Lost My Persian Kitty Two Months Ago And Still Crying

[SophieHurley]

hi, I had to have my beloved fifteen year old Persian boy out to sleep very suddenly. Unfortunately he just went wobbly one day then collapsed and had very high blood pressure. The vet thought it was either heart or neuro but nothing they could do so we had to have him put to sleep. Leading up to it he'd been fine but suffered with constipation on and off and had a sore mouth so was on a mouthwash from the vet. He had a heart murmur all his life so whether it was that we don't know. He also had a nose Tumor which we cured three years ago. The vet said it could have been a brain Tumor secondary to that as they suddenly collapse like he did.
My heart is broken and I miss him like crazy!
It's so hard not having an answer to why he went so fast! I'd given him some mouth wash a few days before and he could have swallowed a bit so now I'm sitting here crazily thinking did that kill him? It was a safe cat mouthwash though that the vet prescribed to flush his gums with. I was always careful but I'm just sitting here going over everything in his last few days and it's hurting me so much. I adored him! And like others on here am in pieces now!

 

[catlover73]

I do not think the vet would prescribe a mouthwash that would kill your baby. You have nothing to feel guilty about. The guilt and what-if's are a normal part of grieving and just something your mind has to work through. I have been there and I know how much that part of grieving sucks. You gave your baby the one thing he wanted in life love and a home. Your final act of love was to end his suffering when nothing else could be done.

I lost two senior brothers one year apart to strokes. They had been in my life since the day they were born. One moment they were fine and acting completely normal and then suddenly they could not walk without falling over. They also could not eat or use the litter box anymore. There was nothing I could do to fix this and it was completely unexpected. This was years ago and it took me a while to get to the point where I can look at their pictures without ending up in tears.

Your baby will live on in a special place in your heart through the memories of the times you shared together. A piece of his love will always remain in your heart. A piece of your love will always remain in his heart. The bond you shared can never be broken. Your baby is no longer suffering and is now an angel watching over you. I share my tears with you and offer hugs during this difficult time. I wish there magic words to take away your pain but there never are. Only time can dull the sharp edges of the pain. I hope in time you to will be able to look at the times you shared as happy memories instead of tears.

 

[les26]

I am so sorry that you lost your little friend, you did nothing wrong, it is just the grief talking right now and it can play mental and physical games with you for quite awhile. When I was grieving over a cat I was told that it takes about 1.5 years until you feel that you can deal with it and that seemed pretty accurate. You did nothing wrong, your kitty is just fine now not hurting anymore and had a wonderful life with you even though you didn't want it to end.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......

 

[SophieHurley]

I do not think the vet would prescribe a mouthwash that would kill your baby. You have nothing to feel guilty about. The guilt and what-if's are a normal part of grieving and just something your mind has to work through. I have been there and I know how much that part of grieving sucks. You gave your baby the one thing he wanted in life love and a home. Your final act of love was to end his suffering when nothing else could be done.

I lost two senior brothers one year apart to strokes. They had been in my life since the day they were born. One moment they were fine and acting completely normal and then suddenly they could not walk without falling over. They also could not eat or use the litter box anymore. There was nothing I could do to fix this and it was completely unexpected. This was years ago and it took me a while to get to the point where I can look at their pictures without ending up in tears.

Your baby will live on in a special place in your heart through the memories of the times you shared together. A piece of his love will always remain in your heart. A piece of your love will always remain in his heart. The bond you shared can never be broken. Your baby is no longer suffering and is now an angel watching over you. I share my tears with you and offer hugs during this difficult time. I wish there magic words to take away your pain but there never are. Only time can dull the sharp edges of the pain. I hope in time you to will be able to look at the times you shared as happy memories instead of tears.

Thank you so much for your kind words and reassurance.
Yes I'm sure you are right about the mouth wash. I wonder if he had a stroke, the vet said it could have been that as his blood pressure was so high. It was just so sudden, we went out for a walk and came back to find him wobbling round the flat and he kept falling over! I even had to support him in the litter tray that night, then the next morning we rushed him straight in the vets. She gave him BP pills and said bring him back in three days but within a few hours he collapsed totally and couldn't get up. His eyes had glazed over. I scooped him up and we drove straight back to the vets. It was horrible.
I knew that was the end and didn't want him to suffer.

It's so hard now as I feel I don't have any answers as to why.

Like you, I can't even look at his photos and two months on I still cry everyday!

Thank you for being so kind xxx

 

[SophieHurley]

I am so sorry that you lost your little friend, you did nothing wrong, it is just the grief talking right now and it can play mental and physical games with you for quite awhile. When I was grieving over a cat I was told that it takes about 1.5 years until you feel that you can deal with it and that seemed pretty accurate. You did nothing wrong, your kitty is just fine now not hurting anymore and had a wonderful life with you even though you didn't want it to end.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......

Aww thank you, it's so hard and I'm just questioning everything, like did I take him to the vet too ,uch and it stressed him? Did the mouth wash poison him! All stupid I know but I just feel terrible guilt and grief even two months on!

Thank you so much for your nice words though. It's really kind of you xxx

 

[les26]

Aww thank you, it's so hard and I'm just questioning everything, like did I take him to the vet too ,uch and it stressed him? Did the mouth wash poison him! All stupid I know but I just feel terrible guilt and grief even two months on!

Thank you so much for your nice words though. It's really kind of you xxx

I understand, we question ourselves when things go bad, and we feel 100% responsible for them so we take it to heart when we can't save them. Two months is certainly not a long time at all, so you will be on the emotional roller coaster for awhile yet, just hang in there and try to roll with it, whatever you feel feel, and with time things will be better, but it is so so hard we all here know.

 

[SophieHurley]

I understand, we question ourselves when things go bad, and we feel 100% responsible for them so we take it to heart when we can't save them. Two months is certainly not a long time at all, so you will be on the emotional roller coaster for awhile yet, just hang in there and try to roll with it, whatever you feel feel, and with time things will be better, but it is so so hard we all here know.

Thank you, that helps me a lot. I will bear all your advice in mind when I'm feeling very low. It's lovely having our fur babies but so hard when they go! Im hoping to get another one but don't feel ready yet xxx

 

[les26]

Thank you, that helps me a lot. I will bear all your advice in mind when I'm feeling very low. It's lovely having our fur babies but so hard when they go! Im hoping to get another one but don't feel ready yet xxx

You will know when the time is right.....

 

[catlover73]

Thank you so much for your kind words and reassurance.
Yes I'm sure you are right about the mouth wash. I wonder if he had a stroke, the vet said it could have been that as his blood pressure was so high. It was just so sudden, we went out for a walk and came back to find him wobbling round the flat and he kept falling over! I even had to support him in the litter tray that night, then the next morning we rushed him straight in the vets. She gave him BP pills and said bring him back in three days but within a few hours he collapsed totally and couldn't get up. His eyes had glazed over. I scooped him up and we drove straight back to the vets. It was horrible.
I knew that was the end and didn't want him to suffer.

It's so hard now as I feel I don't have any answers as to why.

Like you, I can't even look at his photos and two months on I still cry everyday!

Thank you for being so kind xxx

I understand exactly what you mean by so sudden. Even though I knew my babies had a stroke there were no answers as to why it happened. My boys were 15 and 16 when I had to end their suffering. It really is hard when there are no answers. I also agree with Les that 2 months is not a long time to be grieving. Grief is a different process for each person and happens in it's own time frame. Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling at any time because that really is the only way to move through the process.

My babies passed away years ago so I can look at photo's now and not always end up in tears. I could not do that at two months either. There is one picture of my Claude kitty taking a shower that still brings me to tears years later. There is also still one picture of Tegato all curled up with my Starbuck when she was a 6 week old baby that still brings me to tears. Starbuck is now 12 years old. One thing that did help me get through my early days of grief was to give myself some small tasks to focus on each day. Even though there were times there were tears for some reason it made me feel better to know I had accomplished something each day. It really helped to re-focus my mind sometimes off the guilt and what-if's.

 

[SophieHurley]

I understand exactly what you mean by so sudden. Even though I knew my babies had a stroke there were no answers as to why it happened. My boys were 15 and 16 when I had to end their suffering. It really is hard when there are no answers. I also agree with Les that 2 months is not a long time to be grieving. Grief is a different process for each person and happens in it's own time frame. Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling at any time because that really is the only way to move through the process.

My babies passed away years ago so I can look at photo's now and not always end up in tears. I could not do that at two months either. There is one picture of my Claude kitty taking a shower that still brings me to tears years later. There is also still one picture of Tegato all curled up with my Starbuck when she was a 6 week old baby that still brings me to tears. Starbuck is now 12 years old. One thing that did help me get through my early days of grief was to give myself some small tasks to focus on each day. Even though there were times there were tears for some reason it made me feel better to know I had accomplished something each day. It really helped to re-focus my mind sometimes off the guilt and what-if's.

Thank you, I really struggle to motivate myself since losing him but you are right I need to set myself small tasks so I can focus on other things.
I'm sorry you lost two cats like that at a similar age.
They certainly leave a big hole in our lives xxx

 

[di and bob]

sometimes there is no answer to our questions. Believe it or not, two months is not a long time into the grieving process, and what you are going through has been gone through by each and every one of us who have lost a little one. I agree to focus on something else when the grief threatens to take over. It does not do one bit of good to dwell on all those should haves, could haves. Nothing will change and it brings nothing but heartache. There is no way to change what has already happened. I would give my own life to bring my little girl back, but then she would be alone, so what was gained?
Your precious little one answered a call that could not be denied. It was because of your good care and the love you gave him that he came through the other conditions he had. You gave him a wonderful home, you brought him through those other conditions, you sought advise and help from a vet, you gave him all he ever wanted, your love. He would be the last one to want you to be so sad because of him. Think of how you would want him to go on if you were the first to go, and follow that path. He would want no less.
All that we love so much becomes a part of us. Love is stronger than death, because love never dies so death cannot take it from us. We will always have our precious memories, and even if we forget many things that happened, or how they happened, we will never forget how those precious ones made us feel. Part of getting through all this is realizing you will never get over it. You learn to adapt, you hopefully take something from the experience and make something good out of it. If anything, it makes you more empathetic to people who are just now going through the same thing as you. Grief can bond people together too, because grief is as strong as your love.
My heart goes out to you, I'll pray for you both.......RIP beautiful boy. May the good Lord bless and keep you until you meet again!

 

[SophieHurley]

sometimes there is no answer to our questions. Believe it or not, two months is not a long time into the grieving process, and what you are going through has been gone through by each and every one of us who have lost a little one. I agree to focus on something else when the grief threatens to take over. It does not do one bit of good to dwell on all those should haves, could haves. Nothing will change and it brings nothing but heartache. There is no way to change what has already happened. I would give my own life to bring my little girl back, but then she would be alone, so what was gained?
Your precious little one answered a call that could not be denied. It was because of your good care and the love you gave him that he came through the other conditions he had. You gave him a wonderful home, you brought him through those other conditions, you sought advise and help from a vet, you gave him all he ever wanted, your love. He would be the last one to want you to be so sad because of him. Think of how you would want him to go on if you were the first to go, and follow that path. He would want no less.
All that we love so much becomes a part of us. Love is stronger than death, because love never dies so death cannot take it from us. We will always have our precious memories, and even if we forget many things that happened, or how they happened, we will never forget how those precious ones made us feel. Part of getting through all this is realizing you will never get over it. You learn to adapt, you hopefully take something from the experience and make something good out of it. If anything, it makes you more empathetic to people who are just now going through the same thing as you. Grief can bond people together too, because grief is as strong as your love.
My heart goes out to you, I'll pray for you both.......RIP beautiful boy. May the good Lord bless and keep you until you meet again!

Thank you yes I know you are right, I'm sure in time I will be able to just focus on the good times we had together. Every day was a blessing with him and my world feels so empty without him. We had over fifteen wonderful years so I'm very lucky really. I hope you are okay too after losing your little girl. This site is great because we are all cat lovers so really understand each other. Thank you again for your kind words and reassurance. I will try to start the day in a more positive frame of mind now xxx

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Sweet Friend, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

I know how desperately we grieve for our loved ones. And no matter how many legs they have, they are ALL our loved ones. No, you did nothing wrong. Nothing at all, although it is so very human to question ourselves after the fact. It was your love, and care, and devotion that gave your baby FIFTEEN YEARS of happy life. The small, cold comfort is that he did go so quickly. That he did not suffer a slow decline with increasing discomfort as you tried desperately to help him and to know when it was "the time." This I can tell you for certain. Love never dies. Love changes form and continues on, still Love. Love abides, and he will never, ever truly leave you.

 

[SophieHurley]

Rest you gentle, Sweet Friend, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

I know how desperately we grieve for our loved ones. And no matter how many legs they have, they are ALL our loved ones. No, you did nothing wrong. Nothing at all, although it is so very human to question ourselves after the fact. It was your love, and care, and devotion that gave your baby FIFTEEN YEARS of happy life. The small, cold comfort is that he did go so quickly. That he did not suffer a slow decline with increasing discomfort as you tried desperately to help him and to know when it was "the time." This I can tell you for certain. Love never dies. Love changes form and continues on, still Love. Love abides, and he will never, ever truly leave you.

Thank you that's kind. Everyone who has responded on here has been so supportive and reassuring which is helping me to understand my feelings are totally normal! You are right he did go very quickly. I am sure in time I will be able to look back at his photos and reflect on all the great memories. He was the loveliest little cuddly Persian boy. Thanks again for taking the time to message me x