Hoarding 77 Cats.. Am I Wrong To Help?

[bugs_mama]

My mother and I have always loved cats but only ever had a couple here and there. Ten years ago, my younger brother died in a car wreck and that's when I really started noticing that we were getting overwhelmed. We got to where we couldn't turn any of the strays and orphaned litters away.

Over the last ten years, I have tried a few different times to get help, realizing that we had a problem on our hands. I was always told there was no room or the best option would be to find a farm and release them as barn cats. But none of the cats have grown up "on the street". Half lived inside with us and the other half in various enclosures we built outside to keep them safe from wildlife.

Here lately, I have finally reached a point where I know we 100% need help. Unfortunately, my mother is against it. She gets angry whenever I mention that we need to find a rescue or similar who can get the cats into new homes. She says it's not their fault that things have turned out this way and it's not fair to them to get rid of them or abandon them when we're all they've ever known. I love them as much as she does but I also see the overwhelming problem that she doesn't want to face.

We are now up to 77 cats with 7 males being intact and 7 females being intact. Two of the girls have recently gotten pregnant before we were able to separate them - they now are.
Our food and litter bill alone every month is around $900 and over $1000 on some occasions. That's not counting vet trips when someone is sick and we have to borrow money from family to be able to do that. It feels like a snowball effect that we can't escape from because I want to get help but she's against it. I'm the only one working because I can hold up to an actual job better than she can so she stays home to look after everyone but her health is also not that great, mainly the discs in her back and severe arthritis and she just can not handle the physicality of caring for everyone anymore.

Last night I emailed a large humane society asking for help and did this without my mother's knowledge. I feel like I'm betraying her but I know we need help. I haven't told her that I wrote them. I then felt so guilty that I went in my email settings and blocked the email address I sent my letter to so I couldn't get a reply back.
Should I unblock them and at least see what they have to say? I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to break her heart but this isn't how any of us need to be living. The cats deserve a home where they're on the inside and surrounded by love instead of just existing in an outside pen. And we deserve a life where we can enjoy time spent with a small number of healthy, happy babies and not worrying every minute about being able to provide for them.
I'm just very conflicted.

Please understand that this was not intentional and it was just us trying to help save the cats and becoming overwhelmed.
Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[bugs_mama]

Also, please note that not all 77 are inside. Eight are while everyone else is outside in the various enclosures we've built. That bit of information doesn't make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things but I wanted to include it.
Again, thanks for any and all advice.

 

[Kieka]

It’s okay. I can’t speak for everyone but it really is okay. Things do sometimes snowball, one moment you’re dealing with one litter and the next it is 77 cats with more kittens on the way.

You did make the right call writing to the humane society and asking for help. Please unblock them and at least see what they have to say. At the very least they may be able to help with your intact cats so you stop having more kittens. I know that moment of panic and fear of the unknown. I know the fear of judgement. I know Howe scary it can all be, but every time I’ve been there it doesn’t get better until you get through it and make some changes.

You do have a lot of cats on your property. While I am really glad that only eight live in the house so it hasn't gotten to the extreme of the cats taking over your home, it is to the point where you really need to take a look at the situation. If you are borrowing money and haven't been able to get every altered that tells me that it is a financial strain on you guys. It is not a fun situation to be in for you or the cats. The cats who live outside are safer then they would be on the street but they can't be getting the kind of attention and care they may get if you find them good homes elsewhere. It isn't abandoning them. It isn't getting rid of them. It is giving them a chance to find a home where they can be inside, where they can rule their own space and really grow as individuals in a loving home. Sometimes we have to let something go or it will never grow.

I strongly encourage you to seek therapy for your mother and yourself. It sounds like both of you could use a supportive shoulder in this change. If nothing else, you should go so you have someone to talk to who isn't directly involved in the situation who can help you through this.

 

[bugs_mama]

It’s okay. I can’t speak for everyone but it really is okay. Things do sometimes snowball, one moment you’re dealing with one litter and the next it is 77 cats with more kittens on the way.

You did make the right call writing to the humane society and asking for help. Please unblock them and at least see what they have to say. At the very least they may be able to help with your intact cats so you stop having more kittens. I know that moment of panic and fear of the unknown. I know the fear of judgement. I know Howe scary it can all be, but every time I’ve been there it doesn’t get better until you get through it and make some changes.

You do have a lot of cats on your property. While I am really glad that only eight live in the house so it hasn't gotten to the extreme of the cats taking over your home, it is to the point where you really need to take a look at the situation. If you are borrowing money and haven't been able to get every altered that tells me that it is a financial strain on you guys. It is not a fun situation to be in for you or the cats. The cats who live outside are safer then they would be on the street but they can't be getting the kind of attention and care they may get if you find them good homes elsewhere. It isn't abandoning them. It isn't getting rid of them. It is giving them a chance to find a home where they can be inside, where they can rule their own space and really grow as individuals in a loving home. Sometimes we have to let something go or it will never grow.

I strongly encourage you to seek therapy for your mother and yourself. It sounds like both of you could use a supportive shoulder in this change. If nothing else, you should go so you have someone to talk to who isn't directly involved in the situation who can help you through this.

Thank you for being supportive. I unblocked the email and I'm hoping they can help. I feel so bad that things have gotten to this point and I don't even know how to bring it up with my mother again. In the past I've always been able to get her on board but she is dead set now on not giving anyone up despite knowing how bad it is. And we're both equally to blame for this situation, I just wish she could admit that we need help so I don't feel like I'm in this alone and will lose her in the end and she'll never forgive me. All I know is I'm tired. I'm tired of keeping this secret, of worrying about providing for them, worrying that someone will report us and everything will be out of our control with what happens and just really tired of looking outside and seeing them staring at me with sad faces because they can't be inside with me. I'm praying this time we can find some actual help.

 

[talkingpeanut]

Where are you located? Perhaps we could help you to look for some other options for help, too. You’re right to want a better life for all involved here, and it’s wonderful that you care.

 

[bugs_mama]

Where are you located? Perhaps we could help you to look for some other options for help, too. You’re right to want a better life for all involved here, and it’s wonderful that you care.

Thank you so much. We live in Alabama.

 

[talkingpeanut]

Which city are up closest to?

 

[bugs_mama]

Which city are up closest to?

Biggest would be Birmingham and in that general area.

 

[Kieka]

Here are some other groups in your area you can reach out to:

Main - MomaKat Rescue
kittykathavenrescue
Friends of Cats and Dogs Foundation | Friends of Cats and Dogs Foundation
Home
Alabama Animal Adoption Society | A Chance to Live

 

[surya]

Don't use your mother as an excuse. You can't do that, you have to do what it right for the cats. Your paying the bills, it's your responsibility. I don't think you should give up trying to talk sense into her, but that may not be possible. I think you should get a third party involved, to talk to your mother. Sometimes hearing things from an independent person can help bring some clarity to the situation. The first step is to stop bringing in more cats and to get them all fixed. I would get the pregnant females fixed. I realize some people can not bring themselves to do this, but it is something to consider. Then take inventory of your cats, Take pictures of each and figure out which one's are adoptable. I keep track of my colony cats with an excel spreadsheet. I know with so many cats you can not socialize them all. I have a friend who takes cats to a shelter to get adopted. The shelter is not a no kill shelter, but she has an arrangement with them, so that if a cat gets sick or something (where normally it would get put down), they call her and she is able to foster the cat until it gets better. A lot of shelter's work with rescuers in this way. Then you can start getting cats adopted one at a time.

I am in over my head too, rescuing cats, buying food for my tnr colony cats on a credit card. Although sometimes I get some donated food. You might be able to get donations from rescue groups too. You could join facebook groups in your area that rescue cats too. You may get some suggestions or offers of help from people in your area. Hoarding cats is not good for you are the cats. Figure out what is a reasonable number for you to keep and work on finding better homes for the one's that are adoptable.

 

[maggiedemi]

Thank you for getting help for these cats. Yeah, my mom is a hoarder, of household items, not cats. Hoarding is a disorder, you can't talk sense into them, they will just scream and yell and tell you that you're wrong and a bad person. So you did the right thing going over her head and getting help. How big are the cages that the cats are living in? That really is no life for a cat, they need to play and run. Hopefully we can get you some help before the state steps in and takes them. It really becomes a health hazard for the humans and the cats when you have that many. I imagine they are probably destroying the yard or the garage, wherever they are kept?

 

[sweetblackpaws]

Thank you for getting help for these cats. Yeah, my mom is a hoarder, of household items, not cats. Hoarding is a disorder, you can't talk sense into them, they will just scream and yell and tell you that you're wrong and a bad person. So you did the right thing going over her head and getting help. How big are the cages that the cats are living in? That really is no life for a cat, they need to play and run. Hopefully we can get you some help before the state steps in and takes them. It really becomes a health hazard for the humans and the cats when you have that many. I imagine they are probably destroying the yard or the garage, wherever they are kept?

My mom was, too. When I tried to talk to her about it, she would cry and also be angry with me. They were outdoor cats, and when she passed, I had to leave them at the house and can only hope others fed them or they moved on to another food source.

Bugs_Mama, you have taken big steps in not only realizing the issue, but in actively seeking help. Whatever happens or doesn't happen, you have done the right thing. You have done right by the kitties (to seek help) and by your mom. It is a tough situation and you are not alone. I agree with Maggiedemi about the cages and that they are better off to play and run.

 

[Draco]

You've gotten a lot of great advice and links about helping the cats. I am glad you are trying to get the help you need.

Can you talk to your mom about seeing a therapist? You can go with her for support. The loss of your brother, her son, has hit hard and she may need someone to talk to. Maybe a way for her to find another outlet, maybe she'll be happy volunteering at the animal shelters?

 

[mservant]

I am glad to see you getting support and advice here. Your mother may not be ready for support or therapy yet, but you are able to see how these cats could have a better life: it is desperately hard doing something you know will hurt someone you love but sometimes that is what you have to do. Imagine how much more hurt you will feel watching this situation becoming more difficult with the entire cats increasing the numbers, and how awful you would feel if your mother became aware - as you are now, and you had not done what you could to try and help the cats.
You ask whether you should un-block the email you wrote to: if you can face doing so I think that would be good. Also, thinking about any other places that might be able to offer assistance, including those Kieka posted above. It is a very difficult thing you are trying to do and you need as much practial and emotional help as you can find and accept.

 

[di and bob]

I am so glad you are at the point you see that you need help.There will ALWAYS be strays. Until this world learns the value of neutering and spaying, there will always be heartache. I haven't had more than an overnight vacation in ten years. I haven't been able to move, all because I have old ferals that depend on me. So I understand some of what you are going through. But when I get too many, I find homes for them.I know my limit on money and time to properly care for them. You have to make your mom understand that if something happens to you, those sweet little ones are in literal danger. There are homes out there, there are other people that can love and care for them, frankly they would have much better lives than being shut up in a cage. If your mom cannot physically or financially take care of all those cats there is just one solution, you must think of their welfare above your own desire to keep them. That they are in cages has to indicate they aren't living as they should be. They need families to love them, to play with them, to make them a proper member of a family. Number one priority, get ALL of them fixed, you don't need to add to the problem.The ones you have neutered now should have a much better chance of finding a forever home, thank you for that. Your mom needs to see that they will be properly cared for and good homes can be found. What objection could she have to that? And if she does, she definitely needs mental help.If you get this resolved your mom, bless her caring soul, will have to be monitored closely to make sure this doesn't get out of control again. You cannot jeopardize your own health and future over this. I know your concern and the agonizing that brought you to this point, you will be blessed for doing the right thing. And those sweet babies will thank you too. Keep us posted!

 

[marmoset]

I can understand why you feel overwhelmed and torn between what is best for the cats and really you and your mother's mental, physical and financial health and not wanting to cause your mom distress. Cats really can be therapeutic and helpful to those who are grieving and it sounds like your mom really became heavily emotionally involved after your brother died. It may be that she feels on some level that taking care of and protecting these cats is alleviating some emotion about your brother.

I think your first step for today should be to unblock the email so you can at least get some information from the humane society. It will take them time to respond. But you have already contacted them so you might as well find out their response. That's the responsible and right thing to do.

I think you might also benefit from contacting a mental health worker- a therapist or counselor for yourself so you have some support for your own wellbeing while you work on the inevitable unpleasant discussion with your mom. And I feel that it is inevitable because the situation is not sustainable- not financially or physically. Hopefully your therapist will be able to refer or advise you to where you can get help for your mother as well. It's possible that something could be set up so you are not alone when you talk to your mom. An outsider- a professional with experience can help take the burden off of you and provide support you might not be able to as you are very emotionally invested.

I work at a shelter and we house up to 50/ 60 cats in-house and have foster homes for others. We have over 100 volunteers and probably about 60% of them have a regular shift they work each week or are running cats to and from vet appointments or picking up or paying for supplies. The others, who aren't involved in daily shelter activities, might be involved in the fundraising aspect which is involved and requires a lot of manpower as well. One cat with a medical issue can cost thousands of dollars so fundraising is vital. What I want you to take away from all that is that I want you to realize you and your mother are trying to do the work of over 100 people and trying to cover expenses that are out of the ordinary. I can't imagine the strain you must be feeling.

You and your mom definitely do need help because your situation is not sustainable and ultimately unhealthy. Please get support. It's possible that this situation does not need to end poorly but you do need to act. If you don't do anything the situation will become more desperate.

So step one- unblock the email
Step two- get yourself some support if you are in any way able to (yes, you should do this even if it means there is less money for the cats- ultimately you getting support will help the cats)
Step three- research and seek out other rescue groups and no-kill shelters within a 50 mile radius. Realize phone calls and emails might be answered very slowly because most organizations are run by volunteers. This is going to be a slow process but an important one. If you manage to get a few contacts/ a few people to talk to you they will be able to reach out to their network (there is always a network!) and get you some much needed help. Most places will not be able to take in cats in volume but they could take a few adoptable ones or connect you to those who could come to your home and test for Fiv/ Felv and do spay/ neutering so at least you are not adding to the population.

Your goal should be to not increase the population and to adopt out any healthy social cats to lessen the burden on you and your mom.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

 

[theyremine]

Please continue with your plan to get help. It will be best for you, your mom, and especially the cats. The small no-kill rescue I volunteer for often helps out people in your situation (unfortunately we are too far away to help you). What happens is one rescue group spear heads the process for the removal of the cats but then contacts other no-kill rescues. Each rescue takes a number of the kitties, arranges vet visits, foster homes and ultimately adoptions.
Perhaps, if you can help your mother understand that all the rescued kitties will be living in homes and getting the attention and human companionship that your 8 indoor kitties enjoy, she might be able to let go. It will be hard as it sounds like she loves them. I know when one of my fosters has an adoption application, I always ask myself, "Will this person provide as good as or better home for this cat than I can?" If she is honest with herself, she make the right choice.

 

[sweetblackpaws]

I cannot imagine all that is on your shoulders right now, with your kitties, working and caring for your mother who has health issues. Your heart sounds very big. If you can just start with spay/neuter (maybe using some of the resources suggested to you here), I think both you and your mom will feel better. It's a start. Baby steps. You have to start small - it's too much to try to find homes and do everything at once. For now, just focus on not bringing in more and spaying the ones you do have. You mention her not forgiving you if you find homes for some of them - I don't know you, but you sound like a loving daughter and I can't imagine that being the case. You and your mom have been through so much - I know what a comfort those kitties must be. But they will be okay, even in new homes or even in a shelter where they will have food and medical care. My gosh, there is no easy way out of this, but we are here for you. Please write when you can and let us know how you are.

 

[Summercats]

I think the priority is spaying and neutering the intact cats. Then with the help of the rescues in your local area, getting most of the cats rehomed and down to a reasonable number in your home.
Once you establish a relationship with rescues, you can in future take cats you find to them, either for rehoming or trap, neuter and release.
Good luck

 

[catsknowme]

Any updates on how things are going?.The first step in a long journey is often the hardest. And remember - you did not cause these problems - you inherited them from the other community members who foisted the results of their irresponsibility or indifference on you