Huge PTSD

[botolo]

In October 2021 my cat George started feeling bad. After several hospitalizations, he finally had surgery last January. Right after he started getting better, his cat sister Holly was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma. I spent months taking care of her through surgery and post surgery and unfortunately she passed away this last august.

George has been doing fine, he goes for his check with the vet every three months and the doctor is super happy. but I now live with huge PTSD. I went from taking care of my beloved cats with the confidence that they were super healthy and completely independent and now I keep watching George, worried that every single little thing might be a sign of something bad.

Just to give you an example, I am writing this in my car after buying groceries and I am somehow terrified to go back home and find maybe that he vomited and that this might mean he has something bad. I keep staring at him all day trying to understand if he is sleeping too much and maybe if it’s a sign there is something bad going on. Every day I check how much food he ate, worried that he might not be eating too much.

I clearly have an issue. I wanted to see with other friends here who lost their pet if they have any suggestions on how to address the fear that your other pet might also get sick and die. I recognize that this is not healthy and that in the end the one who pays the price is poor George because his cat dad is almost too scared to play with him and enjoy his life every day.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi
After reading your post, the thought that crossed my mind was whether you have a religious person such as a priest you can talk to?

Would there be any help to ease your fear if you were to volunteer at a pet shelter?

 

[catloverfromwayback]

Would a therapist used to dealing with PTSD be available, and affordable?

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Depending on where you live, you might find a support group, even. However, the one thing that I have learned in a fairly long life is, "The only way out is pushing through to the other side." Which is so easy to say, and so very hard to do.

I've found that sometimes (often, in my case) meditation can help, not only in the moment, but in the long term. It helps you find your "center" and approach things from place of calm, which can only be good for you and for George!

Sending lots of beemz your way!

 

[silent meowlook]

Hi. I am sorry about the loss of Holly. I assure you that what you are experiencing has been experienced by others. The human brain has a wonderful way of completely screwing with itself. Personal example below.



My cat Rusty, (sweetest cat in the world) he had lower urinary tract disease, severe allergies, and renal failure in the end also a mass in his abdomen. I gave him SQ fluids daily as well as other meds. I kept Rusty going for a couple of years but finally made the hard decision to euthanize him. It was very sad. He was 17 years old. The really difficult thing was the expression on the vet's face when I took him out of the carrier. She looked horrified at his condition. I took a hard look at him on the exam table where I had seen many cats before. I realized I had waited to long and he was really just skin and bones. I hadn't been giving him the pain medication that I had or the appetite stimulants. Why? I have no idea. He got all his other meds. I guess I just didn't want him over medicated. This was not the right thinking. So, before the procedure is done, he gets an injection of buprenex and proceeds to try to play with the fish in the fish tank. When he was given the final injection, it was like I could feel him leave his body and float up.It was a very brief feeling, but it helped me feel that finally he wasn't suffering anymore. He is buried in the back yard. For about a month or so after I would go to his grave every night and say goodnight to him. I know he isn't really in the ground, but I suddenly had this empty amount of time that I would usually have been doing his meds.

I have allot of doubt about my being able to objectively assess my own cats.

My own cat, Cheetah has lymphoma, hyperthyroidism, asthma, elevated heart enzymes, an abdominal mass, nodules in her lungs. She is on medication. I work for a vet, so I am very experienced giving meds etc. She has to have Sub Q fluids daily. No big deal for me to do. Have done SQ fluids on all sorts of cats for over 30 years. I warm the fluids up. I let them go cold. I warm them up again and they go cold again. I don't know wat my problem is but I procrastinate like crazy when it comes to her meds and fluids. It is so idiotic and yet here I am still haven't given her fluids tonight.

My other cat, Omypaw, he is about 3 years old. Big happy cat. I stare at him and wonder if something is wrong with him. Or. I wonder what will wind up being wrong with him. I stress over things I cannot control, and I don't do the things I can control. Why? I have no idea, other than that my brain tortures myself.

As humans, I think we are, from a very young age taught that if we really try and we do our best we can do anything. We have it drilled into our young heads how if we make the right choices and do the right things, we will do good in life. So, we naturally feel that we have some sort of control in life and what happens to those around us. Nothing could be further from the truth. Very bad horrible things happen to very good little cats all the time for absolutely no reason at all. When they are ill we can do what we can medically to try to treat or improve the quality of their life, and in the end we thankfully are allowed to end their suffering as painlessly as possible. But that is all. We can try our best and try to learn all we can and devote endless hours to the cause but in the end we cannot prevent the inevitable. There is no rhyme or reason to it. We grieve and are angry afterwards. From my experience, most are angry at themselves for not having been able to control the situation that was obviously not in our control. Then the anger can go elsewhere because it is hard to be that angry at yourself for to long. So. we blame the vet or the cat food or the neighbor. We focus on the worst of the illness that took them and we grieve. Eventually we learn to exist with this grief and start to function again. We also may do things to safeguard ourselves. Like sit in the car and write to catsite. Or respond to a post on catsite instead of giving my cat fluids.

Sorry I am rambling. I do think this is all "normal". At least in my unprofessional opinion. I have worked at vet hospitals for 30+ years. I have seen and talked to many grieving people. I have suffered from the loss of my own pets. I think what you are going through is just how you are dealing with things. It takes time. It takes allot of time. It might help if you journal what your cat is doing on a daily basis. It is a bit more obsessive but at least it gives you documented information of the reality of how your cat is as opposed to information filtered through anxiety and fear. Memory tends to distort for the convenience of whatever it is you are worried about. At least it does for me. For me, writing it down I can go back and see if my cat really isn't eating enough all week or if she is maybe just not eating as much today.

Anyway, end of my rambling. I hope some of this might help.

I have to go warm up my cat's fluids again.

 

[Norachan]

B botolo You might find some of the posts linked here helpful.

Thoughts For Grieving Cat Lovers

 

[di and bob]

I too suffered from PTSD when My beloved soulmate followed me out onto the street and I didn't know it. It was so traumatic it took me literally years to recover. You are suffering so because you love so much. There is nothing wrong with that. But I have found out one thing in my old age, it does absolutely NO good to try to predict the future any more than it is possible to change the past. Bad things happen to good people. Guilt is for those who had intent, you had no intent to bring harm, all you did was love those little ones. 99% of what we worry about DOES NOT COME TRUE! Time is the only thing that dulls the sharp edges of grief. You have not been long into your journey of grief, give your poor broken heart a rest by doing something you enjoy, let some sunshine in instead of keeping to the shadows. You can only do what you can do, leave the rest to the vets and your faith.
Everything that breathes has a soul. Humans are different, but that does not mean your soul will disconnect from whoever you love when they die. Whatever makes you so happy here on earth will always be with you. Love is spiritual, so eternal.
When someone we love is sick or dies, the love we share with them wants for us to go forward into the future and be happy. Because that is what love is, wanting the best for the other, unselfish, caring. If YOU were the first to go, I know you wouldn't want those left behind to want to be sad forever. To never really live again. More love fills that awful emptiness. never replacing, but adding on to, making stronger. So instead of trying to avoid all the pain and doubts you are having, embrace them fully, then push them to a place where they won't rule your life, because they will if you let them. Find something positive each day. You woke up, your little boy is still with you, and needs you. Live as cats do, take each day as it comes and live it to the best of your ability. Life is what you make it. You have a choice, live in perpetual fear and sadness, or take each day as it comes. Do not dwell on what if's, if you find your self doing that, distract your mind with anything else. Something positive. Don't imagine the worst, just handle what is actually happening. do the best you can so you know you tried, you did your best. That right now is giving that little boy all the love you can, while you can. Don't dilute that with worries and what ifs. Stay calm, talk to vets to see if you can help in any other way, and get a plan of action. then concentrate on that and take every day as it comes, no future, no past, just the present, one day at a time..........

 

[strider rose]

I also suffer from PTSD and i find talking to a therapist or even a trusted friend helps me so much

 

[di and bob]

Yes, talking it out does help. There are many help groups on the internet. I took comfort by contacting an animal minister