good morning everyone

[sandie]

I think having a daily forum would be nice. It would be an easy way to keep track of stuff that particular day.
Hubby is feeling a bit sore. Yesterday they put him in a cat scan machine and took 4 chuncks of his kidney. We are still not sure whats wrong with him. We just know his kidneys arent working. They first thought it was Lupus, and still havnt ruled it totally out. We should know a little more the 15th of March. I got a little worried yesterday because the Dr said there might be 2 complications, one being he wouldnt stop bleeding and he would have to stay for transfusions, or the other..DEATH. So I am glad there were no complications. I just hope he is not so sore for very long.
Today I find myself getting depressed working for a vet. Some days are worse than others. I find people who are mean to their animals and only have them because their families want them. My favorite for today was a man wanting to know what he should be doing for his pregnant cat. He has no idea when she got pregnant...but the cat has never had a shot and we know now she has been outdoors. The likleyhood of the kittens having distemper or leukemia when they are born is pretty good. Which means they will probably not survive long

I think I am done venting for today..thanks for listening!

[Edited by Sandie on 03-02-2001 at 03:49 PM]

 

[debby]

Sandie....I said a prayer for your husband, and I hope everything turns out alright....my thoughts are with you.
Thanks Blue for your advice, and Donna and Anne, I am actually on prozac right now...( I usually don't like to tell people that....I am afraid they will judge me...but I know you all aren't like that.) I take only 20 mg a day, and it has helped me somewhat with the depression I have felt since my father died in August...but not totally.

I have always had a bit of a problem with depression, but it seems to get worse as i get older...I have lost 3 grandparents, my mother and now my father in the past few years...I feel alone lot...and only one of my 3 brothers lives in this state, and since I have no children of my own, I sometimes feel like I have no family left.

I cry alot, and grieve for my father alot.I love my husband dearly, but we have alot of problems sometimes...we don't get along as well as we used to, and we don't communicate much. This also depresses me, as this is my second marriage, and if I can't make it work, then I feel like there must be something wrong with ME.

My husband didn't even take off work to be with me the day my Dad died...he says it's because of his boss, but I know thats not true...his boss is not that insensitive, and he could have just came home to be with me. But I had my wonderful friends with me...I am blessed to have such wonderful, caring friends, who love me so much.

Guess I am going on and on and on here, but it feels so good to get these things off my chest!!

I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me...I just want to tell you how it is. Another thing I went through that still depresses me, is losing my mother. She died 3 1/2 years ago...but I lost her 10 years before that...when I was about 22. She was 68 then, and she had a series of strokes that didn't take away the use of any part of her body, except her brain...slowly bit by painful bit, I watched my mother lose her mind...and it is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. The last 5 years she was alive, she couldn't even talk...she would just scream out this high pitched giggle. Dad tried to take care of her as best he could...he kept her at home with him, even though he as an old man also (he was two years older than mom) and finally he just couldn't do it anymore...he had to put her in the nursing home....but that was only for the last year of her life....the first 9 years of her illness, he took care of her at home. It was hard for him, and it showed. She would wander outside, or turn the burners on, and didn't have much control over her bodily functions, but he refused to put her in the nursing home, till he absolutely had to.
It was hard on all of us, but especially for dad. He loved her so. The day she passed away at the nursing home, he held her hand, and then when he realized she was gone, he turned to me and my brother, and said, with tears in his eyes..."There was never anybody else" How sad is that!!!They had been married for roughly 60 years when she died.

I don't know why on earth I have suddenly decided I need to talk about this...and it probably seems like I'm writing a book....but I just needed to. Thanks for listening.

Dad was 82 when he died last August. I miss him so. They were wonderful parents, even though they were older when they had me...(Mom was 46 dad was 48)

I think I'd better stop writing now...wow, didn't mean to get so carried away. Sorry.

 

[hissy]

Debby, you are so fortunate to have wonderful parents. It is really hard to lose someone in degrees as they get older and their bodies betray them. I am so sorry for you loss and I know that you must of been really close to both of them. I have lost both my parents, though they are still alive. About 4 years ago, my grandmother died and she left me all her inheritance, though mother was the only living blood relative. She left her $1.00. At the time the lawyer contacted me I was in complete shock. I had heard that my niece (the only grandchild from our family) was to inherit all the money. When I heard I was the only beneficiary, I called my mother and asked her if she wanted the money. She told me no, that they didn't need it- which they don't. Neither do my two sisters or my niece. So I accepted it. I loved my grandmother a lot and when I was growing up- my family used to pummel me a lot and grandma and grandpa were my champions. They saved me many a time...But anyway, once the money was delivered, it drove this huge wedge between me and my family. My mother kept insisting that I tell her everywhere the money was being spent or saved, and I refused to do that. So as the years have passed, my mother has been really stinky towards me, and has told my father he can have nothing to do with me. It really hurts, and it really angers me, but she is really toxic to my soul anyway, so why do I feel this need to have her love me? Something she is incapable of doing? I guess because I grew up with Father's Knows Best and Donna Reed and Leave It To Beaver- and I have been on a quest for that perfect family that never existed.

I was not an easy child to raise, and if I could go back and do it all over again, things would be different. But I have been in years of therapy and diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder- and my counselor has told me that it is normal for families who are emotionally out of balance to pick on one child (usually the most sensitive one) and just beat that child and take out all their frustrations on them. So I would just act out and do really stupid things, and I finally ended up running away from home in the middle of the night and moving in with a man I later married. We were married for 10 years before we called it quits. But the split with my family ever widens and I am powerless to bridge it. I know I love both my parents a lot, but I also know all they do is bring me grief and tears. I doubt I will see them before they die, as I have been told, I am no longer welcome at the house, not even for holidays.

Lord forgive me for this emotional dump. Our anniversary was just last week, and my mother sent me a check for $10.00 and told us to go out and have dinner on them. It would of been better if she hadn't sent anything at all. And before the inheritance, she would typically send us anywhere from $200-$400. The saddest part of it all, is what I want from my parents is not the money- it is the love and acceptance. Something I was robbed of a long time ago

 

[sandie]

I am glad you told us about all of that. That is what makes us all human. If we did not have any bad times, we would not know what the good ones were. I have found that we are challenged all the time by life. I am going through what seems to be a rough patch. I swear it has been one thing after another. Sometimes I think I need something to help take the edge off. I may need to at some point. For now, I just keep pushing it to the back and moving forward.
I know what you are talking about with the strokes. My mother in law went through the same thing. I loved her as much as my own mom. She was a very caring, loving person. She and I would stay up till 2 in the morning talking when we went to visit. It was very hard when she passed. The same thing had happened to her. She would loose a piece of her every day. Finally at the end she was in the hospitol.When she finally passed, my husband was in Antartica on deployment. I had to fly out by myself and be there by myself. My father in law was devistated. They had been together for over 25 years. She was 13 when they met. The whole thing was very hard to get over.
That same year x mas eve, I lost my grandfather to lung cancer. I could not beleive that was happening. I was very close to him and he was in Wisc at the time. I could not be there with him.
Two years after that, My grandmother...which is a whole story in itself passed away. She was not a very nice person, but non the less she was my grammie.
3 months pass and my mom called to tell me that the dog we had grown up with had gone into seizure and they had to put her to sleep. She was 17, so I knew it was time. It was just hard to deal with. I had picked her out when I was 13 at the humane society. I spent most of my teen years with her.
Of course, then comes my brother. Who had gotten himself hooked on Meth. So after being arrested a few times and missed court dates, they finally got him for good. He spent this last x mas and new years in a jail. I know he brought it on himself, but he is my little brother and I hate to think of him in that situation. He is in a rehab now until July and I just keep praying he will straighten out.
Of course heres where hubby comes in. We find out a month ago that he may have the lupus, but nobody knows for sure. Then they find out his kidneys are pretty bad off. So I am still in the dark about that. We wont know whats going on for a few weeks. It does not make things better when he is only 40 this month, I am only 26 and we have a 6 year old to raise together yet.
Last but not least, my dad called tonight to let me know he went to the Dr and his blood pressure was 210/108. He is on the verge of a dang stroke. Now I am stuck in CT and cant help anyone but my hubby.
All I can say is that everything happens for a reason. Weather I like it or not, I have to deal with it. I am glad I am not the only human who seems to be walking around with a dark cloud.
Now that everyone knows my history...but it feels good just to let it out every now and then. Whoever had to sit through this whole thing...thank you!!

 

[Anne]

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories. That is a very moving thread! I guess we all need to vent our spleens once in a while... Sometimes just talking about things can make you feel better. I'm so glad we all feel secure enough in this forum to really let go and talk about the hurtful things.

You are all such wonderful people and I hope and pray that life will get better for you, each in his or her special way.

 

[terricar05]

I work for an electrical contractor and my job is estimating. I have been an estimator for a little over 2 years and I love it. I was hired at this company in 1995 to sort the left over materials that had been piling up from finished jobs then gradually I got into doing other things around the shop. After about a year I was doing a little of everything, but now estimating is what I do all the time. (Unfortunately all this sitting I do has caused a 10-15 lb. weight gain in the last 2 years.) My boss has taught me everything I know, thank goodness. (me and school don't like each other.) I learn much better on the job.
I'm a single mother (leaving my husband was the best and smartest thing I have ever done) and have 2 of my 3 children living at home with me. My oldest just turned 19 and recently made me a grandmother.
Blue---my mother has fibromyalgia also. She is in constant pain, some days worse than others. She's had arthritis since her early twenties and within the past 3 years the discs in her back have disintergrated. She has a wonderful husband (my step-dad)that does everything he can for her even though he has his problems too. I've been very fortunate, I'm 40 years old and haven't experienced any of these yet. I see what my mother goes through and I can't imagine having to endure all the pain.

I lost my dad when I was 25 (1985) through suicide. He had cancer of the throat and went through surgery to remove it. They had to cut out part of his tongue, which made it hard to understand what he said. I know that had to bother him and one day he went to his cabin in Utah and shot himself. When my step mother tried to get in touch with him and got no answer she called the sheriff and had them go check on him. They found him.

I guess that's about it for now.
Terri

 

[debby]

Oh my gosh Terri, I am so sorry to hear about your father....makes me realize even more how much I need to stop smoking. My husbands father also shot and killed himself when he (my hubby ) was 6 years old.

Thanks to everyone for your kind words, and it is so good to read all your stories, we all have experienced great losses. Hissy....I think it is sad that your parents are treating you like that...just because of money. And Sandie, I hope things work out with your brother...and I am praying for your husband and father.