I can't forget my kitten

[Farouh]

Loto was an absolute gorgeous tuxedo kitten. Most beautiful one I've ever seen. The mother is a stray and i took interest in her kittens. I found 1 of them lying and not moving. I took him to the vet. He treated him with antibiotics. And he got better and began eating and moving. I asked the vet if i should bring in his brother, Loto, for a check up and he said yes. I regret that horrible day to this day. It's been almost 2 years. You see, Loto was healthy. Very adorable and sweet and smart and playful. I took him in. Once out of the carrier her jumped and ran around the shop. He got afraid i suppose. There was a dog next room barking. The guy at the vet followed him and let's say he didn't handle him well. Loto was very scared. I immediately pulled him away. The vet gave him a shot. I don't know what it was. He also gave me pills (probably antibiotics) to give him over a 3 day period. Loto was never the same. He withdrew onto himself. Stopped eating. Stopped playing. I forced fed him the pills. He wouldn't take them. The vet gave me shots with a dark brownish fluid to help him. Said it would make him better. It didn't. Loto started vomiting every day. Slowly his coordination was off. He couldn't walk without falling. He developed blackness and saliva around his nose and mouth. I would find blood in his bed too. I don't know if it was FIV or it was stress from that day at the vet that killed him. I would carry him around . He couldn't jump or walk anymore. I found him one day after coming back from work lying with his chest heaving. I rushed him to the vet. This was like 8 days after the initial visit. The vet said he was technically dead and just going through involuntary body movements. He had the audacity to say that something must have bitten him. I took him to another vet. I was a crying mess. He said it was too late and probably had a kidney failure. I took him home and during the ride he must have passed away completely. I buried him in the garden...
I don't know what happened. I don't know why i didn't take him to another vet early on. I didn't know much about cats. This was my very first pet experience. I don't blame the vet. I just wish he told me he didn't know how to treat him instead of suggesting stuff and God knows what. After all he did treat his brother kitty well. I blame myself. Everyday. Loto was very healthy. I killed him. I will never stop blaming myself.

 

[Meowmee]

Loto was an absolute gorgeous tuxedo kitten. Most beautiful one I've ever seen. The mother is a stray and i took interest in her kittens. I found 1 of them lying and not moving. I took him to the vet. He treated him with antibiotics. And he got better and began eating and moving. I asked the vet if i should bring in his brother, Loto, for a check up and he said yes. I regret that horrible day to this day. It's been almost 2 years. You see, Loto was healthy. Very adorable and sweet and smart and playful. I took him in. Once out of the carrier her jumped and ran around the shop. He got afraid i suppose. There was a dog next room barking. The guy at the vet followed him and let's say he didn't handle him well. Loto was very scared. I immediately pulled him away. The vet gave him a shot. I don't know what it was. He also gave me pills (probably antibiotics) to give him over a 3 day period. Loto was never the same. He withdrew onto himself. Stopped eating. Stopped playing. I forced fed him the pills. He wouldn't take them. The vet gave me shots with a dark brownish fluid to help him. Said it would make him better. It didn't. Loto started vomiting every day. Slowly his coordination was off. He couldn't walk without falling. He developed blackness and saliva around his nose and mouth. I would find blood in his bed too. I don't know if it was FIV or it was stress from that day at the vet that killed him. I would carry him around . He couldn't jump or walk anymore. I found him one day after coming back from work lying with his chest heaving. I rushed him to the vet. This was like 8 days after the initial visit. The vet said he was technically dead and just going through involuntary body movements. He had the audacity to say that something must have bitten him. I took him to another vet. I was a crying mess. He said it was too late and probably had a kidney failure. I took him home and during the ride he must have passed away completely. I buried him in the garden...
I don't know what happened. I don't know why i didn't take him to another vet early on. I didn't know much about cats. This was my very first pet experience. I don't blame the vet. I just wish he told me he didn't know how to treat him instead of suggesting stuff and God knows what. After all he did treat his brother kitty well. I blame myself. Everyday. Loto was very healthy. I killed him. I will never stop blaming myself.

I am so very sorry for your loss of Loto Do you know what medications he was given? Specifically the injection when he first went to dvm before he was sick? I assume he was not sick before that from what you wrote but I am not sure. Please try not to blame yourself. Loto would not want you to suffer. I know how hard this is, I have been through similar stuff with my kitties in the past. Hugs to you. Run free sweet Loto

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Loto, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Oh, my Darlin! YOU did not kill him. You did everything you knew to give him a good life. Now, from his home in That Place Where All Things Are Known, he blesses you for trying so hard. He lives in joy, and his only sorrow is your grief and guilt. He knew he was loved, and he send his love for you, now purified and translated into Love, to walk beside you down through all of your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.

 

[di and bob]

I know of the terrible scenarios that play through your head each and every day, the guilt, the pain in your stomach and heart. You will never get over the grief you are feeling, but time will help to soften the sharp edges.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. You did what you thought best at the time, things went wrong and then went to worst. There are no words in the world that can bring you closure, we can only empathize with you because most of us have stood exactly where you are standing now and know the horror you are going through.
Your sweet boy will never blame you for anything, he knew the motives in your heart, and would never want you to feel so bad, to have such pain. How do I know? Because I know you shared a strong bond of love for you to have such pain. That bond will be with you forever, it can never be taken from you. It is spiritual, so eternal. Try to go forward into your future and seek life's happiness and beauty, just as you would have wanted him to do if you were the first to go. He would want no different. He is at peace because he has your love, he will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers.
Concentrate on those who are still in your life, they offer you love and peace, they offer you something besides pain and grief. Go through your routines and take comfort in them. Loto follows a new path now but it will always parallel your own. Let the love he continues to send you give you strength to face the day, let any new loves reside beside his own, and make it even stronger, even more special.
My heart goes out to you. I pray one day you will use the good memories to override the bad. It's hard, but time will help. Be gentle on yoruself, you have othgers who need you, take care........RIP beautiful Loto. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you until you meet again!

 

[Maria Bayote]

Oh, dear. I am very sorry for your loss. May you find comfort from all the happy memories you had with him.
Hang in there.