How Do I Get Over The Fear Of My Cat Attacking Me When I Go To Pet It?

[aforumuser]

my cat is not super affectionate. sometimes she can get moody. the first day I brought her home I was petting her as she was sitting on my desk and suddenly she swatted my hand away with her paw and then ran under my bed. another time when I was rubbing her belly she got away and walked away from me and laid down, I touched one of he feet to get her attention and suddenly she rose her paw at me again. she is not very touch friendly but she will tolerate some petting and belly rubs here and there.

lately I've been feeling scared when I go to pet her. I've heard horror stories on the internet of cats biting their owners and sending them to the ER with surgery having to be performed on their hand. having to go to the ER is the last thing I want to have to worry about. I could very well ignore the cat or not pet it if I really wanted to keep myself safe, but I do want to show some affection.

how can I feel comfortable petting my cat and getting near her and vulnerable without me worrying that she's going to suddenly snap and start biting my hand?

 

[Kieka]

I have a cat Link. Link goes outside a loves to visit a neighbor. The neighbor loves him back. But she doesn't pet him because he will bite her. Not hard, just enough to warn her but she is older and has thin skin. So we've told her above the collar is safe. And with him it generally is.

With us I worked very hard with him on training and discipline. He knows he is not to draw blood. He still doesn't like petting by us though. I push him sometimes because he does need to allow touching for vet and medicinal reasons. So I touch his sides, back and tummy at least once a week. He will glare first to tell us he is done being touched (unless he is annoyed then he skips steps but he usually taps his tail when annoyed so we leave him alone then). If we ignore the glare he leans towards us mouth open (this is usually the stop point for us but at the vet it goes further usually). If we ignore that he will brush our hand with his teeth. If we ignore that he will grab us, pull the hand in and bite harder. Through all this he doesn't draw blood though. He isn't trying to hurt us, just stop us.

And just to say, he does have moments where he demands petting.

The point of my story? It sounds like your cat is trying to stop you too, not hurt you.

When she gets up and walks away. She's done. Don't follow and keep going. She paws you away? Stop trying to pet. Touching her paw and she bats you away? She is telling you she doesn't like that or want it right now.

I am not saying don't touch her ever because that isn't good for anyone. But wait for her to want petting or brief two stroke brushes or limit it to occasional touches with purposes. Like us touching him sometimes so he won't immediately bite at the vet. When she tells you she doesn't want affection don't push it.

There is no reason to fear your cat. It is very uncommon for cats to randomly lash out. If you understand your cat and pay attention they will warn you before lashing out to do harm.

 

[margd]

Sometimes even the most snuggly of cats swat at their humans to let them know they've had enough touching. It occurs when they become overstimulated and every cat has a different tolerance level. Your cat seems to be on the low end of the scale. However, nothing she has done so far indicates she is any different from most cats in the ways she lets you know she's had enough. She won't viciously bite you unless you don't respect her boundaries, and even then there is no indication that she would snap and do something so harmful. In fact, it seems she is more likely just to peacefully walk away.

The fact that she allowed you to rub her belly is a very good sign. Even better a sign is that she just got up and walked away. Many cats take a swipe with their claws when someone touches their belly even for a moment. It's a shame because they tempt us with these adorable bellies but won't let us touch them but it's very common and nothing to worry about.

Fortunately, most cats do send signals to let their human know they're reaching breaking point. If you pay attention, after awhile you will sense these almost unconsciously and back off before your cat takes action. Look especially for the tip of her tail to start twitching and then swishing. Her muscles will probably get rigid and her eyes may dilate. Her ears may even point a bit backwards. If you recognize her "I've had enough" body language and respect it, you shouldn't have any problems.

One last thing, you can show your affection in other ways than by touch. One of the best ways to bond with your cat is to play with them. A wand toy like Da Bird is great for this since you are both playing together and it is the rare cat who can resist it. Try talking to her, too. She may even talk back - I had a cat who did this. And pat her for very short times without fear because 1) she sounds like a perfectly sweet and normal cat and 2) if you're afraid, she'll pick up on it and it will get in the way of building trust with her.

Some cats are just more aloof than others but it doesn't mean they are prone to sudden lashing out. I think this may be a case where the Internet has struck again - try not to read about cats lashing out and read more about the different ways cats show and enjoy affection. This is much more relevant for your situation.

Good luck with building trust with your kitty and enjoying her presence. The more affectionate you are with her, the more affectionate she will be with you.

BTW: Welcome to TCS!

 

[basscat]

You don't, maybe.
To me, it's not trust when it comes to cats. I used to think I trusted my cats, but, they are cats after all. And when I reach down and grab the tabby, I consider it "taking the cat for granted" rather than "trust".
With the tabby, I don't even think about him getting me. It's still not trust. Rather, I'm just taking him for granted.

I say that because when I get close to Gibs, I do not take him for granted. I pay attention. ALWAYS.

 

[tabbytom]

Hello A aforumuser , welcome to TCS

Good tips from the above posters. Feel free to ask questions about cats and we'll try our best to answer your questions.

Do browse around the site for its rich contents and do introduce yourself and your kitty to the community in New Cats on the Block and also do post more photos of Fred and Pan

 

[amysuen]

You don't, maybe.
To me, it's not trust when it comes to cats. I used to think I trusted my cats, but, they are cats after all. And when I reach down and grab the tabby, I consider it "taking the cat for granted" rather than "trust".
With the tabby, I don't even think about him getting me. It's still not trust. Rather, I'm just taking him for granted.

I say that because when I get close to Gibs, I do not take him for granted. I pay attention. ALWAYS.

I agree. Cats are animals and no matter how gentle they usually are, there's still a chance they'll attack for "no" reason. We've had 10 cats live with us over the years and only 1 was gentle enough that I'd NEVER worry about him hurting someone - even under extreme circumstances.

 

[foxden]

A aforumuser
How long have you had your kitty? The excellent advice above is correct, but she may still be learning to trust you. You can wait to pet her until she sits next to you on the couch or if she lies on the floor looking relaxed.

You do need to touch her and pet her. If you've had her less than 4 weeks, you need to allow her to approach you a little bit and she will feel more confortable with you.
There can be a dramatic conversion that happens if you allow the kitty her space until she approaches you or pick a time when she is really calm. Approach her on the floor so you don't loom over her and offer eye-kisses (close your eyes for a few seconds) so she gets the idea you are safe.

 

[aforumuser]

thanks for the advice everyone. she still gets very easily startled. randomly she would be putting her face towards one of the cardboard boxes i have in my room and then suddenly start running to my closet. i'm not sure what the issue is but i guess she is just a very scaredy cat. i tried to pet her after her meal but she meowed a bit so i guess she was not receptive to that. and i also tried to cuddle with her a bit yesterday but i got a bit nervous at the end of her spazzing out so i kind of jerked away quickly, this caused her to hiss at me a bit.

overall a very scaredy and somewhat insecure cat. after she pees or poops in the litter box she immediately runs out of it without burying, kind of like she is afraid that someone will associate the poop or pee with her. with all that being said i guess there are some benefits to having a cat like this. the main one is that i am able to get a good night sleep whenever i want and i am able to complete work and focus on other things. at night she doesn't really approach me and when i start to go to bed at the end of the night she knows to stop moving as much and begin to sleep. also when i come home from a long day i can take a 20-30 minute nap undisturbed.

so there are some good things and not so good things, i just wish she was more relaxed and not always on edge. like just now she randomly started running toward the closet. i don't get it to be honest, and it makes me a bit uncomfortable. i suddenly jump up from my chair a bit when i hear her do these actions for no reason

i've had her for about 4-5 days now.

 

[basscat]

4-5 days?
It'll more than likely get better, but, over the course of a couple years. Some cats just don't like to be handled though. ever.

 

[margd]

Four to five days is really too soon to know your cat's personality. Many are friendly and loving from the first moment, but others take longer to warm up. Right now she is still getting to know both you and her new home. Moving to a new environment can be very scary to some cats.

My two cats are very loving and sweet but it took them a couple of months before they totaly trusted and accepted me. At that point, suddenly they started sleeping on the bed with me and coming to me for pets and snuggles. Try to be patient - with love and stability, your new kitty should gradually open up to you. This doesn't mean that she will ever enjoy being touched but give it time. She may surprise you.

I'm curious - is she your first cat? I ask because she really hasn't done anything to suggest she's prone to sudden attacks and biting. All she's done is swat at your hand when she's had enough which is perfectly normal cat behavior and nothing to worry about. Yes, it's true that some cats do attack their humans without warning but far more don't. If they did, cats would not be such popular pets.

 

[duncanmac]

A aforumuser
How long have you had your kitty? The excellent advice above is correct, but she may still be learning to trust you. You can wait to pet her until she sits next to you on the couch or if she lies on the floor looking relaxed.

You do need to touch her and pet her. If you've had her less than 4 weeks, you need to allow her to approach you a little bit and she will feel more confortable with you.
There can be a dramatic conversion that happens if you allow the kitty her space until she approaches you or pick a time when she is really calm. Approach her on the floor so you don't loom over her and offer eye-kisses (close your eyes for a few seconds) so she gets the idea you are safe.

After less than a week, the cat is still trying to get its bearings and adjust to its new surroundings.

It sounds like you might be a little frustrated and reaching or grabbing for the cat - try to resist this. Give him some time, some treats and some play with a wand type toy to build his trust and confidence up and he should come around.

Our second cat was very shy - it took me almost two weeks to be able to pet him. And I reached out to him to do it, just like I told you not to. We've had him for a little over 4 months now and he comes up to me readily for pets but is still a little wary of my wife.

 

[margd]

A aforumuser There is an article in TCS's current newsletter that discusses some of the points raised in this thread. You may find it helpful. It's titled Your Cat Probably Hates it When you Do This. The point is basically that it's important to respect your cat's boundaries. I think knowing what to avoid doing will go a long way towards you overcoming your fear of being attacked. Good luck with this. I hope you and your new kitty develop a loving relationship that brings you both happiness.

 

[haleyds]

The moral of the story is that cats set their own boundaries and as humans we have to respect those boundaries. I have one cat that lets me touch every single part of her body and she purs the entire time, then I have another whom I've had from 6 weeks of age that will only let me pet her on her head for about two minutes tops. So I don't keep petting her when she's done even if I'd love to.
Even getting her as a kitten it took months before she started to sleep with me and not be scared in our house.
Just be patient and understand that cats take more time than a dog might would and that sometimes they show love in other ways than physical affection. Just because you can't pet her loads or snuggle her doesn't mean that doesn't like you.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

my cat is not super affectionate. sometimes she can get moody. ...

lately I've been feeling scared when I go to pet her. I've heard horror stories on the internet of cats biting their owners and sending them to the ER with surgery having to be performed on their hand. having to go to the ER is the last thing I want to have to worry about. I could very well ignore the cat or not pet it if I really wanted to keep myself safe, ...

how can I feel comfortable petting my cat and getting near her and vulnerable without me worrying that she's going to suddenly snap and start biting my hand?

thanks for the advice everyone. she still gets very easily startled. ... but i got a bit nervous at the end of her spazzing out so i kind of jerked away quickly, this caused her to hiss at me a bit.

overall a very scaredy and somewhat insecure cat. after she pees or poops in the litter box she immediately runs out of it without burying, kind of like she is afraid that someone will associate the poop or pee with her. with all that being said i guess there are some benefits to having a cat like this. the main one is that i am able to get a good night sleep whenever i want and i am able to complete work and focus on other things. at night she doesn't really approach me and when i start to go to bed at the end of the night she knows to stop moving as much and begin to sleep. also when i come home from a long day i can take a 20-30 minute nap undisturbed.

so there are some good things and not so good things, i just wish she was more relaxed and not always on edge. like just now she randomly started running toward the closet. i don't get it to be honest, and it makes me a bit uncomfortable. i suddenly jump up from my chair a bit when i hear her do these actions for no reason

i've had her for about 4-5 days now.

This is NOT meant personally at all but is intended for general information ,
but if you happen to be a first time cat owner you might want to know that animals can really pick up a human's feelings, apprehensions, tensions, stress, fear, as well as calmness, trust, willingness to give an animal "space" to adapt, et cetera. Maybe your new kitty is sensing some of your apprehensions. Also, 4 or 5 days of living with a new cat in your household is not very long --for either of you!-- and the best approach is to be open and to allow each of you to learn each other's patterns and habits, and slowly make overtures to each other. Relationships take time!

 

[maggiedemi]

Where did you get her? She sounds a lot like my feral cat. She would never just come up and attack me, but she does hiss and swat if you try to make her do anything she doesn't want to do. She doesn't like to be petted much, but she likes to hang out with us and climb up on shelves. Try to accept her for who she is and she'll fit into your life nicely.

 

[aforumuser]

UPDATE: it's been 3 weeks now and i no longer feel afraid to pet her near her face and mouth. she's a nice kitty, turning 3 y/o on july 8th, and i like to think that she would never aggressively bite or attack me if i was being gentle with her. she is very independent which has its benefits and downsides. benefits are that i get perfect sleep nearly every night, she doesn't claw or make sounds for attention and usually when i go to bed she gets the cue that it's bedtime and she usually falls asleep too (if she isn't already asleep). downside is that she is not very affectionate. she shows some affection occasionally by coming to me for pets but most of the time if i overstimulate her physically by petting too much or getting in close for cuddles she re positions herself away from me to have her space. she's not afraid or hates me when she does that, more like "i would like to have my space please, thank you". most of the day she sleeps, she will play if i break out the wand and laser toy though. not a lap cat at all, most of the time she jumps off my lap when i put her on. occasionally she'll stay on to chill for a bit, and then jump off. overall a good ole cat. she's independent and not aggressive. doesn't mind pets and some affection but prefers her space. well mannered and knows not to disturb daddy when he sleeps or is busy

 

[maggiedemi]

Great update, it seems like she's really fitting into your life well. She sounds a lot like my Maggie, she likes to hang out with us, but she likes her space. I would prefer her to be a lap cat, but maybe someday...

 

[aforumuser]

Great update, it seems like she's really fitting into your life well. She sounds a lot like my Maggie, she likes to hang out with us, but she likes her space. I would prefer her to be a lap cat, but maybe someday...

i like to think of it as a trade off. more independent cat leads to peaceful nights and alone time during the day when needed, more affectionate cats leads to constant attention and can be draining/overbearing. i'm a college student living in a studio too so having a cat that needs constant attention or keeps me up at night is not a good lifestyle for me

 

[maryah]

You're doing great in such a short time! When I got my young cat 4 months ago, she was terrified of everything -- it was a month before I could even touch her! Now she's a totally normal house cat, affectionate when she wants to be, on her own terms.