How Do I Tell My Family That A Got A Cat?

[orange&white]

Seems like about half of us are in favor of the group email and half of us are suggesting just wait until they come visit. You know your family better than we do. Is your sister with the dogs the closest family member you could talk to about which is better?

You should never feel like you have to lie to anyone. There's no shame in getting a cat. It's not a crime you have to "cover up". You just be happy that you have added beautiful Artemis to your family. Use your best judgment about whether your family's reaction will be "less bad" if you tell them now or later.

 

[rubysmama]

I say get it over with. There's nothing worse than worrying over something you have to do. So I would either tell your sister about Artemis and let her inform the rest of the family, or send the group email. Good luck.

 

[margd]

I would tell them now, especially if their next visit is going to be on Thanksgiving or another holiday . You don't want someone getting a pumpkin pie in the face (although, personally I wouldn't mind that ) or your neighbors pounding on your door. I'm joking of course, but putting off telling them around the holiday season could very well backfire on you. I'd tell them now, get it over with and maybe you can spend Thanksgiving discussing something pleasant like politics instead of something stressful like giving an innocent cat a home.

 

[lavishsqualor]

My Nana is super critical of everything. I love her to death and she does everything for me but she is still very critical of everyone.

I had one of those when I was a child. We called her "Aunt Mabel," although she wasn't really a blood relative. Aunt Mabel was under the impression that if she ended every criticism with "Bless your heart" she got a free pass.

"Why, honey, you're just not very smart, now are you; bless your heart." Or, "Sweetheart, now why do you want to go and try to wear that; bless your heart."

When I was nine years old I told my mother that Aunt Mabel's house smelled like Bengay and despair and that I never wanted to go there again. Many, many years later I am still of that same opinion.

As for Artemis . . . he's beautiful! My opinion is that you don't owe anyone in your family a darn thing. If they come to your house and see him, THAT'S when you could casually mention that you have a new family member. I don't think it's worth worrying about. It's YOUR LIFE, not their's.

Bless your heart.

 

[MeganLLB]

Update: I sent a group email to everyone. My mom replied and I talked to her on the phone later. She wasn't mad or anything, but did casually ask, "Do you think this is the last one for awhile?" I didn't talk to my dad or sister, but I'm assuming they know now.

I'm still waiting for the inevitable phone call I'm going to receive from my Nana. I think that the email was a good idea because that way they could have all their initial reactions and have time to calm down before they talk to me.

I just have to remember to set boundaries. That this is my life and this shouldn't affect them. But who am I talking about with boundaries?? These are the people who when I invite them over, they take the liberty of rearranging my living room furniture while I'm at work. No boundaries.

Hopefully the next time I talk to her it won't be too bad.

 

[orange&white]

Well, good. At least that part is over! Now, just remember "happy" (you=happy) no matter how cranky anyone else wants to be.

 

[lavishsqualor]

I just have to remember to set boundaries. That this is my life and this shouldn't affect them. But who am I talking about with boundaries?? These are the people who when I invite them over, they take the liberty of rearranging my living room furniture while I'm at work. No boundaries.

My experience with folks like that is that you have to be the one to set those boundaries and enforce them. Not doing that results in something like the German Autobahn: some folks are going to abide by the advisory speed limits, while others view it as a speed free free-for-all.

I'm glad it's working out.

 

[rubysmama]

Glad you got that over with. Now you can relax and enjoy time with your fur babies.

As for your Nana, maybe after she finishes telling you what a bad idea it was, just reply "that's exactly how I expected you to respond, Nana, and that's why I love you".

 

[margd]

I'm very glad to hear that's over with. Families are really something - they treat each other in ways they'd never dream of treating someone else. I wonder how many times your family members have visited friends and taken it upon themselves to impose their own sense of order on their host or hostess?

It sounds like you have a very close-knit family so I can understand why you're treating this issue with such delicacy. I hope that your Nana gets her grumbling out of the way quickly and manages to at least pretend that she's happy for you and Artemis.

When it comes to erecting boundaries, it often takes practice. Next time one of your family members is stomping all over yours, hopefully it will be easier to push them back where they belong.

 

[MeganLLB]

Ok,so another update. I talked to my Nana, and she said she was very surprised. Then she asked me if I ever considered adopting a foster child. I guess she'd rather me adopt a human than another cat
My aunt though agreed with me that that suggestion was crazy. (Adopting is wonderful, but not for me at this point in my life when I am 25, single, in debt...) She told me "no more pets." Ok, sure But if I show up with an 8 year old boy from Haiti at Christmas, she'd better not be surprised.

 

[margd]

Well, you made it through in one piece and everyone is still talking to you! It sounds like there may still be times when you wish they weren't but, eh, families.

The only explanation that I can see for your Nana implying your next adoption should be human is that she has a serious case of grandchildren fever. She has to know that children are far more responsibility than cats. Meanwhile, it seems that even though she thinks you are mature enough to adopt a child, you still need her to tell you how to manage your life. She sounds like a real pistol. (I mean that in the nicest way).

 

[orange&white]

I think your Nana and my late mother must have been related. My mom was never an "animal person", but when I got into my 30's with no husband in sight, she started telling me that I should adopt a "Chinese baby". No idea why she decided that Chinese babies were better than any other babies (much less why she thought her single daughter who worked 12-14 hour days needed any baby).

I still have 3 cats, 1 dog, and zero babies of any "denomination".

Hang in there.

 

[rubysmama]

Glad you and your Nana talked. The foster child idea must have been quite a shock, though.

 

[MeganLLB]

Glad you and your Nana talked. The foster child idea must have been quite a shock, though.

Yes I have no idea where that came from. I mean, I love kids, but I hope that I still have some time to get married first. Though I guess maybe that's why she suggested that- because I'm not married and that's not changing anytime soon most likely.

Idk that was more shocking to me than it should have been to her that I got another cat.

Oh and then she complained that I didn't tell her about my plan before I did it ,I only told them after I got the cat. like as if I need her permission. Maybe so that she could have changed my mind.

Oh well. Love you Nana.

 

[catmomma627]

I got my third last month. I told my mom ahead of time and she really just asked if I could handle it. I told my dad to come over and see a surprise and I had her. He smiled and shook his head. I know he thinks I have too many but would never say that. Otherwise I posted her on facebook, if people think I am a crazy cat lady, so be it!

 

[MeganLLB]

I wanted to update this. My Nana and my aunt came to visit this week. Actually, they came to help me clean my house after both Luna and Bosco were sick and I wanted to borrow their carpet cleaner to shampoo my floors.

So, they met Artemis finally. They were surprised by how big he is. He towers over Luna and he is pretty large. And Artemis just loves my Nana. He is very affectionate anyway, but he just could not leave her alone. I guess they liked him??? Idk. He's the only one who hasn't gotten sick with something.

 

[margd]

Thanks for the update. I wondered how your Nana would react once she met Artemis. It sounds like he really turned on the charm! Smart boy! He knows what's up!

I'm very sorry to hear that Luna and Bosco have been sick. Nothing serious, I hope?

 

[MeganLLB]

Thanks for the update. I wondered how your Nana would react once she met Artemis. It sounds like he really turned on the charm! Smart boy! He knows what's up!

I'm very sorry to hear that Luna and Bosco have been sick. Nothing serious, I hope?

Yes it is funny that he singled her out.

Bosco and Luna went though a bought of diarrhea for almost two weeks. My guess is they both got worms or some kind of bug or parasite and somehow Artemis avoided it. I was cleaning up poo all over the house. Luna is now still avoiding her litter box sometimes, so I'm working on that problem but they both seem to have gotten over whatever the issue was.

My Nana and aunt drove all the way here basically to just help clean my house (due to the pets that they always seem so critical of) so it was a good thing Artemis wasn't sick too.

 

[rubysmama]

Thanks for the update. Sorry Bosco and Luna have been sick. But glad it brought your aunt and nana over for a visit. And isn't it just like a cat to zero in on the person who least likes cats.

 

[Kreatorcat]

That this is my life and this shouldn't affect them.

There you go. I know it may be tough to deal with people whom always seem to want to "advise" you,but the above quote is the perfect mindset.

It's your world. There will always be those who will poop on it. You be you. As long as you're happy with your kitties,who cares?