Grieving Cat?

[heyitsfae]

Hi All.

About three weeks ago we had to say goodbye to our beloved boy, Winston. Something that my partner and I had not expected was the change in our other cat, Artemis.

Artemis has been with me since she was a kitten and she's always been a little "prickly". She doesn't like to be touched, sudden movements freak her out, and she would sooner claw your face off than sit near you. She's the cat that the veterinarians dread to see come in and the big leather handling gloves come out (even though most visits end in sedation).

When she was about three years old, I adopted Winston. It was a rocky first couple of weeks but eventually everything evened out. I wouldn't say they were ever BFFs but Artemis tolerated Winston's presence, which for her, was better than I ever could have hoped for. Five years passed, I met my fiance, Alonzo (whom Artie HATES) and now here we are, having just said goodbye to Winston.

Artemis has changed completely since Winston's passing and frankly, it's freaking us out. She is with us at all times, literally by our sides constantly. She lets Alonzo pat her which is absolutely unheard of. She sleeps on his pillow right beside his head at night. The change is dramatic and while I'm thrilled that she's almost acting like a "normal" cat, it's also breaking my heart because I wonder if it's her own form of grief. Or maybe it's her way of comforting her humans? Is she maybe happy that she's an only cat again? Cat behavior truly eludes me, especially with Artemis!

Either way, I know how much it's hurting Alonzo and I to lose Winston and if Artie is hurting too, I want to help. Have any of you dealt with this before? If so, did anything help? We've been giving her extra attention, treats and play sessions with her favorite red dot but I wish that I had a sense of what is going on in her head. Any advice is very appreciated.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!
I think her behavior is all of your thoughts that you listed, bless her heart!

You could try some music, there's classical harp music and George Handel compositions, there is also an app called Relax My Cat, and there is MusicForCats . com as reliable sources for helping to calm cats

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. So sorry for you loss of Winston.

I agree with Furballsmom , that it very likely that Artemis is experiencing all of the things you described above. I think what you are doing with her - extra attention, etc. is the best solution regardless.

I hope over time that you see her resume a little more of her 'normalness' - minus the extra loving she has decided to give you guys. That part, I hope stays!! If it doesn't, well then it doesn't. But, enjoy that part while you have it.

Btw - Did anyone tell you that if you would like to, you can post pics and thoughts of Winston in TCS' section "Crossing the Bridge"?

 

[KarenKat]

Gohan is very bonded with my BF, but has never been a lap cat. After we said goodbye to his buddy of 7 years, Trin (which he witness since it was done in home) he slept for over five hours in BF’s lap, entirely relaxed and boneless. It was a precious and heartbreaking time.

It sounds normal that he is acting more affectionate while he grieves. Even after 3 months Gohan is continuing to get a little more cuddlier, so some of his personality changes are permanent. Death changes us all in some way, kitties not the least.

And I’m so sorry for your unexpected loss of Winston.

 

[tabbytom]

Artemis has changed completely since Winston's passing and frankly, it's freaking us out.

Here's and article for you to read :- do-cats-mourn.32396

 

[heyitsfae]

Thank you all, this is all very comforting.

Something entirely new happened with her this morning. She started mimicking Winston's meows and chirps. Every morning, Winston would use his litter box and then sit outside our bedroom door making a series of chirps and meows to wake us up and tell us to feed him. Artemis, who NEVER previously made any noise other than a hiss, did this exact same thing this morning. This absolutely broke my heart on every level... she actually sounded like him.

 

[Furballsmom]

Oh my word

I'm darn near speechless

 

[FeebysOwner]

Awwww... That is so bittersweet. It must be a trait that Artemis loved about Winston, and since he is no longer there to do it, she decided she will do it for him. That will help her, actually, even if it is a tad difficult for you right now - I think you will come to love it if she makes it her new behavior. I hope so anyway.

 

[DreamerRose]

So sad. She really misses him.

 

[heyitsfae]

I can't thank you all enough for your love and support. Artie was always just so aloof and removed from the rest of the family and we always just figured she wanted it like that and respected her desire for space and territory that was hers. I wasn't expecting any of this. It was the meows this morning that did me in. Without a doubt, she was mimicking him ... and I just never expected this level of grief from her. And I think I'm also learning that maybe I never really knew her true nature. Maybe she always cared a lot and loves us all and just never knew how to show it.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Just another 'gift' Winston has given you - he brought out the true Artie for you all to see...

 

[KarenKat]

When our guy Trin passed we belatedly realized he had been our alpha. He was a derpy, clumsy cat who was always outmatched by Gohan; personality-wise, though, he asserted himself while Gohan watched and waited. He was first to greet new people, he laid in the middle of rooms and in entrances, he “owned” the bed and when we moved apartments he was first to explore.

When he passed, it left a hole not just emotionally but also in the cat hierarchy. Olive suddenly started eating the kibble she ignored and Gohan started going on the bed more frequently. Sometimes it is a combination of grief as well as a different social order. Perhaps with Winston gone, Artie is asserting more control?