Just Won't Warm Up To Me

[Mailgirl18]

Just over a year ago I brought in two brother kittens, both from the same feral mom. Mind you, I had brought in one of her other boys from the previous litter - he turned out to be the biggest lover known to man! He can not get enough of me! Rubbing, purring, climbing on me, stretching out in my lap - you get the picture! That makes these three "step-brothers." Well, these two boys, both pitch black, will not let me put one finger on them. Either one. With their adoption, I now have - ugh - seven - inside. They totally love the other cats, sleep with the others, even sleep on my bed! But should I sit up to pet them - BOOM! Off the bed and out the door. Sometimes even looking at them sends them flying! When I am dishing out the food, however, they will sit within inches of me to watch. Even if I slowly try to touch one - forget it. I can be eating my own dinner and the one brother will try to grab my hand to get a bite, but he's gone if I reach for him. I have "parented" many kittens and cats, but have never seen anything like these two. I brought them in when they were three months, somehow had them neutered at six months, and now they are about fourteen months. Some days I ignore them, some days I make extra efforts to touch them. I kind of think they like me but just don't want to be touched! They are just SO different than their step-brother. I guess only time will tell, right? By the way, I finally trapped the mom and had her spayed. Don't see much of her anymore. I hope she's ok - wherever she is.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!
I'll bet she's ok, bless you!
Take a look at this, maybe something will help;
14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me

 

[recurringecho]

Ahh glad you were able to spay the mama!

The new brothers certainly sound really skittish! Do they behave more calmly when you ignore them? Do they try to walk up to you at all?

Personally I would suggest holding off on trying to force attention on them. Let them proceed at their own pace and do what is comfortable for them. If they try to grab at your hand, let them have the food, but don't reach for them. If they are comfortable, your hand out with the food and let them sniff it. If they rub their cheeks on your hand, you can try petting their cheeks, but don't go overhead. If they're even unsure about that, then go back to letting them take the wheel. Also, avoid direct eye contact for now, or at least until they get more comfortable since they see eye contact as a dominance/power thing, and can get nervous. Baby steps!

I've been doing this with a stray cat that's been visiting my place nightly for food for nearly two years now. At first he wouldn't even come several meters near me, and would wait for a looong time after I'm back in the house before even coming up to the food. Now, he would venture into the house to call for me when he's here, and would actually sit and watch near me while I prepare his meal! Still wouldn't let me do anything with him though, but still, huge progress!