I would love to adopt a new kitten but I'm torn by the thought it might ruin my relationship with my 2 existing adult cats.

[Cyborg_Catgirl]

Hi!

So I've been wanting to adopt a third cat into my family for a long time now but I always end up chickening out because I'm afraid it will ruin my relationship with my existing two cats or cause them unnecessary stress.

Kitten wise I'll likely be adopting a cat no older than a year old and they probably won't be a feral rescue.

Now for some background on my current cats and why I'm concerned. So both of my cats are rescues. One is male and the other is female, both neutered. They were adopted at the same time when they were around 3-5 months old. They are not litter mates but they get on pretty well and don't fight outside of playing. They are both 8 years old now.

They started out extremely shy but they improved greatly over time. They are both super affectionate with everyone in the house and love to be petted, sleep on my lap and are generally big pushovers

The problem and source of my worry arises with how they react to change. While they are super chill normally, they are terrified when anyone other than us enters the house or even if we do something a little out of the ordinary like run to answer the door instead of walking at the pace they are used to. They do recover quickly though after a scare and are perfectly fine with a few minutes.

They are both mostly indoor cats but they spend a few hours each day outside and don't roam too far. While they don't fight much, they do react territorially to any strange cat that may come into our garden.

So I was wondering, given their personalities, is it realistic to expect them to accept a new cat into the family? Or do you think they may take it badly and retreat into their shells?

I'm aware of the go to method of separating the new and existing cats and slowly trying to get them used to each other, but I can't tell it'll work in this case for sure and that stresses me out

I would love a new cat but I would hate to harm my current kitties with my selfishness.

Has anyone had an experience introducing a new cat into a situation like this or just advice in general? I would really appreciate any help you could provide me.

Thanks,

-Gwen

 

[ArtNJ]

Honestly, the personality evidence doesn't mean much. The key info in your post is that you have two eight year old cats that have no recent history of introduction to other cats. And that means that there is absolutely a risk of difficult and lengthy introductions, and that some or all of your cats will be stressed for a rather long while. There is a risk that they will never be friends, and things will improve towards toleration rather slowly. It is also possible that things will go well and that some or all will become friends. You just never know, but with two eight year olds (age matters) it is a risk. You can lessen the risk by adopting a true kiten (i.e. a little ball of fluff, not a one year old as you mentioned) and by following this site's guide on introductions, but the risk will remain.

It is not an unreasonable thing to do, to adopt a kitten, in your situation. It is just good to consider if you are prepared for a difficult introduction and lingering tensions, which you are doing. And also to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. A playmate for the older cats would be a bad reason -- they likely wouldn't thank you if they could talk. Doing it because YOU want a new kitten is a proper reason, if you are prepared for complications. I don't think "selfishness" is the right term -- you don't have an elderly sick, anxious cat, and it is not unreasonable to want a kitten. At the same time, you are entirely correct to weigh the fact that it might stress out your two current cats for quite a while.

I feel like you understand the issue - you just need to make a decision.

 

[Cyborg_Catgirl]

Honestly, the personality evidence doesn't mean much. The key info in your post is that you have two eight year old cats that have no recent history of introduction to other cats. And that means that there is absolutely a risk of difficult and lengthy introductions, and that some or all of your cats will be stressed for a rather long while. There is a risk that they will never be friends, and things will improve towards toleration rather slowly. It is also possible that things will go well and that some or all will become friends. You just never know, but with two eight year olds (age matters) it is a risk. You can lessen the risk by adopting a true kiten (i.e. a little ball of fluff, not a one year old as you mentioned) and by following this site's guide on introductions, but the risk will remain.

It is not an unreasonable thing to do, to adopt a kitten, in your situation. It is just good to consider if you are prepared for a difficult introduction and lingering tensions, which you are doing. And also to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. A playmate for the older cats would be a bad reason -- they likely wouldn't thank you if they could talk. Doing it because YOU want a new kitten is a proper reason, if you are prepared for complications. I don't think "selfishness" is the right term -- you don't have an elderly sick, anxious cat, and it is not unreasonable to want a kitten. At the same time, you are entirely correct to weigh the fact that it might stress out your two current cats for quite a while.

I feel like you understand the issue - you just need to make a decision.

Thanks so much for the reply. Yeah, I do agree with you that at 8 years old and their attitude to other cats I'm probably just asking for trouble.

I will think on it more but I love my two cats dearly and I will probably do what's best for them really

 

[ArtNJ]

Thanks so much for the reply. Yeah, I do agree with you that at 8 years old and their attitude to other cats I'm probably just asking for trouble.

I will think on it more but I love my two cats dearly and I will probably do what's best for them really

Essentially all indoor/outdoor cats react some kind of negatively to wandering cats, so that part of it doesn't change much. When I had indoor/outdoor cats they were chickens, and would retreat to the house and howl. Doesn't necessarily mean they wouldn't accept a kitten pretty quick. But yes, there is a risk that the adoption would make them unhappy to some degree, potentially quite a bit in the short term, and lasting to some lesser degree for potentially months.

 

[Cyborg_Catgirl]

Essentially all indoor/outdoor cats react some kind of negatively to wandering cats, so that part of it doesn't change much. When I had indoor/outdoor cats they were chickens, and would retreat to the house and howl. Doesn't necessarily mean they wouldn't accept a kitten pretty quick. But yes, there is a risk that the adoption would make them unhappy to some degree, potentially quite a bit in the short term, and lasting to some lesser degree for potentially months.

In your experience if they have a tough time accepting a new kitten at first and eventually calm down and accept the new addition to some extent, does that experience effect them in a permanent way?

I mean, if they have a long and tough time adjusting to the new cat, are they likely to never fully recover to how relaxed and friendly they were before? Or is it more the case that once they've grown accustomed to the change they just act more or less like normal, bar however they act when they are around the new cat?

I cans we my cats getting used to a new kitten, I just don't want them to be on edge for the rest of their lives if they only begrudgingly accept the kitten.

 

[susanm9006]

I think it is great that you are thinking this through. In my experience there are simply no guarantees or predictions on how adult cats and especially older adult cats will act with a kitten. They may hate them when they are young but tolerate them as adults or visa versus. And certainly many adults who get along great with a kitten from very early on.

But it can be extremely stressful for the human parent, not just that the adult cats are unhappy but that they exhibit this by breaking litter box habits, getting sick, withdrawing affection etc. You need to feel you are emotionally and sometimes financially ready to weather this storm if it happens or to have a permanent relationship change with your existing cats. I am not trying to discourage you but this is a 20 year or so commitment and a heck of a lot of additional work /stress so you really need to be prepared.

 

[kittyluv387]

Your situation doesn't seem like a bad one for adopting a kitten. Will probably have the standard issues is all.

 

[Cyborg_Catgirl]

I think it is great that you are thinking this through. In my experience there are simply no guarantees or predictions on how adult cats and especially older adult cats will act with a kitten. They may hate them when they are young but tolerate them as adults or visa versus. And certainly many adults who get along great with a kitten from very early on.

But it can be extremely stressful for the human parent, not just that the adult cats are unhappy but that they exhibit this by breaking litter box habits, getting sick, withdrawing affection etc. You need to feel you are emotionally and sometimes financially ready to weather this storm if it happens or to have a permanent relationship change with your existing cats. I am not trying to discourage you but this is a 20 year or so commitment and a heck of a lot of additional work /stress so you really need to be prepared.

Thanks for the reply and warning, I really appreciate it. My living situation is stable and permanent, so in terms of being able to support them for their 20 year life that is luckily not a major concern.

I personally am in a situation where I'll be at home most of the time (not just because of the current crisis) so in terms of being in a position to monitor the situation it's pretty ideal. No guarantee that will help at all though of course

I am used to stress so I'm not worried about myself too much, just how the cats will be affected. I think that uncertainty over how they will react is what's making me worry so much. I can equally imagine a situation with them getting along or a situation where it all goes wrong. Very much me trying to decide if getting a new kitten is a selfish thing to do considering the impact it may have on the happiness of my other cats.

 

[ArtNJ]

Unless you are introducing two kittens, there is never a guaranty. Kitten + and eight year old, as has been mentioned, there is a range of results possible. If you want to more closely examine a reasonably common difficult scenario, imagine a 3 week introduction process, you finally put them together, there is growling, hissing and some "get away" swats from the older cats while the kitten refuses to get the message and keeps trying to play with the older cats. The older cat exhibits avoidance behaviors and is generally more stressed, but is still eating and using the box. This improves slowly over months inching towards toleration. It is not a super pleasant scenario for the older cat or for you, but its not the end of the world and does typically slowly improve.

Its hard to put percentages on any of this, but if you are prepared to deal with the scenario I paint above, then its fine to proceed and hopefully you will get a better outcome. The only time I personally recommend "no" to informed owners is when a resident cat is more like 14+ or has health or anxiety problems (or when the owner does). That doesn't mean its the right choice for you and your two though -- but rather I'd say that if you think it through, whatever choice you make will be a good one.

 

[Cyborg_Catgirl]

Unless you are introducing two kittens, there is never a guaranty. Kitten + and eight year old, as has been mentioned, there is a range of results possible. If you want to more closely examine a reasonably common difficult scenario, imagine a 3 week introduction process, you finally put them together, there is growling, hissing and some "get away" swats from the older cats while the kitten refuses to get the message and keeps trying to play with the older cats. The older cat exhibits avoidance behaviors and is generally more stressed, but is still eating and using the box. This improves slowly over months inching towards toleration. It is not a super pleasant scenario for the older cat or for you, but its not the end of the world and does typically slowly improve.

Its hard to put percentages on any of this, but if you are prepared to deal with the scenario I paint above, then its fine to proceed and hopefully you will get a better outcome. The only time I personally recommend "no" to informed owners is when a resident cat is more like 14+ or has health or anxiety problems (or when the owner does). That doesn't mean its the right choice for you and your two though -- but rather I'd say that if you think it through, whatever choice you make will be a good one.

Thanks so much for all your help, it's given me a new perspective on adopting and while I'm still unsure I feel I have a better idea of what to expect which helps me a lot

I'll keep putting thought into it but I have the time to think it through properly seeing as iy might not be the best time to adopt with the uncertainty of the current crisis going on.

Despite all the worrying I'm glad that I'm not rushing into it at least. A hasty decision won't end well for anyone involved afterall!

 

[cataholic07]

Have you thought about fostering? It's a great way to see how your cats will react without having the full commitment. I ended up foster failing a third kitten who gets along great with my boys. Especially my one boy. Though she will still hiss at my other boy if he tries to play with her or sits on her (he's a massive cat so yah dont blame her, not fat just big boned). But they arent stressed (no peeing outside the litter box, no real aggression its all just warning hisses and her telling him to back off).

 

[Cyborg_Catgirl]

Have you thought about fostering? It's a great way to see how your cats will react without having the full commitment. I ended up foster failing a third kitten who gets along great with my boys. Especially my one boy. Though she will still hiss at my other boy if he tries to play with her or sits on her (he's a massive cat so yah dont blame her, not fat just big boned). But they arent stressed (no peeing outside the litter box, no real aggression its all just warning hisses and her telling him to back off).

I have put some thought into actually! It does seem like a way to test the waters but the only problem is I would likely fall in love with any cat I foster and not be able to let go

I'll do some research into the fostering system in my area and see how I feel though. Thanks!