I put my 16 year old cat to sleep today and am overwhelmed with guilt and regret.
I am in a really bad place in my life. I recently left an abusive relationship and have a 1 year old daughter. I lost my job in the process and am now working odd jobs to support us. I receive no child support but am in the middle of an expensive divorce and custody battle.
My ex and I had a cat together, but she was always more my cat. I watched her being born and she was like my baby before I had a human baby. She was diagnosed with arthritis about 6 years ago, but I have been able to manage it with supplements up until this point. She was also diagnosed with hyperthyroidism a few years ago and has been on medication for that.
Things have been really hard for me as a single mother and I feel like I wasn't always the best cat mom. I have always done my best to keep up with my cat's medication and needs, but it has definitely been a financial strain to spend $50+ a month for her medication while I was concerned about keeping us afloat.
A few weeks ago, my cat stopped using the litter box completely. Last week, I noticed she wasn't really eating very much anymore and was starting to get pretty skinny. She would yowl a lot like she was in pain and I noticed she seemed stiff when she moved. She also started throwing up almost every time she did eat. I took her to an animal hospital and they suggested that I run $700 in tests to for various things they thought could be wrong (x-rays, blood work, etc). When I told them that I couldn't afford that right now, they sent us home with pain and anti-nausea medication. The anti-nausea medicine made it so she could keep food down again but she still acted like she was in pain (even with the pain medication) and still wasn't using the litter box.
I had an appointment with her regular vet today. I got her to eat a little bit of her favorite food this morning but she was still pretty lethargic. The vet felt her thyroid and kidneys and said that he suspected she might be in kidney failure. He was also concerned that she might have an intestinal bleed. He wanted to run some tests to check her kidneys and thyroid. I had $400 in my checking account and the tests would have been $350. I also knew that I wouldn't have been able to afford to treat whatever she had. The vet mentioned sending her home with more pain medication or putting her to sleep since she was suffering. It was a difficult decision, but I decided to put her to sleep. I thought it was a decision I was ready to make, but I wasn't.
I am now really overwhelmed with guilt. It wasn't her fault that I am in bad financial shape. I keep wondering if her problems could have been solved with something simple if I had been able to run the tests. Being able to afford the medication and being able to keep up with the regimen is a different story, but it is destroying me to wonder if something like adjusting the dose of her thyroid medication could have helped. I feel like I was not ready to let her go and I really miss her. I don't know how to get over this guilt. We went through a lot together in 16 years, and I feel like I failed her. I wish I could go back and find a way to do things differently. She was 16 with a lot of health problems, but I question whether I could have done more to get to the root of her problems and make her comfortable.
I am in a really bad place in my life. I recently left an abusive relationship and have a 1 year old daughter. I lost my job in the process and am now working odd jobs to support us. I receive no child support but am in the middle of an expensive divorce and custody battle.
My ex and I had a cat together, but she was always more my cat. I watched her being born and she was like my baby before I had a human baby. She was diagnosed with arthritis about 6 years ago, but I have been able to manage it with supplements up until this point. She was also diagnosed with hyperthyroidism a few years ago and has been on medication for that.
Things have been really hard for me as a single mother and I feel like I wasn't always the best cat mom. I have always done my best to keep up with my cat's medication and needs, but it has definitely been a financial strain to spend $50+ a month for her medication while I was concerned about keeping us afloat.
A few weeks ago, my cat stopped using the litter box completely. Last week, I noticed she wasn't really eating very much anymore and was starting to get pretty skinny. She would yowl a lot like she was in pain and I noticed she seemed stiff when she moved. She also started throwing up almost every time she did eat. I took her to an animal hospital and they suggested that I run $700 in tests to for various things they thought could be wrong (x-rays, blood work, etc). When I told them that I couldn't afford that right now, they sent us home with pain and anti-nausea medication. The anti-nausea medicine made it so she could keep food down again but she still acted like she was in pain (even with the pain medication) and still wasn't using the litter box.
I had an appointment with her regular vet today. I got her to eat a little bit of her favorite food this morning but she was still pretty lethargic. The vet felt her thyroid and kidneys and said that he suspected she might be in kidney failure. He was also concerned that she might have an intestinal bleed. He wanted to run some tests to check her kidneys and thyroid. I had $400 in my checking account and the tests would have been $350. I also knew that I wouldn't have been able to afford to treat whatever she had. The vet mentioned sending her home with more pain medication or putting her to sleep since she was suffering. It was a difficult decision, but I decided to put her to sleep. I thought it was a decision I was ready to make, but I wasn't.
I am now really overwhelmed with guilt. It wasn't her fault that I am in bad financial shape. I keep wondering if her problems could have been solved with something simple if I had been able to run the tests. Being able to afford the medication and being able to keep up with the regimen is a different story, but it is destroying me to wonder if something like adjusting the dose of her thyroid medication could have helped. I feel like I was not ready to let her go and I really miss her. I don't know how to get over this guilt. We went through a lot together in 16 years, and I feel like I failed her. I wish I could go back and find a way to do things differently. She was 16 with a lot of health problems, but I question whether I could have done more to get to the root of her problems and make her comfortable.