Lovable /Terrifying Feral Tom

[DeeCat]

TL;DR: An intact tomcat feral I'm trying to catch, get neutered, and rehome here, has been warming up quite a bit since August. Can pet his back now, and he comes running for food. Has bitten me a few times (for moving too quickly); today he was extra affectionate, and bit me because I STOPPED petting him! I've been planning all along to keep him after I trap him/ have him neutered next week. But now, I'm more afraid of him, and not as sure of my plans (put him in the room I'm getting ready for him, and very slowly acclimate him to home, and later to my older female indoor-only cat).

Hi all,

Background
I thought I was great with ferals, having raised them for over 30 years - kittens as well as adults. I have rarely been bitten - just by kittens. But now I'm not sure of what I'm doing. In August, I saw an all black feral I'd been feeding a while back who disappeared -- I had been trying to catch him or her a while back. Right after the sighting, I put food out, and got a wireless camera. The camera showed that the cat on the porch who was eating the food at night was not the black cat I had just seen outside, whom I used to feed - it was a new grey tiger cat I had never seen before! He would not let me even look at him at first even through the window. He immediately ran, and if I was anywhere in the vicinity or near a window, he would not come to eat. He only showed up at night, at first. He acted as feral as any cat I've ever seen. I since learned he is male, apparently not altered (I could smell him in the yard, plus he obviously chased off the black cat), and he looks to be between 2-5 years old - though I really have no idea of his age.

A couple of bites I understood
I'll leave out a LOT of detail and all the time spent with him, but to fast forward: After a VERY gradual process (thanks to experience, as well as great advice from this forum!) since then, I can now pet him, and feed him from my hand. If the camera alerts me that he is around I immediately go out to feed him, and he comes running to me now! He has started just in the past 2 days to nap on the porch - that's brand new. He has headbutted me and loves to be pet - on his back and head ONLY! - he has bitten me (HARD) a few times, for moving quickly or accidentally touching his leg or side, when I first was allowed to touch him (he headbutted me first). I could deal with that, I just went slower, though his bite is pretty severe - he has gotten me on both wrists (which when you think about it, look like animal necks, if the hand is the head). He let go immediately both times, seemed over-stimulated, seemed sorry, if cats can seem sorry. I could deal with that, and the bites have been healing. He has jaws and fangs like a mountain lion, btw. Yikes.

He's not used to humans, obviously. I don't think he has ever dealt with one before, for many reasons I've observed. I have always thought that any feral could be 'tamed' or loved, with their restrictions (don't pick some of them up, for example) - and enough patience, still able to give them a loving home. One cat took years to come around; she was the most loving cat EVER.

New biting issue
Today, he was more affectionate than usual. He wanted pets more than food. I pet him quite a while, but had to get back to work, so I turned (I thought slowly, and always saying "I will see you later! be safe!", etc., etc.) to go back inside while he still wanted affection, it seemed -- and he also seemed like he wanted to go inside, too! But I have an older kitty and can't just let him in yet -- and he bit the back of my leg (through jeans, but still drew blood), behind my knee, as I turned to go inside. I said "OW!" loudly - it was automatic- and went inside for hours, without carrying on the lengthy usual goodbye soft words. I should have been more patient, maybe?.. but I also have to work... But, I thought at the time, perhaps I moved too quickly? (But I didn't move quickly....I realized later... I know better.)

So, I went out a few hours later; he was still on the porch! Much longer than ever before. I could see he looked sad (on camera)... I figured it was my fault for leaving while he was telling me he wanted affection (sounds like a sick relationship, haha!). I brought some treats out, and again he was more interested in getting pets - so I did - but also tried to put the treats down too, so I could eventually get back inside. While putting the treats down (a split second of not petting him), he bit my hand, for the first time -- for no apparent reason other than I wasn't petting him enough for a second? And maybe that's why he bit me in the leg earlier, because he wanted more pets and I left -?? I have never worn gloves, but will in the future. I said OW loudly (forgot to hiss, because I was so startled and upset!) and went in for the rest of the night. He sat waiting for me for hours and finally left after sunset. He has never stayed here so long before. I have no idea where he sleeps.

It wasn't petting against his wishes, this time. It was that I dared to STOP petting him when he wanted affection. I should add that I gave him a lot of affection on the earlier visits, but I don't want to overdo it and get bit for THAT reason - so now, it's because it's not enough... sigh.

HOUSE: CRATING? CARRIER? ROOM?
So while I'm emptying out a room for him (from an adult child who still has a ton of stuff in it that I need to find room for!), getting a contractor to fix a door for the room --- I also bought a gate and a screen from Amazon that I'm going to try for the door -- I am wondering (and feeling very sad) if I am doing the right thing, or are some adult tom cats just too much? Sure, getting fixed next week will help, but am I putting myself and my 16.5 year old, small female inside cat in danger? Also I have a dog crate (36") for him, but I can't find a smaller carrier that would work to put inside of it that would be easy to open and close while inside the crate. Should I even crate him since he is already letting me pet him? Will he go crazy? I have put cats in small rooms before, always, so I'm new to crating...

Obviously, I'd keep him separate for quite a while. My cat has seen him through the window and I've already tried scent swapping even though he is still outside. (He's unmoved by it, my female cat hates his smell so far, but it's early...).

I'm feeling suddenly unsure of what I have felt so sure of for months. I left out a LOT of detail, but I've been working to get him inside for quite a while and felt it was going pretty well, until today.

If any part needs clarification, please ask.
Signed,
Dee-pressed.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi

getting fixed next week will help,

It will help. Once the hormones have calmed down, hopefully he does as well, and your indoor sweetie will be less concerned. I think I'd crate him initially, but others with more experience may have a different thought about this aspect.

As you mentioned, use gloves, Rose gloves can be great for this, so that your confidence is back in place. You can't really know how things are going to be until a few weeks when his system is more stable.

 

[theyremine]

I took Rascal in as a 7 month old feral kitten foster. (I kept him in a room) The plan had been to TNR him and his sister because he was very aggressive. But they were found to be sick (lung worm and later herpes) at vetting and needed to be treated before release. Unlike most ferals he would actually attack and especially if you tried to approach his sister. After I worked with him for some months (Yep, I decided to keep them) he stopped attacking when I approached and allowed some touching. Then he decided he liked petting. I still had him and his sister in a separate foster room and when I would go to leave he began attacking my leg, digging in his claws so deep I was dripping blood through my jeans. He was trying to stop me from leaving. I hissed I yelled I left immediately. But this phase did continue for a couple of weeks.
He was almost 3 when he first climbed into my lap and it bought tears to my eyes. He's 9 now (and 18 pounds) and I never have regretted my decision.
Please take the biting seriously. Make sure you are up to date on tetanus and keep the bites clean. At the rescue we use povidone-lodine.

 

[DeeCat]

It will help. Once the hormones have calmed down, hopefully he does as well, and your indoor sweetie will be less concerned. I think I'd crate him initially, but others with more experience may have a different thought about this aspect.

As you mentioned, use gloves, Rose gloves can be great for this, so that your confidence is back in place. You can't really know how things are going to be until a few weeks when his system is more stable.

Thank you so much for replying, it means a lot to me. I have absolutely lost my confidence with him - you picked right up on that. It's a first with ferals for me; I have always had the feeling that any feral would make a great pet, given time, and that we just needed to read their 'signs' - but this one is quite unpredictable, and bites extremely hard, going through double layers of clothes and still making a deep puncture bite (4 holes at once each time). Anyway I ordered handling gloves -- I meant to before, but your post reminded me -- I do have fireplace gloves, but they are extremely large and clunky, even with logs -- and my winter gloves, that I planned to use, don't go up high enough. I'm still afraid of walking near him, for fear he'll bite my leg again. He wants to come in the house, but I can't have him do that yet... perhaps that's partly why he bit the back of my leg yesterday - he wanted to come in last night too, and I instinctively blocked him from doing so with my legs/feet. He didn't want me to leave. I read up on this and it's not that uncommon - once they have your affection, they start to demand it, if they are aggressive kitties. I do hope the neutering helps a lot, or perhaps he will learn to restrain himself when he learns it means he will not get much time with me otherwise.

He has never slow blinked - he just stares at me - though he has rolled around not too far away and showed his belly, and does turn his head away and yawn at times. I do not stare at him. Is it possible I'm being TOO submissive for this tomcat (his name is undecided, so I am not saying it yet ;-) -- in kitty language?

 

[DeeCat]

I took Rascal in as a 7 month old feral kitten foster. (I kept him in a room) The plan had been to TNR him and his sister because he was very aggressive. But they were found to be sick (lung worm and later herpes) at vetting and needed to be treated before release. Unlike most ferals he would actually attack and especially if you tried to approach his sister. After I worked with him for some months (Yep, I decided to keep them) he stopped attacking when I approached and allowed some touching. Then he decided he liked petting. I still had him and his sister in a separate foster room and when I would go to leave he began attacking my leg, digging in his claws so deep I was dripping blood through my jeans. He was trying to stop me from leaving. I hissed I yelled I left immediately. But this phase did continue for a couple of weeks.
He was almost 3 when he first climbed into my lap and it bought tears to my eyes. He's 9 now (and 18 pounds) and I never have regretted my decision.
Please take the biting seriously. Make sure you are up to date on tetanus and keep the bites clean. At the rescue we use povidone-lodine.

Thank you SO much for telling me about Rascal. It really helps to hear what others have done in similar situations! I also did a search on this site for similar situations, and another person went through something extremely similar this summer -- the cat would bite her when she stopped petting him or wanted to leave, though he was the initiator of the petting (same as in my case).

Re: Tetanus: THANK YOU!!!! I have kept the bites very clean, but figured I couldn't be infected as they heal well (though they are pretty deep, each time). However, after your message, I looked up tetanus - it is apparently not obvious by looking at the bite to tell if one is infected; it can heal perfectly and one can still get it! So - I got a tetanus shot today! (It's been well over 15 years). Actually I had to get a Tdap (tetanus, diphtheria and pertussis) shot all at once, as that's all they had... who knows, maybe you saved my life?

I also ordered that iodine, had never heard of it. Hopefully, I won't need it, but better to have it.

Thanks again.

I do still need to figure out if I should put him in a crate once he's inside after neutering --?? I've gotten pretty far with him - wonder if that would make him MORE aggressive, and less trusting, or simply be the only safe way to do things...

 

[Furballsmom]

Try cowboy boots, or

high fuzzy house shoe boots

They're too thick for a cat to bite through.

Too submissive? I dunno, possibly?

 

[theyremine]

Also some things that worked for me. I found once Rascal had a routine: he knew I was going to feed at certain times and knew that he would have a long petting session every day at the same time, he became less aggressive and calm. I also announced each time I was leaving and left him several temptations as I left, hoping that he would associate my leaving as a positive thing. I used tight fitting unlined leather gloves because I could feel him as I touched him but still had some protection.

Finally, I always prefer to have any feral up off the floor when I "work" with them. That way you don't loom over them and you can observe their actions/reactions better, If you use a crate perhaps you can put in on a large table.

I'm sure many will chime in on this site with helpful hints. I started out knowing nothing and through the advice given on this site and some experience, socializing ferals is one of my favorite things to do!

 

[DeeCat]

Try cowboy boots, or

They're too thick for a cat to bite through.

Too submissive? I dunno, possibly?

He bit me on the back of my leg behind my knee - he knows where it hurts! I don't have boots that high, but was thinking of getting knee pads and wearing them backwards, lol! I'll figure something out. Boots in general are a good idea, though! -- in case he aims for the calf next time.

In the meantime, I'm practically dancing around the porch trying to not startle him or have him behind me when I try to get in the door! I leave out lots of treats now (though I used to only give them by hand, it was my bonding process) to give me some escape time.

 

[DeeCat]

Also some things that worked for me. I found once Rascal had a routine: he knew I was going to feed at certain times and knew that he would have a long petting session every day at the same time, he became less aggressive and calm. I also announced each time I was leaving and left him several temptations as I left, hoping that he would associate my leaving as a positive thing. I used tight fitting unlined leather gloves because I could feel him as I touched him but still had some protection.

Finally, I always prefer to have any feral up off the floor when I "work" with them. That way you don't loom over them and you can observe their actions/reactions better, If you use a crate perhaps you can put in on a large table.

I'm sure many will chime in on this site with helpful hints. I started out knowing nothing and through the advice given on this site and some experience, socializing ferals is one of my favorite things to do!

All great ideas (and I agree, the advice on this site is SO helpful!). I am pretty much playing it by his timing - when he shows up, the camera alerts me and I immediately come out with food. Thank God I work from home! I can't really leave much food out here though, and never at night, because we have mink, bear, fox, you name it... but during the day, not as many critters, so I have left some dry out. I have a signal for him: two taps on the door before I open it. He is right there in front of the door and I have to be careful not to step on him, haha! I am now doing as you say, putting down treats as I leave... it was just today as a distraction to give me time to get in the door, but now that you mention it, it's a great positive association for him instead of him getting upset -- good thinking! I used to only give him treats by hand so he'd associate it with me being there... perhaps I overdid a good thing!

I will look for a table for the dog crate - that's an excellent idea... also that way he can look out the window! It would have to be a large table, but I'll try to figure something out.

Do you always use crates with cats who let you pet them? Then again, with the biting situation...

 

[DeeCat]

Try cowboy boots, or

They're too thick for a cat to bite through.

Too submissive? I dunno, possibly?

WOW! I just read the thread you quoted/linked that from (about the high fuzzy boots)! I wonder how she/he did after that, do you know? My bites don't seem QUITE as bad now...! I always wonder how people fare after some of the posts on here, don't you?

 

[DeeCat]

Here is Grey Kitty (AKA Micah - not positive of the name yet, kids are voting...)

 

[Furballsmom]

wonder how she/he did after that, do you know

I believe ok, and you're right, some situations are amazing.

What a handsome fellow!

 

[reba]

“signs' - but this one is quite unpredictable, and bites extremely hard, going through double layers of clothes and still making a deep puncture bite (4 holes at once each time).:

Hang on. Have had family with cat bites that broke the skin twice and they both ended up in the ER on heavy duty anti-biotics. These were on the hand/wrist, but cat bites are nothing to mess with.

 

[DeeCat]

“signs' - but this one is quite unpredictable, and bites extremely hard, going through double layers of clothes and still making a deep puncture bite (4 holes at once each time).:

Hang on. Have had family with cat bites that broke the skin twice and they both ended up in the ER on heavy duty anti-biotics. These were on the hand/wrist, but cat bites are nothing to mess with.

He breaks the skin every time. I do clean them very well, and today I got a tetanus shot (along with diphtheria and pertussis vaccine that were part of it which I'll never need, but...). Only one was on the hand, the others were on the wrists and leg. I am keeping an eye on them - the first one is healing really well, almost can't see it now.

 

[DeeCat]

I believe ok, and you're right, some situations are amazing.

What a handsome fellow!

Thank you (or, he thanks you, haha!)! The last two are from the camera on the porch, of him looking in the front door to see what I'm doing, or wondering what's taking me so long to get back out there.

 

[theyremine]

He looks very comfortable. Quite a handsome boy!

 

[tnrmakessense]

I've rescued for 40 years and have had three like your boy. Handsome, smart, and will bite for blood if you don't do what they want. Aging helps, but that's a ways away for your guy. Don't yell - that can ramp up the ferocity. I would suggest a spray bottle but that might amp up his aggression. Look out for yourself. I learned with my three bad boys to always back away from them.

What you see as "sadness" on his face is probably a projection. More likely he's thinking "why the hell aren't you out here catering to my every need?"

All that said, there's a reward for loving a bad boy cat that I never got from a bad boy human.

 

[Tigger's Mum]

Interesting that you say you can pet his head and back only. My recently adopted stray will tolerate petting on his head as far as his shoulders then his tail starts to wag and he'll hiss or growl. If we ignore him and carry on petting him he will bite or lash out with his paw but that is getting less and less with time. I think often feral/stray cats get kicked by people. My boy has a strange gait as if he's had a hard wallop to his rear end at some time. He's only 3 years old according to our vet.

He does seem to prefer my adult son to me so I think perhaps some woman's been cruel to him at some time. That said, he's always on my bed, either on my pillow, my (old) dressing gown or last night I found him curled up half under the duvet so although he can be a bit feisty, he probably feels safe and secure where he can smell my scent.

Time and a lot of patience is key.