How Do I Know If She Was Ready?

joyfulrose

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I've posted about losing my beautiful baby 9 months ago. It's been a roller coaster of emotions since I've said goodbye to her. I'm so sorry, i apologize for this post, I am just having one of those nights. Losing her was the hardest most devastating thing I have ever had to go through. The thing that kills me the most was how it all happened. I was told by the ER vets that she should be euthanized because they believed my cat was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her and in their eyes she was "suffering a lot" I never ever thought i would have to put her to sleep, at least not that night. I've said before that I always hoped when the time came that she would pass peacefully at home. I never ever thought that the night I took her to that ER vet would be the last time i would see her sweet face.
I just want to know, how do I know if she was ready to go that night? How do i know if it was the right time? It scares me that the vets could have been wrong, or that she may have still had more life left to live and I allowed them to convince us to put her to sleep. What is even worse is the vets at that ER clinic were very rude and rushy, talked to me with no compassion whatsoever even though i explained to them how hard this was for me and that it was my first time ever having to go through something like this. After all of this and my baby was gone... I did some searches on this vet clinic and I was heartbroken at some of the things I read from other pet parents and their experience with the vets who also saw my baby. Many of them said they did not care about the animals and would also recommend euthanizing their pets, but those people would leave and go to a different vet and sometimes they were treated and the pets got better.
I just feel like ever since I took her to this ER vet she got even worse. The way they did everything was very odd to me. When you bring in your pet they take them to the back straight away and you are not allowed to go back there with them. Then they place you in a room and the vet comes and speaks to you without your pet present in the room(they leave them in the back where you are not allowed). They don't bring your pet out until you have paid for the visit. I often wondered if they have done something in the back to my sweet kitty that lead to her declining even more, but i don't know, and I would like to think that a vet would never do such a horrible thing or bring any intentional harm to an Innocent pet.
The vets at the ER had told me they thought my baby had FIP or cancer and that the wisest thing to do was put her to sleep. They refused to run any tests and said that even if they did so they still could not help her. They kept saying that she was "suffering a lot" When they told me that it broke my heart and I looked at my sweet baby once they had finally brought her out and let me see her and she just looked so sad, I've never seen her look so depressed. I know there must have been something serious going on, she had fluid in her belly, had trouble urinating, was getting weaker and weaker.
I just feel horrible that maybe it wasn't the right time. That maybe it was too soon. I have some photos of her last two nights. My mom had taken the photos at the vet so she can get my sisters opinion on what to do (my sister is a human doctor)
It's so very very hard for me to share these photos below with you guys, they are so heart shattering, but I just need to know (some are from when she was sitting hunched up about two weeks before and her belly swelled up, some are the night before on the bed, and at the vet the last night after the vets had brought her in the room for us to see her- they told me she couldn't stand and she laid in that position on the table not moving i have never seen her sit that way until that night :() I loved her so much and felt so bad for a long time that maybe it was too soon, maybe if we would have waited she could have gotten better.
If anyone can please offer their opinion, do you think she looked ready to go in these photos? Do you think we did the right thing by listening to the vets? Or do you think there could have been a chance for her to get better or be treated? How did you know when it was time to let your cat go?
 

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Jcatbird

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First let me say that I am so sorry you are hurting. I have had to make that same decision more than once and we ALWAYS question ourselves. Even if they struggle to take a breath, we don’t feel right about it. The thing is, we can’t just let them suffer. Cats don’t want to show pain but if they do, you can be sure it is strong. I do know that my own vet has always seemed impenetrable during times like that. Until one day when it came to a cat she had worked with a very long time. I had recently lost my only child and she had known my child a good while. She had watched me go through that and then lose one cat, then have to put Twilight to sleep after I had battled to keep him with me. After Twilight was gone and I was holding him, suddenly her stern exterior broke. I saw that as she rushed from the room. It shocked me so that I followed her and found her crying in her office. We talked a long time that day. My opinion of her changed drastically. The conversation was all about how she must control her expression and remain steady no matter what. She could not show her heartbreak in front of the patients and in order to seem professional she had maintained a hard exterior until that day. The combination of me losing my little girl and then continuing to keep going to save the kitties I had but losing them too just broke that facade. She told me how she hurt every time she lost a patient but just had to swallow the pain in order to help the next patient without losing focus. She HAD to keep going for all of them. At times I had wondered about her gruff exterior. I had seen others criticize her. I had watched what she did with my cats and maybe I didn’t understand everything but never been able to say she did not do something right. I’m not a vet so I had to look to her to give me guidance. Now I understood the things that I might have questioned before. Her description of how hard her job can be made me see her in a different light. She did things a certain way in order to be able to keep helping other animals. Maybe those vets do the same. From your description of how your kitty was acting, it seems that she was swollen, hunched over, in pain, suffering, weak and could not have any further happy quality of life. You can ask for a diagnosis of her condition on paper and if you feel they committed malpractice you can report them but I still think you made the right decision. You saved her by letting her go. You gave her the very best any of us could ever get. You loved her completely, you gave her a safe home, you gave her your heart. If I have that at my last moment, I will feel very grateful. In return, she loved and cared for you. Our cats want to comfort us as well. She would not want you to suffer either. We exchange a part of ourselves with them and a part of her is still there with you. That part of her would want to comfort your heart right now. I wish I could take that pain from you. I can’t but I can offer you a part of my heart and I will , everyone here will, be here for you.
 

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When you return home, are you happy? I suppose you are. That is the same for Cats. They are happy to return to their Home-Cloud when the time comes.

We are not allowed to know when the time is right, we are just the Hands of the Mother Nature. So if that sad event in the ER happened, there is a reason. It is not your choice.

+++

Vets do study all aspects of a cat's life, including pain. If they said "suffers a lot" - most likely it was true. They know their profession. Some may be not so good in spotting rare disease, let say, but all know when a cat suffers - its elementary.

There might be (or might be not) ways to reduce pain and expand life by few days or weeks. The difficulty is that one never knows whether the medicine actually reduces pain. Cats are elusive animals, you know.

I suspect that some humans (and vets) accept this illusory and risky "getting better".

However, if it was me, I would certainly prefer doctors to let me pass rapidly than to suffer long painful days or to vegetate under painkillers effect.

Tears here. Find relief in happy memories, keep walking - so many humans and cats need you! Some you know, some you will have the chance to meet in the bright future.
 

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You don't ever have to apologize for posting on this site. Everyone here has experienced everything you are, and if they haven't, are about to. I agree with the above. Sometimes vets seem uncaring, hurried, but it is really trying to keep their own emotions under control. They have seen a lot.... they know all the signs that the time has come to let go. Our own emotions cloud what is happening, our love for that little one refuses to see what is in front of us, and when it is over grief brings up all those what ifs and should haves when our minds start working rationally again. That is why Dr.s cannot perform surgeries on their own families. Concern, fear and love stops all rational thinking.
You are still in the beginnings of mourning. It takes at least a year to even come to any kind of terms or acceptance of what happened. In some cases, like me and you, several years. I can still cry and feel so much emotion well up and take over even 7 years later. I can tell you it DOES get better, you learn to concentrate on what is good and not dwell on the bad. There will always be sadness in this world. It is YOUR sadness, your own personal hell of your own making. It changes you forever. But it does't have to rule your life. You have to purposely want to live again, to feel again, and it isn't easy by any means. I feel it is PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. For one thing I finally came to the conclusion that my little girl loved me so much she would NOT want me to suffer like this. Just as I wouldn't want her to suffer, just like you didn't want the one you love so much to suffer. We are left behind to carry forward their own love of life, to keep them alive through our memories and the bond of love that will be there forever. You lost a physical being, but the love will be there forever because you are here to perpetuate it and to build on it, even making it greater then it was.....
You can't change what happened, the past is set in stone. Believe me, if I could,I would give anything to do so. She will forever be a part of that past, but you have to move forward. That is what life is. It isn't easy, it is traumatic and hurts more then anything else. But try not to dwell on and make her death the most important part of your relationship. Instead concentrate on doing good in the time you have left in this world, do whatever you can. Help another little one experience what love can do by fostering, donate to a worthy cause, help down at your local shelter to give your mind a purpose. And do it all in her name. Keep your mind and body busy. Concentrate on anything good to keep it from that darkness. Don't think of the future, it can be whatever you want it to be. What will be will be. Live in the now, put one foot in front of the other, and just get through the next minute, the next hour, the next day. A life will follow. One day at a time.........
Remember too, comforting others who are going through this helps to bring comfort to yourself too. My heart breaks for what you are going through, it brings up my own pain. But it helps you to help others to survive, to let others know many have walked the same path and survived. The depth of grief is never the same for everyone, but the path to healing often is.....may God bless you both and help you with your suffering....
 

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No, Darlin', don't apologize. This thread exists so that we can share our pain, our fears, and our questions, as well as memorialize our precious cats (and a few other animals over the years, as well). This is the safe place to let your doubts have a voice. Always.

But to address your fears and your questions...from what you described, and from those first two photographs, you absolutely did the right thing. She was getting weaker, not able to urinate normally...this is a cat in extremis. You did not make the decision to end her life, but to end her suffering. You allowed the vets to open the gate for her between This Adventure and the Next Great Adventure. And from where she is now, where All Things are known, she blesses you for your life-long love, and for your mercy at the end. And her love for you, now purified and translated into Love, remains with you. Love abides, always and forever, Love abides.
 

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I am so sorry that you had to go through that, it is always tough when we as the pet owners have to "play God" and make the decision, but I am sure that it was the right albeit toughest thing to do. I don't know if you were present when they put her down, but all of our cats who were weak from fighting and ready to go passed within seconds of getting the shot, and that told us that they were ready, they welcomed the chance to leave their pain riddled bodies and move on to the next life. She looked like she was ready in some of those pictures, I know doubt and anger and depression and anxiety and all kinds of things can play mind games after we lose them. I remember holding out Tuxedo Simon who had stomach cancer May 15th, 2014 and asking the vet "are you sure it's time, he still looks so good?" and the vet says "he does look good, but inside he's very sick" and I knew he was, and I will never forget me holding him and feeling his little body go limp, I'll never forget that feeling and asking the vet "is he gone, are you sure he's gone?" because in a weird way I didn't want them to make a mistake and say he was dead and he wasn't, that is what the grief did to me, and for weeks after that I couldn't take a shower without feeling like I was going crazy, when that door closed I felt like I was going to crack up from anxiety, and at night I couldn't stand to be in the dark, imagine that, a grown man afraid to be in the dark, because I felt the emotions closing in on me, but this passed, things got better, only to experience it 1.5 years later when Sebastian died in my arms one night after I came home from work, and then it was physical sensations that I was having, due to the stress and grief, and it was then I was told about Holy Basil which helps keep you calm in mind and centered even though you are stressed, and Ignatia Amara, a homeopathic pill for intense grief, loss and trauma and they both helped and I still take them here and there to this day, perhaps they could help you too. But I think you did the right thing, even though the vet was not the most personable I would think that they would have enough training to be able to tell that it is time.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I am so sorry that this is happening to you, she is fine now, just fine, and when you see her again it will be wonderful. I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
 

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I had this exact same thing happen to me with my beloved little snow white, longhair "Casper" back in 2004. He got sick about 10 pm one Saturday night, and a little over an hour later, it was all over. I had to make a decision, live with it, and go forward with life. And I can tell ya from experience...It is NOT an easy thing to do!

You just can't keep beating yourself up. That will not bring your baby back. It will only make you sick... and she would not want that. Try to think of the good times you had with her and let those last few days fade away. It takes time, and some days a lot of effort, but you will be better off for it.
 
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joyfulrose

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First let me say that I am so sorry you are hurting. I have had to make that same decision more than once and we ALWAYS question ourselves. Even if they struggle to take a breath, we don’t feel right about it. The thing is, we can’t just let them suffer. Cats don’t want to show pain but if they do, you can be sure it is strong. I do know that my own vet has always seemed impenetrable during times like that. Until one day when it came to a cat she had worked with a very long time. I had recently lost my only child and she had known my child a good while. She had watched me go through that and then lose one cat, then have to put Twilight to sleep after I had battled to keep him with me. After Twilight was gone and I was holding him, suddenly her stern exterior broke. I saw that as she rushed from the room. It shocked me so that I followed her and found her crying in her office. We talked a long time that day. My opinion of her changed drastically. The conversation was all about how she must control her expression and remain steady no matter what. She could not show her heartbreak in front of the patients and in order to seem professional she had maintained a hard exterior until that day. The combination of me losing my little girl and then continuing to keep going to save the kitties I had but losing them too just broke that facade. She told me how she hurt every time she lost a patient but just had to swallow the pain in order to help the next patient without losing focus. She HAD to keep going for all of them. At times I had wondered about her gruff exterior. I had seen others criticize her. I had watched what she did with my cats and maybe I didn’t understand everything but never been able to say she did not do something right. I’m not a vet so I had to look to her to give me guidance. Now I understood the things that I might have questioned before. Her description of how hard her job can be made me see her in a different light. She did things a certain way in order to be able to keep helping other animals. Maybe those vets do the same. From your description of how your kitty was acting, it seems that she was swollen, hunched over, in pain, suffering, weak and could not have any further happy quality of life. You can ask for a diagnosis of her condition on paper and if you feel they committed malpractice you can report them but I still think you made the right decision. You saved her by letting her go. You gave her the very best any of us could ever get. You loved her completely, you gave her a safe home, you gave her your heart. If I have that at my last moment, I will feel very grateful. In return, she loved and cared for you. Our cats want to comfort us as well. She would not want you to suffer either. We exchange a part of ourselves with them and a part of her is still there with you. That part of her would want to comfort your heart right now. I wish I could take that pain from you. I can’t but I can offer you a part of my heart and I will , everyone here will, be here for you.
I'm so so sorry for the loss of your child and the many losses of your dear pets. I could not even imagine how hard it must have been for you. It was my first time ever losing a childhood pet and having to make that extremely difficult decision. I truly don't think I could ever go through something like that again. My heart is with you.
I want to thank you for everything you said about your vet, it helped me see that maybe the ER vets who saw my baby were the same. I guess sometimes I just get the feeling that most vets we have been to mainly seem to care about dogs more than cats. And especially when it's a senior cat (my sweet rosie was 17) I feel like they don't even want to bother trying anything because maybe they just see an old cat. Of course I know that all vets may not think that way, and maybe I'm wrong in thinking that myself, but I just remember all of their faces. Every vet we had seen (we went to 6 vets) all had a similar look on there face when they were examining my baby. I don't maybe it was because they could clearly see something was wrong and I didn't know at the time. They just kinda had this hopeless look on their faces but they didn't say much, they all just commented about how thin my baby was.

You can ask for a diagnosis of her condition on paper and if you feel they committed malpractice you can report them but I still think you made the right decision. You saved her by letting her go. You gave her the very best any of us could ever get. You loved her completely, you gave her a safe home, you gave her your heart.
The only diagnosis I received was that they "Highly suspected FIP or Cancer" I had a hard time believing it because there were no tests done to confirm it that night. She had blood work done two weeks prior and it did show she may have had pancreatitis or inflammation, she was also mildly anemic, had high WBC, HIGH neutrophils, high monocytes, a/g ratio of 0.5, low albumin, and she tested positive for coronavirus at 1:1600. They said there was nothing they could do to help her even if we did get blood work done and the best and wisest thing to do was put her to sleep because they believed she was suffering a lot :( And when they brought her out to me and I saw her laying on the table like in those last few photos i posted above, I believed them and felt they were telling me the truth. But after all of it and i went home and researched about this clinic and these vets, I saw soo many bad reviews, just really negative reviews. Not one person had anything good to say about these vets. That was when i began to question whether they were telling me the truth and whether I had made the wrong decision by taking their advice. And i wondered if it was the right time, if she was truly ready to go...
 
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joyfulrose

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No, Darlin', don't apologize. This thread exists so that we can share our pain, our fears, and our questions, as well as memorialize our precious cats (and a few other animals over the years, as well). This is the safe place to let your doubts have a voice. Always.

But to address your fears and your questions...from what you described, and from those first two photographs, you absolutely did the right thing. She was getting weaker, not able to urinate normally...this is a cat in extremis. You did not make the decision to end her life, but to end her suffering. You allowed the vets to open the gate for her between This Adventure and the Next Great Adventure. And from where she is now, where All Things are known, she blesses you for your life-long love, and for your mercy at the end. And her love for you, now purified and translated into Love, remains with you. Love abides, always and forever, Love abides.
Those first two photos of her sitting hunched up like that were taken about 2 weeks before she passed. I remember how much my heart hurt seeing her sitting that way. She looked like she was in pain. I remember asking one of the vets we saw what that meant, when a cats sits hunched up that way... he told me cause she was depressed. After I did some research about it. I found that cats sit that way sometimes when they are in pain or having some discomfort. Shortly after she started sitting that way was when she began having trouble urinating and things just declined further day by day. :( The photos at the vet were shes laying on her stomach with her arms straight out in front if her and her head down are from the last day. I remember thinking she looked so sad, I have never seen her look so depressed before. When they told me she was suffering a lot and I looked at her sitting like that, unable to move I believed them. I think that's why i took their advice. I guess sometimes it just scares me to think what if something more could have been done, what if some fluids or maybe some b12 would have helped perked her up again and gave her some energy. None of this was done and it worries me that maybe we acted too soon because we didn't want her to be in pain or suffer.
 
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joyfulrose

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I am so sorry that you had to go through that, it is always tough when we as the pet owners have to "play God" and make the decision, but I am sure that it was the right albeit toughest thing to do. I don't know if you were present when they put her down, but all of our cats who were weak from fighting and ready to go passed within seconds of getting the shot, and that told us that they were ready, they welcomed the chance to leave their pain riddled bodies and move on to the next life. She looked like she was ready in some of those pictures, I know doubt and anger and depression and anxiety and all kinds of things can play mind games after we lose them. I remember holding out Tuxedo Simon who had stomach cancer May 15th, 2014 and asking the vet "are you sure it's time, he still looks so good?" and the vet says "he does look good, but inside he's very sick" and I knew he was, and I will never forget me holding him and feeling his little body go limp, I'll never forget that feeling and asking the vet "is he gone, are you sure he's gone?" because in a weird way I didn't want them to make a mistake and say he was dead and he wasn't, that is what the grief did to me, and for weeks after that I couldn't take a shower without feeling like I was going crazy, when that door closed I felt like I was going to crack up from anxiety, and at night I couldn't stand to be in the dark, imagine that, a grown man afraid to be in the dark, because I felt the emotions closing in on me, but this passed, things got better, only to experience it 1.5 years later when Sebastian died in my arms one night after I came home from work, and then it was physical sensations that I was having, due to the stress and grief, and it was then I was told about Holy Basil which helps keep you calm in mind and centered even though you are stressed, and Ignatia Amara, a homeopathic pill for intense grief, loss and trauma and they both helped and I still take them here and there to this day, perhaps they could help you too. But I think you did the right thing, even though the vet was not the most personable I would think that they would have enough training to be able to tell that it is time.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I am so sorry that this is happening to you, she is fine now, just fine, and when you see her again it will be wonderful. I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
It was extremely difficult, and absolutely heart shattering, but yes, I was present. She did pass very quickly after the 2 injections. I heard her kind of like choke(?) I'm not sure if it was a choke or a sigh or a breathe, but I heard two noises softly and then the vet checked if her heart was beating and said ok. Then he left the room and she was gone. My baby was gone forever and my heart broke into a million pieces.
It all happened in a matter of seconds, like you said it was very quick. But is it true that that means they were ready to go when it happens so quick? Or isn't it suppose to be quick either way? Isn't the first injection they give them to help them go quick and easy? I dont know anything about it, the vets hadn't explained anything to me, or how it would all happen or what they would have to do, or what to expect. It was my first time going through this and it was all new to me and so so very devastating.
 
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joyfulrose

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I had this exact same thing happen to me with my beloved little snow white, longhair "Casper" back in 2004. He got sick about 10 pm one Saturday night, and a little over an hour later, it was all over. I had to make a decision, live with it, and go forward with life. And I can tell ya from experience...It is NOT an easy thing to do!

You just can't keep beating yourself up. That will not bring your baby back. It will only make you sick... and she would not want that. Try to think of the good times you had with her and let those last few days fade away. It takes time, and some days a lot of effort, but you will be better off for it.
I'm so sorry about your sweet Casper. May he RIP <3

You're absolutely right, I know I need to stop thinking about those last few days, it's very hard not to wonder and question. So much was left unanswered. I have days where I think I'm starting to feel ok again, but then the greif kicks in. Some days are easier than others. I guess all I can do is take it day by day now and hope that my sweet beautiful baby knew how much i loved her, how much i wish things could have been different, how much I wish i could have helped her get better, how much i wish i never had to say good by to her sweet face... I just hope she knew how much she meant to me. She filled my life with so much joy and happiness, it's so hard without her here by my side. Theres an emptiness that i can't seem to fill. But I know it will take time to come to terms with it all. I will continue to try day by day...
 
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joyfulrose

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I just want to again say thank you to each and every one of you Jcatbird Jcatbird , solomonar solomonar , di and bob di and bob , Mamanyt1953 Mamanyt1953 , les26 les26 , and W will2002 . It means the world to me that you took time out of your day to reply to my post. You guys have helped me a lot. I really don't know what I would do without this site. Especially when so many people in my real life don't understand how I feel, they don't get why I still have not "gotten over it" yet or "why i'm still talking about/ still sad about it" I'm glad and so thankful that I found this site with so many wonderful caring people who truly understand. Thank you all so much <3
 

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It was extremely difficult, and absolutely heart shattering, but yes, I was present. She did pass very quickly after the 2 injections. I heard her kind of like choke(?) I'm not sure if it was a choke or a sigh or a breathe, but I heard two noises softly and then the vet checked if her heart was beating and said ok. Then he left the room and she was gone. My baby was gone forever and my heart broke into a million pieces.
It all happened in a matter of seconds, like you said it was very quick. But is it true that that means they were ready to go when it happens so quick? Or isn't it suppose to be quick either way? Isn't the first injection they give them to help them go quick and easy? I dont know anything about it, the vets hadn't explained anything to me, or how it would all happen or what they would have to do, or what to expect. It was my first time going through this and it was all new to me and so so very devastating.
We have been told that the animal might flail around a bit and it might be scary, but all of ours passed so quickly and peacefully, and when I asked the vets if that meant that they were ready to go we were told "yes", so I do believe if they don't have much fight left they go peacefully, that is my thinking.
 
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joyfulrose

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We have been told that the animal might flail around a bit and it might be scary, but all of ours passed so quickly and peacefully, and when I asked the vets if that meant that they were ready to go we were told "yes", so I do believe if they don't have much fight left they go peacefully, that is my thinking.
Oh, I wonder if it's true. I hope it did really mean she was ready.. My baby didn't flail or move at all when the vet gave her the injections, she just laid there like in the photos, but she made those two soft noises. i thought it was a choke but i'm not sure what it was. My sister is a human doctor and she told me she thinks that was normal and it was like a reflex when someone passes. Did that happen with anyone elses pets? I always thought that the injections that were given are what made it quick, easy, and peaceful.. but if that's not the case then i can only hope that this means it was the right time.
 

Jcatbird

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The first shot just helps them relax and feel better. I have also heard the sigh of relief. That’s what it is to me.
We do understand. I still have my moments too. Some days are tough but in time we start to remember the things that made us smile or laugh.
Thank you for the kind words about my daughter. She was always smiling and I try to honor her by remembering that when things are hard. I think that is what she would want. My fur babies too. They would not want me suffering. Time may not make all wounds heal but it gives us a chance to find a way to keep functioning. For me, it helps to help others. Sharing the love I was given brings it all back to me. One foot in front of the other. Now I work to rescue strays and ferals. I never dreamed I would be going down this particular path but the things I experienced before led me to this. I am grateful to be doing this now and grateful that those who came before who taught me about great love. My heart is with you too. :redheartpump:
 
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Maria Bayote

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I am so deeply sorry for your loss, and for you having to go through all these.

Most of us have gone through this grief for the loss of our beloved pets, be it a cat or a dog, and it is not easy, especially when we lose them in a way that we thought was not yet right, or not yet their time. But as mentioned above, sometimes we think that vets just want to rush it, but they have seen them all, and they have seen the worst. I believe it was the best decision for your baby, so please do not blame yourself or be sorry for feeling this way. Find comfort to the thought that your cat is now free from any physical pain or discomfort she could be suffering from, and is now eternally happy running in an endless field of grasses and blooms. She would not want you to dwell on this pain. She would rather want you to remember your happiest memories together.

Hang in there. Take it one day at a time. I always believe that grief does not really fade away. It just gets mellow in time. Once in a while a familiar sound, sight or smell will bring you back to that saddest day and may cause uncontrollable tears again, but it is important that you also quickly snap out off it for your sake. For her sake.

Be strong. My thoughts and prayers your way.
 

Leomc123

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Joyfulrose, im sorry that you are hurting. The photos of your cat shows that she looked very sad, depressed and sick :( My little Mc looked the same at the vet when she was put down, she just sat there and didnt move at all after 4 days of drooling and not eating.

Here is what she looked like 4 days before
Ca111pture.JPG


Then 4 days after :(
IMG_20190330_101725.jpg


Mc sat there in that spot for 1 hour even when i was crying and petting her she didnt move or meow :( , before when i put her in her cage, she was running around the house fine 45 min earlier. When i took her in to the vet i thought they would give her antibiotics for her teeth cause they said that is what caused the drooling, but on that day they said she had kidney failure and she was put to sleep the same day :(

So i am in the same boat as you, they didnt do any tests or bloodwork but just told me sternly that she is on her way out *shrugs* . I dont know if she didnt move because she was afraid of the vet and the smell of dogs as she has been to the vet three times in her life out of the 19 years i had her and there was a dog in the room before she went in. She was a spring chicken for a 19 year old cat, so i am at a loss like you, in the vets recommendation , at times i think maybe she was gravely ill, and then i think of the lack of treatment and investigation by the vet sugests that i made a wrong decision and should have gone to a different vet chain not linked with them.

I dunno now coming to think of it, she was doing ok 45 min earlier before she went into the vet, she was running around but not eating . So i think she had a chance to live, and that her reaction to sitting there on the table still was her fear of smelling the dog before :O I think i put her down to early :( And she made a little meow just two seconds before they injected her with the needle, like as if to say no . Sigh i feel more depressed now :(
 
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joyfulrose

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I believe it was the best decision for your baby, so please do not blame yourself or be sorry for feeling this way.
I hope it truly was the best decision for her. It's hard not to blame myself or feel as if I failed her and let her down. She relied on me to help her and in the end I allowed the vets to convince me to put her down, when that was never ever what i wanted. I feel horrible still and like this emptiness inside will never go away. I feel as though I will never truly be happy again. I don't know how to explain how much she meant to me and what an important part of my life she was. I know some may think "she's just a cat" but she was more than that to me. It's as if I've lost a child/friend/or family member.
 

Maria Bayote

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I know some may think "she's just a cat" but she was more than that to me. It's as if I've lost a child/friend/or family member.
No she is not just a cat, she is an extension of your heart. I truly understand you. Of all my cats, Bourbon is the one closest to me, and I cannot imagine my world without her.

Hang in there. It takes time for the heart to recover, but it will happen. Your kitty would not want you to dwell on this grief for a long time.

My prayers.
 
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joyfulrose

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Joyfulrose, im sorry that you are hurting. The photos of your cat shows that she looked very sad, depressed and sick :( My little Mc looked the same at the vet when she was put down, she just sat there and didnt move at all after 4 days of drooling and not eating.

Here is what she looked like 4 days before View attachment 301112

Then 4 days after :( View attachment 301113

Mc sat there in that spot for 1 hour even when i was crying and petting her she didnt move or meow :( , before when i put her in her cage, she was running around the house fine 45 min earlier. When i took her in to the vet i thought they would give her antibiotics for her teeth cause they said that is what caused the drooling, but on that day they said she had kidney failure and she was put to sleep the same day :(

So i am in the same boat as you, they didnt do any tests or bloodwork but just told me sternly that she is on her way out *shrugs* . I dont know if she didnt move because she was afraid of the vet and the smell of dogs as she has been to the vet three times in her life out of the 19 years i had her and there was a dog in the room before she went in. She was a spring chicken for a 19 year old cat, so i am at a loss like you, in the vets recommendation , at times i think maybe she was gravely ill, and then i think of the lack of treatment and investigation by the vet sugests that i made a wrong decision and should have gone to a different vet chain not linked with them.

I dunno now coming to think of it, she was doing ok 45 min earlier before she went into the vet, she was running around but not eating . So i think she had a chance to live, and that her reaction to sitting there on the table still was her fear of smelling the dog before :O I think i put her down to early :( And she made a little meow just two seconds before they injected her with the needle, like as if to say no . Sigh i feel more depressed now :(
I'm so sorry for your loss and i am really sorry if my post made you more depressed, please forgive me.
My baby did look similar to yours. She also sat there on the table with her head down and not moving at all. Usually when she is at the vet she moves around a lot trying to jump off the table.. but not that last night. She just laid there and had her head down. I also remember that night before we left to the ER vet when i was putting her in the carrier she just let me and didn't make a sound or try to get out of it. She usually doesn't like being put in the carrier. I don't know maybe all these things were signs. I remember being so scared that night to even take her to the ER vet because I just had this feeling inside of me they would look at her and tell me she was dying.. and that was exactly what happened. :(

I have done so much research trying to figure out if it truly was FIP like many of the vets suspected and so much of what I have read about makes a lot of sense. She had many of the symptoms, the fluid in her belly, muscle loss, not eating very much. A lot of her blood work also matched with the research I have done. I just don't understand how the coronavirus mutated so quickly and turned into FIP. Or what caused the mutation? Was it stress from all the vet visits? Maybe I am to blame for all of this happening somehow... I thought I could find a vet to help her but I failed. :(


I found this photo that was taken a week before she passed, I wanted to show the vet her belly because at the time I wasn't sure what was happening. i remember the vet tech asking me if she was pregnant because of how distended her abdomen was. I had no idea that my sweet baby could possibly have FIP seemingly overnight when she appeared to be fine the week before. :(

whether it was FIP or cancer, I will never know and it's something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I just truly wish with all my heart that I made the right decision for my baby, it's killing me to think that i didn't and that this was not what she wanted. :(
 
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