How To Play With Two Cats, Without Making One Jealous

[sadiesdad]

I have a female slightly over a year old named Lily, and a 6 month old male named Jethro. They have bonded very well, but Jethro pesters Lily a lot jumping on her, at her, around her, you name it. I think a lot of it is wanting her to play with him. Sometimes they do, chasing each other around the house. But a lot of the time, I think she is trying to get away from him, because he is pestering her.

Lily and her sister (which we don't have any more) pretty much quit playing with any of their toys when we started going outside. We would spend all day out, and when we come in, they just rested, and maybe play chasing each other around. Neither was greatly interested in their toys much anyways.

Jethro has never been outside, so he enjoys his toys, shoe strings, one I tied a cloth catnip stuffed fish onto, a hugging/kicking toy, a brown furry mouse. But now when I play with him, sometimes Lily acts like she is feeling left out. When he isn't around, she will grab the shoestring and play with it, kitten-like, and some cardboard boxes, she wants to hide under. If I am playing with Jethro, she just sits and watches like she would like to be included, but she won't play as long as he is there. And if she starts to play and he comes along, she stops...

It makes me feel bad to play with him, with her watching, but I feel I can't play with her separately, because then he wants to jump in, and she won't play then.

How can I play with both, without leaving the other out, or play with one, and then play with the other separately? I am at a loss as what to do here...

 

[kissthisangel]

I start off playing with them together, Mojo (my 2YO ) will not go for the toy with Charlie(1YO) there. But she watches and twitches her tail and stalks around. I use the toy to get Charlie shut in a room, then play with Mojo, she might go for the toy 1 /10 of the time, but she's alert and looking for it. She attempts it. Then when she's had enough I lead her down stairs, close the door and then Charlie and I let it rip and he's bouncing off the walls. I'm mostly too slow for him and he will get at the toy 99% of the time. I run him up and down the stairs to tire him out.

 

[Columbine]

Hi sadiesdad I can't believe I missed this

It sounds pretty much exactly like the situation I have with Asha and the boys...if I even try to play with Asha when the boys are in earshot (and I swear they can hear me even THINK the word 'game' ), she ends up intimidated and pushed out whilst the boys go crazy

The only way I have to get around it is to play with Asha when the boys are shut in another room (either when they're asleep or eating, so they're not too indignant about being shut away ). I make a point, too, of giving Asha a game, at some appropriate moment, if she sees me playing with the boys. That way, she doesn't feel left out, but doesn't have to deal with the boys' crazies

 

[sadiesdad]

Hi Columbine,

Thanks...I have also been worrying because Lily and Jethro seem so bored. It's gotten cold, so I can't open a window for them like I was doing. They would sit in front of the window off and on most of the day. We get up at 5am, and they are wide open, then by 6am, they lie down with me...then they will sleep for the most part until after lunch, 2-3 pm. They get up around 3-3:30pm, and play a little, mostly Jethro, Lily just lies around watching, or hides from Jethro somewhere, then we go to bed at 10pm. I have heard cats sleep up to 60% of the time, but it seems like they do more than that to me...

 

[Columbine]

That all sounds like perfectly normal cat behaviour to me I think a lot of cats get less active as the days grow colder and shorter. I know mine are (even the kittens). Remember, you don't know what they get up to when you're sleeping

 

[leeannintx]

I have an older cat (1 1/2 yr) and kitten (6 mo), and the older cat tends to be more subdued in group play (with a fishing rod-style toy) than he is when playing alone. I think it's fun for him to watch the kitten leap and lunge after the toy instead of plotting and planning. One thing they both enjoy in winter months is birdwatching. I toss out some seed on a concrete area in our backyard, and they get at least 30 min watching time through the kitchen window, like the best movie they've ever seen. I know this is not physical exercise, but it does seem to help combat boredom. Another activity the older cat enjoys is watching YouTube nature videos. He particularly likes the Paul Dinning Wildlife channel.

 

[sadiesdad]

That all sounds like perfectly normal cat behaviour to me I think a lot of cats get less active as the days grow colder and shorter. I know mine are (even the kittens). Remember, you don't know what they get up to when you're sleeping

Thanks...I guess it's such a drastic difference than when they were outside, to me. I did notice they have slowed down since I can't open a window for them, not so much window watching as they were doing.


leeannintx - I hope it's just watching them for the reason you said...I was afraid Lily was watching, because she wanted to be included, or played with too, and wasn't. I have had Jethro in my lap while watching stuff on the pc, and he was very interested...I actually had Lily reach up and touch the tv, when I put a dvd in, of her and her sister playing when they were little. I might see if I can make up a good outdoor dvd for them, and see if they are interested...

 

[leeannintx]

Thanks...I guess it's such a drastic difference than when they were outside, to me. I did notice they have slowed down since I can't open a window for them, not so much window watching as they were doing.


leeannintx - I hope it's just watching them for the reason you said...I was afraid Lily was watching, because she wanted to be included, or played with too, and wasn't. I have had Jethro in my lap while watching stuff on the pc, and he was very interested...I actually had Lily reach up and touch the tv, when I put a dvd in, of her and her sister playing when they were little. I might see if I can make up a good outdoor dvd for them, and see if they are interested...

Good luck! And don't be too hard on yourself. I can tell you are a good cat-caretaker!

 

[Columbine]

Cats change as they get older too, remember, so I wouldn't worry about Lily taking a bit of a back seat to watch Jethro play. It sounds to me that they're more than close enough for her to feel able to jump in if she felt like it

There are tons of cat nature videos on YouTube, so why not test those out before making your own? My guys love some nature documentaries too - Grischa was fascinated by Blue Planet (BBC/David Attenborough doc series). So many fishies!

 

[sadiesdad]

Well, one reason I think Lily won't play is, Jethro has become a little pest... He constantly jumps her, lot of times, biting her on the neck and she hollers... Yesterday I watched Lily wanting to go from one room to the next, and she moved very slowly and cautiously, constantly looking all around her, because she was expecting him to jump her. He eventually finds all the places she gets into to hide from him for awhile, and then she won't go back there again. Not sure if he is trying to be the dominant one or what. If she is eating, he won't go to the second bowl, he goes to the one she is eating out of, and she will just stop, and back up and let him have it, and she goes to the other bowl to eat.
The few times she has tried to play, she waits until he isn't in the room, then as soon as he hears the commotion, he comes and she stops playing.

As far as making a dvd, what I meant was, copying some videos from Youtube, so I could play them on our big screen tv. She won't get up in my lap for very long to watch anything on the pc, but she does seem interested. When I played the video of her and her sister on the big tv, she stood up and kept lightly touching the screen, at the little potato they were rolling on the floor.

 

[Columbine]

How old is Jethro now? It sounds like he's starting to try and dominate Lily - hopefully it's just a little rebellious phase where he's trying to be top cat. We went through this with Asha and the boys. We had to help her out for a little while, forcibly removing them from her food bowl/eating area, and stepping in to give her some peace. Over time, they learned to respect her (mostly...well, they are still kittens ), and it really helped her regain her confidence in the house. We do still have to shut them away to give Asha playtime though - the boys are just too full on and rough about it to give her a chance. It sounds like you may have to give Lily a bit of help for a while, until Jethro is done with testing the boundaries. Make sure she gets one-on-one playtime with you too, whilst Jethro is shut away or otherwise occupied. That'll be the quickest way to rebuild her confidence and help her reclaim her territory.

So sweet that Lily enjoyed the video of her and Jasmine playing. Asha still calls for Shadow from time to time, and they weren't half as close as Lily and Jasmine were

 

[sadiesdad]

Jethro will be 8 months Dec. 9th...I have started helping Lily when I can, and mom too. I have picked him up and moved him over to the other food bowl, and we have started to fuss at him when he is harassing Lily, he runs immediately. He is also getting into the phase of getting on the kitchen counter, we are working on that one...he knows, because he jumps down and runs as soon as we walk into the kitchen. I haven't yet, but I am going to start separating him and Lily to play a little with each. Lily has plenty of "alone" time with us, she gets on the couch between us and just enjoys the attention, but if by chance Jethro gets on the couch, she bails. Lily is starting to vocalize a little more to us, and gets in my lap when I am at the pc, which she never did before. She also jumps on the bed to nap with me in the morning, Jethro has another place he goes to, but they both come and take an after lunch nap with me, always with Lily against my chest, and Jethro at my feet, and to the side.

When we first got the girls, Jasmine seemed smaller, so we figured she was the "runt", but soon she growled at Lily at the food bowl, only heard it once, but then Jasmine became the dominant one. We didn't really realize so much, until lately I was looking at some of the video, of them playing in the kitchen. Jasmine would just sit to the side, and let Lily play with whatever they had, so we must have been right...Jasmine was the one "picked on", by her brothers and sisters, until she was separated with Lily, and it was one on one...I hate to see Lily dominated again, but she is a very laid back, easy going girl, like Sadie was... We still haven't been able to sit and watch the Jasmine videos, but I was copying them to a dvd and watched a couple...Here are Jasmine and Lily, relaxing on the porch, while I ate lunch, like they did every day during the Spring and part of the Summer.

 

[Columbine]

Some cats are naturally more dominant than others. I don't think it's a bad thing, so long as Lily gets the support she needs from you whilst Jethro's in his 'stroppy teenager' phase (as my two are right now). It sounds like you're doing everything right In time, the he'll settle down and give Lily a little more space and respect.

I love that picture of Lily and Jasmine. They look so perfectly contented together like that

 

[sadiesdad]

Thanks... for everything...yes, I have that picture on my pc desk top right now.