly. 

  You are in my thoughts and prayers... hang on      

 

[sukeyforcats]

I am so sorry to read that your Mia is gone. It is so final. The decision has to be made quickly, even when you know your baby is sick and the end is coming. Still, you see something too awful like the choking or for me drops of blood falling from the mouth of my sweet Dylan, and you know you have to call to end the suffering. Time just speeds past while you are doing what is needed, and when it is over you have all the time in the world to second guess what you did and question it and mourn your loss. Everything hurts. Places in your home make you cry. There does not seem to be anyone who wants to hear about how much you miss her except the writers on this web site. My husband didn't know the stray cat Sweetie who i had to say goodbye to 2 weeks ago. he doesn't understand why i'm still crying and just wants me to stop. You know. My life did revolve around her, when she would come for food, if she was protected during a rain storm, other animals she might encounter at night. I trapped Sweetie and the vet told me she had FeLV which my 4 cats would easily catch. It's fatal. i had to say goodbye to Sweetie (I can almost not write "end her life" because it hurts so much). Your little Mia is such a beauty. I know how you feel, i really do. You called at the right time. DO NOT think otherwise. We have said goodbye to 10 cats over the years. Some of them, while very sick, seemed to rally at the vet's office. We still went through with the goodbye because each of the cats was very sick. Imagine how it must have hurt her throat and mouth to even eat or drink. You helped her end that. You do not want to have your baby suffer. you stopped that, and it was peaceful. She wasn't hurting anymore. She depended on you to help her end the pain. you did a very brave and loving thing for your Mia and you are left hurting now. Try to think of all the fine years she had with you. You know how hard it is for a cat on the street. you gave Mia warmth, love, home, all she could love you for. 

I am thinking of you today, and thinking how brave you are. Mia needed help. She looked to you. You helped her.

 

[medeamagic]

 
Oh, I am so sorry to hear this. I've been through this, with one of my kitties from many years ago. I made the decision to have him go, and clearly he was suffering, but after it was done, I tortured myself about "was it right? He could have lasted longer!" There IS no right answer. There is no choice that will make you feel "right." You wait longer, she may have suffered more, and then you torment yourself because you "should have" done it sooner. You don't wait longer, and you torture yourself because you "should have" done it later.

Please, please, don't torment yourself. My thoughts are with you right now, as well as good vibes and prayers. It feels awful right now, but after some time passes, she will be a sweet, bittersweet memory and you will look on your time with her with love and warmth. 

Thank you for that! Those words are exactly my thoughts, pretty much word for word. Its been a lot. And trying to make it "right" is impossible. Its never going to feel right, I just have to know I did what I thought she needed not what I wanted. As the vet said, "would you rather be a day early or a day later and have her suffer?" All that said still doesn't make it any easier. I still have all her toys and things out, I cannot bring myself to put anything away. Then she really wont be here....I mean shes here in my heart, mind and soul, and  that will never change. And I will be getting her ashes back soon, which I'm not sure if that is going to make things better, worse or stay the same, but I will just have to take everyday as it comes. Going to bed and waking up without her for the first time, was tough.... this morning was tough! I miss her! I think of her and get sad, but smile that I have so many wonderful memories of our life together.

Thank you again..... This is a tough time, and all support is greatly appreciated!

 

[medeamagic]

 
I'm so sorry, I lost my Munchkin yesterday and know exactly how you are feeling. I feel like I am dying too.  Know I am thinking of you today and wishing that we both were not going through this.  My baby was 17, life will never return to normal.

Hugs and love to you.

You and Munchkin are in my prayers! May Munchkin rest in peace. I feel the same life as I knew it, is forever different. Going to bed and waking up without my little girl is a totally differenet and sad experience. Loved our mornings together, and although the recent mornings were less than normal due to her cancer, they were still mornings with her..... it will never be the same

hugs and love to you guys too!

 

[medeamagic]

 
Hi Medeamagic,

I hope today is better for you and that you were able to sleep a little last night.  Since I am focused on my sick kitty Max (who thankfully is still doing well) I wake every couple of hours without even trying.  I did the same thing when I was caring for my daddy in the last stages of his life.  I have quite the track record for losing those I love to death...and for being their caregiver. 

Thank you for the kind words and support.  The way in which I discovered Max's health condition feels like this mean and cruel joke being played on me that I never thought would happen...especially not twice!  Only 5 weeks ago I took my beloved snowshoe Siamese, Boo Boo Bear, to the vet for a check up.  Boo and I had the kind of relationship that you have with an animal only once...and he saw me through the absolute worse time of my life-losing both my parents within 6 months of each other.  Being the only child and a single female at the time of my parents' passing... I do not know how I would have survived without my sweet boy Boo.  You can imagine my relief when the vet said that Boo only needed a simple routine teeth cleaning...which I scheduled for the next day.  I dropped him off the next morning and went about my day.  But when the vet called after only 2 hours my heart sank.  The pre-surgery blood work they perform showed a protein count way too high to proceed with the cleaning.  Then came the question, "do you know what lymphoma is?"  Yeah...I know what it is...cancer.  The same thing that both my parents died from.  Cancer had stolen my family and now it was also taking my boy Boo Boo Bear.  I was very angry.  I spent the next few days in bed holding my boy and trying not to imagine the horrible things this disease was going to do to my innocent little ball of fur. Thankfully, I had 6 more months with him before me and Max were left on our own.  Max and I grieved together and grew even more close.  Max and I had a different kind of close bond...his human daddy died the day before mine...and both were in hospice house together.  I adopted Max one week after both our dads passed.  It wasn't a planned adoption....but it was meant to be.  How could I not help Max?  He had also lost the only family he had...and I knew he was alone and scared too.  So...when I took Max in for a check up 6 days ago, I was again relieved to hear that he only needed a routine mouth check.  I scheduled the procedure for the next day, and dropped him off that morning...just like I had before with Boo.  But as time passed, I couldn't shake the "bad feeling".  This time when the vet called-again after only a couple of hours-I tried to be more prepared-like I could handle it...yeah...sure.  I still fell to the floor in a crumbled little heap when she told me that Max had cancer too.  Lets not overlook the fact that the anniversary of our daddys death is Oct. 8th and 10th. Thank you for letting me vent all this sadness-I didn't realize just how deep this pain was and why I couldn't shake my depression....makes more sense now.  In closing, I hope your day is better and that your heart heals quickly. 

  You are in my thoughts and prayers... hang on      

Omg, you are going through so much! Our bond with our kittys is one that is indescribable and some people will never understand that they are not out "pets" they are our children who we love and care for deeply with every ounce of our hearts. We do anything we can to make their lives as happy and fulfilled as possible. I am sad for your loss of Boo and your diagnosis for Max. You were a God send to Max, who knows what would have come of him without you. You have given him a life and love to hold on to. Its great.

Glad you could dig into your feelings and express this, it will help, as much as it hurts to say things out loud it will help the healing process.  This site is amazing with great people who are where we are, where, and will be in the future. Keep your head up with Max, give him tons of love and hold him just alittle tighter or pet him a little longer. Its those memories you will want to hold on to.

You and Max are in my thoughts and prayers too!

xoxo

 

[medeamagic]

I really wanted to express my gratitude to everyone who is reading these posts even if you don't reply. This is the hardest experience I have had to deal with and being able to express it to people who have had the same experiences and hear peoples kind words has been such a help. The sadness that I feel losing Mia is so deep, I feel it in my soul. I know she is with me, she will never be out of my heart, mind or soul, but I am missing her physical presence here at home. I still feel her with me, and I still talk to her like shes here.(I know it sounds crazy) My day is not fulfilled without caring for her. I extended her life 2.5 months longer than the oncologist expected. Mia lymphoma was in her throat, a rare case my oncologist said, and no surgery could be done to remove the cancer due to its location, so it was either chemo, which mia would never had tolerated, as she hated the carrier with a vicious passion, or prednisone, and see how it goes, but only expect 2-3 months. I was able to spend 5 months to the day with Mia, vs 2-3 months. The vet yesterday said its because of the care I provided her. Mia hadn't been able to eat solid food, chucks or even pate in months. I have had her on a liquid diet of baby food meat, or real meat pureed, with water for months. This vet said because of that, mias life was extended. that makes me feel alittle better, I got extra "bonus" time with her.  Time I had not planned or expected, but was grateful to have it, and was amazed that I did. As I wake up my first morning without Mia, I am sad, my daily routine forever changed, but I try to quell the sadness with thoughts that Mia is at peace. At the first real site of suffer and pain, I did what a mommy has to do, not what they want to do, and I did it for her. So I know that should bring me peace, but its still sad. I miss her so much and wish she was here to nuzzle her little cat face. I know time heals all wounds, and this is still as fresh as they come so its expected to feel this way...... I hope in time I can think of Mia and just feel peace for her, and smile when I think of her funny things she did or expressions, but right now, they make me sad and miss her more and more.

Thank you all for an outlet to express all these crazy emotions..... losing Mia has taken a piece of my heart and right now I'm trying to deal with it, and do some normal things but I know that when I come home, she won't be greeting me at the door, wont be waiting for me to feed her, wont be scratching or pushing the bathroom door open.... all things I had grown to expect and loved......

step by step..... day by day

 

[medeamagic]

 
I am so sorry to read that your Mia is gone. It is so final. The decision has to be made quickly, even when you know your baby is sick and the end is coming. Still, you see something too awful like the choking or for me drops of blood falling from the mouth of my sweet Dylan, and you know you have to call to end the suffering. Time just speeds past while you are doing what is needed, and when it is over you have all the time in the world to second guess what you did and question it and mourn your loss. Everything hurts. Places in your home make you cry. There does not seem to be anyone who wants to hear about how much you miss her except the writers on this web site. My husband didn't know the stray cat Sweetie who i had to say goodbye to 2 weeks ago. he doesn't understand why i'm still crying and just wants me to stop. You know. My life did revolve around her, when she would come for food, if she was protected during a rain storm, other animals she might encounter at night. I trapped Sweetie and the vet told me she had FeLV which my 4 cats would easily catch. It's fatal. i had to say goodbye to Sweetie (I can almost not write "end her life" because it hurts so much). Your little Mia is such a beauty. I know how you feel, i really do. You called at the right time. DO NOT think otherwise. We have said goodbye to 10 cats over the years. Some of them, while very sick, seemed to rally at the vet's office. We still went through with the goodbye because each of the cats was very sick. Imagine how it must have hurt her throat and mouth to even eat or drink. You helped her end that. You do not want to have your baby suffer. you stopped that, and it was peaceful. She wasn't hurting anymore. She depended on you to help her end the pain. you did a very brave and loving thing for your Mia and you are left hurting now. Try to think of all the fine years she had with you. You know how hard it is for a cat on the street. you gave Mia warmth, love, home, all she could love you for. 

I am thinking of you today, and thinking how brave you are. Mia needed help. She looked to you. You helped her.

That is so touching and your words are exactly my thoughts and emotions. And  your words have helped me and although they made me cry, its moving and thoughtful and helps push through the sadness and pain I feel over losing Mia and having to be the brave one and make that decision for her. I am struggling today, my first night, morning and now coming home to a home without Mia. My life is not the same.

Sorry for your loss also. I can't imagine losing more..... I can barely handle Mia.....

Thank you again for your kind thoughtful words. Its needed and appreciated more than I can express.

 

[luvmykittys]

Dear Medeamagic, 

I am so so so glad that you are feeling a little bit better today!  

 I hope that your moments of sadness continue to shrink!  I also wanted to thank you for your kind words of encouragement-reminding me that we help our sweet kitties end their lives only because we love them so much!!  They have made our lives worth living...and for me-my cats are the only reason I can manage to pull myself out of bed to face another day.  I also wanted to tell you that I have taken your advice...I have been loving on my Max cat even more than usual... making sure that he falls asleep hearing my voice...and reassuring him that I will be there holding him in the end.

   Yesterday I started Max on one small dose of a mild tranquilizer twice a day to help with his stress level, and it has helped a great deal!  He has been eating a little bit more and spending more time with me awake rather than sleeping; he has even been talking to me more like he used to.  I know this is only a band-aide...a temporary fix...but anything that comforts him and allows us more quality time together is priceless to me!

 

Please feel free to write to me whenever you need a shoulder, and thank you for doing the same.  I truly believe that Mia is looking down on you and is very proud of your courage to have made the difficult decision to let her go.... and so thankful to have had such a loving mom as you.  Remember that you are precious to her as well.  My thoughts and prayers are with you...and Max sends his big purrs...

      

 

[goholistic]

@Medeamagic, I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand why you second guessed yourself after calling the mobile vet since Mia had returned to "normal". But I think you made the right decision. If there's one regret I hear most often, it's that they waited too long and the cat suffered in the end. This is certainly not how we want those last moments to be.

You gave her a great life in your loving care for 13 years. While the pain seems too much to bear now, in time you'll think of Mia with a smile instead of tears. She's now in a better place, free of any pain and discomfort, and she will wait for you until you meet again. 

Rest in peace, sweet Mia. 

 

[denice]

I am so sorry for your loss.  Don't second guess yourself about whether the time was right.  The ups and downs that come with a terminal illness like lymphoma makes the decision much harder.  What happened when you called the vet would've happened again and probably worse the next time.  You were there with her and helped her through it, had you not decided the time was right the next time she might have been alone.

 

[medeamagic]

 
Dear Medeamagic, 

I am so so so glad that you are feeling a little bit better today!  

 I hope that your moments of sadness continue to shrink!  I also wanted to thank you for your kind words of encouragement-reminding me that we help our sweet kitties end their lives only because we love them so much!!  They have made our lives worth living...and for me-my cats are the only reason I can manage to pull myself out of bed to face another day.  I also wanted to tell you that I have taken your advice...I have been loving on my Max cat even more than usual... making sure that he falls asleep hearing my voice...and reassuring him that I will be there holding him in the end.

   Yesterday I started Max on one small dose of a mild tranquilizer twice a day to help with his stress level, and it has helped a great deal!  He has been eating a little bit more and spending more time with me awake rather than sleeping; he has even been talking to me more like he used to.  I know this is only a band-aide...a temporary fix...but anything that comforts him and allows us more quality time together is priceless to me!

 

Please feel free to write to me whenever you need a shoulder, and thank you for doing the same.  I truly believe that Mia is looking down on you and is very proud of your courage to have made the difficult decision to let her go.... and so thankful to have had such a loving mom as you.  Remember that you are precious to her as well.  My thoughts and prayers are with you...and Max sends his big purrs...

      

Luvmykitts, That is so wonderful. I am so glad I can inspire even while feeling so deflated. Max I'm sure is getting more comfortable with the new medicine. And just as I said you should do, and you are doing, I did. I was with Mia until her very last breath doing and saying all the things I usually did, which took awhile, she has a strong heart, just not a great throat (hence, no food, water or breathing.... life cannot exist). But even after she passed, I nuzzled her face one last time, and told her, mommy loves you.. just like I did everyday, especially when leaving home for work, errands, etc.

Yesterday was tough, my first time walking into my house, with out Mia, broke me down into pieces... I was a mess... like panic attack, hard to breath, balling crying. But I just talked to her and started to calm.  And I had to go back out, and I dreaded coming home.... but as irony (or Mia) would have it... my lock jammed.... has never happened in the 2 1/2 years I have had this place..... literally my key was stuck not to move left or right... I had to go in through a window... which took away from the routine of walking in the door and being greeted by mia..... I don't know what it was last night.

I also dreamed of her last night, some while she was throwing up, and some while she was just hanging.. I don't know what means either. But until last night I have never dreamed of her. The odd thing is I am single gal and have lived on my own for..... well mia's entire life. I got her as a companion. And she was, through jobs, boyfriends, family drama life drama, whatever, she was here, always waiting for me to love her and distract my focus from sadness or stress to her. Its a gift I didn't fully realize until now. Now I am really alone... I come home to an empty house.... no mia... no companion.... no one to banter back and forth with, no one to distract this pain in my heart, because its for her. I have never ever felt alone in my place.... ever.... mia was always here to hang with, talk to, lay around with, love on.... so up until 2 days I never knew what alone really felt like. Its sad...... thank goodness everyone on this site will understand this, because most people don't they think it was just a pet.... Mia was never just a pet to me... she was my baby... and I could do  say or whatever to her or with her and her love was unconditional and never faltered.  obviously I am still very sad, and struggling.  waking up to another day with Mia is hard, sad, and lonely. I expect to see her beautiful face at the bathroom door, or waiting for me in the kitchen, or all snuggled on the perch... but no Mia.

You can message me (or email [email protected]) anytime you need to talk. I enjoy our banter back and forth it eases some stress, and sadness. And we cat lovers who are going through so much need each other. This site is such a help

thoughts and prayer are with you and Max... give max a pet or nuzzle for me.

 

[medeamagic]

 
@Medeamagic, I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand why you second guessed yourself after calling the mobile vet since Mia had returned to "normal". But I think you made the right decision. If there's one regret I hear most often, it's that they waited too long and the cat suffered in the end. This is certainly not how we want those last moments to be.

You gave her a great life in your loving care for 13 years. While the pain seems too much to bear now, in time you'll think of Mia with a smile instead of tears. She's now in a better place, free of any pain and discomfort, and she will wait for you until you meet again. 

Rest in peace, sweet Mia. 

Thanks.... I cannot wait to think of her and smile, instead of tears. It is definitely a sad place to be. I always try to think that... she is in peace, no discomfort, no suffering and it was peaceful and mommy was with her til her end, and I will see her on the other end of this bridge/rainbow of life.

 

[medeamagic]

Morning friends

some thoughts today .... day 2 of life without mia....

I was with Mia until her very last breath doing and saying all the things I usually did, which took awhile, she has a strong heart, just not a great throat (hence, no food, water or breathing.... life cannot exist). But even after she passed, I nuzzled her face one last time, and told her, mommy loves you.. just like I did everyday, especially when leaving home for work, errands, etc.

Yesterday was tough, my first time walking into my house, with out Mia, broke me down into pieces... I was a mess... like panic attack, hard to breath, balling crying. But I just talked to her and started to calm.  And I had to go back out, and I dreaded coming home.... but as irony (or Mia) would have it... my lock jammed.... has never happened in the 2 1/2 years I have had this place..... literally my key was stuck not to move left or right... I had to go in through a window... which took away from the routine of walking in the door and being greeted by mia..... I don't know what it was last night.

I also dreamed of her last night, some while she was throwing up, and some while she was just hanging.. I don't know what means either. But until last night I have never dreamed of her. The odd thing is I am single gal and have lived on my own for..... well mia's entire life. I got her as a companion. And she was, through jobs, boyfriends, family drama life drama, whatever, she was here, always waiting for me to love her and distract my focus from sadness or stress to her. Its a gift I didn't fully realize until now. Now I am really alone... I come home to an empty house.... no mia... no companion.... no one to banter back and forth with, no one to distract this pain in my heart, because its for her. I have never ever felt alone in my place.... ever.... mia was always here to hang with, talk to, lay around with, love on.... so up until 2 days I never knew what alone really felt like. Its sad...... thank goodness everyone on this site will understand this, because most people don't they think it was just a pet.... Mia was never just a pet to me... she was my baby... and I could do  say or whatever to her or with her and her love was unconditional and never faltered.  obviously I am still very sad, and struggling.  waking up to another day with Mia is hard, sad, and lonely. I expect to see her beautiful face at the bathroom door, or waiting for me in the kitchen, or all snuggled on the perch... but no Mia.

My life is forever altered. I miss Mia so darn much.... I get so sad being home ALONE...... I would give another to nuzzle her face just one more time. I hope she still feels my never wavering love and knows I did what was right for her at that time, and not what I wanted to. I wish she was around for another 13 years and lived to an old age.....but that hasn't been an option since her cancer diagnosis and I knew it..... I really did try to prepare my self as best I could knowing that they time was approaching because she was having some foam throwing up episodes here and there.... but that last one with her choking and going to hide..... I knew at that moment this was the time... she was suffering and struggling and I vowed to never let her go through any of that.

I still second guess myself for the call.... I am hoping that will fade in time as my heart heals from the pain mia not being here has left. I know there is no right time, and we just try to do what it right, when we think its right for them. My brain knows this, just not my heart. my heart misses her too much, and wishes I could have even another minutes with her. hopefully someday those 2 parts will be in sync.

Until than, thank you all for the support and encouragement.

rest in peace my little mia..... mommy loves you.....