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How Do You Cope With Guilt?

Discussion in 'Crossing the Bridge' started by mmeyers9, Sep 9, 2019.

  1. mmeyers9

    mmeyers9 Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Dec 29, 2018
    Utah
    it's all my fault, that Sassi was hit by a car tonight , and killed at only 4 months old.

    she died all alone.

    i even helped deliver her, and now that i was irresponsible, and didn't even know she got out? .....

    Sassi is dead Screenshot_20190705-052643.png Screenshot_20190705-052643.png
     
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  2. solomonar

    solomonar TCS Member Alpha Cat

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    Jan 13, 2017
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    We do not decide life and death. In the Wilderness, is the Cat Mama guilt for her kitten being eaten by a Leopard?

    Cities have no Leopards, human settlements prevent the natural dangers, but create new ones. This is the Law, some Creatures must perish to keep balance.

    Imagine all cats offspring surviving. Not desirable, right? So, somehow, the growth shall be limited. In the Wilderness, there are diseases, leopards etc. to do so. In the cities, cars and other dangers play the same role as the Leopards and diseases in the Wilderness. It is nobody's guilt, it is just the Great Law: for ones to survive, others shall not. We are not supposed to understand the Reason behind the Law.

    Head bow for Sassi the Cat and her Human Companion!
     
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  3. Maria Bayote

    Maria Bayote Mama of 4 Cats, 3 Dogs , 2 Budgies & 2 Humans Top Cat

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    Jan 15, 2018
    Doha
    This is so sad. My heart goes out to you. Do not punish your heart with guilt. Most probably she was meant to be an angel all along.

    She was beautiful. Rest in peace, darling Sassi.
     
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  4. Leomc123

    Leomc123 TCS Member Alpha Cat

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    :( i am so sorry sassi died tragically, she looks so beautifull she is a little angel in heaven in gods arms now :( Please dont blame yourself, you cannot predict everything in life and prevent everything in life from happening. It is sad that Sassi got hit by a car and didnt survive and i feel your pain. All the what ifs will eat at you it is a normal thing to do to rationalize it in your mind, because you feel responsible for this, but if Sassi didnt run outside tonight, she maybe have ran outside another day. Life is strange, we make so many micro decisions and actions some may prevent a change and for some there is no change at all in the direction of a living beings life.

    I am sorry you are going through this grief and loss but time will heal you. You are a good person and sassi loved you for that, she will look after you in your healing. God bless you and god bless little sassi :(

    Cats are very agile and sneaky and quiet. I had a cat named Oatis a few years ago, and no one noticed that he sneaked inside the house for the whole day. It was feeding time and i went looking for him outside for a good few hours and searched around the house and thought he ran away when i couldnt find hime. I went back upstairs to my bedroom and noticed a bump in the bedsheets near the pillow, i pulled the covers and Oatis was sleeping in my bed :)

    With the guilt feeling its hard to deal with, you will need to come to terms with what you are feeling guilty about. For example: Do you beleive you let sassi out on purpose ? Did you do something intentional so that sassi would get out ? Do you feel like if you didnt spend time doing something else , instead of checking for sassi at that moment in time the accident wouldnt of happened ? Do you feel like you didnt spend time with sassi that day and didnt get a chance to be with her etc. Was it you that ran into her with the car ? no .

    I guess guilt would be doing something intentional, doing something with intent for something to occur and when something bad goes wrong, you know your actions of intent caused the outcome.
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2019
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  5. di and bob

    di and bob TCS Member Top Cat

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    Dec 12, 2012
    Nebraska, USA
    I was responsible for my little girl's death, she followed me onto the street and I didn't even know she was there.....so I know the horrible, soul crushing emotions you are going through. It took me literally years to find my way back to any semblance of a life, I still have nightmares and tears at times. But eventually you will find out that life is for the living. There is nothing you can do to undo the past, even though I know you would want to give anything to do so. I agree with the above, you had no intent to bring harm to your sweet little one, so please don't hold guilt. Sorrow is enough. It was a tragic accident. I found that to give to my local shelter in my little girl's name helped me feel a little better about myself. To save another little life is soul healing. Immerse yourself in keeping busy with things you enjoy, it does no good at all to dwell on such sadness, it only brings more heartache. Yoru precious one would be the last one to want you so sad. Just as you would want for her if you were the first to go, so she wants for you. That is what love is. Do not make her death define who she was, that can never be, she was too good, too immersed in life to have that.
    Time is the only thing that helps to heal a broken heart. And although it leaves a scar, it does get better in time. Now is the time to accept the comfort that others who can empathize can offer, although this is a entirely personal relationship that only you are experiencing. Only you loved her as deep as you do, so only you are hurting so much. Your pain goes as deep as your love. You are so blessed to have had her in your life, to have shared a love like that. She leaves that love with you, it will forever be in your heart. Even though it was for such a short time, it was her whole life, and she thanks you for that. To have never met her at all would have been unthinkable.
    My heart goes out to you, I know how much this hurts, how much emptiness it brings to your life. Try to fill it with your wonderful memories, know she is at peace because she had you to love and that is forever......RIP precious Sassi. You will forever be missed, you will have a secure place in a loving heart for eternity. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2019
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  6. Tik cat's mum

    Tik cat's mum TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Please don't be to hard on yourself this was a awful accident. I am so sorry for your loss. R.I.P. Sassi
     
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  7. Mamanyt1953

    Mamanyt1953 Rules my home with an iron paw Staff Member Forum Helper

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    Oct 16, 2015
    Havelock, North Carolina
    Rest you gentle, Sassi, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

    Of course you feel guilty. That's so very human. But...cats are masters at getting out. MASTERS. And unless we have one of those rare cats who is velcroed to us 24/7, we don't expect to see our cats every minute of every day. This could have happened to ANY ONE OF US, and has happened to more than one of us. And we all felt guilty. But this is the Truth about it...unless we purposely put our cat in harm's way, that guilt is misplaced. Grieve for her, regret the circumstance, but do not allow guilt to make your grieving bitter.

    She was, is, and will always be, a lovely girl, and her Love for you is with you still.
     
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  8. will2002

    will2002 TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Oct 12, 2018
    Texas
    Very sorry that you lost such a beautiful kitten. I pray that you find inner peace to deal with this terrible loss... and that something like this never happened to you in again.

    Sassi belongs to the angles today, and I know they are happy to have her. You or I can't back the clock up...That is just the way life is. We go forward and try learn from our mistakes. May God bless you.
     
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  9. mmeyers9

    mmeyers9 Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Dec 29, 2018
    Utah
    I took in my first kitten ever.
    I was told that you can't go wrong with a cat.
    I was terrified, and knew nothing about cats.
    But my friends assured me, I'd be great.

    But all i have done is screw up from the beginning.

    So when Leon got pregnant, she had 6 babies, and they relied on me for safety and love.

    I helped deliver 6 babies, cuz mommy didnt know what todo.

    So i got attached, and didnt think I'd ever care about a cat.

    They depended on me, and i didnt realize the bond i was forming.

    I watched 6 miracles come in this world, and in 2 minutes, i iaw God's beautiful creature be torn apart like a rag doll.

    Blood, a broken body. She was destroyed in a second.

    Now m,h been pacing and searching 48 hours...

    She is very stressed and it's my fault
     
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  10. mmeyers9

    mmeyers9 Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Dec 29, 2018
    Utah
    *now mommy has been pacing 48 hrs.

    She is very stressed
     
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  11. solomonar

    solomonar TCS Member Alpha Cat

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    Jan 13, 2017
    Romania
    It is ok for you to cry.
    It is natural for Mummy to search. But remember all Creatures have a more natural approach to Life and Death than humans. Cats maybe sad (and certainly are), but their understanding is much deeper than ours.

    +++

    Somebody told me a history about a couple of Mother Cats living near a forest, full of foxes. In one year or so, both Cats and humans got customized with 90% of kitten being eaten by foxes. It proved impossible to protect kitten.

    That is the same with cars, it is impossible to protect animals from them. It is nothing you could do to prevent this to happen
     
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  12. les26

    les26 Sylvester's daddy Top Cat

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    Nov 19, 2015
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    Try some Ignatia Amara a homeopathic remedy that helps with grief and loss and guilt. It should be available at a good vitamin shop near you and of course online.

    I am so sorry this happened, God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
     
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  13. FeralHearts

    FeralHearts TCS Member Alpha Cat

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    Jul 4, 2018
    Canada
    RIP Sassi. XOXOX to you @mmeyers9

    I'm so sorry this happened to you both.

    It was an accident.

    I know it's so easy to say don't blame yourself and a lot harder not to. No doubt most, if not all of us, would be feeling just as you are.

    The only thing I can say is that in time you will learn to forgive yourself and understand it was an accident. When things like this happen, one of the best things we can do is to try to learn from them and set things up so it doesn't repeat in the future.

    Be kind to yourself.

    Spend some time with the others that need you. Get plenty of rest, cry all you need to.

    Much love to you.
     
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  14. mmeyers9

    mmeyers9 Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Dec 29, 2018
    Utah
    you all are so wonderful.

    well, mommy growls and bites her other 5 babies if they approach her.

    starting this morning, they stopped going near her, and have been hanging around me mostly.

    she is still searching, sleeping little and wont come near me either.

    it has been over 72hrs.

    it is her 1st litter.

    is it ok for her to be so drastically upset so long?

    the babies are 4 months old and she hasn't nursed in almost a month, so i didnt think it would be hard on her
     
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  15. mmeyers9

    mmeyers9 Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Dec 29, 2018
    Utah
    mommy Leon

    she is 1 year old IMG_20190806_101829.jpg
     
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  16. mmeyers9

    mmeyers9 Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Dec 29, 2018
    Utah
    Leon's little family, before someone destroyed it.

    sassi is the seal point on the bottom step Screenshot_20190803-054320.png
     
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  17. les26

    les26 Sylvester's daddy Top Cat

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    Nov 19, 2015
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    Oh my gosh, I want to take them all!!!!! So so cute!!!!!
     
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  18. les26

    les26 Sylvester's daddy Top Cat

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    Nov 19, 2015
    Emmaus, Pennsylvania
    Another Tuxedo!!! :clapcat:

    Sylvester and I approve lol!!!! :D :)
     
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  19. mmeyers9

    mmeyers9 Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Dec 29, 2018
    Utah
    i allowed a beautiful little family be destroyed in 5 minutes of carelessness.

    mommy just growled and swatted at one of the babies, and all he was doing is walking by.

    a baby is dead, mommy hates her babies, and their mommy is mean to them.

    im sorry, im having a tuff time.

    but yes , mommy is an orphaned stray i took in last summer., and she is a short hair tuxedo

    the foster family said he was a boy.

    at almost 7 months old, a stray cat came in my house thru the doggy door, and attacked him.

    leon is my first cat ever, and I was terrified.

    then the guilt was bad, when the vet said he's a girl and was pregnant.

    i was terrified.

    but i went thru lots of research...


    and after helping with 6 births , i bonded with all 6 babies and then i was miserable , thinking i have to give em away.

    btw
    daddy was black...

    yet mommy had 3 black babies, 2 seal points and 1 tuxedo that has rediculously long hair

    the tuxedo baby is a boy.


    well Sassi was kinda slow, and would rather sit with me or my mom, so we were gonna keep her cuz we didnt want her scared with strangers.

    and she is the one who got out.!!!!!

    she would never go alone!!! she was too scared of strangers and loud noises outside.

    how did she sneak out and leave our property , all alone.? for the 1st time ever?

    im sick , thinking someone took her on purpose to just be mean.

    tha babies never separated as a group !!!
    And they never even went 10ft from the house...

    how did a baby seperate and end up on a big road far away? and have so much devastation happen in 5 minutes?

    even my neighbors have never seen an animal killed by car, all the years they lived here. cuz its a tiny road with a tiny speed limit?

    im so sorry, my head is still spinning.

    i will post a pic of each baby now. they are miracles from heaven.

    i love you all, for caring so much. thank you
     

  20. mmeyers9

    mmeyers9 Thread Starter TCS Member Adult Cat

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    Dec 29, 2018
    Utah
    oh my, Sylvester is beautiful and looks just like Flower, baby #4. he was born like mommy but is fluffu
     

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