I need help with my two cats not getting along.

[calicosrspecial]

They are adorable. I don't know if B will ever cuddle up with K and want to play with K. However I couldn't imagine what a change they would do with something so simple. It really is helpful to be consistent with playtime, especially the nighttime play before bed.

I now think that when my brother does come, I can get them to get along. I can get him to play with her and she'll warm up to him. I'm not worried about him freaking out at her being so active, I think it might still be somewhat of an issue but I think I can work it out.

I'm just so happy that I don't have to give up on K and that I didn't give up on her and won't. I mean if there is an issue where his or her safety is in jeopardy, I might, but I don't think I'll have too. And that is such a relieve.

You've been amazing. I can't thank you enough calicosrspecial, you've helped me so much and have given me so much hope and given my cats such a happier life and outlook, you're a gem.

They really are adorable. Like, seriously adorable!!

Yes, it is tough to know if they will ever cuddle. Some do and some just don't. I always tend to just do my part and let the cats decide what they want. Some of my cats are and have been cat's cats while other are just human's cats. It just depends on their personality.

I do get a sense B will probably play with K at some point. In fact, in that picture it looks like they were with the toy. So it may just be limited to playing together with an item rather than chasing each other, etc.

"It really is helpful to be consistent with playtime, especially the nighttime play before bed." - Exactly. You are so right. Cats LOVE routines so keeping a routine is really important and if play is part of that even better.

"I now think that when my brother does come, I can get them to get along. I can get him to play with her and she'll warm up to him. I'm not worried about him freaking out at her being so active, I think it might still be somewhat of an issue but I think I can work it out." - I absolutely agree. I would start with him feeding her. Food is the best way to a cat's heart and it makes a positive association and builds trust. I would also educate him on how human emotions impact a cat. So staying calm and confident and trusting around a cat. Also, not standing over a cat, not staring, not reaching out to initiate contact (let the cat initiate contact), so not to force attention, don't corner a cat.. Giving eye kisses (slowly closing his eyes, holding them closed for a few seconds and then slowly opening them). Showing a cat you trust them by closing your eyes is a big sign of trust. Then once there is some trust then he could start trying to play with her. Since play can lead to some "different" movements we would want a little level of trust to be there before they start playing. But you should continue playing with her to keep her confidence high.

Cats typically will not just attack someone. Usually there is a good reason if they do. I deal with feral cats all the time so I have dealt with scared, injured, normal ferals. The whole spectrum. So I have learned that how I interact with them really determines how they respond to me. I pretty much could guarantee I could walk into your home and spend a day and K would not attack me. So learning how to interact with a cat is really important.

I am really not worried. When your brother comes I will help you all through it and we'll make it work. Change can be a little disruptive to cats but with the right confidence building (Play, Food, Height and Love) and the right human actions I don't see any reason why it will not work out. And I will be with you through it to make sure all is well.

You are very welcome. But YOU are the reason things are better. That is why I am so confident that all will be well in the future. If there is a little blip, there is no doubt it can be handled.

I am here for you always. Keep up the great work!! GREAT job!!!

 

[TGM2020]

As the saying goes, one step forward, two steps back.

I don't know what exactly happened this morning but I awoke to the sound of hissing and fighting. I don't see any marks on either one of them, so I'm thinking K saw the stray and it set her off. Since it was early, I just fed them and went back to bed. Which probably not the right thing to do, but I didn't hear another peep out of them and they've been fine all day.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Well, I am not sure that would be my take (1 step forward, 2 steps back). And here is why.

"I don't see any marks on either one of them" - They chose not to hurt each other. A conscious choice. The fact they showed restraint is a positive. Did they act differently for long after the incident? Avoiding? Hiding?

"so I'm thinking K saw the stray and it set her off. Since it was early" - Most likely I would guess.

"I just fed them and went back to bed. Which probably not the right thing to do" - Disagree. I think it was the exact right thing to do. You took a potential negative and used a positive (food) to make things better. So K may have felt threatened but the animal outside didn't hurt her and didn't cause her to lose access to food. I respond this way all the time. To let the cat know "all is ok".

"but I didn't hear another peep out of them and they've been fine all day." - And this is why I think you did the right thing. The cats will tell us if you did the right thing. The fact they calmed down and behaved tells me you did great.

Just keep building confidence, playing, feed after. But overall, I think K did pretty well. Didn't hurt B, rebounded quickly, behaved the rest of the day. We want to get to the point where K is like "whatever, I am not worried about you cat or animal". We'll get there. It may not be perfect yet but overall I say that is pretty good.

 

[TGM2020]

Well it came back, we had just finished playtime with treats afterwards and were settling into bed and I hear hissing and this growl noise she makes. Sure enough the stray was right against the window. My husband went and chased it off, as he doesn't want strays or other cats hanging around on our patio.
Tried to give K a treat and she hissed and swatted at me, but finally ate the treat. We came back to bed and she jumped up here like she normally does purring and wanting attention, she is now back in the living room and I'm hoping I sleep tonight.

I'd already taken my sleeping medication and if I don't fall asleep right away it kinda passes the window for it to work on me. So yay. But man, going to have to put something on the bottom of the window.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Well it came back, we had just finished playtime with treats afterwards and were settling into bed and I hear hissing and this growl noise she makes. Sure enough the stray was right against the window. My husband went and chased it off, as he doesn't want strays or other cats hanging around on our patio.
Tried to give K a treat and she hissed and swatted at me, but finally ate the treat. We came back to bed and she jumped up here like she normally does purring and wanting attention, she is now back in the living room and I'm hoping I sleep tonight.

I'd already taken my sleeping medication and if I don't fall asleep right away it kinda passes the window for it to work on me. So yay. But man, going to have to put something on the bottom of the window.

"Sure enough the stray was right against the window." - I think you may want to consider getting a Motion Activated Air Can that blasts a a stream of high pressure air to scare of a cat. They are a bit expensive but it should teach the outside cats to not come around that area.

"Tried to give K a treat and she hissed and swatted at me, but finally ate the treat." - Yes, she was still upset and redirected some of that aggression. But good she calmed down and ate the treat to let her know all is safe and ok after it.

"We came back to bed and she jumped up here like she normally does purring and wanting attention, she is now back in the living room and I'm hoping I sleep tonight." - It is really good that she rebounded quickly and got back to normal. A very good sign you handled it well.

I hope you got sleep last night as well.

"going to have to put something on the bottom of the window." - Yes, I would do the Motion Activated Air canisters. That should do the trick if you put them in the right place. Also, keep building confidence. As K gets more confident and territorial secure it will help as well.

I think we have found the source of the issues.

Any peeing lately from the cats?

 

[TGM2020]

As soon as we're able to afford one we're getting one. In all the years we've lived here and had this cat there hasn't been a bunch of strays out back.

She is still peeing on stuff, not as often but if I leave an item of clothing on the floor she'll pee on it. I think however it stems from when she was a kitten and I put towels where she slept before she was litter box trained and the fact that dog scent is everywhere in my house and he has issues peeing on things. I can't win with these animals.

But she is still doing a lot better than she was. I think this time in a few months, she'll be even better.

 

[calicosrspecial]

As soon as we're able to afford one we're getting one. In all the years we've lived here and had this cat there hasn't been a bunch of strays out back.

She is still peeing on stuff, not as often but if I leave an item of clothing on the floor she'll pee on it. I think however it stems from when she was a kitten and I put towels where she slept before she was litter box trained and the fact that dog scent is everywhere in my house and he has issues peeing on things. I can't win with these animals.

But she is still doing a lot better than she was. I think this time in a few months, she'll be even better.

Sounds good.

I know. Hopefully they look for a mate somewhere else.

Well, keep playing with her in any area she is peeing. Also, try to make positive associations with her and the dog (by feeding her treats with the door near. Keeping their encounters positive. Give some love if you can safely with the dog there. Anything to make a positive association and keep their encounters as positive as possible.

The clothes on the floor can give an opportunity but it is the underlying insecurity that probably is the real cause. If possible try not to have clothes, towels etc on the floor but the paragraph before this is the real solution.

I am glad she is better. I agree, we can improve it more. Her issues are absolutely solvable. We just need to build her confidence and territorial security and try to get her relationship with the dog a little better. We'll get there. Hang in there.

 

[TGM2020]

The odd thing is K and the dog get on just fine most of the time, he does get food aggressive at times that we haven't been able to train out of him, I swear food is all that dog thinks about. But K was his baby, he'll allow her to sleep near him not touching him or anything and she is able to head butt and sniff him, he wants to play with her and she wants to play with him but well they have no idea how to play with each other as he yips when he plays and she is a cat and doesn't understand it's play and not him being mad at her. I do believe a lot of the issue is her going where he has went before even though it's been cleaned. But yes, I need to do better at picking up my clothes from the bathroom floor.

I know things are getting better and better, each animal for the most part gets along with the others in their own way.

Her is a pic of them together when K was a tiny little baby. And how they do now. So it's not all bad. Just a few bumps in the road.

 

[calicosrspecial]

The odd thing is K and the dog get on just fine most of the time, he does get food aggressive at times that we haven't been able to train out of him, I swear food is all that dog thinks about. But K was his baby, he'll allow her to sleep near him not touching him or anything and she is able to head butt and sniff him, he wants to play with her and she wants to play with him but well they have no idea how to play with each other as he yips when he plays and she is a cat and doesn't understand it's play and not him being mad at her. I do believe a lot of the issue is her going where he has went before even though it's been cleaned. But yes, I need to do better at picking up my clothes from the bathroom floor.

I know things are getting better and better, each animal for the most part gets along with the others in their own way.

Her is a pic of them together when K was a tiny little baby. And how they do now. So it's not all bad. Just a few bumps in the road.

It doesn't sound like the dog relationship is the issue.

Covering the dog's scent could be.

I do think it is probably the feral causing the issues. As K gets more confident it should subside even with the dog making mistakes.

My goodness that is CUTE!!! K is GORGEOUS!!

We'll eliminate the bumps. I am highly confident of that. It just takes a little time. But I think I know the issue now. We'll see if it improves.

 

[catsknowme]

Have you asked in NextDoor.com or any of your local rescue groups about getting help for the stray cat? I know that it is difficult during this pandemic but the cat sounds as if it is reaching out for help. During this crisis, people are turning out pets that they can no longer feed. At the very least, it should be TNR'd to prevent unwanted litters. If you need ideas or suggestions, you can PM any one of us (including me) for some confidential help in locating resources. I honestly believe that God puts these lost pets in our path as an opportunity to serve our communities.

 

[TGM2020]

Have you asked in NextDoor.com or any of your local rescue groups about getting help for the stray cat? I know that it is difficult during this pandemic but the cat sounds as if it is reaching out for help. During this crisis, people are turning out pets that they can no longer feed. At the very least, it should be TNR'd to prevent unwanted litters. If you need ideas or suggestions, you can PM any one of us (including me) for some confidential help in locating resources. I honestly believe that God puts these lost pets in our path as an opportunity to serve our communities.

I don't think it's a stray, I think it's the neighbors indoor/outdoor cat.

It did come back this morning, there was a lot of hissing and trying to get at it on both sides. We were able to get one of those ultrasonic motion sensor things but it doesn't seem to work because the cat keeps coming back. We're going to try and get some citronella oil and spray it around the area. We sprayed enzyme spray around the areas in case the cat is peeing in our yard. We'll still get some window film to cover the window but we're having to save up for that.

Otherwise, K is still getting better, it didn't take her long to calm down this morning but I did distract her with a toy and a treat. So in that regard while she does react to the outside cat, she is getting better about settling afterwards and not redirecting her aggression onto us or the dog.


She is still bugging the hell out of B, and while better about it, she has ramped it up over the past week to where she just will not leave B alone. No outright fights have happened, just a lot of hissing and staring and following around.

Things, though still have improved greatly. Just still have to work on things.

 

[calicosrspecial]

I don't think it's a stray, I think it's the neighbors indoor/outdoor cat.

It did come back this morning, there was a lot of hissing and trying to get at it on both sides. We were able to get one of those ultrasonic motion sensor things but it doesn't seem to work because the cat keeps coming back. We're going to try and get some citronella oil and spray it around the area. We sprayed enzyme spray around the areas in case the cat is peeing in our yard. We'll still get some window film to cover the window but we're having to save up for that.

Otherwise, K is still getting better, it didn't take her long to calm down this morning but I did distract her with a toy and a treat. So in that regard while she does react to the outside cat, she is getting better about settling afterwards and not redirecting her aggression onto us or the dog.


She is still bugging the hell out of B, and while better about it, she has ramped it up over the past week to where she just will not leave B alone. No outright fights have happened, just a lot of hissing and staring and following around.

Things, though still have improved greatly. Just still have to work on things.

"It did come back this morning, there was a lot of hissing and trying to get at it on both sides. We were able to get one of those ultrasonic motion sensor things but it doesn't seem to work because the cat keeps coming back. We're going to try and get some citronella oil and spray it around the area. We sprayed enzyme spray around the areas in case the cat is peeing in our yard. We'll still get some window film to cover the window but we're having to save up for that." - The motion activated air canisters are also very effective in my experience. If you put them by the window when the cat comes it hits them with a blast and it does teach them to stay away.

"Otherwise, K is still getting better, it didn't take her long to calm down this morning but I did distract her with a toy and a treat. So in that regard while she does react to the outside cat, she is getting better about settling afterwards and not redirecting her aggression onto us or the dog." - This is really good. I love that it didn't take her long to calm down a sign your work is paying off. GREAT. Distracting with a toy and a treat is EXCELLENT!!! Exactly the right thing to do. And the fact K is not redirecting is really a good sign that you are building K's confidence. You are making progress and it is great!! Keep it up.

"She is still bugging the hell out of B, and while better about it, she has ramped it up over the past week to where she just will not leave B alone. No outright fights have happened, just a lot of hissing and staring and following around." - Yes, K probably just wants B's friendship. K sounds like a cat's cat. It is so common for the new younger cat to just want to be with the older cat. The fact they are handling it pretty well is great news (no fights). Hissing is communication and it is being understood (avoids a fight, a negative encounter which is great) and staring again is something that happens (feel free to distract with words, a toy, etc as getting them to look away builds trust and confidence as no cat would look away from a potential threat - not that either considers the other cat a real threat). Following around is the desire to be friends and isn't a bad sign at all (though I know it can be annoying to the other cat).

"Things, though still have improved greatly. Just still have to work on things." - I agree. I like what i am reading. As you say, it isn't perfect and we have more work to do but I am highly confident we will get there. You are doing great work!! Keep it up.

 

[Emmysmom]

Have you had K checked out by the vet? She could have a urinary infection or some other medical reason for urinating outside of her litterbox. And, has she been spayed?

I had this problem and the vet found kidney stones and urinary tract infection. He said it is common in places with hard water. The stones can be very painful as well as the urinary tract infection. Lots of fresh clean filtered water along with medications were what my vet prescribed. I've had Willy for close to 8 years now and that was the only time he ever kept urinating outside his box. I also buy cat treats for urinary health that he begs for. Hope this helps.

 

[TGM2020]

K is healthy, no issues with her bladder such as stones or crystal or infections. I think they spraying issue is two folds, she is spraying where the dog uses his pee pads at night and when she see's the outside cat, though it's now more going where the dog has gone. Within the next year we'll be replacing carpets and repairing the drywall so hopefully it will stop.

All is going well still, the only issue is K chasing B around, I don't think I can ever get that to stop. While B plays in the same space, and will eat and get treats right next to K, she really does not want K to bother her and K really wants to be friends. So there is still a lot of hissing from B.

Otherwise, K is doing fine and has learned that she gets treats after playtime and will stop playtime to get treats. She'll just saunter off to her food dish and wait for treats.

 

[TGM2020]

It does seem like B is getting a bit more aggressive about K coming around her.

But it's so odd. Sometimes B and K can play right next to each other and be fine and then if K tries to get near B at other times B isn't having any of it and will try to smack K.

They already eat next to each other and it seems like their is a truce when it's time food or treats. Also litter boxes seem to be a neutral area.