Guilt For Putting Cat To Sleep

[Kimgem]

I put my 16 year old cat to sleep today and am overwhelmed with guilt and regret.

I am in a really bad place in my life. I recently left an abusive relationship and have a 1 year old daughter. I lost my job in the process and am now working odd jobs to support us. I receive no child support but am in the middle of an expensive divorce and custody battle.

My ex and I had a cat together, but she was always more my cat. I watched her being born and she was like my baby before I had a human baby. She was diagnosed with arthritis about 6 years ago, but I have been able to manage it with supplements up until this point. She was also diagnosed with hyperthyroidism a few years ago and has been on medication for that.

Things have been really hard for me as a single mother and I feel like I wasn't always the best cat mom. I have always done my best to keep up with my cat's medication and needs, but it has definitely been a financial strain to spend $50+ a month for her medication while I was concerned about keeping us afloat.

A few weeks ago, my cat stopped using the litter box completely. Last week, I noticed she wasn't really eating very much anymore and was starting to get pretty skinny. She would yowl a lot like she was in pain and I noticed she seemed stiff when she moved. She also started throwing up almost every time she did eat. I took her to an animal hospital and they suggested that I run $700 in tests to for various things they thought could be wrong (x-rays, blood work, etc). When I told them that I couldn't afford that right now, they sent us home with pain and anti-nausea medication. The anti-nausea medicine made it so she could keep food down again but she still acted like she was in pain (even with the pain medication) and still wasn't using the litter box.

I had an appointment with her regular vet today. I got her to eat a little bit of her favorite food this morning but she was still pretty lethargic. The vet felt her thyroid and kidneys and said that he suspected she might be in kidney failure. He was also concerned that she might have an intestinal bleed. He wanted to run some tests to check her kidneys and thyroid. I had $400 in my checking account and the tests would have been $350. I also knew that I wouldn't have been able to afford to treat whatever she had. The vet mentioned sending her home with more pain medication or putting her to sleep since she was suffering. It was a difficult decision, but I decided to put her to sleep. I thought it was a decision I was ready to make, but I wasn't.

I am now really overwhelmed with guilt. It wasn't her fault that I am in bad financial shape. I keep wondering if her problems could have been solved with something simple if I had been able to run the tests. Being able to afford the medication and being able to keep up with the regimen is a different story, but it is destroying me to wonder if something like adjusting the dose of her thyroid medication could have helped. I feel like I was not ready to let her go and I really miss her. I don't know how to get over this guilt. We went through a lot together in 16 years, and I feel like I failed her. I wish I could go back and find a way to do things differently. She was 16 with a lot of health problems, but I question whether I could have done more to get to the root of her problems and make her comfortable.

 

[Maria Bayote]

Though I am not so familiar with cat health and how to take care of them when they get sick as I also always seek TCS members' and vet advice each time I feel that my pets are ill, I believe that you do not have to burden yourself with guilt. You gave her a loving home for 16 years, and it all mattered to her. You did everything that you thought was right for her, even in your current limited financial capacity.

Just comfort yourself to the thought that she is now free from any pain and discomfort she was suffering from. She would not want you to feel this way. All she had carried with her is your love and friendship, and to her that meant everything.

I am very sorry that you are going through all these personal woes, and I do pray that it will be resolved soon. Please hang in there. Be strong.

 

[Rhall]

It sounds like your kitty was sick and if she indeed had kidney failure, there wouldn't be much you could do for long. You did the most humane thing you could do and it sounded like was suffering. We sometimes spend a lot of money on tests etc but it doesn't always change the outcome. We sometimes have to make these decisions and they are very difficult. Hugs.

 

[di and bob]

16 years is a long life for any cat, to live to 18 or 20 is equivalent to our being in our hundreds. You didn;t know what was bothering her, but you did know she was in pain, not being her usual self, was not eating as she shoul, and when she did she was throwing up. Moving stiffly and being somewhat lethargic points to pain in a cat. She was suffering. A vet would not suggest euthanization if he thought it was a simple fix. No matter what, whether tests or treatmen, it would have cost you more then you were able to afford. I truly believe it was not something that would be simple to rectify. She was old, she was suffering. You found the strength in your heart to relieve her of her pain and now grieving brings up all those should haves, could haves, like it always does. Please try to keep in mind you did what you could with what you had. You gave her 16 years of love, you cared for her, you provided her with a home. You could not have her suffer and even with treament, at her age that was something that could not be guaranteed. You are a good person with a good heart that did not want to see suffering in someone you loved. There is nothing wrong about that.
I rely on my vet to tell me when it is time. They have seen much and know. We always want our loved ones to die at home in their sleep, but please believe me, that seldom happens.
She will be forever as close as your thoughts and prayers. She will give you peace if you let her. Just as you want for her if you were the first to go, so she wants for you. Do not let her last few days define her life. Concentrate instead on how much she brought to your own life. Although she now follows a new path, it will forever parallel your own. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and you know in your heart her love will be with you forever. Don't let the sadness of her death rule your own life. It will if you let it. Let her legacy of love she left to you live on. Teach your daughter the love of animals and let her know of this sweet little soul. In this way your sweet old girl lives on and her love will grow and bloom, bringing joy to life as it should be.
I keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. I pray the future brings you the joy it should. Please try to come back to this site and offer comfort to others who feel thew same as you, there are many. I have found that giving comfort brings about it's own comfort for my own suffering soul. Time is the only thing that helps bring perspective and understanding to something like this, so be gentle on yourself and give your heart time to heal. Lots of time, one day at a time......RIP beautiful girl. You will never be forgotten, you will forever have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[les26]

You are really overloaded with things right now and that adds to your guilt and mental state. It sounds like she was having issues and probably suffering and not enjoying herself much anymore, and like was said before you could've gone through a lot of testing and spend a lot of money and the outcome would still be the same. You did the best that you could with what you had, she had 16 wonderful years with you and she loves and thanks you for it, she is fine now just fine and you will see her again one day down the road and it will be wonderful.

Try some Ignatia Amara for the grief and shock and emotional upset, it is a homeopathic remedy and can help with that and is not expensive. With time your mind will settle and you will realize that you did the best that you could with what you had, and I also am sorry that your life is so stressful now and hope things settle down, no time is a good time to lose a cat but right now sounds like the worst possible time with everything else that you have going on.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I am sorry for your loss, I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, Lord Bless you.....

 

[Kimgem]

I know she wasn't herself and the vet even noted that she seemed depressed and lethargic, but I still think I shouldn't have been so quick to put her down. The vet wanted to run the tests to see if her kidneys were failing or if her thyroid wasn't properly controlled. They wanted to run the tests, send her home with me, and wait for the results. I just didn't have the money for the tests so then it became a choice between sending her home with more medication or putting her to sleep. I feel like I should have fought harder to keep her alive. Maybe she would have been okay for a few weeks and I could have found the money for the tests. I also could have tried a different form of her thyroid medication to see if that would help.

I feel like I maybe started to see her as a bit of a burden since I had to clean up poop and cat pee all day while trying to work from home and take care of my baby full time. She didn't deserve to be seen that way, and I really miss her. If I could go back, I would have gotten the tests done. That way, if something really bad did show up, I wouldn't feel so bad for letting her go. I obviously can't go back, but I am having a really hard time moving on from the guilt.

 

[Uncled]

We had to put our sweet Audry to sleep a few years ago, she was 17 and suffering,even still it was a hard decision to make and carry through with. Take comfort in the care you gave, you have hit a rough patch in your life, major stress and anxiety, please don't add to it by thinking you failed her, you cared enough to bring her to the vet,some pet owners might have dumped her on the street and not think twice about it, even with unlimited financial funds doesn't guarantee a positive outcome. She was loved by you and vice versa till the end and for that we can't do any better for our pets.

 

[Kimgem]

Thank you all for all the kind words. I just miss her so much and I wish I could go back and just bring her home rather than put her to sleep. I know I can't, and it's hard. I need to try to just celebrate her long life and how much she meant to me and not let my guilt taint what we had.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Sweet Friend, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Darlin, that guilt is the most natural, and the most unnecessary thing, in the world. You made the best decision for your cat, and for yourself, that you could make at that time. She was in pain, she was suffering, she was elderly. You might have been able to extend her life by spending every dime you had, and you might not have been able to do so at all. Could you have afforded the medications if she had needed them on an ongoing basis? Would all three of you have ended up homeless through trying to do so? And what if you had done those tests, and nothing could have been done to help her, and you no longer had the money to ease her suffering? No, you faced a situation where there was only one real answer left for you. And you held her, and helped her move from This Adventure to her Next Great Adventure. She went knowing you loved her with all of your heart. And now, from that place where All Things are Known, she understands how hard that decision was for you, and blesses you for the life she had with you. One day, someday, when your feet are more firmly under you, perhaps you will reach out to a cat in dire need, and honor your cat's memory by loving another.

 

[javannalynn]

i know exactly how you feel. I put our 18 year old Theodore down and I still think about it months later and wonder if I did the right thing. If i should have tried more. If we should have run those tests. What I do know is that the last year of his life was great! He spent his days sleeping on the couch and ate all the food he wanted any time he wanted it. He was a shelter cat and we all thought he was going to die sooner then he did. I brought him home expecting weeks and got over a year with him. While he wasn't with me all his life i loved him like he was. He had kidney failure and hyperthyroidism. At the end he could barely hold his head up and I still wonder if I picked the right time. if maybe he would have turned around. But as pet parents we do our best. Maybe he would have lived longer, but maybe it was really painful and he was just going to continue suffering.
We can maybe all we want but ultimately you made the RIGHT decision. You looked at everything and you ended her suffering. You made sure she had a good 16 years with you and when the time came you did what was right. And maybe not right away but she may give a new cat a chance to come into your life. They can't be replaced but your can transfer that love to a new cat while remembering what you and her had and went through. just remember you gave her a great life

 

[Maria Bayote]

I need to try to just celebrate her long life and how much she meant to me and not let my guilt taint what we had.

Yes, she would want that. She would never ever want you to be this unhappy.
Be strong.

 

[Tik cat's mum]

Please forgive yourself I have been in a similar situation and it's heartbreaking. You made the right decision your girl was 16 and in pain, unfortunately even if we had a money tree you could of prolonged her life and suffering you did all you could nobody can do more than that. R.I.P baby girl

 

[Leomc123]

*Big hugs * I am sorry that you had to make that difficult decision to put your beloved cat to sleep today. I dont think there will be ever a time that you or anyone would be ready to make this decision, even if you think you are ready it still breaks you no matter how sick your beloved pet is. I have been through the same situation with both of my beloved cats this year. Both times it was more about the quality of life and even if there was any future treatments they wouldnt of helped anyways. Like you then and still every day and 9 months later i am still thinking if i did the right thing when i decided to put them to sleep. I tell myself over and over again that they were suffering and i didnt want them to suffer any longer and that my decision was based on my vets expertise and that moment when there is stress, and many emotions and vets telling you that they are suffering on this day and that i didnt want them to suffer. I beleive the guilt is there of not really knowing what could of happened if i decided for further treatment, and for Leo it was the cost of an Mri which is 400 dollars and then an operation worth 7 thousand dollars that may not work for him, and for MC i had the money to pay for further treatments but the vet said she had kidney failure and there was nothing i could do.

I keep asking god and leo and mc to forgive me and that is all i can do now. Please forgive yourself, because you are not a vet, and you did what was best by your cat, to end her suffering, sometimes cat medicines dont work much and they sit there in pain as the cats metabolic functions cannot process certain medications like other animals, so in terms of pain medications for cats it is very limited, that is also what i considered.

I feel for you, and your heart is broken and it will take time for you to heal. You are not a bad person because you are not rich. Sometimes money cannot cure everything. The most important thing is that she was loved by you, and had a wonderful life being loved and that you were with her at the end to help her pass.

 

[solomonar]

In any Creature, with age, the brain cracks. Various neurological processes leads to significant brain injuries in most humans after age of 80.

We all know aged persons who are actually not more than empty boxes. Nobody knows if these persons are really in pain or not. Bur our "human" health industry keeps these persons alive, sometime even against their will.

I am just presenting facts here, according to my personal knowledge and view.

What is life expectancy of a cat? I dont know for sure, maybe others do, but in my childhood my granpa told me a cat can live for a maximum 4-5 years. My guess is this corresponds more or less to a cat life duration living in original wild habitat.

Most likely, our powerful drugs and devices can keep living a Creature for months, years, decades after brain cortex failure. But in my humble opinion, is that what we want? Pain centers in brain may be still alive (or not, I have no idea), painkillers do work? I dont know.

You can experiment with yourself like this: take a place on the sofa, in front of the turned off TV. Stay still. Time by time, keep your breath, as long as you could. Pinch yourself. Dont drink water, dont eat. I am quite sure that in less than one hour you will figure out what I mean.

+++

It is said that 1000 arrows from 1000 bows cant beat the End. On other words, no matter how much money one spends, cant stand the End.

 

[Kimgem]

Thank you again, everyone. I am starting to get to a better place. I do miss her very much, but the guilt is slowly starting to fade a little bit.

 

[glittercat]

Guilt is a funny thing. I've just posted about my girl who was put to sleep last July, in an incredibly short space of time - she basically went for an examination at the vets and never came home.

And do you know, over a year later I still feel utterly awful that the evening before the appt I pushed her off my lap because it was too hot? never mind all the other times she slept on my lap or on the bed. That one thing sticks in my heart, probably because I wasn't able to bring her home as the vet had already sedated her and put the catheter in her leg ready for the injection.

I'm sure she knew I loved her, just as your cat also knew. We can only make our best decisions in the moments that we have. Sometimes now I think I should have insisted on taking Spice home to spoil her for a few days but I didn't. Should I have done so? Would that simply have been keeping her in pain? I think I would have done it for my own sanity rather than her. We just do the best we can. Don't beat yourself up xx

 

[Sfyamr1]

The last fight

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this - the last fight - cannot be won.
You will be sad I understand,
Don't let the grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We've had so many happy years,
what is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer, so.
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only stay with me until the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree,
It is kindness that you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waived,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close, we two, these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
~anon

 

[Ivrygrl]

Guilt is a funny thing. I've just posted about my girl who was put to sleep last July, in an incredibly short space of time - she basically went for an examination at the vets and never came home.

And do you know, over a year later I still feel utterly awful that the evening before the appt I pushed her off my lap because it was too hot? never mind all the other times she slept on my lap or on the bed. That one thing sticks in my heart, probably because I wasn't able to bring her home as the vet had already sedated her and put the catheter in her leg ready for the injection.

I'm sure she knew I loved her, just as your cat also knew. We can only make our best decisions in the moments that we have. Sometimes now I think I should have insisted on taking Spice home to spoil her for a few days but I didn't. Should I have done so? Would that simply have been keeping her in pain? I think I would have done it for my own sanity rather than her. We just do the best we can. Don't beat yourself up xx

I'm so sorry about your cat. It's so hard in the moment! It's terrible when they're sick and you have to make a prompt decision We had to put out cat down about a month ago. It was awful.

 

[crystal dawn]

It sounds like you did everything you could for her to help her and she was still suffering. Putting her to sleep was the best thing you could do for her considering her poor health and your situation and how old she was.

i've had to make similar decisions or talk someone through them, and it's very hard, and you always think what if... but in the end if they're suffering and there's no way to stop it entirely just ease it for a while then many times the best thing for them is to put them to sleep before the suffering gets worse and they end up passing on their own in a lot of pain.

 

[Krienze]

I don't believe you put her down to early. It sounds like she was in pain and, honestly, between her pain and her age it sounds like putting her through tests and medications to keep her around longer might have been more unfair to her than anything else. Fighting for your animals health is courageous, but so is knowing when to say goodbye for the sake of your animal and I believe your girl was ready, based on what you wrote.

It's normal to feel guilty. I had to put my 17 year old girl down last month and even though the vet told me she'd die within the day if we didn't, I still felt like I did something wrong, like maybe I missed something that could have kept her with me longer and then, like you, I found myself somewhat relieved by not having to clean up the accidents anymore. But that doesn't mean I don't miss her and wish she was still here and I KNOW it is the same for you. But I also get how that can help inflame your guilty feelings a bit. It's a conflicting emotion for sure.

My thoughts and heart are with you. I'm deeply sorry for your loss. You are not a bad cat mom. You are a brave, strong one.