My cat isn't affectionate anymore

efioa

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Hi everyone.

I'm new to the site and I have a question that I really hope someone can help with! I recently adopted a 1 year old female cat from a shelter. Her name is Molly and she's incredibly sweet and very well-behaved. She's reasonably playful and up until a couple of weeks ago she was very affectionate. Now, though, she's not interested in cuddles any more. She won't sit on my lap (or on my flatmate's lap) even though she used to love this. She lets me pick her up and cuddle her for a minute or so, but that's it. Has anyone any ideas why she would suddenly stop wanting affection? She's eating as normal and using the litter tray, and she's happy to play with me. Nothing has changed at home so I can't see what could be bothering her. The only thing I can think of is that I have a flatmate who occasionally comes home late at night and disturbs Molly - would this stress her? Any ideas would be very welcome!
 

kathryn41

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Surprisingly, it could be because she is feeling happier and safer in your home and realizes that this is home. At the shelter she was affection-starved and lonely. When she came home with you, she needed the reassurances that she was safe, and the companionship of the same person. Now it sounds like she is feeling she has a home and doesn't have to worry that she is unsafe or unloved. She can 'seek' affection when she wants it; she knows that she gets hugs and cuddles from you, even if it is in small amounts; she has adopted her new home and you and feels reassured that they are going to be here so she doesnt have to try and 'binge' on either affection or food.

Mine go through phases where they are very independent and then very cuddly and affectionate. I always pet them or stroke them or touch them when I walk by unless they look so lost in sleep that I know it would disturb them, and they do the same back - rub up against me in walking past, jump up beside me for a quick pet then jump down or trill at me from across the room and start to purr. Occasionally, one seeks more reassurance and cuddling and they get it, then they go back to being happily independent.

Now, when you say your flatmate disturbs Molly, what does Molly do? Wake up and play? Wake up and hide? Wake up and become restless? Late night arrivals for us usually are interpreted as invitations to play - especially as cats are nocturnal creatures - so she may be in the mood to play then instead of cuddle.

Kathryn

(Oh, and welcome to the site - it is a really great place with lots of wonderful people:- ) )
 
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efioa

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Thanks Kathryn! You've reassured me! I've been worrying that she's unhappy, although she seems fine every other way. When my flatmate comes in late, Molly is fine while she's there, but when she goes she starts scratching at the door and making lots of noise. I think it's because she knows someone is awake and wants to play. My only worry is that she finds the disruption a bit confusing, especially as it doesn't happen every night.
 

ktlynn

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Hi efioa - Welcome to TCS! I agree with what Kathryn suggested - maybe Molly is just settling down and feels comfortable and safe. Or sadly, maybe she's worried that things will change again and she'll be taken from this place too... In time she'll get used to your flatmate coming and going, but right now everything is still pretty new and she's doing her best to adjust to her new life. Imagine what a big change from the shelter this is for her!!!

My cats went through stages too, where they became less affectionate for a time - my husband and I used to joke about them going through their "teenage stage"! As long as Molly is eating, drinking, using the litterbox, is playful and otherwise acting normal, don't worry. It's good to be observant, though, because cats are very subtle and often don't give clues when they're not feeling well. Sometimes changes in behavior are signals that all is not well, so keep a close eye on her to make sure everything else she's doing is ok.

By the way, thank you for adopting an adult cat!!! Too many times they are overlooked and people take kittens... You have a compassionate, generous heart to take this lucky girl into your home. May you and Molly have a long, happy life together!
 

consumerkitty

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I'm glad I found this thread because my Angel has been less affectionate lately than he was when I found him. For the past few weeks, he hasn't climbed in my lap to be petted. I'm glad to know that it is because he feels at home. Thanks TCS for easing my mind.
 

millyanddaisy

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I think Kathryn has got the answer there, about your cat feeling more at home. I too have experienced this kind of thing, particularly with rescue animals. I'm sure your cat still loves you!

Sue
 

maverick_kitten

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i wish there was a way that you could force your cat to be more of a lapcat but there isnt


Maverick is my pal, she'll follow me around, wait for me outside the bathroom and run to greet me when i get in: but she wont be my baby.


trying to train her to sit on a lap usually results in a sharp nip so i've given up!
 

kittyandkate

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Hi guys I'm glad I found this thread. This post is exactly describing my recently adopted cat. 6 year old. She is just really aloof compared to how she was when she first came. I feel really sad and hope you are right and she does still love me. Is it normal for her to stop rubbing her head on ne too?
 

elephantlala

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I'm glad I found this too.... I recently adopted a sweet 1 or 2 yr old kitty and she was so affectionate and loving the first couple weeks we were together.. now she is still sweet and follows me everywhere but isn't as affectionate - I thought maybe she was mad at me for moving her to the water ( I live on a float house )
But this has made me feel better as maybe she is just settling into life and being more independent [emoji]10084[/emoji]
 

2kittiesplusme

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Hi -- I agree with the others who say it's maybe b /c Molly is feeling more at home. This has been true for so many of my cats.  They wander in, or have been fostered or in a shelter, and wow. They are so cuddly and sweet! Then, they "settle down" and do their own thing.

Right now, I'm training Boston Blackie, male, to let me pick him up. He was never a cat that liked to be picked up.  When he's hungry, likw right before his dinner time, I gently pick his front half up a few inches.  If he does not wiggle, I give him a treat, and a click with the clicker.  This called Clicker Training. He's a slow learner because he had a brain disease as a kitten, which he recovered from but is slightly brain damaged.  Now, We've been praciting being picked up for about  a month this way. Now he is fairly comfortable with his whole body being picked up from under his belly and arms.  He can come almost up to my shoulder, but he only gets a treat if he does not wiggle.  He actually realizes that now!!!

Another cool thing we do -- this works most of the time but not always.  I like him to sleep with me. His natural inclination is to sleep on his cat tree in the other room all night. So  when it's my bedtime, I show him a pinch of catnip, let him  sniff it, and he either follows me into the bedroom or in a short time he hops up on the bed and goes to sleep. He plays around on the bed briefly, and usually leaves in the middle of the night.

Wishing you are Molly long and happy times together.
 

samuel medina

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Makes sense abbout feeling safe. Snickers slept next to me for the first week or so, but now she sleeps in the living room but hops onto my bed toward the morning.
 
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