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Lost Our Boy Yesterday, Devastated

Discussion in 'Crossing the Bridge' started by peeves2019, May 15, 2019.

  1. peeves2019

    peeves2019 Thread Starter TCS Member Kitten

    May 15, 2019
    We lost our beautiful sweet bud Peeves yesterday afternoon.

    He was around 11 years old, and had had an episode 2 months ago where we found him collapsed and unresponsive one morning. We took him to the emergency vet and were told he had kidney disease, a large lump in his side that was probably cancer and fluid in his abdomen, and were advised to think about putting him down then. I didn't feel ready to let him go then, and so we kept him on fluids for 2 days at the vet. He recovered really well and all his kidney values went back to normal, so we brought him home. For the next two months, he was back to his usual self again, rolling over for belly rubs, cuddling with us in bed at night, kneading all the time. He had lost a lot of weight in the hospital but still had a good appetite, and I fed him his favourite foods 4-5 times a day. The vet wanted us to put him on a kidney prescription diet, but I worried he would lose more weight, so we did half prescription and half weruva / instinct / raw. We added water bowls around the house and he was drinking a lot. He was active and had a good appetite, and seemed to be back to normal again. We'd read that cats could live a decent amount of time with proper management, so I hoped that this meant he would survive longer than we expected, especially since he was putting on weight again and seemed to be in good spirits.

    Yesterday, his last day alive, he spent the morning hanging out by a window with his buddy (our other cat, Gretchen), checking out the birds and grooming each other. He had some chicken for breakfast with freeze dried treats, but didn't finish his food so I gave him his favourite Weruva gravy for a snack at lunchtime. That he gobbled down, finishing half of it at one go. Then when he went back to his window spot, I brought him the rest of the gravy, and he finished it. I gave him some head scritches and stroked his belly. I then left the house for 2 and a half hours. When I left he stood by the door, and I wish I had lingered for longer to pet him, because it was the last time I would see him alive. I was only gone a couple of hours, but when I came home, he was lying in a narrow corner in a bathroom, between some boxes and a wall. One paw was curled under, the other outstretched, his head resting on it. It looked as if he had gone to sleep, except in a really unlikely location. He'd pooped just outside the bathroom, and it looked like he'd tried to pee in the box but half missed.

    I can't believe he's gone, I've been crying non-stop since yesterday afternoon. I know he was sick because of what happened two months ago, but he was doing so well, and showed none of the signs I was looking out for like loss of appetite or hiding away. For the past couple of nights I did notice that he didn't want to sleep with us, and that sometimes he would go sit in spots he wouldn't usually sit in. But other times he'd still come cuddle, and he was eating and drinking, and could jump up to a dining chair easily up till the very end. Just yesterday morning when I shook the treat packet he came running to me at full speed.

    Peeves was my first cat, we got him at the shelter only 1.5 years ago. He was this fat, furry russian blue, and came walking up to me with a big meow. He was 9 years old, which the shelter told us was 'senior', but I didn't think much of it and took him home anyway. He was more loving than I'd ever thought a cat could be, greeting me at the door when I got home each day, following me around the house chirping at me, sleeping on my arm at night. I work from home, so I really spent almost every single day with him. 6 months ago, we adopted a second, younger cat as we felt bad leaving Peeves when we went away on trips. At first he hated her, but after 3 months they became inseparable, and in the past 2 months of his life they cuddled and groomed each other almost non stop, to a disgustingly cute degree. I'm glad he had a friend at the end of his life.

    Here he is the morning of the day he died. And a couple more, in happier times. I'm finding it so hard to accept that he's gone. I don't know what killed him... if it was the kidney disease, the cancer, or something else. I can't stop blaming myself for leaving the house yesterday for just those two hours. I wish I had been with him when he started feeling bad, that I could have held and comforted him as he passed. It was expected, and yet so unexpected. I'm just devastated.

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    Midnite2018, will2002, Antonio65 and 3 others purraised this.

  2. Mamanyt1953

    Mamanyt1953 Rules my home with an iron paw Staff Member Forum Helper

    Oct 16, 2015
    Havelock, North Carolina
    Rest you gentle, Peeves, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

    What a beautiful boy he was, and is, and will always be. And although I know that you miss his physical presence desperately, I will tell you the Deepest Truth I know. It is this...love never dies, it only changes form and continues on, still Love. And Love abides. Always and forever, Love abides. That Love is with you still.
    peeves2019, les26 and CatLover49 purraised this.

  3. WinniesMomma

    WinniesMomma TCS Member Adult Cat

    Feb 15, 2019
    He was so handsome. I am so sorry for your loss. Please try not to blame yourself or feel guilty. Perhaps he wanted to go when you weren't there, thinking it would be better. (My dad passed soon after my brother and I left the room, and a nurse told us that often parents will wait until they are alone. Maybe it was the same type of situation.)
    I lost my cat last month and the pain doesn't go away fully, but the good memories will replace the bad in time.
    peeves2019, will2002, Antonio65 and 5 others purraised this.

  4. CatLover49

    CatLover49 My Precious Snowball Super Cat

    Feb 8, 2018
    Reidsville NC
    Im so sorry for ure kitty n u.I am so sorry.Hes in cat heaven now.:alright::heartshape::(
    peeves2019, will2002, les26 and 2 others purraised this.

  5. betsygee

    betsygee Don't believe everything you think. Staff Member Moderator

    Mar 17, 2013
    Monterey, CA, USA
    When they have kidney disease and/or cancer, it can be so unpredictable. They can go for months, or be gone in weeks. Please don't be hard on yourself about not being there. You had no way of knowing that yesterday would be the day. :hugs:

    What a beautiful kitty. RIP, little Peeves.
    peeves2019, will2002, CatLover49 and 2 others purraised this.

  6. les26

    les26 Sylvester's daddy Top Cat

    Nov 19, 2015
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    I am so sorry that you lost your little friend, he had a wonderful life with you but sadly it was his time to leave although neither you nor he wanted to, but for some reason he looked good outside but was sick inside like a few of ours were that passed over the years, they look good outside but inside are sick, but he was loved and knew it, and you had no way to know that he was going to pass so don't let the grief fool you into thinking that you should've known and stayed, you had no idea but like someone said maybe he wanted to pass quietly on his own, but he is fine now just fine and you will see him again one day and it will be wonderful.

    "Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

    I hope that you heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless....:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:

  7. Antonio65

    Antonio65 TCS Member Top Cat

    Feb 27, 2017
    Orbassano - Italy
    I'm so sorry for the loss of your handsome Peeves. Though you knew about his conditions and were prepared to the inevitable, the sudden loss sounds unacceptable!
    No doubt you are shocked.

    As @WinniesMomma said, probably he wanted to leave while you weren't there.

    I understand your feeling.
    I, too, can forgive myself for sleeping while my beloved cat went to the Bridge... She died between 1 am and 2:50 am. At 1 am I had checked on her, less than two hours later she was gone, and I will never forgive myself for leaving her alone when she needed me the most.

    Someone told me the same thing, that she wanted to be alone and waited for me to be sleeping to go to the Bridge.

    Be strong, Gretchen still needs you!
    peeves2019, will2002, les26 and 1 other person purraised this.

  8. di and bob

    di and bob TCS Member Top Cat

    Dec 12, 2012
    Nebraska, USA
    Peeves went exactly as he wanted, at home surrounded by the things he loved the most and feeling your love. I'm sure he did not want to put you through seeing him pass, and he now follows a new path, but will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers because that path will forever parallel your own. He will be forever tied to your soul by the bond of love you built together. Love is spiritual, so not bound by the physical body. "Death cannot take that which never dies", and you will know this because love is eternal. He is forever as close as your thoughts and prayers, so like you did while he was alive, send him ones of love and gratitude for being in your life. It will bring him comfort to know you will be OK.
    You saved his life, and he will be forever grateful for that, you gave him a loving family and a wonderful home. Do not dwell on his end, but use your beautiful memories of his wonderful life to bring you comfort. No one can take those from you.
    My heart breaks fro your pain, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and pray in time your heart heals. Take care of yourself and just take one day at a time......RIP beautiful Peeves. You brought joy to your family, you will forever have secure places in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
    peeves2019, will2002 and CatLover49 purraised this.

  9. Antonio65

    Antonio65 TCS Member Top Cat

    Feb 27, 2017
    Orbassano - Italy
    Of course it was
    "I, too, CAN'T forgive myself for sleeping while my beloved cat went to the Bridge..."

    Sorry, the auto correction took over my message.
    peeves2019 purraised this.

  10. peeves2019

    peeves2019 Thread Starter TCS Member Kitten

    May 15, 2019
    Thank you so much everyone for your kind words and understanding. I'm trying not to blame myself and to believe he had a good life and death, but it's hard not to keep thinking about every single detail and questioning all my decisions. It's now been 3 days and I just miss him so much. It is so hard looking at his favourite spots in the house and not seeing him there, going to sleep and not having him curled up soft and warm next to me.
    ahilaryb and les26 purraised this.

  11. will2002

    will2002 TCS Member Adult Cat

    Oct 12, 2018
    Sorry for the loss of your beloved Peeves. Many times over the past years I have had cats pass suddenly. The latest was only a month ago, and the sting of that is very painfull still.
    Peeves was a "senior" cat that you gave love and a home to when no one else wanted him. Senior cats give us so much, and ask so little in return. They seem to know that their time is short, and that you are giving them one last chance to live out their life in peace and comfort. I'm sure Peeves felt that way about you.

    Take comfort in knowing that you did a wonderful thing the day you brought him into your home. He was loved, when so many go unwanted. God bless you.
    Antonio65 and les26 purraised this.

  12. ahilaryb

    ahilaryb TCS Member Kitten

    Aug 7, 2018
    I'm sorry for the loss of your handsome boy. I'm browsing here because I put my buddy Lester to sleep today. He was 14 years old and he had kidney disease too and likely cancer. Last night he became unable to stand or walk and I knew it was time. We sent him off so peacefully, with snuggles from all the people who loved him, and it felt right. But now I'm going to bed and the apartment is silent. He's not curled up on his bed or having a drink from his fountain or sleeping on my feet. He's not here and I miss him terribly. Anyways, I know how you feel. Sending you hugs and comfort. We'll get through it by remembering their sweet spirits and all the tender moments.
    Antonio65, CatLover49 and Leomc123 purraised this.

  13. Leomc123

    Leomc123 TCS Member Alpha Cat

    Oct 1, 2018
    :( im sorry that your friend passed away in such circumstances, and so suddenly , you must not blame yourself. It must have been devastating to come home and finding him passed away alone when he was there a few hours ago when you petted him one last time, unknowingly this would happen. It is tragic and he is in heaven now resting in the arms of god and is surrounded by gods angels, in warmth and love. Life is so fragile and in a flash it is gone, there are many what ifs to be thought off but you will drive yourself crazy thinking about it. Just know that it wasn't your fault and maybe this was the way it had to be done when it was pevees time to go, and god only knows the answer as to why he was taken from you so suddenly.
    ahilaryb purraised this.

  14. Leomc123

    Leomc123 TCS Member Alpha Cat

    Oct 1, 2018
    I am sorry that you had to make that difficult decision, i put my two buddies down in january and march this year, and i can tell you that you are not alone. The silence in the house and when i go outside it is deafening because they are not there anymore, and its heartbreaking knowing that we had to make that decision to let our friends go. Lester is in a peaceful place in gods arms and its protected by his angels and all the kittens who passed away. Its very hard, and i know you are heartbroken but time will mend your broken heart, just know that lester loves you and will be with you when you need him.

    I found a cat prayer that comforted me and may comfort you. *big hugs*

    zed xyzed, ahilaryb and Antonio65 purraised this.

  15. CatLover49

    CatLover49 My Precious Snowball Super Cat

    Feb 8, 2018
    Reidsville NC
    I havent had to put a cat to sleep.But it just makes my heart ache to even think of havn too.But I have a 10 yr old almost 11 in July.And I know its something sometimes we have to consider for our babies if their health is declining.But I can imagine it still dont make it any easier.My thoughts n Prayers goes out to all fur babies that go through this n their mommys or daddies.:grouphug::redheartpump::alright::(:petcat:
    Leomc123, ahilaryb and Antonio65 purraised this.

  16. WinniesMomma

    WinniesMomma TCS Member Adult Cat

    Feb 15, 2019
    I'm so sorry. It takes getting used to, them not being there to greet us any longer. This happened to me last month, and sometimes I still expect to see her.
    Antonio65, Leomc123 and ahilaryb purraised this.

  17. Bella's Mommy

    Bella's Mommy TCS Member Young Cat

    Nov 25, 2017
    where my cat is
    I am very sorry for your loss he looked like a very handsome grey kitty :)

  18. cara1970

    cara1970 TCS Member Young Cat

    Nov 19, 2012
    I'm so sorry for you loss! Animals actually do prefer to die alone, so most likely, he wanted to wait until you left or went to bed. Please don't beat yourself up about leaving the house. Part of the grieving process is feelings of guilt. These are completely unfounded feelings and you just need to push them out of your mind every time they creep in. Death is never pretty, never happens when we expect it and it never happens like we expect it. I've had to say goodbye to 7 fur babies in my adult life, one just a month ago. The one thing I have learned is to not dwell on what could've been or what I should've done. Remember that his end was not his entire life with you, there were beautiful endless hours, days and months with you before he died. What helps me is to hide all the triggers that are around the house, his bowl, bed, toys etc. I put them all in a box and just keep them out of my sight until the first few weeks have passed. When I'm ready I take them out again. But it's vital not to have them around to trigger emotions in the first few weeks. Please also consider Ignata Amara, a homeopathic remedy that is absolutely amazing.
    Remember, you will survive this. It does get better. And, he is still there in spirit with you.

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