Interfering with ferals' lives

[Antonio65]

Recently, one of the cats I had rehomed in the past died in a home accident. She was only 3 yo. This news broke my heart on Christmas Eve and, needless to say, I spent my Christmas days in tears and sadness. I also attended her cremation, because I felt I couldn't do otherwise.

This was the third time in the last 4 years that a cat I had rescued from a terrible situation died from an accident or disease after they were rehomed, and now I have started questioning myself whether I had done better to leave them all where they were. I can't forgive myself and can't help myself thinking that hadn't I taken them away from where they were living before my intervention, they might have still been alive. I feel that my intervention, my attempt to give them a better life, turned out to be their death sentence.

I know that dozens of other cats and kittens found a great forever home thanks to my help, but these three cats kind of spoiled the joy of giving the others the warmth of a home, and I'm currently considering stopping rescuing other cats in order not to interfere with their fate.

Has such a thing ever happened to you? Did you ever question your actions and the rescued cats' fate?

 

[Alldara]

I'm so sorry to hear about this Antonio. That's such a hard thing.

You'll have to decide if you need a break or to stop rescuing and both are okay. It's normal to experience caregivers fatigue or caregivers depression during hard times whether the loss is during rehabilitation or afterwards.

We can't control all things. You have no idea whether they would have lived even days past when you rescued them if living outside. It's unfortunate that they died young. When we were completely overwhelmed with dumped cats we had MANY die before 1 year old. We did have one that didn't make it to 4 years old afterwards, but you know if he didn't get brought in, it's likely he wouldn't have made it to 2. (I'm still so grateful that we were able to get a TNRs support, and had their support for many years before our grandparents sold the farm).

We can't know what we don't know. You're doing your best and you work SO HARD to help. Please be gentle with yourself. You're doing your best. Whatever you decide, we're all here for you.

 

[Furballsmom]

Over the years, of all the animals I've rescued and felt pretty good about, there were two stray dogs in the neighborhood where I blundered and missed the chance to get them off the street, and as is the case with human nature, those two pop up in my mind more than the others where I have good memories.

One was literally just before a very nasty storm and I can only hope his owner was out looking and found him. The other one I'll never know what happened either but it had obviously been through some training, so hopefully he was found by his owner also.

My point and thought being that what if I get a lost dog into my backyard and while I'm holding it for animal control to come pick it up, it's owner, with upset kids in the car, is frantically driving around looking for it (which we have had happen as well, with a big lovable goof of a dog where his yard gate was left unlatched and while we were giving him a drink in our front yard, the owner came barreling around the corner and down the street. Happy ending, that one!)

Not everyone in my area knows to get on social media where people who see lost animals post about them, or to check the shelters, or even to microchip.

We can't know what we don't know.

these three cats kind of spoiled the joy of giving the others the warmth of a home, and I'm currently considering stopping rescuing other cats

I've stopped doing quite as much as I used to unless the animal is in a really dire situation and I can do it safely and legally. But otherwise, I just don't know. Is my heart hardening? I don't think so, not really. Am I more aware of being cautious to not bring fleas, or worse, home? Somewhat.

they might have still been alive.

I just know that when they really need us, if we can, we should. Nobody can predict a cat's end, but a cat left on the street never, ever knows what it is to be Somebody's Cat, with regular food, shelter, warmth and love even if it wasn't for as long as we wanted.

This puts it best;

He had a home, a safe haven, a warm bed, a warm lap. He was "somebody's cat," and that is a great gift to a feral. You did the best you could for him, and he knew that.

 

[Jcatbird]

Oh Antonio! I am so sorry! I know how hard things have been at times but maybe instead of counting the losses, count how many, many you have saved? When we do large numbers the odds are that we are going to have losses. I have second guessed myself too but then I see a success story and my heart lifts again. You have had many success stories. I am remembering following you as you provided solutions for innumerable situations. Am I correct in remembering you working to build a trap you could remotely control just to get one elusive cat? Your care and love knows no boundaries. You make my heart beat a little better.

 

[Antonio65]

Oh Antonio! I am so sorry! I know how hard things have been at times but maybe instead of counting the losses, count how many, many you have saved? When we do large numbers the odds are that we are going to have losses. I have second guessed myself too but then I see a success story and my heart lifts again.

Yes, I, too, remember lots of successful stories, and there are a very few that I'm particularly proud of. But, in this case, I cannot get over it yet. It's three weeks past that accident, and I am still thinking about it.

You have had many success stories. I am remembering following you as you provided solutions for innumerable situations. Am I correct in remembering you working to build a trap you could remotely control just to get one elusive cat?

Yes, I had modified a Havahart trap cage to have it work with a remote control in cases when I need to trap a particular cat among many without spooking all others (and the target cat itself) with useless trappings. I used it several times and I'm proud of that.
I'm still available for suggestions to others, but right now I just don't want to get involved in something that could even lead to a disaster down the road.
Evidence of this is that I've been recently notified of a group of cats and kittens not far from home, but I told them to call someone else, and I provided them with the phone numbers of few other people with trapping experience. I'm following the matter, but I'm not directly involved.

Your care and love knows no boundaries. You make my heart beat a little better.

Thanks for your lovely words!

 

[Norachan]

I'm so sorry to hear that one of your rescues died this way. I've had similar experiences myself. I've rescued a cat and expected them to have a long and happy life after that, but lost them to disease or injury way too early.

I think you know how tough life is for outdoor cats. I think if you haven't recued this little one she would have died anyway, and probably in much worse circumstances.

At least she got to enjoy a loving home for a short time.

I don't think you interfered, I think you intervened.

 

[ElizabethP]

Recently, one of the cats I had rehomed in the past died in a home accident. She was only 3 yo. This news broke my heart on Christmas Eve and, needless to say, I spent my Christmas days in tears and sadness. I also attended her cremation, because I felt I couldn't do otherwise.

This was the third time in the last 4 years that a cat I had rescued from a terrible situation died from an accident or disease after they were rehomed, and now I have started questioning myself whether I had done better to leave them all where they were. I can't forgive myself and can't help myself thinking that hadn't I taken them away from where they were living before my intervention, they might have still been alive. I feel that my intervention, my attempt to give them a better life, turned out to be their death sentence.

I know that dozens of other cats and kittens found a great forever home thanks to my help, but these three cats kind of spoiled the joy of giving the others the warmth of a home, and I'm currently considering stopping rescuing other cats in order not to interfere with their fate.

Has such a thing ever happened to you? Did you ever question your actions and the rescued cats' fate?

Like others here, we share so many stories don't we. And it's so so hard. You are amazing to have done so much and rescued the little ones that you have. And you can never know what will happen to them after you take them on. And I do think it is ALWAYS something that we have to do, to intervene where we can. I think you would find it harder to walk away, and your heart would not let you. You have thus given them another chance, and you never know what will happen beyond you. It is so difficult. And yes, as someone said...remember the ones who you saved who have gone on to have their own 'human' and had happy lives.

Here, on a daily basis I do see animals - of all kinds - in distress. After 30 years living here, I have never become inured to it. When I see cat or dog bodies on the road, I always send then all good thoughts and think that their lives are invariably better now (not always so great in life here) and then when I am in situations that I can't control, or change, I think of my little chaps here (rescue dogs and cats) and I come home and find them and hug and kiss them all, their little furry faces which I love so much.

 

[Antonio65]

I'm so sorry to hear that one of your rescues died this way. I've had similar experiences myself. I've rescued a cat and expected them to have a long and happy life after that, but lost them to disease or injury way too early.

I think you know how tough life is for outdoor cats. I think if you haven't recued this little one she would have died anyway, and probably in much worse circumstances.

At least she got to enjoy a loving home for a short time.

I don't think you interfered, I think you intervened.

Yes, I also know and think about how hard the life for feral cats is. But I'm still questioning my actions in the care of ferals. I could give them the best of the opportunities to live a long and healthy life, or I could put them in a situation where their life could be shorter.

Over here in Italy, where feral cats are protected by State laws and where city councils pay for the fixing of ferals once that a colony gets registered with the relevant office and a volunteer takes care of them, I was once accused by one of the city council staff of interfering with these cats lives because, he said, that by finding them a home I was robbing them of their freedom, I was condemning them to a life of detention and lack of natural freedom.
I didn't care about his words, but I have to admit that sometimes (three times in my case) my intervention was fatal to them.

 

[Antonio65]

Like others here, we share so many stories don't we. And it's so so hard. You are amazing to have done so much and rescued the little ones that you have. And you can never know what will happen to them after you take them on. And I do think it is ALWAYS something that we have to do, to intervene where we can. I think you would find it harder to walk away, and your heart would not let you. You have thus given them another chance, and you never know what will happen beyond you. It is so difficult. And yes, as someone said...remember the ones who you saved who have gone on to have their own 'human' and had happy lives.

Yes, I do think of the dozens of cats I put in safe hands, but I ask myself whether this is worth the lives of the other three cats that died in their new homes in the last four years.

Here, on a daily basis I do see animals - of all kinds - in distress. After 30 years living here, I have never become inured to it. When I see cat or dog bodies on the road, I always send then all good thoughts and think that their lives are invariably better now (not always so great in life here) and then when I am in situations that I can't control, or change, I think of my little chaps here (rescue dogs and cats) and I come home and find them and hug and kiss them all, their little furry faces which I love so much.

Don't tell me about those poor souls on the roads, my heart aches so much every time, no matter what animal is. It can a dog or a cat, or it can a squirrel or a little bird, it's always so painful!
They all die because of the intervention (even unintentional) of a human being. Yes, when this happens (or when I read very sad stories of pets in distress or that die) and I come back home, I hug my kitties so tight that I could squeeze them, and I kiss them all over.
The night I learned of this last cat that I had rehomed and died in a home accident, I couldn't help hugging and kissing my cats and crying.

 

[Alldara]

Antonio65 I'm glad you referred out and took a break.

You're right to think we can't weigh one life over another. You just simply can't know whether for those 3 cats their lives would have been longer, shorter or the same if you hadn't helped them.. there's no way to know. Your mind is stuck thinking they would have loved longer, but the other two options are equally valid.

What I do know is that every single one of the cats you intervened in the lives of has experienced love and care and someone who can make the decision for them to end their suffering when the time comes instead of having to wait outside alone for fate.

 

[Jcatbird]

I know about the thinking of others about “interfering” but I just don’t believe that loving is interfering. Fate, in my opinion, is not in our hands. How many times do we hear or see people or creatures that have found some miraculous solution or healing when it seemed that nothing would help? Fate saves and takes but we cannot determine what fate will be, we can only love in between. My own child taught me that. It was on this day that my child left to meet fate. It is not always a bad thing. My child lived, loved, laughed and left her mark on me and the world. The lessons from her made me a rescuer, desire to share my heart, what I learned and laughter and, ultimately, brought me here. Fate. Scars on my heart? Yes. The wounds took time to scar over and I carry them but the love she planted remains. It grows out of the scars and blooms again. I do think that we all reach a point of needing to step back. Being burned out is a real thing and I see it with other rescuers I know. There is nothing wrong with being a teacher of rescuing. That is how we pass it all on. Also, you may find later that the wounds scar a bit and another situation brings you forward again. I have thought I was finished rescuing before but then another that needs help just appears. If and when it does, you will know. Keep building, keep teaching good care, keep teaching love and share your knowledge. Whatever part you play in making cat lives better and easier and with each person who learns to have a heart like yours, our world can only get better.

 

[jeanw]

Thank you, Antonio, for this topic. I'm so sorry for your heartache and the three cats that didn't have the long wonderful lives you hoped for. I've had many of the same thoughts lately and it's so very hard - impossible really - to know what is best.

I care for a feral colony of about 40 cats and have gotten more and more involved with them and their lives. So far I've ended up adding 7 of them to my home - i know that seems like so many! - in addition to the 2 I already had. All of them have had severe illness or near death experiences before I took them to the vet and then took them in to my home. Nearly all of them could not live with someone else but I had gained their trust over the last couple of years. They have safety, shelter, food and water, medical treatment when needed, love and care, and are not living with the temperature extremes outside. However they now live in my very small place and there is no place where I can let them outside at all. Have I done the right thing? Often I don't know but I do know these wouldn't have survived at all if I didn't take them in.

I can see with my own eyes that ferals have a hard life and usually don't live very long. I'm seriously considering adding 3 more to my home and after that I will have to try to find other homes for them or trap, neuter, return (my least favorite option).

Antonio, I send you good thoughts and comfort for your hurting heart. Thank you again for starting this thread - it helps to know there are others thinking the same thing.

 

[Antonio65]

My own child taught me that. It was on this day that my child left to meet fate. It is not always a bad thing. My child lived, loved, laughed and left her mark on me and the world.

I'm so deeply sorry

 

[Antonio65]

Antonio, I send you good thoughts and comfort for your hurting heart. Thank you again for starting this thread - it helps to know there are others thinking the same thing.

Likewise, I'm glad to learn that other people are having the same feelings and thoughts.
Thanks for your words.

 

[moxiewild]

Recently, one of the cats I had rehomed in the past died in a home accident. She was only 3 yo. This news broke my heart on Christmas Eve and, needless to say, I spent my Christmas days in tears and sadness. I also attended her cremation, because I felt I couldn't do otherwise.

This was the third time in the last 4 years that a cat I had rescued from a terrible situation died from an accident or disease after they were rehomed, and now I have started questioning myself whether I had done better to leave them all where they were. I can't forgive myself and can't help myself thinking that hadn't I taken them away from where they were living before my intervention, they might have still been alive. I feel that my intervention, my attempt to give them a better life, turned out to be their death sentence.

I know that dozens of other cats and kittens found a great forever home thanks to my help, but these three cats kind of spoiled the joy of giving the others the warmth of a home, and I'm currently considering stopping rescuing other cats in order not to interfere with their fate.

Has such a thing ever happened to you? Did you ever question your actions and the rescued cats' fate?

You need to snap out of it.

You have done nothing wrong - the exact opposite, in fact!

I know it hurts. It hurts so much, and it’s completely normal to question “what if” and feel like you could have done something more/differently to change this outcome.

But come on - you know why you do what you do, Antonio.

How long do you think these kitties would have been alive had you not interfered? As I know you’re aware, their lifespan outside is 2-3 years on average.

Let’s say this 3 year old cat ended up living to 6 years old on her own outdoors. What do you think her quality of life would have been like?

Constantly going through painful mating, taxing pregnancy and kitten-rearing, fights with other cats and animals, escaping predators, constant food insecurity, outside in all types of weather, etc - a life of nothing but constant stress.

And you saved her from that life, Antonio.

Maybe she would have lived longer on her own. But I think, like most people, cats would prefer a shorter life of safety, vet care, happiness, and love, than a longer life of knowing nothing but the stress of bare survival.

Living only to survive is not truly living, after all. By placing these cats in homes, you have given them the opportunity - the gift - of truly living.

Let me tell you a short story.

About three and a half years ago, I found this litter of 5 -

They were under a fairly safe deck with their mother, and we didn’t have any extra space, so I helped provide for them and keep an eye on them while Momma raised them -

Unfortunately, the runt didn’t make it and passed early on. But the other four were thriving.

Around the 7 week mark, I trapped them. I posted about it here, because I was having a lot of trouble getting that last kitten. I had her in the drop trap, but as I pulled it down, the trap got hooked on some bricks and allowed the little one to escape.

Momma was seen eating with her a few days later, but by the end of the week, that kitten had disappeared, and we sadly never saw her again.

But we did get momma and had her spayed -

(Look at that epic mustache of hers!)

And we did trap the the three babies who were left -

They were supposed to go to another foster, but she was more inexperienced, so I told her I’d I’d get them socialized. Then after that, she would take them and find them homes.

However… I fell madly in love with them. They have some of the best personalities I’ve ever seen. They are so funny, so we’ll behaved, and just so loving and affectionate. Gotta be something in their genetics, I swear.

I didn’t think I could ever bond with a single other cat as closely as I did with my first (the kitty in my profile photo). Yet here I was, sharing as deep of a bond with not just one, but three cats!

They have truly been the best cats I could ever ask for. They are intensely bonded to each other, and to me.

One of them, Salem, is my shadow.

He is completely obsessed with me, and will run and climb anything to get to me (my boyfriend jokes that Salem wishes he could “live in my blood” with how attached he is to me lol). He jumps up on me and hugs my neck when he wants me to carry him, and he won’t settle down until I do. I just pick him up and bounce him in my arms like a baby for 5 minutes, and then he’s good to go! Here he is -

He’s the light of my life.

But a week before their third birthday, we found out he had cancer.

After almost 6 months of chemo, we now know it is finally his time.

He’ll go in for his last chemo this week (chemo always makes him feel sooo much better, and we want him to go out while he’s still feeling good). Then the plan is to do home euthanasia in about a week.

I am so destroyed over this. My heart feels like it’s slowly being ripped out of my chest, and I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel no matter how hard I try.

But I don’t regret one moment of it. I never regret interfering - only the times I didn’t, or failed when I tried.

Salem should not be dying this young. Nor should the kitties you’re so heartsick over. It’s not fair. It’s not okay.

But if we had not intervened, Salem and his siblings most likely would have ended up like that fourth kitten I couldn’t manage to trap, who was almost certainly killed by wildlife in the area.

If Salem had lived to three on his own outside, it would have been three years of constant stress, at best, just trying to survive day to day.

But here? Here he got to sleep in my arms. He got the best toys imaginable. He got to live among a massive clowder of 20 cats who he loves to snuggle with, play with, and groom. He got to relax - truly relax, without fear of predators - in those warm sunspots every single day.

He has been so loved. He has never had to want for food, water, or shelter. For these three and a half years, he was simply allowed to enjoy life without worry.

Unfortunately, they can’t live forever. But we do have the power to give them a much better quality of life than they would have ever have on their own. And that’s the most important thing.

Mourn for your babies. Feel this pain. It’s okay.

But please don’t question yourself. If you need a break for YOU, then please take one! We all need to reset sometimes, and that’s okay too.

But don't you dare stop because you think you’re doing more harm than good by helping these cats, because nothing could be further from the truth. You will likely never know or appreciate just how much of a positive impact you’ve had, in fact.

Ask yourself this, Antonio - what would you say to any of us if we made this post? Think of it from that perspective, and extend that same exact kindness to yourself - because you deserve it.

I cannot begin to describe how much happiness and love Salem has brought into my life. And I am sure the people who adopted your kitties feel the same way about them. You didn’t only change the lives of those kitties, after all. You gave their families the most wonderful and amazing gift too by bringing these cats into their lives.

I know three years is not much in the grand scheme of things. But I would never trade these last three years with Salem for anything, short as they were, and as unrelentingly painful as losing him is, and is going to be.

And I like to believe that Salem feels the same way.

Please remember that, and be kind to yourself.

 

[Antonio65]

He has been so loved. He has never had to want for food, water, or shelter. For these three and a half years, he was simply allowed to enjoy life without worry.

Your story of Salem and his siblings and mother is so touching!
Salem is a beauty, and it tears my heart apart reading that you have to take this painful decision.

Thank you for this heart-warming story, it really touched my heart.

Right now I'm trying to have a break from TNRing or rescuing and rehoming. I'm following the story of a small colony not far from my home, I've contacted several rescuers to try and see if some of them wants to step in and do something, but so far nothing happened.
I don't want to be directly involved at the moment.