Good day, everyone! This is going to be a long story and I thank you in advance if you read it till the end and share your opinion, because at this point of time I feel like we need all the advice and help possible.
10 months ago my husband and I adopted our first cat ever: a 2yo male. Even though we were looking for a calm cat, we are happy that Jerry turned out to be very bold, energetic, smart (oh boy, the amount of child locks we needed to install, and he can solve any food puzzle in under 3 minutes) and, the best part, affectionate. He decompressed and warmed up to us pretty fast and in about a month it felt like he was always there. We were over the moon! I was reading a lot about cats’ care and watching Jackson Galaxy’s videos, and at some point discovered that most cats do better in the company of another cat if introduced properly.
We did a lot of research on introductions and in about 3 months after Jerry’s adoption visited a shelter and described our needs: a young energetic cat who will play with Jerry and keep him company when we are not around. Looking back, I am still not sure if we have chosen correctly.
Enter Lacey: a 1yo female who recently gave birth and was hiding under a chair and described as shy but affectionate. When I approached her with my hand, she did not react at first but then started nuzzling the hand and my heart melted. We were ready to work with a shy cat and build up her confidence, introducing her to the apartment and the resident cat slowly. I would say that part has worked out pretty well and most of the time Lacey spends out in the open with her tail up and happy, exploring the apartment, looking out of the windows and chasing after small toys. However, she is still too easy to startle because of almost anything.
Now for the introduction part: it took about 3 weeks for the scent and sight swapping and feeding in between the closed doors before cats saw each other for the first time. In about 1.5 months since we brought Lacey in we felt confident with leaving them in the same room. Up to this day the cats spend a lot of time together in the same room or on the same cat tree, they are comfortable with eating close to each other. Sometimes they snuggle in the same bed but very rarely, usually it start like this: Jerry is already resting there, Lacey comes up to him and allows him to groom her (she never grooms him back) and then when she gets tired, she either leaves or swats at him until he stops and then they keep staying in the same bed. Only a few times during 8 months I saw her chasing after him or initiating a play fight but most of the time she would like to be left alone.
As for Jerry, and the part I do not like: whenever he wants to play with her or groom her, he would not really respect her boundaries and continue chasing despite being swatted at and occasionally hissed at. Lacey keeps running from him until she jumps on a window perch or hides in a tunnel and only then he gets bored and leaves. If he did jump on her and she did not have time to leave, they would wrestle, and his body language indicates play while her body language (pinned ears and claws out) is definitely defensive. We try our best being proactive about it by distracting Jerry with toys when we see him about to pounce or talking to him in the process (he stops to listen and she runs away, then we place him in a separate place or room to cool down).
I would like to specify that we play with them 2 times a day for 15 minutes with an interactive toy (separately then together), as well as do agility training (hide kibble around the apartment so that they have to jump and crouch and look everywhere), plus clicker training a couple times a week, plus Jerry solves food puzzles 1-2 times times a day. They also have access to windows and multiple cat trees and toys around the apartment. This is the maximum activity time we are willing to provide for Jerry. He is never destructive during his zoomies and there was no undesirable behavior whatsoever. We did not get the second cat to ‘solve’ any problems, simply make things even better by playing with Jerry and helping with the leftover excess energy. I am not ready for a third play session or harness training, for example, to tire him out even more so that he does not bother Lacey. We did order a cat wheel though, and it is on the way.
Now comes the saddest part: Lacey has recurring UTI and ongoing allergies which result in terrible skin rashes that occasionally (1-2 times a month) require her wearing an e-collar, at some point we switched from plastic to a soft one because her condition is still not under control and the plastic one made her miserable. I would like not go in too much details, since the text is already so long, but in short: we are working on both conditions with her veterinarian, but it takes so much time and energy (and money of course) and it looks like she will need even more examination and may even require a surgery to prevent the UTI from coming back.
Both conditions were present at the moment we adopted her (i.e. a bald bloody spot on her belly), however the shelter states they were not aware. We had to discover it on our own and to this day I feel scammed, because such things should be known in advance to make a more conscious choice. The vet says both things are exacerbated by stress and even though we do our best to ensure the place is as stress-free as possible, I suspect that occasional bullying from Jerry is not making her happy. We wanted a friend for the first cat, but Lacey is not feeling her best to interact with him most of the time. As I mentioned before, I am not sure she is the perfect match even if she felt better.
Do you think we should keep doing what we do, which is paying attention to their interactions, reinforcing desired behaviour and interfering when Jerry is too much for her? Or should we perform complete reintroduction? Or should we wait until her condition is under control and do the reintroduction then? I am not sure that what we do currently is helping either of the cats (or my mental state for that matter) and I feel that everyone is at least a little unhappy with the current environment (to be honest, I am more than unhappy with how things turned out). It has been almost 8 months and I feel exhausted from keeping an eye on their interactions while treating Lacey and going to the vet all the time (and we have no idea how much longer it will take, each change in food and environment needs to be monitored closely and tales week to evaluate its effectiveness). Hence, the title of the post: should we look for a better place for Lacey where they can take care of her? I want the best for both cats, but with the current situation, I feel like I have sacrificed so much time and energy and feel so sad and tired most of the time.
Thank you so much for reading and any tips and thoughts would be appreciated.
10 months ago my husband and I adopted our first cat ever: a 2yo male. Even though we were looking for a calm cat, we are happy that Jerry turned out to be very bold, energetic, smart (oh boy, the amount of child locks we needed to install, and he can solve any food puzzle in under 3 minutes) and, the best part, affectionate. He decompressed and warmed up to us pretty fast and in about a month it felt like he was always there. We were over the moon! I was reading a lot about cats’ care and watching Jackson Galaxy’s videos, and at some point discovered that most cats do better in the company of another cat if introduced properly.
We did a lot of research on introductions and in about 3 months after Jerry’s adoption visited a shelter and described our needs: a young energetic cat who will play with Jerry and keep him company when we are not around. Looking back, I am still not sure if we have chosen correctly.
Enter Lacey: a 1yo female who recently gave birth and was hiding under a chair and described as shy but affectionate. When I approached her with my hand, she did not react at first but then started nuzzling the hand and my heart melted. We were ready to work with a shy cat and build up her confidence, introducing her to the apartment and the resident cat slowly. I would say that part has worked out pretty well and most of the time Lacey spends out in the open with her tail up and happy, exploring the apartment, looking out of the windows and chasing after small toys. However, she is still too easy to startle because of almost anything.
Now for the introduction part: it took about 3 weeks for the scent and sight swapping and feeding in between the closed doors before cats saw each other for the first time. In about 1.5 months since we brought Lacey in we felt confident with leaving them in the same room. Up to this day the cats spend a lot of time together in the same room or on the same cat tree, they are comfortable with eating close to each other. Sometimes they snuggle in the same bed but very rarely, usually it start like this: Jerry is already resting there, Lacey comes up to him and allows him to groom her (she never grooms him back) and then when she gets tired, she either leaves or swats at him until he stops and then they keep staying in the same bed. Only a few times during 8 months I saw her chasing after him or initiating a play fight but most of the time she would like to be left alone.
As for Jerry, and the part I do not like: whenever he wants to play with her or groom her, he would not really respect her boundaries and continue chasing despite being swatted at and occasionally hissed at. Lacey keeps running from him until she jumps on a window perch or hides in a tunnel and only then he gets bored and leaves. If he did jump on her and she did not have time to leave, they would wrestle, and his body language indicates play while her body language (pinned ears and claws out) is definitely defensive. We try our best being proactive about it by distracting Jerry with toys when we see him about to pounce or talking to him in the process (he stops to listen and she runs away, then we place him in a separate place or room to cool down).
I would like to specify that we play with them 2 times a day for 15 minutes with an interactive toy (separately then together), as well as do agility training (hide kibble around the apartment so that they have to jump and crouch and look everywhere), plus clicker training a couple times a week, plus Jerry solves food puzzles 1-2 times times a day. They also have access to windows and multiple cat trees and toys around the apartment. This is the maximum activity time we are willing to provide for Jerry. He is never destructive during his zoomies and there was no undesirable behavior whatsoever. We did not get the second cat to ‘solve’ any problems, simply make things even better by playing with Jerry and helping with the leftover excess energy. I am not ready for a third play session or harness training, for example, to tire him out even more so that he does not bother Lacey. We did order a cat wheel though, and it is on the way.
Now comes the saddest part: Lacey has recurring UTI and ongoing allergies which result in terrible skin rashes that occasionally (1-2 times a month) require her wearing an e-collar, at some point we switched from plastic to a soft one because her condition is still not under control and the plastic one made her miserable. I would like not go in too much details, since the text is already so long, but in short: we are working on both conditions with her veterinarian, but it takes so much time and energy (and money of course) and it looks like she will need even more examination and may even require a surgery to prevent the UTI from coming back.
Both conditions were present at the moment we adopted her (i.e. a bald bloody spot on her belly), however the shelter states they were not aware. We had to discover it on our own and to this day I feel scammed, because such things should be known in advance to make a more conscious choice. The vet says both things are exacerbated by stress and even though we do our best to ensure the place is as stress-free as possible, I suspect that occasional bullying from Jerry is not making her happy. We wanted a friend for the first cat, but Lacey is not feeling her best to interact with him most of the time. As I mentioned before, I am not sure she is the perfect match even if she felt better.
Do you think we should keep doing what we do, which is paying attention to their interactions, reinforcing desired behaviour and interfering when Jerry is too much for her? Or should we perform complete reintroduction? Or should we wait until her condition is under control and do the reintroduction then? I am not sure that what we do currently is helping either of the cats (or my mental state for that matter) and I feel that everyone is at least a little unhappy with the current environment (to be honest, I am more than unhappy with how things turned out). It has been almost 8 months and I feel exhausted from keeping an eye on their interactions while treating Lacey and going to the vet all the time (and we have no idea how much longer it will take, each change in food and environment needs to be monitored closely and tales week to evaluate its effectiveness). Hence, the title of the post: should we look for a better place for Lacey where they can take care of her? I want the best for both cats, but with the current situation, I feel like I have sacrificed so much time and energy and feel so sad and tired most of the time.
Thank you so much for reading and any tips and thoughts would be appreciated.
it sucks, but once you get it sorted, you can have many many years without reoccurrence. 
