Lola's fight with Oral Squamous Cell Carcinoma (I'm going to say goodbye to my cat)

[babiesmom5]

What good news to awake to...that Lola is back home!  As for the regurgitation of food, my Vet prescribed 1/4 of a 5mg tablet of Metoclopramide (crushed up) dissolved in 1-3ml of water to be given via the E-tube 30-60 minutes prior to a feeding.  This prepares the stomach for the feeding to come.  Using this, my cat never regurgitated the feeding.  This can be given up to every 6-8 hours.  Ask your Vet about this.

Also, be sure prior to any medications or feedings, flush the tube with 10 ml of water and watch for any signs of nausea, coughing or regurgitation.  If none of these signs are seen you can proceed with the treatment.  All medications or feedings should be followed with 10 ml of water to flush the tube and prevent clogging.

You have to go very, very slowly with the feedings--1ml per minute.  Feeding should take 20-30 minutes or more.  Of course, keep her very calm and relaxed.  Giving all food and medications and fluids through an E-tube can be a challenge, but you will get proficient quickly.  It is a labor of love for sure.  You do everything you can...for as long as you can for your beloved kitty...and know she appreciates and loves you for it. 

Hugs and prayers for both of you!

 

[Mia6]

Oh, Antonio.

I am so glad Lola is home. Relish this time her, sweet baby girl,

Glad you liked the poem.

Hugs,

Mia

 

[kittylove53]

I am so happy to hear that Lola is home.I know her condition is very fragile,and you have to watch her very carefully.Feeding her is now not an easy task,but I am sure you will get the hang of it.I am praying for you both.Hug her for me,give her all the love you can. Every moment with her is a gift.Lola is a very special kitty.

 

[catwoman707]

I am glad for you both that you have this time, however short to spend loving each other.

Although I have not shared this yet, it may help you with your Lola.

I have been mourning the loss of my heart and soul little girl kitty, who had a throat tumor.

She was not ready to go, clearly, yet it was so aggressive and grew by the day, literally, and limited her breathing overnight, to the point where I had no choice.

Only 1% of cat cancer is in the throat, my poor sweet baby got it. So fast, diagnosed, 10 days later, she was gone.

Very aggressive. 

If I had heard that they knew it had gone to her throat I would have tried to discourage her last procedure, because you won't have much time regardless, so love love love her, but if she is breathing now with a snoring sound, my guess is only days, could be tmrw, as I know like me, you would not allow her to feel as if she were suffocating, which is basically exactly what happens.

You won't be able to tell by swallowing, only her breathing, so when you see she can't get enough air, or opens her mouth to breathe, or short rapid breaths or deep slow wheezing breathing, it's time to let her go in peace.

Some of your posts describing what Lola means to you and your bond with her, your connection and so on, I completely relate and understand.

She (can't type her name still ) was my world, and took my heart and soul right along with her when she left.

It's beyond describing how devastating it feels, but like myself, you too will live through her loss.

What a great privilege we were given to have spent many years with these very special precious loves.

Once in a lifetime if we're lucky.

 

[wealthy1]

Antonio, I read this entire thread. Lola is a fighter! And I admire your dedication to keep her healthy and alive. You exhibited a love for your fur-baby that makes my heart glad. I dont know how long she has on this Earth; but without a shadow of a doubt Lola was deeply cared for and well loved.

I pray that however long you have her for that you and Lola enjoy every second of each other's company.

 

[Antonio65]

Lola has lost her battle, now she's an Angel. She is the Angel with the most beautiful wings in Pets' Heaven.

When yesterday I came home during my lunch break she was across the couch in a rather unnatural position. She had vomited her morning meal, the food was all over the couch and the floor. I was shocked. She was still moving and breathing and in a few seconds she slowly tried to stand up and was able to reach the window sill by climbing her timber stair.

The vomited food was almost dry, so it probably happened mid-morning.

At first I thought that everything was fine, just a little stomach problem, so I prepared her midday meal and I gave it to her, but a few minutes after finishing the syringe she vomited part of that food and started writhing a bit. She reminded me of when she had a small seizure in October!

I laid her down on the floor and she was feeling better, but then she slowly fell on a side.

I called my wife at work, she couldn't be home until two hours later.

I spent this time with her. I didn't go back to work.

So I told her the most beautiful words, that she was the most beautiful cat in the world, the bravest and strongest kitty I've ever known. We remembered the thousands miles we had driven to reach the best cares and treatments possible, and how many different places and towns we had seen, when we slept in a hotel for some nights during the early treatments away from home, we remembered the many doctors we had met in the last months, the bad ones and the good ones, and how proud of her they were. I told her that I was proud of how she fought, I thanked her for chosing me as her life companion, I thanked her for teaching me what true love, loyalty and devotion mean.

We remembered the times when we used to watch "Who wants to be a millionaire" on TV and she knew 99% of the correct answers, even those I didn't know anything of !!! She was smart indeed !

Then I explained her what was going to happen.

"A doctor will come, he will give you a medicine and you will feel sleepy, then he will give you another medicine and you will find yourself in a beautiful place, green meadows where other pets are, and those who were sick now are healthy and you too will be healthy again. You will be able to play with them all day, but none of you will be really happy until one day your humans will walk on the same meadow, then we all hug ourselves and nothing in the world will make us to part again. Wait for me, Lola, I'll be there very soon".

Then I asked her to say hello to Romeo, her beloved brother. I told her not to play too many pranks on him, because I won't be there to protect her from his paybacks as I did when they were two young kittens. And I told her to say hello to Tom and Leo and not to hiss them too much.

I asked her to forgive for all I did to her, for all I didn't do to save her, for the tortures I inflicted on her, for the wrong things I did and gave her, and for what I was going to do, I also asked her if she wanted to go, she said "yes". I told her not to be afraid, that I would have been with her till the last second, because I had always been to her side in her good and bad moments, and I couldn't leave her alone.

I took dozens of photos of her, the last photos of her. And I also recorded the sound of her breathing. I held her front paws in my hands because they were cold and I knew how she hated the cold.

My wife arrived at home, she saw Lola and she understood it was time. So we called the clinic, I asked them for a vet over to my home. I had previously agreed with them to have one of them home for the last step. I specifically named three of them and no-one else, so yesterday I hoped that one of them three was available. Luckily he was.

He said he was ready to come here, it's a 30-minute drive. Then we unhooked the landline phone and switched off the cell phone, nothing and nobody was allowed to disturb us in these last minutes.

Right after the phone call to the clinic, Lola got up from her bed and slowly walked to the door, she wanted to go outside and feel the sun for the last time.

She laid in the backyard. Some birds were singing on the trees in front of us. I said "Lola, hear the birds!", she said "meow", meaning "yes, I like them" then she moved two steps forward but fell on a side and it seemed to me she was going to leave me right there and then! I took her inside where it was a bit fresher. She was panting, probably she got a bit overexcited outside, the vets warned me about this.

I laid her back on her bed, she was breathing badly and looking for a better position to breathe. I kept watching the clock and the vet wasn't coming and I didn't know why he was taking that long!

Her breathing was more and more shallow and slow, nothing more than a whizz, she was probably unconscious. I could feel her paws and ears cold, but kept talking to her, cuddling her.

A few minutes later the bell rang, the vet was here and I shouted "No, this time it's over for real !!!"...

One minute before I was cursing him for being late but when he was here I would have liked to beg some more minutes with my sweet Lola.

The vet kneeled by her on the couch and visited her. Her heartbeat was slow and weak, her temperature was 34.9°C (94.8°F), it was time... The dreadful day, the day I always feared, had arrived. I had thought that Lola was hanging in there to see April 23rd, the anniversary of Romeo's death, but she thought to have a date of her own, not to be shared with anybody else.

The vet left us some more time to greet her, my heart was bursting with pain, I couldn't swallow, I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe. My eyes were filled with tears and the tears didn't allow me to see Lola's face for some time.

The doctor gave Lola a pain killer, Lola said four times "meow" towards me, her last words. I think she was greeting me, thanking me, while I was begging her for her forgiveness, I promised her I will always keep her in my heart, I will never forget her and I'll follow her as soon as possible!

Then the doctor asked us if he could proceed and we agreed and while I was holding Lola's paw the doctor injected the final drug into one of her tiny veins.

At 4:33 pm CET (10:33 am EST) Lola left me for good. She took away half of my heart, I won't ever be able to fully love again, I won't ever be fully happy again.

She was what made me jump out of the bed early in the morning, no matter what day was, she was what was keeping my mind busy all day, she was my first thought when I was back home and the last one before going to bed again. She was what made my life worth living and gave a full meaning to my life. She was the best thing ever happened to me, she was a God's gift.

My life won't be the same anymore, I have no purpose in my life now, I feel meaningless, I feel void. Probably I'd wish to die.

The vet removed the E-tube and all the bandages because the crematorium doesn't want any strange item on pets' body.

Even after she was declared dead, some contractions started moving her tiny body and it was very upsetting! Lola was moving her paws, her head, her eyes and her mouth as she was going to say something. I asked the vet to double check, but he was sure. This thing went on for over 40 minutes.

Then all was quiet...

Lola is not with me anymore, I am devastated, I keep crying and don't know how I will live without her. It seems to me that I see her all over the place, everywhere she was in her life I see her now. I wouldn't like to clean the house not to lose her last memories. Her last drool drop while she was walking to the door and going outside has dried on the tiles. I don't want to clean it up. I'm keeping her last two syringes.

I also clipped some hair from her after she died. I have plenty of her hair in small envelopes, I have picked up all the whiskers she lost in her life, and some of the claws I have trimmed.

When she was operated on last Tuesday I had specifically asked the vets to keep her loose tooth and give it to me, but they lost it after the surgery!

Today I have taken a leave from work.

Yesterday I didn't eat at all, today I have eaten something only because my wife forced me to. Last night I slept about 4 hours. Nothing is interesting to me.

At the moment I still haven't realized that she's gone, actually she's still with us, in a thick foam box with freezer blocks that we change twice a day. The cremation will be tomorrow at 10 am CET.

Good-bye my sweet Lola, you are now the brightest star in the sky!

 

[Mia6]

Antonio

I am so very, very sorry. I am crying as I  am writing this. She was loved, you gave her love!!!!

I feel like she was mine. Oh, how many hearts she touched!!

Lola wants you to go on!!! Of course you must grieve, but she wants you happy!  Please eat

something if only a little bit, Maybe you and your wife could have a glass of wine and toast

Lola's life.

Oh what a sweet angel she is!!! I bet all the boys at the Bridge are fighting over her!!!

She fought till she could not. Thank you for sharing her with us.

God Bless you.

Hugs,

Mia

 

[foxxycat]

I am so sorry for your loss. You did everything you could. Just remember she will always love you and she forgives you. She will always live on in your hearts. RIP Run free at the Bridge Sweet Lola.

 

[artiemom]

oh Antonio, 

I am crying.. I was crying as I read your words. I do not know what to say.. ((Lola)))

Your bond with her was so immensely strong. So incredible. A once in a lifetime bond, if a person is fortunate. You opened your soul to each other.

Lola was fighting and was so strong because of YOU! She loves YOU.. she will always be with you.

You have to go on. Lola would not want you to grieve so much. You are the one person who can share the sunlight, birds, songs with her. She will always be with you.. in your heart and soul.. she will enjoy the things you once both did together, and it will still be together. She is inside of you.

Antonio, you did as much as humanely possible to help her. She knew it. She tried, for you..

Now she is without pain. She is free of pain. She can run, enjoy the sun, not worry about pain, medicines.. she is like a kitten again..

Try to think of the fun times..  the times she made you laugh.. not the times you cried. Think of what Lola would want.

She wants you to be strong and enjoy life-- for HER...She does not want you to suffer because of her...please..

I am still crying as I type. I fell in Love with Lola. I am going to give my guy a special hug and kiss on behalf and in honor of,  Lola.

Please take care of yourself. It is want Lola wants.  

 

[babiesmom5]

Oh Antonio, my heart goes out to you and your wife with the deepest sympathy and buckets of tears.  Lola knew the greatest love...and so did you.

Take one day at a time now.  Know that Lola's life, and love still goes on...just in a different form.   I wish you peace and strength.

 

[mollyblue]

I'm sorry for your loss, find peace... its all a part of the journey.  The emptiness you feel is a testament to the fullness Lola brought to your life - but life is not meant to be filled with emptiness. Soon, the memories of better times will fill those empty places with shadows of the joy you shared. 

 

[foxden]

Antonio,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Lola. She was a very special kitty, and you will never forget her.

You must grieve for the loss of her love, but you must also go on with your life.

Lola will be waiting for you at the bridge. She is not in any more pain, and she knows how much you loved her.

She can sleep in the sun, chase the birds, and do all the things she used to do. She would not want you to be so sad, she would want you to go on.

Celebrate her life, her power and her strength that she gave you while you were both fighting so hard to keep her with you. You did so many things for her, and she knew how much she was loved.

You allowed her to leave you, and that's the hardest thing we ever do as a cat owner. She took a piece of your heart and soul with her, but she left a piece of her love, her strength and her spirit with you. You will always remember her.

There is a beautiful poem and video linked in the Crossing the Bridge forum here -- written as the pet to say goodbye to their owner.
http://www.thecatsite.com/t/332805/for-all-those-that-have-said-goodbye#post_4247780

The video is linked in post #1, and a link to the illustrated e-book in post #16

Know that our hearts, our thoughts, and our wishes are with you and your wife at this time of your loss.

I'm crying for you and the loss you're feeling now. Lola will always be with you. Take the time you need to grieve. Time will help you go on.

 

[zed xyzed]

I am in tears. I am so sorry. Lola was a very special girl and we fell in love with her. Her courage and strength to fight as long as she did so she could be  with her loving family. She fought a heroic battle, one  that couldn't be won but she fought will all her being. I will always remember her;  a sweet little cat with the heart of a Lion. I grieve with you on the loss of this indomitable little soul. 

RIP sweet Lola 

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

Lola has lost her battle, now she's an Angel. She is the Angel with the most beautiful wings in Pets' Heaven.

... she thought to have a date of her own, not to be shared with anybody else.
...

Good-bye my sweet Lola, you are now the brightest star in the sky!

Lola's Day, to cherish and celebrate her life always. Forever your Lola.

My heart goes out to you, Antonio. I am so sorry for your deep loss.

 

[Alejandra Rico]

I am so very sorry. I wish I could say more, but I've been there and nothing conforted me, nothing but time and my other cat, who missed my little Alice as much as I did.
I do not know you, but as a cat lover, I send you a big warm hug.
It gets better as months pass by, not good enough, never ok, but at least one day you wake and you do not cry the first thing un the morning. And suddenly, several months afterwards, you can remember the good momments without feeling devastated, you can taste a hint of the joy you shared.
And then, even some later, you find that your heart is infinite, and that you still have more space in it for a new pet. Not a substitute, never such a thing would be possible. Just a new friend, who will light your days in a new, different way.

 

[2Cats4everLoved]

Oh Antonio.,  I am so so so very sorry to learn of this news.

Even knowing the end is near, the finality of the loss is not an easy road traveled

Know we are all here for you.

I know you will be going over every action of treatment in your mind, checking yourself not once but a million times as I did and so many of us have done, but I can assure you,

Lola knew everything you and your wife did for her was from the heart.

Perhaps the angels above had bigger plans for sweet

Lola, I liked to think that my

Simon left me when he knew I was ready to accept his departure.  I still wonder if I should have said goodbye earlier to my sweet boy, but in the end, I think I would have still kept him around for as long as HE wanted to be with ME.  

You went above and beyond in your care, that is something that you and your wife should take comfort in knowing.  Your hearts full of love for your girl is what kept her here as long as she was able.

I am truly saddened that TCS has lost yet another Sweet Soul.  

We are all family joined together by our these Amazing Creatures, who teach us about the good things in life daily.

My heart breaks for you and your family on this day, please accept my prayers in memory of Sweet Lola.

I will light Simon's candle in memory of Lola

Warmest wishes - Hope

 

[cataan]

Hey Antonio,

One thing I learned after caring for my sick cat for 16 months (restrictive cardiomyopathy) is that doing so will make your friendship closer and deeper.  You and Lola were already good friends, but the kindness, compassion, and effort involved in what you did for her made that time with her something that few people can understand or appreciate.  Always know that you were not the only one feeling love for another -- Lola understood that you were helping her.  An animal that is not feeling well will not allow someone to treat her unless she trusts that person -- Lola trusted you with all of her heart, and that tells you without any doubt that she loved you.

Sadly, we all know our pets will one day die.  That is the unfortunate side of having a pet.  But ask yourself -- why do we want to have a pet in the first place?  It is because we want to love and be loved by a friend.  You experienced the truest, most genuine kind of love that can exist.  You will be sad for a long time, and you will miss Lola forever, but always take to heart that you made her life better than it otherwise would have been, both before and during her illness.  You were her hero.

 

[Loving Mickey]

Antonio65

I sat down yesterday and read your entire thread. I was crying so hard when I got near the end. The love and bond you and Lola shared is truly remarkable, and most likely, a once in a lifetime thing. You may never feel that special connection with anyone again. It is only because it was so truly special. I truly wished for you to have more time with your sweet girl. My heart broke when I read your latest post today that Lola was gone.
I wish I, had some magic words to help comfort you and ease your pain. I get how you are feeling right now. I totally understand as I lost my special kitty almost three years now. Time has not eased my pain. My heart is still broken from the loss of my sweet baby.
Just cry and grieve for your sweet Lola's loss. It is truly devastating, and you must deal with your loss in your own way. Just know that Lola loved you and still does, just as much as you will always love her. She was such a strong little girl and oh so brave. She fought so hard for as long as she could. Her poor little body just couldn't fight no longer. She was so tired and had to leave you. She is now a perfect little Angel in heaven, right along side my Mickey, and all TCS kitties, that have gone before her. She will love you from above and always keep watch over her loved ones. She will remain with you always (in her own special place in your heart).
She loved you so much and had a happy life with you. Yes, she took half of your heart with her when she had to leave you, but she also left half of her heart with you. You will be bonded forever. The bond that you two shared may never be repeated, but the love you shared will live on forever.
RIP Sweet Precious Lola!
You were truly loved by so many.
Please watch over your loved ones, as they miss you so very much!
Let them know you are now fine and free from any pain.
You will watch over them and wait until you are all reunited one day!

 

[wealthy1]

I'm so sorry. Lola was loved by you. The relationship you both had was rare and unique in its own right. Again Im so sorry.

 

[Norachan]

I'm so sorry to hear that your precious girl lost her battle.

I'll lock this thread now. When you feel ready please start a memorial thread for Lola in our Crossing The Bridge forum.

http://www.thecatsite.com/f/19/crossing-the-bridge

Rest In Peace Lola.