Merlin has pneumonia šŸ˜æ

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Meowmee

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It seems to have come on suddenly. He has been losing weight finally on a diet and also spending lots of time in the garage looking for mice. Suddenly he was sneezing more which he has done for years with no known cause and his breathing was weird and then he stopped eating which is an alarm for him. But it turned out what I thought was nasal congestion was actually him coughing and was lung congestion.

I took him to dvm and the xray showed it. He had a high fever too. They sent him home with amoxy clav and gave him a steroid shot. He still has not started eating, and heā€™ll only eat a little bit of a licky treat and lick the gravy off of food and heā€™s drinking water. This is day 2-3 starting of antibiotic. Iā€™m not seeing a lot of improvement yet but itā€™s only 2 days. Iā€™ve been on the phone with the doctor, and wondering what else I can do. He said if his respiration goes above 32 for 30 seconds to go to er.

he alternates between being on the bed in my room and going under the bed Iā€™m keeping him in my room with heat up, and keeping the other cats out.

They had to sedate him to do the x-ray because he didnā€™t want to lay on his side and he was screeching, etc. so Iā€™m sure that gave him a double whammy.

I just got back from Dvm and Iā€™m going to give him Mirataz transdermal which is an appetite stimulant transdermal, which I have never tried before this tiny tube plus like $40 and Iā€™m supposed to give him an inch and a half once a day so I wonder how long thatā€™s gonna last I hope it works.
I am just so worried that heā€™s going to die, that itā€™s not really pneumonia and he has cancer. But the DVM does not think it is cancer or anything like that. His bw was good yesterday and he is neg for fiv/ felv. Itā€™s such a shock because it all happened so suddenly I was just giving them all a lick treat together which he gobbled up about two nights before this

Has anyone ever treated pneumonia in their cat and what did you do? I have never had any cat who had pneumonia. I thought it might be heart failure when I brought him in, but he said that he ruled that out due to the fever and the heart looked good, but he also said the x-ray was very congested / opaque so he couldnā€™t see the heart so well.
He is on amoxy clave 2 mL two times per day. Iā€™m going to pick up an appetite stimulant for him tomorrow to see if we can get him eating again. Heā€™s purring quite a bit and roll over to get his tummy pad a little bit but then he goes back into looking like heā€™s not comfortable and breathing more etc. it seems to come and go I donā€™t think itā€™s an emergency because Iā€™ve tested the respiration rate a few times.
 

silent meowlook

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Oh, I am so sorry.

At the cat hospital where I worked we would sometimes treat with medication in a nebulizer. The meds would be put with saline into the nebulizer, cat into a very clean carrier with a clean only washed in scent free dye free detergent and rinsed, no softener. Sheet over carrier except for the front where the nebulizer was hooked up. The meds used were Acetylcysteine, dexamethasone, and something else that for the life of me I canā€™t remember. The cat was nebulized for 5 minutes once or twice a day.

This is important. The cats only got this treatment if they tolerated it. You absolutely never want to stress a cat with any respiratory issues as they can quickly go down hill and into a life threatening emergency from the stress alone.

At the hospital we also treated with flow by oxygen if needed and iv antibiotics and fluids as well as Midazolam to keep their stress level down.

But, once again, only if the cats were okay with it.

I wouldnā€™t do a humidifier or any steam.

If a cat is in respiratory distress they can often spike a fever from the effort it is taking them to breathe.

I sure hope he is feeling better soon. I also think he will do better at home with you than with strangers in a hospital setting. But, of course I donā€™t know this.
 
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Meowmee

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Oh, I am so sorry.

At the cat hospital where I worked we would sometimes treat with medication in a nebulizer. The meds would be put with saline into the nebulizer, cat into a very clean carrier with a clean only washed in scent free dye free detergent and rinsed, no softener. Sheet over carrier except for the front where the nebulizer was hooked up. The meds used were Acetylcysteine, dexamethasone, and something else that for the life of me I canā€™t remember. The cat was nebulized for 5 minutes once or twice a day.

This is important. The cats only got this treatment if they tolerated it. You absolutely never want to stress a cat with any respiratory issues as they can quickly go down hill and into a life threatening emergency from the stress alone.

At the hospital we also treated with flow by oxygen if needed and iv antibiotics and fluids as well as Midazolam to keep their stress level down.

But, once again, only if the cats were okay with it.

I wouldnā€™t do a humidifier or any steam.

If a cat is in respiratory distress they can often spike a fever from the effort it is taking them to breathe.

I sure hope he is feeling better soon. I also think he will do better at home with you than with strangers in a hospital setting. But, of course I donā€™t know this.
Thanks šŸ˜€ I put the transdermal on his ear. I hope I got it in the right place cause I think I put it a little too low down. It took it out 2 to 3 hours before I was able to do it because I was making some phone calls, waiting for him to come out from under the bed and then, he came out and then I had to go downstairs- when I came back he was back under the bed. I donā€™t wanna drag him out of there and stress him out so I waited until he came out again.

He went back under the bed after a visit from the cats & the ear application, and about half an hour later he came out and actually ate some food for the first timeā€¦ not a lot, but a little bit. So I guess it worked.

Iā€™m just hoping this means he is starting to feel better. I put him on the bed, and heā€™s just sleeping there now- he seems a little bit more peaceful maybeā€¦ fingers crossed.

This is so stressful. Iā€™m just watching him non stop worryingā€¦ but as you say, I donā€™t wanna do anything to stress him.
When I was there, I asked if I can give him some albuterol but they werenā€™t sureā€¦so obviously Iā€™m not going to do that but I guess if he gets worse I could ask them if I can do the nebulizer at home maybe. I will ask about those drugs you mentioned. I donā€™t know which steroid he gave him I should ask.


I just hope that this is a turning point and heā€™s going to improve now. When I was reading about this online, it said so many different things, some people said it was going to take 2 to 3 weeks, and they have to be on antibiotics the whole time, and then maybe do another x-ray, and so onā€¦so itā€™s kind of confusing because everybody seems to write something different about how long it will take to recover, and what treatment they need. One site said they had to go in the hospitalā€¦but as you said, I think that would just be more stressful for him than being at home with me. I stayed home from work today, and I have basically just been sitting in my room with him the whole time since he came home with the diagnosis.

He was here for me, him, and Quinn to nurse me through Covid double pneumonia, and Iā€™m gonna be here for him every step of the way to nurse him through this. I just hope he doesnā€™t have to go to the hospitalā€¦the DVM told me of another hospital I can go to which is much better, which is open 24 hours a day and which allows you to visit whenever you want to. Fingers crossed we wonā€™t need that.

I havenā€™t done any steam or anything. Iā€™m just keeping the heat up, and my room is warm because it has the sun from the south exposure so it stays very warm in here which I think is important. Sometimes he goes to the door like he wants to go out, and go downstairs but Iā€™m not gonna let him do that yet cause I donā€™t think heā€™s ready for that yet.

The cats have been coming in to visit but last night I didnā€™t let any of them come in at all. Iā€™m just hoping heā€™s finally on the road to recovery. He is washing himself a little bit now which is a good sign too.
 
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Meowmee

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Does anyone answer here anymore or have some people abandoned this site?
My update is now the head dvm looked at Merlinā€™s xray and said there was no fluid in the lungs, which directly contradicts with the first Dvm said, who did the x-ray. So I have no clue whatā€™s going on with him or if he even has pneumonia now.

Itā€™s going on one week now that he has not been eating on his own, except for maybe five pieces of dry food, except what I have smeared on the side of his face which is very little. I went to pick up a steroid and cerenia today to see if that would help but heā€™s not getting better. Every time I give him any medication, he just starts breathing rapidly again then it will go back to more relax, and he goes on and off between that.

I donā€™t know what to do at this point if I should just take him to the emergency hospital. I donā€™t think Iā€™m gonna get any diagnosis from them either and heā€™ll probably end up dying anyway really really hate what has become a veterinary care in this country charging me thousands of dollars and you canā€™t figure out whatā€™s wrong with my cat and they die anyway.

Merlin was pretty much fine a week and a half ago so I donā€™t know what even know caused all of this so suddenly. Certainly them sedating him and telling me he had pneumonia and giving him all these drugs did not help!

Any ideas?

Iā€™m really despairing of what is going on here. This is the care cat who is suddenly so ill is getting and they just kept telling me to take them to the hospital after their ā€œdiagnosis'ā€ but when I showed them a video of his breathing, they said heā€™s not in distress. talk about gaslighting me and contradicting each other. šŸ˜–

my old Dvm used to get on the phone with me constantly when the cat was really sick, and he had a diagnosis almost immediately. Which was almost always accurate. Now nobody will get on the phone with you. They say they are too busy because they have other patients, even though you spent hundreds of dollars already, followed their treatments etc. and they f****** everything up.

He was too busy to talk to me directly and tell me what his opinion is, even though he said the x-ray does not have fluid he could not tell me what he thinks is going on? He couldnā€™t take 10 minutes to do that?

ultimately, I wanna do whatā€™s best for Merlin even if that means letting him go, although Iā€™m never gonna recover from the devastation. On top of that, he told me to take him back to the hospital where they sent him home with feces all over him, lied about it, and I had to clean him off when he had c difficile exposing me and my family.

Meanwhile, while I was waiting there, the first night I brought him there, I had to wait for over an hour, and there were two emergencies, which were dogs who called up on the phone who they fit in right away.

I wish someone would be honest and just say if they think theyā€™re dying. I think Iā€™ve only had two DVM ever do that in my over 30 years of taking care of cats. The Dvm who put Fred to sleep agreed with me that this was the right thing to do. So that would make maybe three. That way I donā€™t have to go bankrupt, and my cat suffers even more, and dies anyway. I will never forget one Hospital trying to con me into doing a transfusion on Angie when it was clear she was dying & keeping her in the hospital another day which would have meant about $3000 more for them.
 
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Meowmee

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I would guess nobody else has answered because they haven't any experience of this or suggestions to offer. I haven't, either - I can only offer sympathy and best wishes for Merlin's recovery.
thanks. Someone here posted their cat-had pneumonia and survived a couple of weeks ago. Supposedly they used homeopathic treatments, but they didnā€™t reply to me when I said some thing their post.

Now that I donā€™t even know if he really has pneumonia I donā€™t think it would be a good idea to try any of that. Iā€™m really just at a loss here.
 
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Meowmee

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can someone tell me why this site saves old posts that werenā€™t completed? It is so unbelievably annoying. I come back to maybe post again and it has saved something I already erased and did not intend to post. It has to be a bug in the system here and it makes navigating and posting very cumbersome and annoying. There is no way to delete it and not have it come back apparently.
 

silent meowlook

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Hi. I am sorry about what is happening.

If it was me, and my cat, I would try very hard to find a cat only hospital and get in there. Have all the X-rays and records from your visits to the other hospital sent before your appointment. If you can find a cat only hospital, it is usually much less stress to the cat. Use the below site to look for one.


If there isnā€™t one, I think you need a referral to a specialty hospital. I donā€™t think I would have much trust in the vets he has been seeing due to the conflicting information they have given you. You have a right to be upset about this. I donā€™t understand how they could mess up a diagnosis like this. It doesnā€™t make sense.
 
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Meowmee

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Hi. I am sorry about what is happening.

If it was me, and my cat, I would try very hard to find a cat only hospital and get in there. Have all the X-rays and records from your visits to the other hospital sent before your appointment. If you can find a cat only hospital, it is usually much less stress to the cat. Use the below site to look for one.


If there isnā€™t one, I think you need a referral to a specialty hospital. I donā€™t think I would have much trust in the vets he has been seeing due to the conflicting information they have given you. You have a right to be upset about this. I donā€™t understand how they could mess up a diagnosis like this. It doesnā€™t make sense.
I was just getting ready to head over to one of the 24 hour hospitals here. I had talked to them on the phone but they didnā€™t have his x-rays yet and then I decided I have to eat something and I can wait until the regular DVM is open, and have them send over the x-rays in the records hopefully.

But Iā€™m still pretty exhausted having been up since 8 PM with no sleep and then Merlin just walked under my bed in my bedroom again- he was in another bedroom sleeping, and Iā€™m not going to drag him out of there so I think Iā€™m going to call them and ask them if itā€™s OK if I come in in the afternoon.
I just donā€™t feel right trying to drag him out from under the bed in his condition and Iā€™m not sure if I can physically do it with my back.

There is only one cat only hospital I know of in my area and I think he closed down because there was a fire in his office. Really they were not very good though. For the 24 hour hospitals you donā€™t need a referral here to go to them you can just go to them anytime if youā€™re cat dog is in an emergency or really sick.

So Iā€™m just gonna wait till he comes out from under the bed, and try to sleep for a couple of hours after I call them. Thanks for replying, Iā€™ll update later.
 
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Meowmee

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Good luck! Rooting for you both.
Thanks šŸ˜€ he is in the hospital now on the IV meds for both parasitic and infectious pneumonia. He is on oxygen and has improved. His respiration rate is still high but they said he is much more comfortable. Heā€™s eating baby food off of a syringe now. Iā€™m still very worried of course and yesterday I pretty much thought he wasnā€™t gonna make it. I will write more about that later.

I had taken him back to my veterinarian and he started panting there, and they said heā€™s going to die and his pulse ox was low. (88%)

Then I took him to the hospital where he is now, I feel very upset by the behavior of Dvm at the regular Dvm. He even been told me if I try to drive him to another hospital now heā€™s maybe gonna die and then basically tried to blame it all on me. Saying I shouldā€™ve taken him to the hospital even though they told me he was OK when I showed them a video and I was checking his respiration etc. I didnā€™t know that you could do pulse ox on a cat so I was looking at his gums, which were pink.

Then at some point he came back in the room and told me I should take him somewhere else because Iā€™m gonna accuse him of killing my cat. Can you believe this??? I said, even if I was gonna do that I have no recourse to do anything about it.

I really did tell him off about everything that they have done including giving me conflicting stories and initially sedating him just to do an x-ray when it couldā€™ve been done without that when they already knew I told him he was having breathing issues the night before.
 
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Meowmee

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Update... I went to see Merlin earlier this evening. He looks terrible, his respiration rate was high and he was not eating... I am not sure what to do now as I think he will not make it, and I can't move him to a better hospital now. I had spoken to the doc at 9:30 am, she said he was still doing well but his respiration was higher sometimes maybe due to stress. She said he ate some baby food off of a syringe but now when I went earlier he was not eating at all apparently ( that may have been the first night). She said he was active, looking out of his oxygen cage at the cats and he hissed at a dog.

They let me go in the back- he was in the oxygen case. He has a litter pan, some wet food was uneaten, and water. He kept shifting on a towel he was laying on and did not really respond to me. I measured his respiration rate at 64 or so but he looks very uncomfortable most of the time.

I tried to give him some baby food they gave me to give him but he didn't want it although he looked at it but not really at me. Another doctor had called me around 6pm and said his respiration was higher and gone up in the afternoon. They are taking him out to check his pulse ox and do stuff and he gets worse then. She said I could come to visit then, it had been too busy earlier.

When I got there and went back I was alarmed and asked the doc there, another one, why he is breathing so fast and he said because they took him out before that to do the pulse ox. I asked about his po and he said it was 68 which is terrible, but he thought it was a mistake. They have switched his meds now from doxycycline, clavamox iv version and some anti parasitic meds, all iv to now baytril & the clavamox iv version. For some reason they have decided because he was only indoor he could not have a parasitic pneumonia now and are using two for infectious pneumonia. Even though I told them they catch mice in our house.

When I was there the latest doc did not introduce himself, I had to ask is the doctor here?, and he was sitting right there. I just did not get a good feeling. They added some dry food, due to me being there, and asking questions etc. Otherwise I get the feeling none of that would have happened. A good doc would come over and say hi and offer info etc. imo. At some point he said to a tech/nurse are they going to do a nebulizer treatment and she seemed to think not maybe, I could not tell for sure. He seemed either unconcerned or at the least out of it. I looked him up online, I had to ask his name because he did introduce himself etc., there are some terrible reviews. I am so worried.

When I first brought him there, they said they were going to do nebuliser treatments, and also maybe a nose feeding tube to get him eating. I am not sure why they did not do it. I was concerned because I thought it would stress him, the doc then said they would give him a puff of propofol to do it. But when I signed the estimate etc. it was not on there so I asked and they said they would ask and then had me sign the paper work for that.

Normally they have not called 3 x a day, the first night doc did not call until the am at 9:30. I am not sure how often they change doctors/shifts. One of the techs was nice to me getting me the baby food and a wooden spatula to put it on because I could not reach him at the back of the oxygen cage, and was talking to me. I felt that Merlin felt so ill, he barely knew I was there although he responded to my voice a bit, and sometimes looked out of the cage. Maybe this was just a worse moment.

But I have to wonder what will happen when they take him out of the oxygen cage if he starts breathing that way when he is outside it, he won't survive. And if he won't eat he has no chance of getting better. He was only supposed to be there for 48 hrs which will be tomorrow. I said to the doc last night that he can't go home with a high respiration rate. His rate at home was at the most 24 per 30 seconds and mostly 14-17 and he did not look like this at all, no panting etc. which only happened when I took him back to the regular dvm Tuesday, and seemed in part due to a panic attack as well as the pneumonia. I also remember overhearing there when I was getting ready to leave, that a receptionist called the hospital and they must have asked what is wrong because she said "possible" pneumonia.

I watched someone's video about their cat having pneumonia and ending up in the hospital, they euthanized their cat after 30 hours on o2 with no improvement, I don't know if he was on meds but they mentioned he also had a collapsed trachea so there were other issues going on obviously. 2 other people said their cats had also died from pneumonia.

I am so worried and did not want him to be put through all of this but the doc at the other dvm, the one who said all that crap above, seemed to think Merlin had a good chance of survival after they gave him some o2, and they did bw and another xray even though the xray was worse he said. I can't seem to get a straight answer from anyone. For some reason he thought then it was a red blood cell parasitic pneumonia because his red blood cell count was low. But my brother said it was not that low, and said these are all guesses on a differential diagnosis report from the radiologist.

I was so upset last night that I was having trouble breathing until they called, and said he was improving. I am asthmatic. Now I am so upset all over again. I thought this hospital was ok because they did an ok job for Sybil when she first went into heart failure.
 
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I had a kitten with aspiration pneumonia twice in her short 6 month life. We couldnā€™t afford emergency care so we syringe fed watered down food (since she was young we gave her kitten milk sometimes too) every 3-4 hours day and night, we got antibiotics as soon as we could. There are also nutrient pastes that can be given so theyā€™ll lick it off their paws. She made it through both times despite looking like she might not pull through, but it was very traumatic and she was extremely weak after the second time. I did do steam inhalation (with a humidifier in a small room) with her a couple times and it did seem to help, I would think a nebulizer would be much safer though.

Cats wonā€™t eat if they canā€™t smell it, heating food may help but if possible a feeding tube may be necessary. Having been through it all myself I would definitely advocate for a feeding tube if in the situation again.

So sorry youā€™re going through this, I didnā€™t read everything because itā€˜s still quite painful but tried my best to touch on points that may be helpful and encouraging.
 

silent meowlook

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Oh no! I a m so sorry for his decline in health.

This is a scary situation. There is so much working against you and sweet Merlin.

What I have always learned and experienced is that you never stress a cat in respiratory distress. So if a cat comes in panting, you stick them in an oxygen cage and leave them alone until they are calm.

At the cat hospital the vet there would give a quick injection of Midazolam, which would help with stress and also increases the appetite. Only when they are more calm would we do any diagnostics like X-rays. Blood work would always have to wait.

If is so hard to find competent knowledgeable veterinary care that actually caters to cats. It is hard to find technicians and veterinarians that are more focused on cats than dogs. It is almost impossible to find anyone in the veterinary field that can for one second, think outside the box.

What bothers me among many things is that he hissed at a dog. Seriously? He shouldnā€™t be seeing s dog. I mean I donā€™t understand why they cannot block his visual of the area with a towel or something at the very least.

I am so sorry and I donā€™t know what to recommend at this point. I fear if you try to move him to another hospital, the stress of the trip would be too much for him. I donā€™t know if you could take him home because once again the stress of the trip.

Oxygen concentrators are available for sale. Itā€™s hard to find but some are quiet. They can be run at home and used as a flow by method to increase the oxygen. But, i think there is obviously something serious going on here, or something moderate in severity made worse by stress.

I hate the way they keep switching antibiotics without knowing what is actually wrong. I hate how cold and disgusting some of the vets have been to you.

I donā€™t know if there is one near you or not, but there is a chain of veterinary emergency hospitals called ā€œVEGā€ Veterinary Emergency Group. They are novel in their practices by allowing pet owners to stay with their cats and dogs all the time during treatment and hospitalization.

I am frustrated and sad for you and Merlin. I am keeping you both in my thoughts and hoping for a miracle recovery.
 

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Sheesh. I'm so sorry. The internal angst dealing with an incompetent vet vs a really good one is something that just eats you up. Good luck to you and Merlin.
 
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Meowmee

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Oh no! I a m so sorry for his decline in health.

This is a scary situation. There is so much working against you and sweet Merlin.

What I have always learned and experienced is that you never stress a cat in respiratory distress. So if a cat comes in panting, you stick them in an oxygen cage and leave them alone until they are calm.

At the cat hospital the vet there would give a quick injection of Midazolam, which would help with stress and also increases the appetite. Only when they are more calm would we do any diagnostics like X-rays. Blood work would always have to wait.

If is so hard to find competent knowledgeable veterinary care that actually caters to cats. It is hard to find technicians and veterinarians that are more focused on cats than dogs. It is almost impossible to find anyone in the veterinary field that can for one second, think outside the box.

What bothers me among many things is that he hissed at a dog. Seriously? He shouldnā€™t be seeing s dog. I mean I donā€™t understand why they cannot block his visual of the area with a towel or something at the very least.

I am so sorry and I donā€™t know what to recommend at this point. I fear if you try to move him to another hospital, the stress of the trip would be too much for him. I donā€™t know if you could take him home because once again the stress of the trip.

Oxygen concentrators are available for sale. Itā€™s hard to find but some are quiet. They can be run at home and used as a flow by method to increase the oxygen. But, i think there is obviously something serious going on here, or something moderate in severity made worse by stress.

I hate the way they keep switching antibiotics without knowing what is actually wrong. I hate how cold and disgusting some of the vets have been to you.

I donā€™t know if there is one near you or not, but there is a chain of veterinary emergency hospitals called ā€œVEGā€ Veterinary Emergency Group. They are novel in their practices by allowing pet owners to stay with their cats and dogs all the time during treatment and hospitalization.

I am frustrated and sad for you and Merlin. I am keeping you both in my thoughts and hoping for a miracle recovery.
Thank you I will reply more later Merlin just died at the hospital. I was planning to let him go today anyway, but then my brother told me they told him he had eaten something and I thought maybe he was starting to respond. His breath was so bad last night I wasnā€™t gonna let him suffer anymore. Unfortunately, I took him to the closer one because they had treated Sybil for her heart failure and she survived it however, they really didnā€™t do that great of a job with her. She had to be rehospitalized about a week later somewhere else. I was going to go to veg on Monday, and I didnā€™t and I regret that now.

Iā€™ll write more later. I donā€™t know, I donā€™t even know if they know what was going on with him, he could have had cancer too. I hate that they were switching his medication too, I hate all of this, and Iā€™m just in the state of shock because about two weeks ago he was seemingly his normal self and eating.

Iā€™m asking this thread not be closed once again because I have a lot more than I want to tell people that happened to help other people that may have to go through this . I know I hope nobody does have to and maybe you will have a more successful result than poor Merlin did, I just feel at this point that I tortured him for no reason.

Iā€™m in such a state of shock at how he could go from being pretty much himself to being dead in two weeks, that has never happened to me before with any of my cats in over 30 years. and I think I got the worst possible medical advice and treatment. I wish now I had just let him go when I brought him back to my regular DVM. Or maybe had taken him to the hospital right away and if they had impressed upon me, how serious pneumonia is I would have.

Then he couldā€™ve just ended up suffering at some other place or maybe he wouldā€™ve got a better at a place that did the treatments that you suggest with the tranquilizer, etc.

ultimately I failed Merlin, but the Dvm also failed him, and not just in these past two weeks but in the past because I had told the Dvm several times that he was sneezing a lot and I didnā€™t know if it was hairball, but it turns out now that it was coughing and he couldā€™ve had some underlying lung conditioning going on. The only thing he said was well we can do with tube down his nose to seeā€¦ since he was really pretty healthy then I assumed it was an allergy so I didnā€™t do it and I was more focused on healing all of his Gastro problems, which I did with a home cooked diet,

However , a good veterinarian wouldā€™ve thought maybe it could be asthma or some other lung problem and wouldā€™ve investigated it but really last time I remember telling him that again in 2022 he just brushed me off. This guy just does not care and they dismiss peopleā€™s or my concerns.

So, once again, Iā€™m having to find a new veterinarian, this one was good for regular stuff because they have later hours and almost none of them have that here. However, there is one other cat only Dvm. I may take my guys there. Iā€™m not sure yet.

I just hate the fact that poor Merlin suffered alone & terrified in his last minutes, he was gasping for breath when I could've just let him go sooner. Iā€™ll never forgive myself for that. I also really feel like these people have no clue what theyā€™re doing.

But I guess Iā€™ve known that for a long time. Iā€™m just at their mercy because what else can I do. Iā€™m not really wealthy, so I canā€™t take them to the best place possible and I only have limited choices here and even then a lot of these places just try to fleece you and they donā€™t do even what they say they were going to do. And even if you can afford the best treatment possible, itā€™s not always the best decision. Also the best place possible that I have taken them to in the past have messed up big time a lot of times, many times, and have been horrible too.

I miss my big ginger boy so muchā€¦ I had so many beautiful videos. I was doing of him lately and the others and putting them on Instagram. I was going to make a separate account for him because they got a lot of likes. When Sybil died I felt so depressed because I didnā€™t have any more outdoor cats and he was out there making friends with me. He literally hung out with me for an entire summer while I was building a little patio by the house. I took him in and he was the most loving cat. It was kind of stressful because he bit me, although not really aggressively and then of course we ended up keeping him and I tamed him down, and he turned out to be the biggest love bug ever. And he tolerated crazy Quinn and loved all of the other cats too. I donā€™t think he was thrilled about Fred and cinnamon lol.

I just donā€™t feel right without him. I donā€™t know if I ever will to be honest I realize now that he is really the backbone of everything for me these past few years since my father died, and before that. Not to say that I donā€™t love my other guys, I love them more than anything.

I failed you miserably Merlin and for that I want to apologize. Please forgive me. The only good thing I can say now is at least heā€™s not suffering anymore. I hope heā€™s with everybody else at the bridge.
šŸ˜­šŸ¾šŸŒˆšŸˆ
 
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kauzmo

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I'm so so sorry. I lost my soul mate kauzmo last Thursday and have a lot of guilt on how I didn't do things correctly with a clueless vet and by the time a competent vet looked at him it was too late and who's to say anything would have changed with how much time my Kauzmo had left but I understand the feeling you have and how it would be easier if you at least had a thorough and correct diagnosis by a competent vet to make the decisions.
I've replayed moments over and over on making different decisions and what might have been, to the point where I was researching ways I could have fixed him, as if I can still change what happened.
Don't beat yourself up, we do not have crystal balls no matter how hard we want them. Grief is the small price we pay for having these amazing companions in our life. All we can do is honor their memory and help give the best life to the next companion when we're ready. I am wishing you the best during this time and you did all you could with what you knew in that moment, that's all any of us can ask for from someone who loves us.
 
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Meowmee

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Also, this is the first time ever my cat has died without me there. I was always there with them because I knew it was coming, and I made it there if they were in hospital and I wasnā€™t there. That just proves to me what this place is clueless even more because even though I told them he looked terrible last night. They were trying to say it wasnā€™t that bad I think. I mean I know these things can be touch, and go, but really I shouldā€™ve listened to my best instinct and just done it when I visited and could still be with him, so maybe he wouldnā€™t have been alone & terrified šŸ˜­
 
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