- Joined
- Oct 21, 2023
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- 43
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So today is a week that my Elsa has been gone and I want to encourage some of you to hang in there. If you lose your cat it is a very hard thing and I was crying my eyes out after it happened and then I started feeling guilty which is part of the process, guilty I didn't pay more attention to her, guilty that I snapped at her when she scratched my sofa which was velvet, guilty that I didn't spend enough time with her but she was 8 years old when I got her so in all truth I probably saved her from going to the pound and them putting her to sleep, as far as all the other steps we do for our cats, we do the best we can and sometimes they were just meant to go to Kitty heaven and it wouldn't have mattered what we did or did not do. For my part, I bought her all these pretty beds and cool dishes so she wouldn't have to bend over so much to eat, I got a ceramic bown from petsmart that had her name and picture of it, I spoiled her and she in turn chased off the feral cats on my property and even stood up to the dog next door! Elsa was fearless and when it broke my heart that she couldn't breath with out a lot of pain at times but I did everything the vet said as i'm sure you do and will and yet we will still lose them maybe, maybe not but this is a horrible thing to happen to any owner.That was so nice of you to say. It's been almost 4 days since she left and i'm not counting the day she actually died and this has been the hardest time in my whole life and since i'm 68 that covers alot of ground! I have been going through many 1st experiences. Elsa was my second cat, Ramses who was totally black and died from a possum getting ahold of him and that was 20 years ago and I found him but he was outside mainly and he acted like a king. He would lay in the middle of the street, making the cars go around him because after all, he was the King! Once we let him out he stayed out, only wanting to come home periodically for his food and I remember the animal shelter guys came out to get him and threw him in a bag because he was stiff and I remember my outraged; 'Don't treat my Ramses like that!' and the guy looked at me and said 'He's dead, lady.' and I said, 'I don't care! He was my cat!'
But I don't remember grieving for him like I did for Elsa, and he still makes me want to cry every time I see her picture so I try not to look at any. I got a lot of support from Youtube if you can believe that, the very night she left us and I was crying alone in the front room I remember looking at her teepee and the grief overtaking me so bad I was hysterically crying. I turned on youtube because they have videos for everything and there was a vet on there talking about the grieving process when you lose your pet and she said many things that helped me. How out pets love us unconditionally and they don't see our faults like other people do, they just love us and forgive us and are loyal to us until the day we die, or they die, whichever comes first.
So I've never had to take a cat or any animal to the vet and other than Ramses i've never had a pet die on me so my emotions were all over the place and i'd be talking to my neighbor and suddenly I would start crying, she offered to let me come over and hang out with her 4 cats which I declined, the last thing I wanted to see is a healthy living cat when mine was gone. My grief was a thing I wanted to do alone. My daughter Kira went through this with me so we leaned on each other, we never found out what happened to Elsa, in hindsight I remember how she couldn't meow like in the beginning but I just thought she chose not to, she had a sound come out but it wasn't a full meow and I have a lot of guilt i'm dealing with but they say that is natural. Why did I get upset with her when she followed me into the kitchen meowing when I had her cat food right in my hand? Why did I freak out when she scratched the arm of my black velvet sofa?
But I knew that guilt would be one of the things I went through and I also learned it wasn't my fault, it was always going to happen because Elsa came from an abused home, I think, because at first unexpected moves would make her take off and go under the sofa but there was no violence or anything of that kind in this house. Maybe her throat condition turned into something else and maybe she always had this problem and it finally was the end of her. She ruled all the other cats in the area when she started going outside, ferral cats and all, she'd chase them off from our property and even stared down the dog next door until he ran away quickly, my boyfriend said he saw something in her eyes that scared him and this is a big dog, mind you!
I will never forget her, I rescued/adopted her when she was 8, we had a connection when I walked by the plastic container where she lay at Petco. I was always a dog person and yet that conection of my hand touching her paw on the other side of the plastic affected me so much that after leaving I turned right around and got her, adopted her and bought her everything she needed then and I was always getting her new beds and you should see the collection of bowls she had! I might not ever get a cat again, my boyfriend said it would make it easier but I don't agree. I didn't have a lot of money for the vet but my daughter raised some on facebook and I have regrets, when it looked like she was getting better I hesitated on taking her in again because the vet had already given me medication, steriods and after she starts those meds she was really gone, she just lay there and wouldn't eat, we had to force food down her but it was a special time for me and her because I wrapped her up like a baby after giving her food and meds and rocked her outside on the patio and even sang to her but she died in my arms but I didn't want to face it so I took her to the er animal hospital anyway and they confirmed that she had already passed and I didn't break down, signed the necessary papers and then when I got out to my car and my daughter was inside I suddenly burst into almost violent tears and that's the way it was for a few days.
If anyone is going through this you can reach out to me to talk and vent and do whatever because I know what it's like and I will do my best to comfort you, you talk to me......anytime.
I've read many of your posts and you were a good owner and loved your cats so now I will tell you how to lessen your grief. When I left her at the hospital when she passed away and turned on youtube and there are many people who have lost their pets and they will tell you it is a process and all you can do is go through it day by day and I had support from friends and family and now I don't cry every day, I did for the first few days because everything reminded me of her and then I realized that there were signs that she'd been abuses before I ever got her and she learned to trust me and she was very loving and I will never forget her but I have to believe she is in a nice place with other kitties right now and she's probably ruling them as well. Elsa was so beautiful and it will always hurt to think of her but I try to think of the good days and there were many. I will carry her in my heart. The people on this website did help me to an extend if for nothing else just to talk to someone.
As I said, youtube can be helpful except for that lady that said she could communticate with your animals that are no longer here. That is just ridiculous and a scam and I turned that off right away. I just asked God to tell Elsa that I loved her very much.