I Played Too Much With My Cat- But If I Play Less She Gets Anxious

[Letta]

Hi,
So this is a question I have been meaning to ask for a long time but always felt too embarrassed to ask. I have a 10 month old kitten, I have her since she is 10 weeks old and I love her dearly. Shortly after getting her, I went trough a rough personal stage. In consequences I overly invested my self in my relationship with her. I payed her a lot of intention and played with her a LOT (like 3/4 hours a day). We connected a lot, she became very imported to me and I was everything to her: her best friend, her caring parent and her playmate. She grew up as a only kitten, I had wanted to adopt another kitten as playmate but my bf was firmly opposed to it and shortly after the landlord changed the rule to only 1 pet per apartment. Things between my bf and her deteriorated a LOT (due to him not accepting to stop petting her when she did not want too) and she barely tolerates him now (and the feeling is very much reciprocated). She is not a lap or pet cat but I know she loves me dearly. The problem is that I trained her to expect that level of attention from me. And it's starting to feel overwhelming, I have been trying to slow it down lately but it's not easy. I can feel that if I ignore her attempt to play soo much she gets anxious. For example yesterday I had a meeting at 7:30 in the morning so I left early without the usual play. Then I came back home late and went to take care of my bf who got a cold as soon as I had fed her. She started meowing a lot desperately in the apartment trying to get my attention. When I went to play with her I noticed her on my jacket (that I left on the couch oups), meowing and when she saw me she ran and hugged my legs (not biting just hugging) and would be desperate for me to notice her, she repeated that 5 times in the evening and all evening would check that I did not disapear. It's only after 2 hours of play that she calmed down. What should I do? I have been feeling very afraid of actually playing less with her by fear of her being miserable and by fear of losing her affection. She means so much to me (maybe too much) that I am afraid of losing her love, especially as things are so rocky in my life right now. I don't want to lose something more.
Anyway sorry about the long story. How would you proceed? How to reduce the number of hours of play without her being anxious or unhappy? (at least in the long run). Do you think she might love me less if I do it? How much do you play per day?

 

[Olwince]

Hi Letta,

I think it is really good that you've spent a lot of time playing with her. From what you described I would interpret her actions as soliciting attention and showing affection. It doesn't sound like she is overly anxious or depressed. I think she might just be used to that length of play time, but also kittens are very energetic in general. I don't think there would be any problem if you reduced the duration a bit, but still give her adequate attention throughout the time you're home. Young cats and kittens are also more vocal in general, so I wouldn't worry if you don't get to her the moment she meows. That said, it's always important to pay attention to any changes in behavior, eating and litter box habbits etc.

My own experience is that cats will eventually learn how to communicate with you. I would play with my cat (and now 5 months old new kitten) for 20-30 mins here and there. On days when I feel exhausted from work (or just life in general) I'd just not be active but welcome them to cuddle with me on the sofa. They might meow for a bit, but seeing that I'm not moving, would soon understand and either chill out with me or just go do stuff on their own.

Always try to keep the experience positive, if she doesn't want to cuddle or be petted, don't force it. It's important to learn cat body language. Giving them a slow blink greeting or a nose bump, face rub at the right moments can mean a lot.

I'm new to thecatsite.com, but I find there are some good articles under Cat Behavior. Oh and check out this video from Simon's Cat:

 

[danteshuman]

I agree. I think she just missed you. The good news is, maybe in missing you, your bf can play with her? Some cats just want to be glued to your side. Take heart though. My punk is a clinger and wants my attention 24/7. Still he was fine with me working (though his brother may not have appreciated being left alone with him ) My boys know when I'm sick (or my MS flares up) and snuggle on the bed instead of demanding play. Now that I'm home 24/7 the clingy cat gets even more attention. He still goes off by himself to go outside or to try to sneak some of the cat food he is allergic to or to investigate the kids (niece & nephew) when they are asleep/staying over.

 

[Letta]

Your messages are nice and encouraging
The problem is that she mostly wants to play. If I don't play she will eventually play by herself but I guess I just feel guilty I have tried many times to call her to come lie down with me or interact with me but she usually (most of time) ignores...
My bf will not play with her, I tried many many times to make him play but...

Olwince yes thank you, I actually already do that but thank you

 

[danteshuman]

Perhaps you could buy a couple of interactive toys & make a few puzzle feeders for her. That way when you leave for work she will be entertained? A bird watching window is always appreciated.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Olwince and danteshuman have given great advice.

I agree with all of it and will just reiterate giving her a steady and stable cat tree by a window so she can enjoy the sights of outside (birds, etc) and interactive toys.

I would add one other thing. You sound like a great parent to her. Cats take on our emotions so just be your loving self to her and stay calm and confident and loving with her. Cats can sense our stress and become stressed so try not to stress over your care of her. You are doing a great job being a loving parent. PLEASE never feel guilty, you are giving her attention, play time, food, a great place to live and most importantly your love. She is very lucky. She obviously loves you very much and I am not worried you will lose her love or her yours. I know you will continue to be great for her.