I'm struggling with a rapid death of a beloved cat

[jan burns]

That was so nice of you to say. It's been almost 4 days since she left and i'm not counting the day she actually died and this has been the hardest time in my whole life and since i'm 68 that covers alot of ground! I have been going through many 1st experiences. Elsa was my second cat, Ramses who was totally black and died from a possum getting ahold of him and that was 20 years ago and I found him but he was outside mainly and he acted like a king. He would lay in the middle of the street, making the cars go around him because after all, he was the King! Once we let him out he stayed out, only wanting to come home periodically for his food and I remember the animal shelter guys came out to get him and threw him in a bag because he was stiff and I remember my outraged; 'Don't treat my Ramses like that!' and the guy looked at me and said 'He's dead, lady.' and I said, 'I don't care! He was my cat!'

But I don't remember grieving for him like I did for Elsa, and he still makes me want to cry every time I see her picture so I try not to look at any. I got a lot of support from Youtube if you can believe that, the very night she left us and I was crying alone in the front room I remember looking at her teepee and the grief overtaking me so bad I was hysterically crying. I turned on youtube because they have videos for everything and there was a vet on there talking about the grieving process when you lose your pet and she said many things that helped me. How out pets love us unconditionally and they don't see our faults like other people do, they just love us and forgive us and are loyal to us until the day we die, or they die, whichever comes first.

So I've never had to take a cat or any animal to the vet and other than Ramses i've never had a pet die on me so my emotions were all over the place and i'd be talking to my neighbor and suddenly I would start crying, she offered to let me come over and hang out with her 4 cats which I declined, the last thing I wanted to see is a healthy living cat when mine was gone. My grief was a thing I wanted to do alone. My daughter Kira went through this with me so we leaned on each other, we never found out what happened to Elsa, in hindsight I remember how she couldn't meow like in the beginning but I just thought she chose not to, she had a sound come out but it wasn't a full meow and I have a lot of guilt i'm dealing with but they say that is natural. Why did I get upset with her when she followed me into the kitchen meowing when I had her cat food right in my hand? Why did I freak out when she scratched the arm of my black velvet sofa?

But I knew that guilt would be one of the things I went through and I also learned it wasn't my fault, it was always going to happen because Elsa came from an abused home, I think, because at first unexpected moves would make her take off and go under the sofa but there was no violence or anything of that kind in this house. Maybe her throat condition turned into something else and maybe she always had this problem and it finally was the end of her. She ruled all the other cats in the area when she started going outside, ferral cats and all, she'd chase them off from our property and even stared down the dog next door until he ran away quickly, my boyfriend said he saw something in her eyes that scared him and this is a big dog, mind you!

I will never forget her, I rescued/adopted her when she was 8, we had a connection when I walked by the plastic container where she lay at Petco. I was always a dog person and yet that conection of my hand touching her paw on the other side of the plastic affected me so much that after leaving I turned right around and got her, adopted her and bought her everything she needed then and I was always getting her new beds and you should see the collection of bowls she had! I might not ever get a cat again, my boyfriend said it would make it easier but I don't agree. I didn't have a lot of money for the vet but my daughter raised some on facebook and I have regrets, when it looked like she was getting better I hesitated on taking her in again because the vet had already given me medication, steriods and after she starts those meds she was really gone, she just lay there and wouldn't eat, we had to force food down her but it was a special time for me and her because I wrapped her up like a baby after giving her food and meds and rocked her outside on the patio and even sang to her but she died in my arms but I didn't want to face it so I took her to the er animal hospital anyway and they confirmed that she had already passed and I didn't break down, signed the necessary papers and then when I got out to my car and my daughter was inside I suddenly burst into almost violent tears and that's the way it was for a few days.

If anyone is going through this you can reach out to me to talk and vent and do whatever because I know what it's like and I will do my best to comfort you, you talk to me......anytime.

So today is a week that my Elsa has been gone and I want to encourage some of you to hang in there. If you lose your cat it is a very hard thing and I was crying my eyes out after it happened and then I started feeling guilty which is part of the process, guilty I didn't pay more attention to her, guilty that I snapped at her when she scratched my sofa which was velvet, guilty that I didn't spend enough time with her but she was 8 years old when I got her so in all truth I probably saved her from going to the pound and them putting her to sleep, as far as all the other steps we do for our cats, we do the best we can and sometimes they were just meant to go to Kitty heaven and it wouldn't have mattered what we did or did not do. For my part, I bought her all these pretty beds and cool dishes so she wouldn't have to bend over so much to eat, I got a ceramic bown from petsmart that had her name and picture of it, I spoiled her and she in turn chased off the feral cats on my property and even stood up to the dog next door! Elsa was fearless and when it broke my heart that she couldn't breath with out a lot of pain at times but I did everything the vet said as i'm sure you do and will and yet we will still lose them maybe, maybe not but this is a horrible thing to happen to any owner.

I've read many of your posts and you were a good owner and loved your cats so now I will tell you how to lessen your grief. When I left her at the hospital when she passed away and turned on youtube and there are many people who have lost their pets and they will tell you it is a process and all you can do is go through it day by day and I had support from friends and family and now I don't cry every day, I did for the first few days because everything reminded me of her and then I realized that there were signs that she'd been abuses before I ever got her and she learned to trust me and she was very loving and I will never forget her but I have to believe she is in a nice place with other kitties right now and she's probably ruling them as well. Elsa was so beautiful and it will always hurt to think of her but I try to think of the good days and there were many. I will carry her in my heart. The people on this website did help me to an extend if for nothing else just to talk to someone.

As I said, youtube can be helpful except for that lady that said she could communticate with your animals that are no longer here. That is just ridiculous and a scam and I turned that off right away. I just asked God to tell Elsa that I loved her very much.

 

[meelasmom]

Your story brought tears to my eyes and I haven't even gone to page 2, yet. You did everything right IMHO. WE often forget how limited we are with fixing things, including the health of a cat. I am still grieving Abby because it still doesn't seem real. I look out where I buried her and keep saying and thinking 'she shouldn't be there'. She was so healthy and I missed something. I know I can't change it, oh how I wish I could, but what I can do is to try to make sure that I don't miss anything again with my cats health. Abby didn't deserve what happened to her and I still have guilt that may never go away. I have lost and loved so many, but she was my little mama and one of the best cats I've ever had. She is the 2nd longest living cat I had the pleasure of raising. My oldest was Buddy who was 16 & 1/2 years old. It's just alot when we go through these things.

 

[MoLa]

Hi everyone.
I haven't been back in a while. I lost my Meela 6 years ago and that pain and regret is still there. I don't think it really ever goes away. Abby was also Meela's mom. During Covid, I lost my Big Black Buddy cat and that was pretty traumatic. He was hit by a car, but I didn't find out for 4 or 5 days after, meanwhile I searched high and low for him.

This time I lost my mama kitty, Abby. She was so beautiful and full of life. I came home this past Friday after work and noticed something wasn't quite right with her. I got her to eat 3/4 of a can of tuna fish and she drank all the juice. I just didn't think she was feeling well. When I got up Saturday, she was much worse. She couldn't walk very far without just laying down on the floor. I ended up just wrapping her up in a blanket and held her most of the day. She slept a lot. She drank very little and didn't want to eat. At this point, I knew something was really wrong, especially when she stopped short of the litter box, laid down and just peed where she laid. Abby was 11 and I knew that her aging might limit the amount of time that I had left with her. I looked up the signs of a cat dying and she checked every box. I stayed up with her until 2am, believing she wasn't going to make it through the night. When I got up Sunday, she was still with me. I thought she's fighting whatever this is, so I started giving her water and through a syringe, hoping it could help rebound her somehow. I held her close to me as much as I could, which was just about all weekend.

Sunday night was horrible. After sleeping for as long as she did, trying to get up was too much for her and she would just collapse and lay there with her eyes & mouth open for a few minutes until she regained her strength and breathing. I cried so much over those couple days and prayed to God to just take her quickly and don't let her suffer if she has to go. I even told Abby if she had to let go, to just let go but if she had any fight left, that I would fight just as hard with and for her. Again, I said my goodbyes in case she passed in the middle of the night.

To my surprise, Abby was still with me Monday morning. Again, I had to say my goodbyes before I left, in case she left me before I could get back from work. I don't know who I was fooling, but I couldn't concentrate or stop crying, so I went home after only a couple hours. Abby was still holding on. I fed her more water and tuna juice through a syringe and she took it all. When I picked her up to hold her she cried out. I couldn't tell if it was just a cry or a pain cry. I felt it was time to call a vet (there are no vets around on weekends and they are extremely hard to get into during the week). Luckily, the vet knew my dad and after I explained what was going on, they said I could come right now or wait until the morning. Since Abby's condition wasn't any better, I felt like she was suffering and if she truly was dying, I had to be humane about it. But if there was even a chance she could recover, I had to know.

I immediately left, holding my hand on Abby's chest as well as petting her and talking to her while we were on our way there. She purred each and every time I touched her and talked to her. The vet looked her over before confirming that he believed she was actually dying. He did offer up an option that he do blood work to see what her levels where at. The only thing was that it would take a couple days to get the blood work back and that in the meantime she couldn't be treated and would continue to suffer or might even die. He said it would tell if her kidneys and liver were working, but he was afraid she may have already been in renal failure. He said by the look of her gums she was severely dehydrated and had a large loss of red blood cells. Also, after getting the results, he was certain that I would be exactly where I was at that moment and I would need to put her down. So I made a very, very hard decision and said my goodbyes to my best friend. I didn't think I had any tears left to cry, but I was so wrong. I sat in my car sobbing. Now I had to go home and bury my friend. By the time I was ready for bed, my eyes were just about swelled shut from crying.

Abby was a cat that came to me as a kitten by my daughter and granddaughter. 11 years ago (in November) I lost my bob-tailed angel Neeni. That really did a number on me and I struggled. My daughters friend's father had caught one of a few kittens that were born and living outside of his home. She asked if she could take it for me. My 2 year old grand daughter surprised me with Abby, who had a pink bow around her. I wasn't looking for another cat. I wasn't sure I wanted her, but I fell in love with her. I remember my daughter saying Mom, I know you have so much love left in your heart that needs something to love and this kitten has no home and needs lots of love. You are a perfect fit for each other. She was right! Abby was the best thing that happened to me. She was never a problem. You hardly even knew she was there. She gave me lots of kittens over the years and she was the Mother Teresa of all mothers. She was just perfect and she was so smart. She rode around on my shoulders. All I had to do was say "Abby" and point.

Her death has turned my world upside down. The other cats all know something is wrong. They comforted me by just surrounding me with their love. When I cried, one licked my tears. I know this is a long post, so bear with me.

Even though I know in my heart, it was the right thing to do by putting her down and ending any suffering she had, I am now second guessing everything.
I don't know how I missed any signs that something was wrong. I blame myself for that. Also, as Abby was resting on Sunday, I noticed her trying to itch herself. I looked at her belly and noticed several fleas on her. Against her better judgement, I gave her a dawn flea bath from her front arms down. She didn't like it and I was worried about her using up her energy, so we made it quick, but it did work.

Now after hearing the vet talk about the red blood cells being low, I remembered that I once heard that fleas can do that to a cat. She was older and probably a little weaker than the other younger cats, so was it the fleas that did this? I never really noticed her digging at herself. Did I do this to her by not paying attention? The vet said dehydration can also do that, so then I ask, why didn't I have a bigger water bowl out. Did she go without and I missed it? And then lastly, even though the vet told me that he was certain what was happening couldn't be reversed, but could he have been wrong? Should I have tried something else? I have so much guilt and pain right now. I know it's only been a day, but I miss my friend so much and feel like I failed her somehow.

I came here because I know there are people here who know exactly how I feel. I feel like I need some guidance. I'm not sure how to move forward.

 

[MoLa]

Hi Jan.
I am so sorry about what you went through. None of this is ever fair! Your story does sound similar to mine. I first noticed Abby wasn't feeling well on a Friday late after noon and by Monday, I was putting her down. I still can't talk about it without crying. I still blame myself for not noticing anything sooner. I think I always will, the same way I blame myself for putting her baby girl Meela down 6 years ago. Your cat was beautiful! I think right now that the worst thing for me is looking out and seeing her grave through the window, knowing she shouldn't be there. Abby was always somewhere and not always in site, but I knew she was there somewhere..Now not seeing her hurts because I know she's not there at all. None of what happened with you and your cat is your fault either. It's human instinct to blame ourselves. The vet sounds like an uncaring sole.
I, too, held Abby in a blanket just about the entire time from Saturday until Monday.
It will get easier eventually, but I'm not going to lie, it will hurt for quite a while. No matter how a cat is taken from us, it still hurts because they are gone. So we can blame ourselves or anyone else, but the bottom line is we still have a loss that we have to live with.
I am not actively looking for another cat because there will never be another Abby for me, but I am keeping an eye out for a female kitten that resembles my Abby. She and the other cat I had years ago (Zoro) were the absolute best cats I have ever had. I am trying to just concentrate on my other cats right now because they are still with me. But last night, I lost it again. The waves of sadness still come over me in waves and I couldn't stop crying. 11 years is a lot of time but I selfishly wanted more. She was my best friend and such a good girl.
You will get through this. It won't be easy, but I promise you will. These people here are great! They can give you inspirational words that can help soothe your pain. They understand. They have been where we are. Take care of yourself and I'm sending prayers your way.

wow. It's amazing to me (and strangely comforting) to know other pet parents have been through the the (almost exact) same. My Toby got so sick, so fast. And then he was gone. :-(