I Feel Like A Total Failure

[Kieka]

If you take him to the shelter please do not label him as "semi-feral" because he isn't. I have a little one I got as a total feral with zero positive human contact up until 4 months old. I know which feral colony she is from, I know its history and I know the so-call caretaker so I really know she was 100% feral. There is a huge difference between a semi-feral or former feral cat and what you are describing with Charlie. Labeling him as any sort of feral will likely make him unadoptable; I know my local no-kill will not take any cat whose owner even mentions feral at intake. Based on my experience semi-ferals or ferals don't attack people to play with them; they attack if you invade their safe zone and have no escape. They don't bite or scratch randomly; you will only see them randomly and they will run if given the choice instead of attacking. They don't bite someone who stops them from climbing; they wouldn't be climbing where someone could see them in the first place. Semi-ferals and ferals are cautious, quiet, hidden, scared and only loud or lash out if they are pushed or cornered. They don't seek out contact from any human unless that human is trusted and even that seeking will be cautious with them rarely doing more but asking for food or rubbing to claim before scurrying off. Charlie is not a feral or semi feral.

What you are describing is a smart cat who missed out on Cat 101 lessons with Mom and didn't get behavior training young to teach him what he was missing. Him wanting to cuddle is not something you can correct but his scratching, biting and lashing out are all correctable traits. With training, time and discipline plus some routine and dedication he can be taught to behave better. Due to his age and the time he has had with your family it will be very difficult so I completely understand given the situation if you do decide to rehome him. He sounds very much like a very smart, bored and hyper teenager (human or cat, lol) and given what you are looking for might not be the right cat for your home. He isn't trying to hurt anyone really. He doesn't realize that claws hurt you, that biting hurts you, he just knows he gets attention when he does. He didn't realize climbing the curtain was bad; it was fun and your Mom stopped him. He lashed out at her for stopping his fun. Yelling at cats doesn't work. Punishment doesn't work. Tapping or physical punishment doesn't work. Most techniques people know about and react with for dogs don't work with cats. They have short memories, get bored and know what works. Cats don't see much difference between good attention and bad attention; I really think they don't understand emotion sometimes. Positive training, guidance, redirection, consistency, reward, routine, working with their instincts; these tools all work with cats.

It is not a failing on your part what is happening. It is a learning experience that a settled adult cat from a foster environment would likely be a better fit for you. A cat that comes with a known background and established character traits. Maybe even a senior cat would better fit what you need in your life. Medication may help in the short term with Charlie to mellow him out and break habits if you want to retrain him. But honestly, if there is nothing medically wrong, medication may just mask him for a while. You could use them long term if you really think that is the problem but I would try behavior modification training first before going with medications. He really sounds like he needs a complete evaluation, routine, and consistency to get him to a stable place.

I say all this with a very hyperactive smart Snowshoe Siamese in my home; my boy will take every advantage if given the chance (in addition to the aforementioned former feral who will revert to feral tendencies with strangers around). I have to keep a steady routine and firm boundaries or my cat will walk all over the home. I have very firm guidelines and routines with visitors because my boy will bite strangers if they don't stay within them not because he is bad but because he wants attention and it gets attention. It can be tedious sometimes but the reward for my discipline with him is that he is a giant lovey and protecting cat who would do anything for our family and our other two cats. He just can be a stubborn brat at times and he is not a cuddler.

But please, my whole point is, if you decide to go the route of rehoming Charlie do not even utter that you think he is still feral or semi-feral as someone else advised earlier. It will lead to much heartache for him and mislead his placement.

 

[Katie M]

I honestly thought he was semi-feral. The only cat in my life that I can compare him with is Lucky, who we found abandoned in our yard. At first, he was also just hyperactive, which we wrote off as a kitten thing. He was also incredibly smart. Soon he started getting violent, and it became obvious why he had been abandoned. The day finally came when he freaked out on my dad, latched onto his arm, and wouldn't let go. Dad had to bang his arm against the wall several times before he hit the floor. Lucky was put down that day, and Dad had to go to the ER for stitches.

I see a lot of Lucky in Charlie. I hope you can understand now why I'm so worried

 

[ileen]

Kieka do you have videos on instruction posted anywhere? It sounds like I could really benefit from using your guidelines and routines with my cat. If you didn't live across the country, I'd ask how much you would charge for a home visit & evaluation of my situation.

 

[danteshuman]

I think your cat just sounds young, hyper and missing some cat social cues. I live with a semi feral now mostly tamed but still not a 100% tame pet cat. He latched onto me mid pet digging all of his claws (back to) and bit me my arm hard enough to scrape my forearm! (On more than one occasion and not just me) I did scruff him and did give him a light tap with my two fingers a few times when he nipped at me. The light tap/scruffing and paying attention to his very subtle stop petting me cues put and end to it. So if he could learn, your cat can to . When our semi feral cat latched on I pulled him off by scruffing him (while laying him back on the bed, so he wasn't hanging trying not to fall, then gently prying his claws out one paw at a time.) The key is to remain as calm as possible (after the initial OW!) Also banging a cat against something or dangling them up in the air by your body part will make them latch on deeper out of fright.

 

[Kieka]

I honestly thought he was semi-feral. The only cat in my life that I can compare him with is Lucky, who we found abandoned in our yard. At first, he was also just hyperactive, which we wrote off as a kitten thing. He was also incredibly smart. Soon he started getting violent, and it became obvious why he had been abandoned. The day finally came when he freaked out on my dad, latched onto his arm, and wouldn't let go. Dad had to bang his arm against the wall several times before he hit the floor. Lucky was put down that day, and Dad had to go to the ER for stitches.

I see a lot of Lucky in Charlie. I hope you can understand now why I'm so worried

I do fully understand why you are worried. I really do. I get worried with my guys too sometimes. I know how much work my boy and my girl can be. While for me it is habit and routine if something was to happen to me it would be extremely hard for them to find a suitable home.

I believe everyone can have cats but not everyone can have every cat. There are right cats and wrong cats for homes. That you had a similar experience with a previous cat doesn't mean that you have bad luck with cats or shouldn't have cats. It shows that you probably should have adult cats or kittens that were kept with Mom until 16 weeks or were in a supportive foster home until at least 16 weeks. You would do best with a quiet, calm and docile cat but you have ended up with challenging hyper kittens. It just doesn't sound like the energy level in your home can keep up with the hyper ones and the time it takes to really satisfy their energy and smarts. It really, truly, isn't aggression as you are labeling it. It is boredom and play aggression. It is they want to do something and get attention and the only thing that works is the negative. Some cats really don't care if it is negative or positive attention as long as they get attention. It sounds like there was a fatal disconnect with your family and Lucky. It is a tragedy and while it could have been prevented it doesn't sound like you had the knowledge or tools. Don't blame yourself; you didn't fail you just didn't know.

You have to take steps to prevent them from getting bored and the aggression issues usually will disappear quickly. Hyper and smart cats need routine. They need boundaries. They need entertainment. They need much of the same guidelines and expectations that you need to have with young children or toddlers (my niece is better behaved with me than with her own parents because I treated her much like the cats get treated, lol). With children if you let them run wild; they will. Hyper, smart cats with these types of personalities are very much the same.

For Link, starting when I got him at 5 weeks old, we spent 30 minutes each morning in play time, after work I spent another hour playing with him, then I watched TV for an hour (usually with a toy in hand), then I went to bed. On weekends I did the same with my free time to do things being during work hours. I didn't spend nights away from home or vary my routine until he was 6 months old. Everyday I worked with him that scratching and biting were bad. I would, and still do on the rare occasions it is needed, physically turn away and ignore him if his claw even so much as grazed me. A exclamation of No (without emotion, its more a loud noise to get their attention) followed by ignoring regardless of his cry or jumping for attention. I would physically step away from him if needed. Then a few seconds later return as if nothing happened. He learned very quickly that any sharp claws or teeth on human equaled no more play. He's learned other lessons over the years. If we open a door and are looking at him with a NO he can't go through it (he was on medical confinement for a few months). Children are to be tolerated or he will get in trouble. Counters can't be jumped on. All little lessons that stick with reinforcement through constant reactions and routines across all members of our home.

Play time followed the same routine of throwing, dangling or otherwise playing with hands out of reach of claws every single time. He knows where his toy box is and would frequently go into play mode as soon as I reached for it; he still does. Every single play time ended with him catching the toy then me throwing a treat (in the mornings) or dinner (in the evenings). By ending play time with a treat you go along with the natural instinct of chasing, catching, killing, eating which then leads into cleaning and sleeping. Since I would go to bed at the same time he got used to bed time and frequently sleeps through the night. He gets agitated when people stay up to late even now.

The demands on me to entertain him when way down when the feral girl joined our home. But before she did it wasn't uncommon for someone to tell me Link needed me when he would start to show tells of boredom. I would drop everything and go play with him for a few minutes to counter that and do a quick play cycle. Luckily, the girl has the same energy level so every morning and afternoon at our house is, still at 3 and 2 years old, filled with thundering cats as they race in and out of the house, up trees, through bushes, and around each other. If he gets his tells of being hyper he usually will seek her out, or her seek him out, and they balance each other out. Their routine with us now is more of the time we get up and go to sleep plus habits in the evening of when things happen. It isn't even something we think about to correct him when he does push the boundaries a little because we keep them firm with him.

When people come over to the house they have to say hi and look him in the eyes. I always point him out because he knows that once he is acknowledged and notice he can't get away with things. They are not to pet him; he pets them if he wants. If he rubs against them they can't pet him. If he rolls the same. If he jumps on laps they can't touch him but I ask if they want him off (which he really only does with frequent visitors). If they hold out a hand and he bumps them; then they can pet but only above the collar. I have a basket of toys in reach of the couch and if I notice his tells of getting hyper I start playing with him. Usually though he likes just basking in people admiring him because he is a very vain guy.

You may notice that I don't mention petting or cuddling. Link is not a petting or cuddling cat. We accept that about him and don't push him further then he wants. The same rule of holding out a hand and petting if he bumps applies to us. On rare occasions I can pet more but it takes attention and reading him to recognize them.

It is a lot of work. It does take a lot of time. It is worth it but it isn't for everyone. I don't blame anyone who ends up with a hyper and smart cat who can't handle it. Most people have the imagine of a calm lazy cat. Its similar to someone who wants one of the calm lazy dogs you just have to walk once a week but they end up with a husky. I know this is all probably more than you want or need at this point. But please believe me when I say I truly think Charlie can be a good cat and is not semi-feral.

 

[Kieka]

Kieka do you have videos on instruction posted anywhere? It sounds like I could really benefit from using your guidelines and routines with my cat. If you didn't live across the country, I'd ask how much you would charge for a home visit & evaluation of my situation.

Awww, thank you. If you don't already you should watch My Cat from Hell with Jackson Galaxy has a lot of really good advice to situations. A lot of what I know is learned from experiences with my hyper boy and feral girl. I had to read a ton of information and training techniques with both of them because I realized quickly I was out of my depth. It really helps to think of them like toddlers but take away any emotional inclination that gives you. They aren't human, nor are their reactions, but the techniques you use to redirect and reign in an unruly toddler are much the same.

 

[Norachan]

I just want to echo what Kieka has said. The behaviour Charlies is displaying is not feral cat behaviour. I share my home with a colony of feral cats and I have been feeding and TNR'ing ferals for almost ten years now.

The only time I was ever bitten is when I tried to scruff a young feral tom and shove him into a carrier. That was totally my fault, he only reacted out of fear and he has never bitten or scratched me since. (He's been with me for about 5 years now)

If you are forced to surrender Charlie to a shelter, don't say "feral" or "wild". Say he's high energy and too demanding. He'll stand a much better chance of finding a suitable home that way.

 

[Katie M]

I am so angry right now. It wasn't on this site, but someone casually suggested that I have Charlie declawed. I'd sooner give him up.

 

[dustydiamond1]

I am so angry right now. It wasn't on this site, but someone casually suggested that I have Charlie declawed. I'd sooner give him up.