Is this introduction going all right, or do I need to step it back?

[Willowwombat]

We have a 7 year-old cat who used to make friends with dogs and cats when she was 3 years old (I walked her on a leash for years until two people scared her by riding straight at her on their bikes).

My husband is very ill and because she's not getting as much attention as she used to and doesn't go for many walks now, I decided I'd try to introduce a new cat so that she's have some company (also, we love cats).

I waited for a long time until I saw the cat that had the right profile, and we adopted him two weeks ago. He is 9, and has lived with another cat very successfully. His people had to give up their pets for financial reasons, and it seems to us that he would be a good fit. He is very shy about humans, but has good cat manners, and he is very sweet..

When we first brought Dude home, my Willow seemed to be very interested in his scent, even licking my hand after I'd patted Dude. She indicated that she might even want to play, rolling around outside the door to the bedroom where we put him and licking her tail, which is her play signal. We kept him in the bedroom for a week until he felt comfortable around us, but then he started to demand to be let out.

We placed a gate at the top of the stairs to keep them apart. He definitely wanted to come up, and he also wanted to be friendly with Willow. Willow just stared at him through the gate -- no growling, no puffing up, just staring, with her ear forward. Dude is very socially adept and kept cooing at her and blinking, and eventually she looked away, but she stared at him for a long time.

We kept in him locked up at night and allowed him to come up to the gate for three days, and also allowed him to roam the whole house with Willow locked up so he knows where he lives. But on day four, he got frustrated with the gate and leapt over it. At first it looked like a fight, but he just turned his back on her and climbed into the window sill, where he ignored her. I thought we were good, since they both slept in the living room for several hours that evening before we separated them for the night.

But now I'm worried that she's not going to tolerate him.

Where we are now (two days later) is that she gives him the stink-eye all the time, and he does seem wary of her. She will not allow him to eat nearby, which the thing that worried me most -- there was some stalking behaviour when I tried feeding them in the same room, which I quickly averted by patting her. She follows him with her eyes all the time. When I see that behaviour I distract her with play or treats, but she's still doing it.

She is a very big cat with very sharp claws and I'm worried that she'll jump him and hurt him. There's only been a couple of minor hissing incidents, no fighting, but Willow stares at him all the time. I feel as though we aren't making any progress. We love both cats and would hate to have to take Dude back to the SPCA because he's 9 and hard to place, but we can't have any disruption because my husband is very ill.

The thing is, how do I know they're okay together? I was hoping for this to go better, and I really need it to work. At what point is it going to be okay?

 

[Willowwombat]

I also should add that right now as I type, Willow is stretched out on the carpet sleeping and Dude is on a scratching post platform nearby. It's all quiet right now, but I wouldn't want to leave them here together when I go to bed.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Boy, you're doing really, REALLY well, and don't know it. It takes most cats several weeks to get to this point. Sometimes months. I'd keep separating them at night, or when you are out for another couple of weeks, just to be on the safe side, though. Dude is willing to be friends, and Willow is not trying to kill him, so all is well at this point. Females take a bit longer to accept a new cat in their territory than males are, oddly. It's because their instincts tell them to keep a safe territory to rear kittens in. She'll get there, I think.

 

[Willowwombat]

Oh, thanks.

I need to get them calm around each other so that Dude can eat in peace, because she won't let him and he isn't eating much.

I know he is eating something because he's not frantic for food, but still, I worry that this will be the main sticking point. I was feeding him in my bedroom, but now he doesn't want to be locked up in there any more so he leaves the room without eating. If Willow is eating and sees me feeding him, or even hears it, she comes over and stares and he moves away.

Also, I need to move his litter box out of my room so I can sleep. If I leave my door open Dude cries early in the morning, and Willow comes in looking for food shortly after. I 'm not getting enough sleep by a long shot. In the past I've had a no-cats policy in my bedroom for this reason, but it was the only place we could put Dude.

We also don't have room for the three recommended littler boxes. We have a very small bathroom beside our garage. We put a tunnel through the wall with a flap and a litter box within a large enclosed area inside the garage. Willow uses that, but I doubt Dude will want to use that. I was thinking of just putting his small litter box in that same small bathroom, too. Would that work? Or would it be too close? We really have nowhere else to put it. .

The biggest worry is the feeding. He was on a dry food diet at the SPCA and I wanted to continue with that. Willow is overweight and I was hoping to wean her off the wet food into just dry, which she does like. But she's not eating much now, either, because she's stressed. Dude tries to eat her wet food, which this morning led to a hissing spat, and again now neither is eating enough. I'm trying to feed them twice a day and then take their bowls away so that they're both too hungry to argue. In theory that works, but in practise, as soon as Willow knows I'm feeding Dude she stops eating and starts the staring and he won't eat. I put their bowls literally 25 feet away from one another, and still neither will eat. I've tried to get him to follow me downstairs to my room for feeding, but he's a really stubborn little cat and won't come with me. If I pick him up he gets upset and avoids me for the next two hours.

I could really use some help with this because I am exhausted and need this to work.

At least we don't have fighting, which is a blessing. Little Dude knows how to behave around a snarky female cat, so at least we have that going for us. He chirrs at her all the time, letting her know he's harmless.

 

[ArtNJ]

Yeah, coming up aces sure enough. Love at first sight is like winning the lottery with cats this age. So of course you weren't going to get that, but what you got is everything you could have realistically wanted, and infinitely better than the headaches most folks have to deal with when introducing cats this age. Friendship seems quite possible, just give them a bit of time to sort things out and see whats what.

Weaning an overweight cat off wet food is a bit of a head scratcher. Dry food is much more calorically dense, and much easier for cats to get fat on. Do you mean you want to switch them both to diet dry food? Feeding separate things is definitely hard, and not something I ever really mastered, but some folks on here have advanced skills and might be able to help.

 

[Willowwombat]

My overweight girl eats mostly wet food, and she's so picky we've only been able to find one wet food she will eat. I don't think it's a very good food, either. She will also eat dry food, and I've started giving her more of that and less of the wet food. But the real challenge is that we've free-fed her for the last few years.

It wasn't always that way, but when my husband got sick a lot of things went by the wayside and we often had to leave her alone for 12 hours at a time -- plus, he gets up in the night for an hour or so and feeds her so I have no idea how much she's actually eating. He's been better about that lately, so we have made a bit of progress in that regard.

Obviously the ideal is to get her on a healthier diet. I'd like them to be on the same food, and the SPCA told us which food Dude eats, so I'd stick with that (it's an Adult Science Diet). Also, when she eats her wet food her stool can literally stink up the entire house, and I mean that literally. It's embarrassing when we have company.

So my goals are:

1. To get to the point where I can feed them both and not have her being a jerk about him eating, even if that has to be in separate rooms; and

2.To get on a proper feeding schedule and diet so she can lose some weight. She's not obese, but she is definitely overweight. That is a secondary goal. The first is to get her to leave him alone so he can eat.

I should add that at points in the the day there are signs of real calm and acceptance. He ignores her, for the most part. And when I came home just now from being out she was lying on her back in front of the fireplace, while he's sitting in the window looking at birds. So it's not like WWIII around here -- far from it.

 

[Willowwombat]

..and now he's racing around the house at top speed with a astonished Willow looking on as he play-pounces and stalks invisible things. He deliberately shot past her too. I think the Dudemeister knows how to handle an ornery sister.

I guess it is going okay at that.

We just need to sort out the feeding.

 

[kakers]

It sounds like they are doing good! If there's no fighting there's little to worry about besides the food. Hissing is communicating, not necessarily a bad sign just establishing boundaries.

Food wise it's generally agreed that wet food is healthier than dry- even the lowest quality wet foods are generally better than many of the "better" dry foods. Granted mine eat a combination of both other than the one that refuses wet, so I'm not one to judge what others are feeding their cats. Just pointing out since you want to feed her healthier, dry is not likely to be healthier. If you're trying to have her lose some weight just feed her less wet food, a set amount at each meal with a time limit on the meals. Feeding them the same food should help at meals with her letting him eat his. Unless there's a medical reason where one goes on a prescription diet.

It seems her smelly poo with the wet food is also a concern, there's often new foods so you may be able to find a different wet food she likes and doesn't make her poo as stinky. Until you nail down the food solution then feeding separately or on opposite sides of a gate so they're still used to each others presence at meals but can't disrupt the other from eating is probably going to be best. We have one we started to feed on the other side of the kitchen counter for a while so she didn't get disturbed while she eats. It was still close but out of sight of the other cats bowls and was enough, so a solution like they may help too.

 

[Willowwombat]

Thanks for the tips.

We've tried literally every wet food on the market and this is the only one she'll eat, apart from one canned chicken food that is not intended as a nutritionally complete diet. I've spent a small fortune on cans of food that were outright rejected.

She really doesn't want Dude to eat. She's really calm about him except at mealtimes. when she turns into a Mean Girl. She'll start to eat, but as soon as she even hears Dude begin to eat she stops eating and starts the staring. This morning I went over to calm her and she even had her back up a bit. And then she doesn't eat, but stares and stares. Dude is learning to just keep eating, but Willow never starts to eat again. This is in a 30-foot room with each cat at either end. I even have a Feliway plugged in right beside Willow's food station.

 

[Willowwombat]

And I meant to add -- it isn't just the staring. She will start to walk towards him, and then he runs away. She ends up not eating, he doesn't get enough food, and the whole thing repeats twice a day. Then she's hungry and cranky.
This morning I took her and put her in the bedroom to let him eat. He finally got enough food, but she didn't eat -- just sat at the door.

 

[Willowwombat]

What a difference a couple of days makes.

This morning they were both so hungry they ate happily in the same room.

And just now I found them both sleeping in one of our bedrooms, both apparently oblivious to the other's presence but not concerned when they realized it.

I'm so relieved and happy for both of them.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Wonderful news! And that is so typical...you think you're reaching the end of the line, and suddenly, they decide that neither of them is a real danger to the other. I'm tickled for all three of you!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Oh, and it seems in this case that hunger really was the best seasoning!

 

[Willowwombat]

Yes. I have them on a three-times daily feeding (once right before I go to bed) and they are eating in the same room, though miles apart. I'll worry about putting Willow on a diet later. Right now it's all working.

I also think Willow tried to play with him him yesterday but he misinterpreted her intentions, the shoe being on the other foot now. But it's never serious, just hissing. They hang out in the living room together and it's really pretty peaceful. It's two weeks today that we adopted Dude, so I think it's going to work.

 

[kakers]

It sounds like it's going great for two weeks! We've been working on introducing our newbie since end of July and they still have separate territories and only supervised visits. A little hissing and even growling is perfectly normal for a few weeks even with a relatively fast and smooth introduction. You never know they could even become friends!

 

[Willowwombat]

I think they are close to being friends already. Willow has completely relaxed now and has accepted him as part of her family. Sometimes her tail goes up when she sees him, though he is still a bit suspicious of her. This morning they were sitting about a foot away from each other, both relaxed, looking at the battery-operated hiding-mouse toy I put on the floor.

She has tried to play with him a couple of times, though he's being a bit hard to get, and is now comfortable around him to lie on her side and back around him. He hisses at her a bit when she gets too forward, because her cat manners are a bit rusty, but obviously they are now completely comfortable with each other's company.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

This is pretty much a done deal! They've come to an understanding, and are just waiting for you to realize it now.

 

[Willowwombat]

It hasn't been as good today, though. She really wants to play, and he is just not having it. They still hiss at each other if they get too close. She is deliberately bugging him, too -- I just saw her do it. She sneaks up on him and when he sees her he hisses.

Still, we haven't had any actual fights, so we've been letting them roam the house at night.

 

[Willowwombat]

They're playing!

More accurately, Willow pounces and chases, and he runs away, but there is less and less hissing from him each time, and he isn't avoiding her at all. He doesn't hide. He just comes right back up the stairs and talks to her, and he sometimes walks right beside her with his tail up. I'll know for sure it's good when he turns the tables on her.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

They are getting there by leaps and bounds, aren't they?