Yesterday my wife and I had to go through a terrible time as we had to put down our sweet cat Edgar who was around 10 years old. We had him for only three years and I feel so, so guilty of how it all went down.
Just a bit of a background -- Edgar has FIV and has never a good patient at the vet. He would always hiss, try to attack the vets, etc. No one is sure of his backstory as he was found outside with an injury that looked like a torn ACL, but we are so happy he came into our lives. The animal shelter was shocked that we picked him because he was never known as friendly and even scared some of the volunteers there. When we went, I sat down and he came right on my lap.
We took Edgar home about three years ago and one vet thought he ad a torn ACL, another didn't, the problem was he was very hard to x-ray or do anything with. Throughout that time Edgar opened up to us. He would tuck my wife in at night and purr. He always had food, water, and plenty of love.
We had him scheduled for a dental procedure as I noticed that one of his fangs fell out. Then, the lower fang fell out. The vet wanted to do bloodwork and it came with with multiple things wrong. It showed he was malnourished, his white blood cell count was low and about 9 other levels were off. The vet could not do the dental work. From our past experience with many cats, we were very scared as we know that FIV can be very tough once infections start to kick in. This last weekend he slowed way down on eating. He would always eat a ton of food but not he wouldn't eat a freshly opened can of tuna, or his wet food. He would eat minimal hard food and treats. We even tried deli turkey and he would have one small piece and not finish the others. Something was very wrong.
After giving him 100mg of liquid gabapentin, we took him to the emergence vet very early in the morning. It was a struggle to even get the gabapentin in him. He hates to be held down and have thing shot in his mouth, etc. He has always loved on his terms, etc. He would basically lay on us for two minutes and his tail would start going all over the place , then he would abruptly meow, get up and walk away.
Once we got to the emergency vet they took him away from us and brought him in the back. I was petrified because I know he is way more calm at the vet when we are in the room as we can help control him. He freaked out back there and in order to do the tests they had to sedate him. When the tests came back the dr said there wasn't exactly one thing wrong, it could be a multitude of things. First, he had an enlarged heart, second, she thinks the FIV made it to his bone marrow, he definitely needed dental work he had signs that could point to pancreatitis. The doctor said he would have to be on 4-5 medicines a day and would have to come back at least monthly for other test and meet with other internal medicine doctors. The doctor said that if the cat didn't mind coming it might be doable, but it is harder with a cat like Edgar.
I was so scared. With both of us in tears, my wife and I went back and forth on what we should do. I didn't want to let him go so I wanted to try anything. My wife knew he would hate that kid of life, being handled, having medicine shot in his mouth etc. I knew she was right, but I didn't want to admit it. Finally, I saw her side and we agreed to do the terrible thing of putting him down.
The vet was extremely busy that day and Edgar was starting to wake up from his sedation. By the time we got into the room and saw him, he looked SO scared. His little face was so scared, his body was shaking and he still had the IV in his arm from sedation. I felt so terrible putting him through all that stress now to see him shaking and scared just to put him down. We cried so much as it came to the end. I felt so guilty and felt like I needed to apologize for what I just put him through. When he passed his eyes were open and his body was lifeless. It was such immense pain.
When we got home we went through the process of removing his litter box, food bowl, toys, etc. I felt like a horrible person as it looked like we were "erasing" him.
I know this sounds crazy, but last night I felt like I wanted to drive to the vet and just hold his body to keep it warm. I love him so much and I feel so, so guilty that his last moments was him scared and shaking.
I'm really struggling with this and hope that posting here can be a first step for me. I just feel an immense amount of guilt for putting this sweet creature through that.
Just a bit of a background -- Edgar has FIV and has never a good patient at the vet. He would always hiss, try to attack the vets, etc. No one is sure of his backstory as he was found outside with an injury that looked like a torn ACL, but we are so happy he came into our lives. The animal shelter was shocked that we picked him because he was never known as friendly and even scared some of the volunteers there. When we went, I sat down and he came right on my lap.
We took Edgar home about three years ago and one vet thought he ad a torn ACL, another didn't, the problem was he was very hard to x-ray or do anything with. Throughout that time Edgar opened up to us. He would tuck my wife in at night and purr. He always had food, water, and plenty of love.
We had him scheduled for a dental procedure as I noticed that one of his fangs fell out. Then, the lower fang fell out. The vet wanted to do bloodwork and it came with with multiple things wrong. It showed he was malnourished, his white blood cell count was low and about 9 other levels were off. The vet could not do the dental work. From our past experience with many cats, we were very scared as we know that FIV can be very tough once infections start to kick in. This last weekend he slowed way down on eating. He would always eat a ton of food but not he wouldn't eat a freshly opened can of tuna, or his wet food. He would eat minimal hard food and treats. We even tried deli turkey and he would have one small piece and not finish the others. Something was very wrong.
After giving him 100mg of liquid gabapentin, we took him to the emergence vet very early in the morning. It was a struggle to even get the gabapentin in him. He hates to be held down and have thing shot in his mouth, etc. He has always loved on his terms, etc. He would basically lay on us for two minutes and his tail would start going all over the place , then he would abruptly meow, get up and walk away.
Once we got to the emergency vet they took him away from us and brought him in the back. I was petrified because I know he is way more calm at the vet when we are in the room as we can help control him. He freaked out back there and in order to do the tests they had to sedate him. When the tests came back the dr said there wasn't exactly one thing wrong, it could be a multitude of things. First, he had an enlarged heart, second, she thinks the FIV made it to his bone marrow, he definitely needed dental work he had signs that could point to pancreatitis. The doctor said he would have to be on 4-5 medicines a day and would have to come back at least monthly for other test and meet with other internal medicine doctors. The doctor said that if the cat didn't mind coming it might be doable, but it is harder with a cat like Edgar.
I was so scared. With both of us in tears, my wife and I went back and forth on what we should do. I didn't want to let him go so I wanted to try anything. My wife knew he would hate that kid of life, being handled, having medicine shot in his mouth etc. I knew she was right, but I didn't want to admit it. Finally, I saw her side and we agreed to do the terrible thing of putting him down.
The vet was extremely busy that day and Edgar was starting to wake up from his sedation. By the time we got into the room and saw him, he looked SO scared. His little face was so scared, his body was shaking and he still had the IV in his arm from sedation. I felt so terrible putting him through all that stress now to see him shaking and scared just to put him down. We cried so much as it came to the end. I felt so guilty and felt like I needed to apologize for what I just put him through. When he passed his eyes were open and his body was lifeless. It was such immense pain.
When we got home we went through the process of removing his litter box, food bowl, toys, etc. I felt like a horrible person as it looked like we were "erasing" him.
I know this sounds crazy, but last night I felt like I wanted to drive to the vet and just hold his body to keep it warm. I love him so much and I feel so, so guilty that his last moments was him scared and shaking.
I'm really struggling with this and hope that posting here can be a first step for me. I just feel an immense amount of guilt for putting this sweet creature through that.
Hugs
