How Do I Tell My Family That A Got A Cat?

[MeganLLB]

This is Artemis. I just got him. I haven't told my family yet though, that I got another cat. I'm wondering what's the best way to break the news to them? It's not like it affects them or is any of their business. It's my life. It's my house. It's my cat. But they are not going to be happy. They don't think that I "need" any more animals. Especially my Nana who doesn't like animals to begin with. She wasn't happy when I got Bosco. She wasn't happy when I got Luna. She wasn't happy when my sister got her dogs. She just doesn't approve. My mom, dad, and sister will probably eventually get over it. My nana and aunt are going to be mad and shocked. (As they are anytime any family member gets a pet). They just don't see why you "need another one". There's no good reason for it.

Well I don't really "need" any of my pets. Nobody needs them. You have them because you like them and they enhance your quality of life. Both Luna and Bosco like other animals, but everyone says they play together and keep each other company so why do you need another cat? I don't really know how to answer them other than caring for pets makes me happy. I live alone. I have no friends, no family here. They keep me company, they give me some sense of purpose in my life, and it doesn't affect them at all anyway, so why do they have to care so much?

So I'm thinking do I tell them over the phone? Or do I wait until they visit me again and they will see for themselves? Is it better for them to see him in person and be surprised? Or should they be prepared for the next time they visit? Or would that make them biased before they meet him?

Sorry for the long post. This is the dilemma I come to any time I get something as simple as a goldfish....WHY DID YOU GET THAT YOU DON'T NEED IT!?

 

[margd]

First of all, congratulations on your new family member! Artemis is a real beauty. The casual way he is lying there on the floor, out in the open, shows that he is already glad to be home.

As to how to let your family members know you've adopted another cat, as long as you are taking good care of all of your animals, it is none of their business and theoretically, you shouldn't have to tell your human family members a thing. None of them are living with you and your animals have no impact on them, whatsoever. Unfortunately, even though you really don't need to tell anyone about Artemis, you probably should.

I think that letting your family know about Artemis for the first time when they visit has a few pitfalls. For one, it sounds like they'll start chewing you out which is bad for your peace of mind and not something to which you need to subject yourself. For another, any animosity in your house will also affect your animals and Artemis may even sense that the anger has something to do with him. This isn't fair to you or your animals.

This is what I'd do. I'd send a group email to your entire family saying that you are delighted to announce that Artemis has joined your household. You can then include a chatty little note that basically includes the points (in bold) that you made below. I would keep my tone positive and not interject anything negative or self-defensive. An announcement of a new family member is meant to be joyful so keep it that way.

Well I don't really "need" any of my pets. Nobody needs them. You have them because you like them and they enhance your quality of life. Both Luna and Bosco like other animals, but everyone says they play together and keep each other company so why do you need another cat? I don't really know how to answer them other than caring for pets makes me happy. I live alone. I have no friends, no family here. They keep me company, they give me some sense of purpose in my life, and it doesn't affect them at all anyway, so why do they have to care so much?

Then, when you start hearing the complaints, I'd send out another group email to any complainers repeating why you love pets and what they bring to your life . Tell them that you don't intend to argue about it anymore. Your relationship with them (complaining human family members) is important to you and you don't want it marred by continuous pointless arguments that aren't going to change the way you feel.

After that, I'd just refuse to discuss it.

Of course, that all sounds very easy but your Nana sounds like a very strong-willed person who may try to roll right over you. Is there anyone in your family to whom she will listen? It might be very helpful to have an ally when it comes to dealing with her.

I'd be really interested in hearing how this plays out so if you have the time or inclination to post about it, please let us know!

 

[1CatOverTheLine]

.
MeganLLB - If they question your choice, remind them of Francis' remark from Matthew 20:16 when he put the animals ahead of himself - "I'm fulfilling the Scripture: "the last shall be first, and the first shall be last." If that doesn't work, tell them to go jump in the lake."
.

 

[bengalcatman]

Why would anyone, family member or not, care if you got another cat, unless it was to voice delight that you found something that brought you joy? I am bewildered.

Good advice on how best to proceed has already been given. You can refuse to discuss it per margd ... or tell them to go jump in a lake per 1CatOverTheLine . Either will work just fine, flip a coin to decide.

Artemis has perfect triangle ears - very handsome! As a fellow ailurophile, I am delighted that you found a new friend.

I am compelled to point out that your Nana sure seems catty for a ailurophobe!

 

[Blakeney Green]

I would probably go with either phone call or letter because when someone is in your house, it can be very difficult to break off a problematic conversation - it's not like you can force your family member to leave, whereas you can always end a call or choose not to respond at all to a letter.

With less-than-supportive family members, I typically take a relentlessly upbeat "great news!" approach, and I respond to all questions as though they are sincere. (For example, if they ask why in a sarcastic way, they get a real explanation of why. This approach generally discourages people who don't care from continuing to inquire further.) I think the things you said in your post are good for explanation, so you can just repeat that to them.

Ultimately at some point you may have to just set a boundary this is your life and these are your choices; you have explained it and don't want to further debate the subject.

 

[raysmyheart]

I think the suggestions so far are excellent. I like the idea of the group email. I wouldn't give energy to explaining why you have a cat. You are providing for the cat and love cats and that's enough. Change the subject if they are negative. It may be just how your family reacts. Easy to say, but try not to focus on what they think, keep distracting yourself with the joy of taking care of this beautiful cat. By the look of Artemis, he is super-sweet and looks very happy to have such a nice home! I am so glad you have found each other and that Artemis is in his furever home!

 

[orange&white]

Do you have any family members who would be happy with you that you got Artemis? I would tell those who would share your joy, like your sister who has dogs, and just not say anything to family members who might try to ruin your day. Let them be surprised when they come visit, and then don't let any negativity get to you. Life's too short...not to own a cat or three.

 

[MeganLLB]

My family visits me often. I have a guest room that they stay in. So eventually they are going to have to find out. I can't hide him nor should I have to. With the holidays approaching-Thanksgiving and Christmas, it may be a while before they come here again. So I could possibly hold off on saying anything for some time yet.

My Nana is super critical of everything. I love her to death and she does everything for me but she is still very critical of everyone.

In my family it seems like anytime we get a new pet, we always announce it like its bad news, like brace yourself we have something to tell you...Mostly because of my aunt and Nana. We know they don't approve.

I think I'll hold off until I know that they are coming to visit. Then I'll drop the bomb on them...I mean introduce the new family member.

And I may take the suggestion of a group email when the time comes. I hadn't thought of doing it that way.

I don't really understand why they care so much, I guess they just have no problem sharing their disapproval with me.

 

[1CatOverTheLine]

it's not like you can force your family member to leave

Why not?
.

 

[Blakeney Green]

Why not?
.

Well, I mean... how?

I suppose you could call the police if things were extremely escalated, but that would have fallout.

You can ask your family member to leave. But if they choose not to follow your request, there aren't a lot of non-drastic options left.

 

[MeganLLB]

Why not?
.

I don't think that's a good idea. My whole family that a see regularly and care about consists of a total of 9 people. They travel 2 hours (in snowstorms) to visit me. Kicking them out would make for an awkward Thanksgiving dinner.

 

[MeganLLB]

Do you have any family members who would be happy with you that you got Artemis? I would tell those who would share your joy, like your sister who has dogs, and just not say anything to family members who might try to ruin your day. Let them be surprised when they come visit, and then don't let any negativity get to you. Life's too short...not to own a cat or three.

My sister who while still may not personally approve, would probably not be really mad or chew me out about it. But she couldn't keep a secret. She lives with my parents. I don't know anyone who would be "happy" about a new cat. I did mention to her before that I was thinking about another cat.

 

[margd]

it's not like you can force your family member to leave,

Why not?

Well, I mean... how?

Easy. Call in the big guns.

 

[Kat0121]

It's really none of their business. I would just let them know matter of factly that a new cat has joined my household. If they give you grief or attitude then simply tell them, "I'm sorry you feel that way but this (it) is my house, my life and my decision. I am giving a loving home to an animal that really needs me - I am not taking in an escaped convict. If my decision offends you so much, then I understand if you decide not to come over. That would be very sad though as I enjoy seeing you."

People who are super critical of others are rarely happy with their own lives.

One more thing. Put one of these by the front door....

 

[dustydiamond1]

It's really none of their business. I would just let them know matter of factly that a new cat has joined my household. If they give you grief or attitude then simply tell them, "I'm sorry you feel that way but this (it) is my house, my life and my decision. I am giving a loving home to an animal that really needs me - I am not taking in an escaped convict. If my decision offends you so much, then I understand if you decide not to come over. That would be very sad though as I enjoy seeing you."

People who are super critical of others are rarely happy with their own lives.

One more thing. Put one of these by the front door....

 

[thelaughingcat]

Oh, I want a copy of that poster by Kat0121 ! That is brilliant My mum once tried to shoo away our brand new kitten...with her foot. Needless to say, we definitely had a few words with her!

I'd go with the band aid approach - if I held off, I'd have it at the back of my mind all of the time, especially when I was with the new arrival (who is utterly gorgeous by the way, adorable in every way!). The group email/WhatsApp suggestion is great. Everyone finds out at the same time, no one feels as though something was hidden from them (which then gives them another reason to feel annoyed and in many ways validates their opinion, as it seems to suggest that you agree that it's not a good thing to have happened).

You have an awesome new feliperson in your life and they should be happy for you. So shout it from the rooftops and pretend that you don't really understand it if any of them aren't equally as joyous. Always works for me

 

[orange&white]

does everything for me but she is still very critical of everyone.

In my family it seems like anytime we get a new pet, we always announce it like its bad news, like brace yourself we have something to tell you...Mostly because of my aunt and Nana. We know they don't approve.

I would tell auntie and Nana that you are awfully glad they came to visit and they can choose to be as critical as they feel like being, even though you would prefer for them to be pleased and enjoy themselves, but in your house you are choosing to be happy regardless of their moods. Then pick up a kitty, sit down and smile. Every time they criticize after that, just reply with a grin, "Happy."

Hyper-critical people have control issues and misery loves company. You do choose you own mood, even though it is difficult to not let them mess up your day. It's easier with practice. If you remain upbeat and happy, they end up looking (and hopefully feeling) a little silly.

 

[rubysmama]

Artemis is gorgeous. Congratulations on the addition to your family.

My sister who while still may not personally approve, would probably not be really mad or chew me out about it. But she couldn't keep a secret. She lives with my parents. I don't know anyone who would be "happy" about a new cat. I did mention to her before that I was thinking about another cat.

Well, there's your solution. Tell your sister about Artemis, then by the time you see the rest of the family they will already know all about him. And she'll be the bearer of "bad" news instead of you.

 

[MeganLLB]

Ok, so here's another question. Should I put off telling them until I have to?-like until I know they will be visiting me again? Or should I just tell them all now and get it over with?

I'm afraid if I wait, it could be months before they come here again and then they will ask me how long I've had him. Which then I would either have to lie or tell them I've had him for 2 or 3 months. Then they would wonder why didn't you tell us 3 months ago? And they may feel like I was lying or keeping a secret.

So even if they aren't coming here, do you think it would be best to email them all now anyway?

 

[Blakeney Green]

I would just go ahead and tell them, for two reasons. One, you'll get it over with and won't have to worry about it for months. And two, by the time you actually see them, the surprise will have worn off for them, which may tone down their reaction a bit when they do meet Artemis in person.