Kitten wants to play, but older cat wants nothing to do with it

[tigerlover42]

I have a 7ish month old male kitten, Catthew, who is VERY high energy. Loves to play and is a bit of a menace. I also have a 12 year old female, Little Kitty, who is pretty low energy and just wants to be left alone (or cuddling with me). I haven't done the best job of socializing them so far because I've been super busy and stressed with school. Catthew really wants to play with Little Kitty and has no sense of boundaries. When he tries to play with her, she will hiss and swat at him, he runs away, but then comes back maybe a minute later and just keeps pestering her. When she gets fed up, she runs to find a hiding place, which encourages him to chase after her and continue pushing her boundaries. Little Kitty has always been a fairly non-confrontational cat and likes hiding/lounging under things (ie. under chairs, in the shelves in my bed frame), which means any where she would go to get away from Catthew he can easily get to her. Little Kitty isn't bothered by his scent and seems fine for the most part as long as he isn't trying to interact with him, or if she can't see him. Catthew will try to play with her under my door when he's locked out of my room, and she will go over and swat and hiss at his paw, then leave when she gets disinterested.

They're separated when I'm not home, especially because he is not allowed in my room unsupervised. I've been letting Catthew into my room a little bit at a time to try to get Little Kitty to learn to tolerate him, and hoping he learns some boundaries. He usually continuously pesters Little Kitty, inciting copious growling and hissing from her, and some screaming when he pushes too far or gets too rough. He usually gets kicked out of my room when that happens. I haven't seen any signs that he is actually hurting her, but I also don't like stressing her out so much since she is older and already stressed out by the world (the poor cat is scared of the sound of wind). And seeing her stressed out makes me stressed out. There have been a few times recently where Little Kitty is curled up next to me, and Catthew is being chill and curls up and my feet, and they can both coexist. I figure they probably won't ever be friends, but I just want them to be able to coexist. I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, and I'm just not sure what to do.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi and welcome to TCS! You have a typical kitten who is energetic and wants to play. You also have a pretty typical older cat who is over the 'play' mode of her life and is not interested. There is not much you can do, other than give Catthew as many play sessions as you can, find some interactive toys for him that might help him entertain himself, and make sure Little Kitty has plenty of places to go to get away from him.

If they are microchipped, you might consider putting a chip operated cat door to a room where she can go and doesn't have to hide. He won't be able to get to her there, and she will learn when she has had enough, she can just go there to get away from him.

She is trying to tell him to back off, but so far he isn't 'getting it'. She is a very good kitty and knows what is considered normal, safe ways to get him to leave her alone. He sounds like he could use some stimulation from you that he isn't getting. This is totally normal for his age. Distracting him when he bothers her is something you need to do. For one, it gets him interested in playing with you rather than her, and two, it tells her you have her back and will make him stop.

Others might come along and tell you to get another kitten so that Catthew has someone else to play with and stop putting all his efforts into Little Kitty. That is entirely up to you, but you still need to give Little Kitty a refuge.

Eventually, they could be good buddies, but it is going to take some maturing on his part to get there.
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[ArtNJ]

Does the older cat not like climbing? Cats tend to feel safer in high places, so scratching posts with a cup top are useful. The kitten can try to be a pest, but the older cat takes up essentially the whole cup, and doesn't as much mind swatting at the little bugger from elevation.

I agree its normal and will take time. I think modest breaks are useful, as well as intervening when the older cat seems particularly miserable, but just be mindful that lengthy breaks are double edged. If there are too many breaks of too much length, the kitten will always be over-eager when they meet, and the older cat will never see sleepy/chill kitten. I call this the "its Christmas Morning effect" where the kitten is guarantied to be crazy over-enthused if he has been waiting a while to see the older cat. It may seem like avoiding this isn't much benefit when the kitten generally has so much energy and over-enthusiasm, but all cats have some downtime, and I do think that nighttime separations and the like aren't necessarily helpful because they mean the older cat won't get to see sleepy/chill kitten.

I'm not really a fan of the "get another kitten" recommendation that some people make. If each kitten bothers the older cat 60% as much because they have each other, that is 120%. I'm not saying that is the way it always works; I just think there is a range of outcomes from helping, to if you get unlucky, making things worse. I've only had an older cat with two kittens once, but just as an example, in that situation there was one hyper kitten and one chill kitten, and the fact that there were two kittens didn't remotely stop the hyper kitten from annoying the heck out of the older cat.

 

[Alldara]

As an alternative opinion, I did have to get an extra kitten for my kitten. I did find it helped.

Still, I think you're doing the right thing with giving her some time without him in a day. Does she play with you with toys when you're alone together?

Have any electronic toys kept him busy?

How about those cat-spring toys? They are a huge hit around here.

 

[ForTheLoveofPinkie]

Our "big boy" Ziggy is just over a year old and still has lots of times where he's very much a kitten though he has reached many of the milestones of maturity and our very geriatric princess Skittles (blind with some touches of dementia) - both rescues / former ferals - who does not tolerate play of any kind, aside from occasional rubs of catnip toys, have begun to do many things together now and wouldn't a few months ago. We had done everything "right" according to everything out there for the introduction, and there was still difficulty in their getting along for a long time. I think that's just the cats finding their way, especially with Skittles being older and having lived as a single for a while and this kitten coming in and not having any boundaries. According to my wife, he's "my cat" and I play with him - hard - when he's ready to play and I'm home. I try to get ALL of the play out of him that I can when it shows up, and also try to re-enforce all of the cat behavior since he's going to be an indoor cat for (hopefully) a very long time.

As for electronic toys, we have a few and they don't seem to keep anyone's interest for long, and I mean usually seconds to no more than 2 minutes. The one toy that did was "the fish" that flopped about, but we went through 3 of those in about the same number of weeks. Ziggy's a big kitten / cat and he's tough on toys.

In all honesty for us, we've had the best luck over the years and with multiple cats with simple things - balls, fluffy mice and birds, especially the ones that squeak, anything that will mimic a small prey item that we can hide and will slide or roll on the floor so it can be chased. We've also had good luck with hanging strings and fish toys from the underside of the laying surfaces of the cat trees and we even have one "electronic toy" if you will that's a dancing string that hangs on a door knob. That works okay and seems to get used for a few minutes once a month or so. They all seem to really enjoy when I take out something on a wand and they get to chase the prey and sometimes that ends up being me. But we all bond that way, and I enjoy it as much as they do, or now Ziggy does. And what's more important is that he and Skittles are getting along now that he doesn't have pent up energy and he's also sleeping through the night instead of getting the zoomies at 4 AM . . .