Hi, I've arrived on this page out of total grief for the decision of putting my family cat to sleep. This is my first experience of such a wave of grief and guilt which many of you will share and I almost feel desperate that I made the wrong decision. Sawyer was a beautiful 7 year old who was a rescue. We took him on as an asthmatic when no one else wanted him. He was as many cats are a loving and affectionate boy who was such a character. He even was a cat who visited nursing homes with the charity as a Therapaws project. Sawyer has lived with my mum for most of the time but recently came to live with me and my two other cats around 3 months ago. He was being treated with his asthma with steroids and an inhaler. The treatment of the asthma became the norm and vets seemed to say that it was managable, however long term steroid use probably wasn't healthy.
Sawyer had a big problem of a build up of mucus in his lungs/airways. Even with trying the powders to break this down, he could never clear it. He coughed more and more and the noise in his airways was very hard to listen to. Thick thick mucus which I prayed for a long time he would just spit out....but he never did. Last week all of a sudden he had a attack unlike any other where he was in so much distress he went to the toilet and foamed at the mouth. He had blocked airways with the mucus and in this situation the inhaler pretty much was useless. We went in the night to an emergency vet and he had calmed down so just had a steroid shot and we were sent on our way. It happened again the next night.....so horrific it will be in my memory forever. I was 110% sure he needed to be sent to sleep, however when I went to the vet the next day they implied that he could get over it perhaps and suggested over night monitoring at a vet clinic. I did this....he was sent back to me yesterday with a higher dose of steroids.
When Sawyer wasnt having a coughing fit or deep breathing he was a happy chappy....playing with toys etc...but the coughing and muscus being trapped has basically been everyday. I have been so scared to leave him alone to even go to the supermarket. I was the responsible carer for him as my elderly mother is ill and unable to take care of herself or any pet.
I had no guarantees that the huge attacks would not happen again. I would never forgive myself if he was choking and suffocating whilst I was at work. I adore animals and the distress would just be too much for him and me. Even last night I slept with him on the sofa and he cannot even have a decent rest without having to cough. Even just normal breathing for him normally included some sort of wheezing, squeeking or the grumble of liquid.
I took the decision to put him to sleep rather than keep him alive with large daily doeses of steroids and sprays that ultimately would never clear the mucus - I feel a huge amount of guilt and my mind plays tricks that perhaps we could have just carried on but it was a chronic illness which must have been hurting him not to breathe properly. I am not an asthmatic so I don't know. Has anyone out there had this?
The vet said this morning (the 6th one I have seen) that he might have had some other condition and i was doing the right thing - maybe she was just telling me that.
I feel like I have let him down so much - he trusted me. I feel like a killer and maybe he should have been worse to take such a decision. The only comfort I have at the moment is that I had him put to sleep at home with as little distress as possible. But the feeling of "what have I done" are at the front of my mind. in this situation I dont think it would ever feel that the time was right unelss he was acting out of character, but he never did as he solidered on. I would never forgive myself if he had an attack and I wasn't there and nor would I have ever get over that. I suppose this illness is quick to pop up and when it does any outcome is possible.....it would be perhaps like roulette keeping him alive. Then again he was young and wanted to live and play and eat dreamies all day.....I've just taken that away.
I feel that I completely failed Sawyer by choosing his outcome for him (ridiculous i know as he cant tell me what he wants) and would give anything for more time with him. Anything. Has anyone out there wondered if it was too early and if so, did you find some peace? My head says it wasnt too early....but my heart is broken and feels different. Looking for comfort that someone has had a similar situation.....
Sawyer had a big problem of a build up of mucus in his lungs/airways. Even with trying the powders to break this down, he could never clear it. He coughed more and more and the noise in his airways was very hard to listen to. Thick thick mucus which I prayed for a long time he would just spit out....but he never did. Last week all of a sudden he had a attack unlike any other where he was in so much distress he went to the toilet and foamed at the mouth. He had blocked airways with the mucus and in this situation the inhaler pretty much was useless. We went in the night to an emergency vet and he had calmed down so just had a steroid shot and we were sent on our way. It happened again the next night.....so horrific it will be in my memory forever. I was 110% sure he needed to be sent to sleep, however when I went to the vet the next day they implied that he could get over it perhaps and suggested over night monitoring at a vet clinic. I did this....he was sent back to me yesterday with a higher dose of steroids.
When Sawyer wasnt having a coughing fit or deep breathing he was a happy chappy....playing with toys etc...but the coughing and muscus being trapped has basically been everyday. I have been so scared to leave him alone to even go to the supermarket. I was the responsible carer for him as my elderly mother is ill and unable to take care of herself or any pet.
I had no guarantees that the huge attacks would not happen again. I would never forgive myself if he was choking and suffocating whilst I was at work. I adore animals and the distress would just be too much for him and me. Even last night I slept with him on the sofa and he cannot even have a decent rest without having to cough. Even just normal breathing for him normally included some sort of wheezing, squeeking or the grumble of liquid.
I took the decision to put him to sleep rather than keep him alive with large daily doeses of steroids and sprays that ultimately would never clear the mucus - I feel a huge amount of guilt and my mind plays tricks that perhaps we could have just carried on but it was a chronic illness which must have been hurting him not to breathe properly. I am not an asthmatic so I don't know. Has anyone out there had this?
The vet said this morning (the 6th one I have seen) that he might have had some other condition and i was doing the right thing - maybe she was just telling me that.
I feel like I have let him down so much - he trusted me. I feel like a killer and maybe he should have been worse to take such a decision. The only comfort I have at the moment is that I had him put to sleep at home with as little distress as possible. But the feeling of "what have I done" are at the front of my mind. in this situation I dont think it would ever feel that the time was right unelss he was acting out of character, but he never did as he solidered on. I would never forgive myself if he had an attack and I wasn't there and nor would I have ever get over that. I suppose this illness is quick to pop up and when it does any outcome is possible.....it would be perhaps like roulette keeping him alive. Then again he was young and wanted to live and play and eat dreamies all day.....I've just taken that away.
I feel that I completely failed Sawyer by choosing his outcome for him (ridiculous i know as he cant tell me what he wants) and would give anything for more time with him. Anything. Has anyone out there wondered if it was too early and if so, did you find some peace? My head says it wasnt too early....but my heart is broken and feels different. Looking for comfort that someone has had a similar situation.....