My cat only likes me...

[renren]

My partner and I recently adopted an approximately 5 year old cat from the local shelter in August. Unfortunately...we don't know much about her such as the type of cat she is, where she came from, etc. The shelter even initially made a mistake and told me that she was fixed, and she wasn't so we had to go through a period of her in heat. She seems more aggressive now that we've got her fixed than before.

Basically...my cat only likes me. My partner works out of town for 3 weeks at a time and returns for 1 week, so understandably it's confusing for her and makes it hard to bond. However it's become a bit of an issue...she hisses, growls and scratches him at times and other times is calm and dandy. She never scratches me intentionally and only sometimes will hiss at me if I'm trying to grab her off the kitchen counter but otherwise she's very loving and gentle with me. A few weeks ago I had to go out of town and my landlords took care of the cat for a few days and I guess they had a really bad experience with her as well...they described her as "grumpy" and "not very friendly". 
 

My partner and I would really like to be able to have the cat bond with the 2 of us and not just me. It is our cat after all, but as it stands at the moment she's more my cat. We also would like to adopt another cat in the future, but we're worried if she doesn't deal with other humans other than me...how will she deal with another cat? 

Any suggestions as to what to do? I know people suggest Feliway but I'm not sure if that would be useful as for the most part....she's pretty chill and gentle and it's only really when there are other people around she gets a little aggressive and territorial.

 

[vball91]

The best suggestions I've heard of in situations like this is to have your partner feed and play with her. If she can start associating good things with him (and his scent), hopefully she will remember him better when he does return from trips. The travel is a tough situation in that cats have short memories, but hopefully positive reinforcement over time will help.

It is difficult to gauge how she will react to another cat. Most cats are territorial. Did the shelter give you any ideas about her interactions with other cats? With a slow introduction process, most cats do learn to live with each other. Some end up being snuggle buddies, but it's really hard to tell how cats will react.

 

[mservant]

Reading your post I agree with the advice that vball91 has given, to try to build up some positive, safe associations for your cat when she sees your partner.  It could also be that the changes that are routine in your home, together with your recent trip and your landlord watching over your cat has extended the lenth of time it is taking for your cat to feel safe and secure in her new home.  If you were able to obtain little history about her you will not know how much upheaval she has had in the past or if there has been any mistreatment, perhaps by a male that might also influence how long it takes her to trust your partner when he comes home.

Anything that you can do to optimise how safe your cat feels in her new home, including ensuring that she has 'safe' spaces that she can hide or hide and observe when she feels anxious will help her settle, and cope when different people / animals come in to your home.  Plug in Feliway is an expensive option but can really help when things are not constant and a cat is stressed.  You could also look at ways to get your partner's scent more part of the home, and for your scents to exchange and familiarise when he comes home after his time away.  This coupled with him being associated with food, treats and eventually play or petting could really help.  I do think cats get to know people they see regularly even if they are not constantly in the home, and my boy has definite recall for my nephew who he sees rarely but has positive associations with and greets him enthusiasticly every time he comes to my apartment! 

Don't make too many assumptions from how your landlord found your cat when they came in to care for her: she had not been at home with you for very long, and she would also have been anxious at your being away for the first time.  Everything would have been very strange for your cat at that point and she did very well to cope with it all and to accept you and settle quickly when you came back.  I would certainly give her some time to settle and get used to you and your partner's life style and her new home before making a decision about if and when you might bring in another cat.  If you do want to add in another fur family member it will have the best chance of success for everyone if your current cat feels safe and trusting with both of you first.